Hello killer whale friends!
It seems as if every other story here on BeachGrit over the past five years has been about a shark attack. Every other other story, of course, is about Jeff Clark, SUP Foiler/Mavs legend, and a wonderful reprise from the often sad reports of missing limbs, lives cut short, etc.
The roiling debates between those who believe that sharks own the ocean and those who hold that culling is the only way forward go on and on, neither side making a dent in the other’s resolve.
And so we’ve reached a dull stalemate. An icy silence with surfers continuing to get munched and sharks falling into a slight depression.
Well, last week researchers from California’s famed Monterey Bay Aquarium solved the problem. Solved how to chase sharks away from particular beaches without killing them or stringing ecologically harmful netting to and fro. You must read the report in it full detail but here is a summary for us to chew on together. To give us what we need to carry on mostly, but not completely, ignorant.
New research challenges the notion that great white sharks are the most formidable predators in the ocean. The research team documented encounters between white sharks and orcas at Southeast Farallon Island off California. In every case examined by the researchers, white sharks fled the island when orcas arrived and didn’t return there until the following season. Elephant seal colonies in the Farallones also indirectly benefited from the interactions.
Stick a killer whale in the water and sharks stay gone for a year?
Boom.
Killer wales have already proved that they love people and enjoy being kept as pets so here’s what I’m thinking. We go in together and purchase a big freightliner, putting two giant pools on its deck that have some happy killer whales inside. Then we sail around the world, responding to calls. Byron Bay? No problem. We anchor off shore, drop the whales in the water then fetch them back, feeding them extra fish, rubbing their tummies and saying, “Who’s a good boy? Who’s the best boy?”
After that we head to the beach with an old coffee can, asking for donations, repeating the same circuit during the year. We’ll be rich in no time, not one shark will be culled and Bells will no longer be put on hold because surfers are scared of seaweed.
Tell me how this is not the ultimate win-win?
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Yep Orca, love eating shark, not the whole shark but they do enjoy little parts of the sharks anatomy, tasty little morsels, like Tim Tam to most Aussies.
Now Mason is a whale trainer? Is there anything he does that isn’t adorable?
Might I suggest procuring a few of these bad boyz…https://youtu.be/lndMhHRgBDo
While he cleaned up they cleaned up . Cleanliness is next to Godliness ? Even in the Masturbatorium …..
This is fucking magical!
You forgot the tug jobs that all whales in captivity need.
Might need to hire a husky seaman with a jaunty yellow beanie. I heard he can slap a long thin dick with the best of them.
Is that the guy with a monotone made for print media?
So Chas – make your followup story a call to MBAQ or those shark mitigation chaps to ask em if a surfboard and wetsuit painted up like an Orca might better repel Jaws than zebra stripes. Saffas, Aussies, Cape Coddians and Westsiders wanna know. If Orca stripes are the new black and white, I propose BeachGrit® curated surf tours to the Farallons. Susan Casey would go.
While I was dangling my feet yesterday alone in-between countless 3ft runners all to myself I thought about all the sharks and whatnot and banked a solid comment for later use. Little did I know I’d be able to withdraw it the very next day! Anyway, I’m going to save it for another time because I’ve already focused my comment on being a dick about how I scored uncrowded surf.
Nice
She’s absolutely perfect! What should we name her?
BGS Rusty Trombone
HMAS orca stalker.
SS Shamoo Shark Shoo
Noah’s Orc
SS Free Willies
The Grey Nurse Hearse!
http://www.dumpysrustynuts….
pretty cool how it drives on land too.
Just like a real Orca ? https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Now these smart mammals could solve the shark problem then move on to the VALS ?
As soon as someone drops a clip of an Orca doing that to a surfer, the bubble will burst.
Yep, but it might liven up the latest series of red bull Airshows ? We might see a few athletes ( ? ) getting flipped literally ?
say….an orca at the duderanch…… Forget steam-punk pistons or locomotive snow ploughs – couldn’t a really hungry orca generate a 5 ft wedgy peak if there was a really scared south american world champ sitting in the trough? This could take sports betting to a new level and make surfing into the bloodsport that fans want it to be. Imagine if the Ranch became an amphitheatre for gladiator surfers, not only fighting amongst themselves with spring-loaded serrated fins and extra-pointy nosey things, but also fending off the most ferocious water beasts (yeah, I would throw in a bonus croc or two for fun – But no great whites please, that would be cruel).
And when your sponsors tire of you or you become too old to do trendy airs, its simple – FEED THEM TO THE ORCAS!!
I think this was what thespian Peter Drouyn had in mind when he created the man on man system for surfing . THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH ! In the water …..
Sunsets, rainforests, gentle rain, groomed peaks and violent death.
Nature’s wonders!