gabriel medina
Gabriel, Filipe, Italo own the CT; Jadson has snatched the keys to the Qualifiers. All Brazil, and it's the way it's gonna stay. | Photo: WSL

Longtom: Is the white-bread era in Pro Surfing over?

A full-scale, and permanent, transition is underway as Brazilian surfers dominate the Tour…

Kolohe Andino, Brother to us, once the great white hope for America’s competitive surfing’s prospects in the post-Dane era, has released a home movie shot in the waves of his home state California.

The film opens with an extended credit sequence, which is a nod to MTV’s 2004 hit Napoleon Dynamite, featuring mostly versions of white-bread sandwiches, 

White bread.

Meanwhile, after an extended QS campaign which has blown my mind for a whole host of reasons, Jadson Andre sits atop the Q’ey rankings before even firing a shot at Snapper.

Every time I tuned into the QS I saw two things: garbage waves and the brown man, mostly from Brazil, dancing all over the white man, mostly from America and Australia.

And this is before Indonesia really gets started or Costa Rica or Peru. Polynesians, Melanesians, Micronesians.

Is the white bread era in Pro Surfing over?

Brother surfed pretty sharp in Home-ish but five years behind the top Brazilian cohort. For speed, repertoire, innovation Kolohe and pals look in their dotage compared to Italo, Filipe. Shaded by power and the brutality of baroque turns by Gabriel.

Only in style and variety of grabs does Kolohe have an edge, but will judges be capable of discerning? Kolohe is, after all, the most torched surfer on Tour.

Whats your sport? I mean outside surfing.

Mine’s Rugby League. A full-scale transition is underway as bigger, stronger, more athletic Polynesian and Melanesian players dominate player rosters. It’s possible the Brazilian storm domination may be a permanent replacement amongst pro surfing ranks. Hardened by a culture of machismo and escaping poverty, a work-ethic that sends pampered white bread Antipodeans and Californians still in thrall to a Dora-esque vision of surfing back to the softer, safer options of stacking clips as a free surfer.

These are dangerous thoughts. But the numbers don’t lie.

Craig Anderson and Dion Agius will shift more product until the crack of doom than Matt Banting ever will.

The last Californian male winner of a CT event, Bobby Martinez, famously quipped it was a joke how white and wealthy pro surfing (in America) was. That ain’t gunna change in Australia or United States; coastal real estate is increasingly the preserve of inter-generational wealth, entry to the world of wave sliding is evolving to the dynastic and the pampered. Those shifts are now embedded. No amount of high-performance coaching can instil hunger in a kid who has options a plenty.

Much to discuss.

But can someone help me – we need the best minds on the job – understand the QS?

There’s been an Aussie leg happening. It’s been going for weeks, months!

Each comp has three million people and takes weeks to run. It’s not really possible to follow it as a sport in any real sense.

Oh, I’ve tried. But it’s huge. Burgeoning. QS events popping up like mushrooms after rain.

Wait, I did some research. Shut up Nick Carroll. If not a sport, then what?

The QS is like a casino, a device to generate income where the House always wins. Contestants pay a yearly fee, which is $US250, then a fee per event. Another $250 USD for a 6000, plus tax. Plus insurance. Nice earn.

And the surf-mad VAL suits stacked in the marketing departments of Australian Tourism bodies are dishing out money like candy bars to set up the Casino at the beach. Plus a bit extra to pay Kelly some appearance money (totally worth it).

Genius. Seriously.

Meanwhile out to sea, four dreamers, possibly all Brazilian, were stridulating furiously in onshore one-foot surf with a city skyline behind them.

Jaddy took the Aussie leg of the Q’ey put it in a bag with a brick and drowned it like an unwanted litter of kittens.

Lots of collusion: Surfing and our glorious surfing lifestyle newly popular in Russia!

Viva the Revolution!

Were you very sad when the Robert Mueller was turned in last Friday to basically crickets? No fireworks. No lopped off heads. Just another day in Washington all dull and grey.

Well, there may be no collusion between Donald J. Trump and Vlad Putin but there is all sorts of collusion between surfing, including our glorious surfing lifestyle, and Russian folk and let’s read about them in the mouthpiece of the state also called Russia Today or RT.

The exotic sport of winter surfing has become a new attraction in Russia with more and more athletes attempting to conquer the stormy waves of the few seas and lakes which remain unfrozen during the winter.

VALS do Russia!

In St. Petersburg, surfers defy subzero temperatures and stormy winds to glide on the waves across Lake Ladoga and the Gulf of Finland, which are not iced over in February.

“Whether it’s winter or summer… it doesn’t matter, we go surfing,” says Nikita Kononovich, 29, who commits himself to surfing all year round.

The surfers paddle into the ice-cold water without fear of being frozen as their wetsuits provide thermal insulation, protecting them from injury.

The waves at this time of the year are no higher than 1.5 meters. However, stormy winds combined with snow and ice plates which drift on the water make surfing even more dangerous.

Taking all precautionary measures, the surfing sessions don’t last more than two hours, as temperatures below zero make hands and feet go numb and cover the athletes’ faces with ice.

“The worst moment is when you get out of the water and go to get changed,” said another extreme surfing lover, Danila Novozhilov.

“Surfing in winter isn’t particularly hard. You need to respect a few rules like watching how long you spend in the water to protect yourself from the cold.”

So, first, this is my favorite surf piece of the year. It as all the great elements including fabulous characters and wonderful use of verbs. I don’t care what the politicians think, but gimme this sort of collusion all day long.

Viva the Revolution!

Walk around, touch, feel…imagine…

From the dare-to-dream department: Santa Cruz surfer wants to build life-sized replica of Mavericks!

Wanna get close to a Mav's set without losing your head?

A Santa Cruz surfer and skate park builder wants to promote “ocean awareness” by building a life-sized replica of dirty ol Mavs and sticking it on the benchlands above Half Moon Bay airport.

Zach Wormhoudt, who is 49 and finished fifteenth on the WSL’s Pretty Big Wave Tour in 2013, taking a ninth in that year’s Mavericks Invitational, knows the joint.

“Constructed of concrete panels this interactive sculpture will include portals that can be accessed deep in the wave to provide a first-hand view of what it’s like to ride a wave at Mavs,” writes Wormhoudt, who has been building skate parks for twenty years and, therefore, has the skill and tools to realise his fantastic dream.

“These are some quick sketch ideas for this. Most people will laugh and say why this is not possible, but for anyone who is interested, hit me up.”

Wild, yes?

Tell me you wouldn’t get a kick from walking around and examining a frozen twenty-five foot wave without the spectre of getting your head blown from your shoulders or your air bags filled with Pacific Ocean.

Celebrate: Billabong claims “sweeping victory” on surfing’s most important night!

The crowd was buzzing!

I totally can’t believe I slept on surfing’s most important night, the gilded Surf Industry Manufacturing Association awards. Like, I’m sorry. Can you accept my apology? Will you be able to find it in your heart?

They happened three days ago or maybe even four, it’s hard to see through the tears in my eyes, because that means I kept you unaware that Stab beat sister publication and Venice-adjacent neighbor The Inertia, winning The Consumer Media Feature of the Year. I kept you unaware that Vans’ UltraRange Rapidweld beat Nalukai Kapa Boot by OluKai for the Footwear Product of the Year. I kept you unaware that Billabong’s Recycler Boardshorts beat men’s and women’s Fall ’18 Yulex wetsuits by Patagonia.

I’m having trouble forgiving myself.

Let’s just read the Orange County Register. Let’s turn to an outlet that didn’t royally blow it.

Billabong celebrated a sweeping victory at the awards, signaling a major comeback for the surf brand that has endured a run of ups and downs in the past decade — but is clearly on the upswing with five wins in categories that showcased both men’s and women’s designs.

It wasn’t just a night for the legacy brands, though. Newcomers also made their mark, showing there’s a new wave of innovation in the industry.

But it was Billabong’s five wins that had the crowd buzzing.

Billabong has come a long way since a decade ago, when the brand was losing money and embroiled in a takeover battle. In 2013, the company inked a $360 million deal with C/O Consortium, a group of investors from Centerbridge Partners and Oaktree Capital Management. The goal was to help Billabong address its debt and revive its brand.

In 2016, Billabong announced it was profitable for the first time since 2011. Then in 2018, in a move that shook the surf industry, Billabong, which has its North America headquarters in Irvine, was purchased by Huntington Beach company Boardriders Inc., which owns rival Quiksilver.

There was concern the two brands would overlap, but it was clear at Wednesday’s awards ceremony that Billabong has maintained its own identity, winning honors for Environmental Product of the Year for its Recycler Boardshorts, as well as Boardshort of the Year, Marketing Campaign of the Year for both its men’s and women’s divisions, and Women’s Apparel Brand of the Year.

BeachGrit will not be nominated for The Consumer Media Aggregated Feature of the Year in 2020 because of me. This was our chance and I wrecked it.

I’m sorry.

Vissla Pro winner Jordy Lawler and daddy Dave post win. | Photo: Dave Lawler

Fans of routed Brazilian Jadson Andre explode after Australian wins Vissla Pro!


Earlier today, in a climax that was fairytale-esque given the winner lives a few beaches up from the contest site, Jordy Lawler won the Vissla Pro, a QS6000 event, which sent his star to fourth on the WQS ratings.

What’s that mean, the 6k thing?

The qualifying events come in 1000, 1500, 3000, 6000 and 10,000 and points and cash are better the higher the number. Seven of the 63 qualifying events are 6000; six of ’em are 10,000. The rest are crummy ol 1000 or 1500’s.

So, winning a 6000 event is a big deal.

And, therefore, when  Lawler, who is 22 and comes from North Narrabeen, beat the Brazilian Jadson Andre, you could expect a little passion from that vast nation whose history is painted darker even than Australia or the US. (Slavery. Ooowee.)

Sample responses to the victory, as per contest champion Lawler’s IG.


Important questions:

Do you think Brazilian fans make a point of sexing surfers whom they believe are undeserving of the cup and the cheque?

And, among surf fans, which country has the most delightful and eloquent on the various social media channels?