A full-scale, and permanent, transition is underway as Brazilian surfers dominate the Tour…

Kolohe Andino, Brother to us, once the great white hope for America’s competitive surfing’s prospects in the post-Dane era, has released a home movie shot in the waves of his home state California.

The film opens with an extended credit sequence, which is a nod to MTV’s 2004 hit Napoleon Dynamite, featuring mostly versions of white-bread sandwiches, 

White bread.

Meanwhile, after an extended QS campaign which has blown my mind for a whole host of reasons, Jadson Andre sits atop the Q’ey rankings before even firing a shot at Snapper.

Every time I tuned into the QS I saw two things: garbage waves and the brown man, mostly from Brazil, dancing all over the white man, mostly from America and Australia.

And this is before Indonesia really gets started or Costa Rica or Peru. Polynesians, Melanesians, Micronesians.

Is the white bread era in Pro Surfing over?

Brother surfed pretty sharp in Home-ish but five years behind the top Brazilian cohort. For speed, repertoire, innovation Kolohe and pals look in their dotage compared to Italo, Filipe. Shaded by power and the brutality of baroque turns by Gabriel.

Only in style and variety of grabs does Kolohe have an edge, but will judges be capable of discerning? Kolohe is, after all, the most torched surfer on Tour.

Whats your sport? I mean outside surfing.

Mine’s Rugby League. A full-scale transition is underway as bigger, stronger, more athletic Polynesian and Melanesian players dominate player rosters. It’s possible the Brazilian storm domination may be a permanent replacement amongst pro surfing ranks. Hardened by a culture of machismo and escaping poverty, a work-ethic that sends pampered white bread Antipodeans and Californians still in thrall to a Dora-esque vision of surfing back to the softer, safer options of stacking clips as a free surfer.

These are dangerous thoughts. But the numbers don’t lie.

Craig Anderson and Dion Agius will shift more product until the crack of doom than Matt Banting ever will.

The last Californian male winner of a CT event, Bobby Martinez, famously quipped it was a joke how white and wealthy pro surfing (in America) was. That ain’t gunna change in Australia or United States; coastal real estate is increasingly the preserve of inter-generational wealth, entry to the world of wave sliding is evolving to the dynastic and the pampered. Those shifts are now embedded. No amount of high-performance coaching can instil hunger in a kid who has options a plenty.

Much to discuss.

But can someone help me – we need the best minds on the job – understand the QS?

There’s been an Aussie leg happening. It’s been going for weeks, months!

Each comp has three million people and takes weeks to run. It’s not really possible to follow it as a sport in any real sense.

Oh, I’ve tried. But it’s huge. Burgeoning. QS events popping up like mushrooms after rain.

Wait, I did some research. Shut up Nick Carroll. If not a sport, then what?

The QS is like a casino, a device to generate income where the House always wins. Contestants pay a yearly fee, which is $US250, then a fee per event. Another $250 USD for a 6000, plus tax. Plus insurance. Nice earn.

And the surf-mad VAL suits stacked in the marketing departments of Australian Tourism bodies are dishing out money like candy bars to set up the Casino at the beach. Plus a bit extra to pay Kelly some appearance money (totally worth it).

Genius. Seriously.

Meanwhile out to sea, four dreamers, possibly all Brazilian, were stridulating furiously in onshore one-foot surf with a city skyline behind them.

Jaddy took the Aussie leg of the Q’ey put it in a bag with a brick and drowned it like an unwanted litter of kittens.

Wanna get close to a Mav's set without losing your head?

A Santa Cruz surfer and skate park builder wants to promote “ocean awareness” by building a life-sized replica of dirty ol Mavs and sticking it on the benchlands above Half Moon Bay airport.

Zach Wormhoudt, who is 49 and finished fifteenth on the WSL’s Pretty Big Wave Tour in 2013, taking a ninth in that year’s Mavericks Invitational, knows the joint.

“Constructed of concrete panels this interactive sculpture will include portals that can be accessed deep in the wave to provide a first-hand view of what it’s like to ride a wave at Mavs,” writes Wormhoudt, who has been building skate parks for twenty years and, therefore, has the skill and tools to realise his fantastic dream.

“These are some quick sketch ideas for this. Most people will laugh and say why this is not possible, but for anyone who is interested, hit me up.”

Wild, yes?

Tell me you wouldn’t get a kick from walking around and examining a frozen twenty-five foot wave without the spectre of getting your head blown from your shoulders or your air bags filled with Pacific Ocean.

"I HOPE SOME BRAZILIAN FUCK YOU IN THE ASS", "FUCK YOU OZZY JUDGES" etc.

Earlier today, in a climax that was fairytale-esque given the winner lives a few beaches up from the contest site, Jordy Lawler won the Vissla Pro, a QS6000 event, which sent his star to fourth on the WQS ratings.

What’s that mean, the 6k thing?

The qualifying events come in 1000, 1500, 3000, 6000 and 10,000 and points and cash are better the higher the number. Seven of the 63 qualifying events are 6000; six of ’em are 10,000. The rest are crummy ol 1000 or 1500’s.

So, winning a 6000 event is a big deal.

And, therefore, when  Lawler, who is 22 and comes from North Narrabeen, beat the Brazilian Jadson Andre, you could expect a little passion from that vast nation whose history is painted darker even than Australia or the US. (Slavery. Ooowee.)

Sample responses to the victory, as per contest champion Lawler’s IG.

 

Important questions:

Do you think Brazilian fans make a point of sexing surfers whom they believe are undeserving of the cup and the cheque?

And, among surf fans, which country has the most delightful and eloquent on the various social media channels?