The last time Bells hit triple overhead we lost a great
one. RIP Bodhi.
World Surf League’s official forecast
partner says: “Triple overhead surf coming for Bells!”
By Chas Smith
Johnny get your gun!
Surfline as you may, or may not, know is the
official surf forecasting partner of the World Surf League. Oh that
doesn’t mean Surfline makes the waves like the brave men and women
who sit in Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch control tower and press
colorful buttons. No, it means that computer folk in a nondescript
Huntington Beach office call up to Santa Monica’s High Castle and
say, “2-3” or sometimes “3-4.”
Of course, 9-10 times the forecast is completely off but that’s
the joy of our Mother Ocean. She is a wily little minx all sassy
and alluring. One day showing a titillating shoulder, the next day
covering all up. One day batting “come hither” eyes, the next day
refusing to even look our way. She can kill with a smile, she can
wound with those eyes. She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
and she only reveals what she wants you to see. She hides like a
child but she’s always a woman to me.
She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you, she can
ask for the truth but she’ll never believe you. And she’ll take
what you give her as long as it’s free. Yeah she steals like a
thief but she’s always a woman to me. Oh, she takes care of
herself, she can wait if she wants, she’s ahead of her time. Oh,
she never gives out and she never gives in, she just changes her
mind and she’ll promise you more than the garden of Eden then
she’ll carelessly cut you and laugh while you’re bleeding but she
brings out the best and the worst you can be etc.
You get it. You surf too and back to the issue at hand,
Surfline’s computer folk called up to Santa Monica’s High Tower
mid-day yesterday, after completing a training video on workplace
sexual harassment and said…
“Friday is going to see double overhead surf turn into triple
overhead surf at Bells.”
Triple overhead?
Ooooee!
Do you believe?
Also, who does this means wins?
Lady and gentlemen, place your bets!
(Except for you J.P.)
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Would you have driven over on a very exposed ski to go
see a Great White Shark? | Photo: @7news
The Great Seaweed Scare of ’19: New
evidence reveals uncommon bravery!
By Chas Smith
"...but it was good that we took the precaution and
the safety protocols worked well."
When I first read about the Great Seaweed Scare
of ’19 in Longtom’s note-perfect Bells, day two
wrap I’ll admit, I chuckled and chuckled heartily.
I grew up surfing in a place with both heavy seaweed and roaming
Great Whites but was never chased to the shore by the former. Oh
seaweed could produce major headaches. I duck-dived into their
bulbous noggins more than once and also once dinged my sick Nev
potato chip but it never scared me.
I’ll also admit that I chuckled about Owen Wright and Jack
Freestone going… a little soft there. I don’t consider them either
a wilting flower but… seaweed?
This morning, however, I felt very bad about my chuckles for
Owen Wright revealed in an exclusive*
interview that both surfers showcased uncommon bravery
and let’s go straight to the horses mouth here.
“Jack and I saw a big shadow and started to paddle in not
knowing what it could be,” Wright said of their round-two
heat.
“Jack was waving at the skis and they came over to us and we
jumped on the back and went to see what it was.
“We got over to the shadow and it turns out it was a massive
clump of seaweed, but it was good that we took the precaution and
the safety protocols worked well.”
There we have it. Initially it appears that Owen was kicking
Jack under the bus by attributing the “waving at the skis to come
over…” but of course it was only so they could “jump on the back to
go and see what is was.”
And how brave is that? Would you have driven over on a very
exposed ski to go see a Great White Shark?
Me neither!
But back to you. What is the bravest thing you’ve ever done
whilst straddling a piece of foam n fiberglass?
*not exclusive
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Innovation: Shark-on-surfer violence
conundrum solved in ecologically delightful way!
By Chas Smith
Hello killer whale friends!
It seems as if every other story here on
BeachGrit over the past five years has been about a shark
attack. Every other other story, of course, is about Jeff
Clark, SUP Foiler/Mavs
legend, and a wonderful reprise from the often sad
reports of missing limbs, lives cut short, etc.
The roiling debates between those who believe that sharks own
the ocean and those who hold that culling is the only way forward
go on and on, neither side making a dent in the other’s
resolve.
And so we’ve reached a dull stalemate. An icy silence with
surfers continuing to get munched and sharks falling into a slight
depression.
Well, last week researchers from California’s famed Monterey Bay
Aquarium solved the problem. Solved how to chase sharks away from
particular beaches without killing them or stringing ecologically
harmful netting to and fro. You must read the report in it
full detail but here is a summary for us to chew on
together. To give us what we need to carry on mostly, but not
completely, ignorant.
New research challenges the notion that great white sharks
are the most formidable predators in the ocean. The research team
documented encounters between white sharks and orcas at Southeast
Farallon Island off California. In every case examined by the
researchers, white sharks fled the island when orcas arrived and
didn’t return there until the following season. Elephant seal
colonies in the Farallones also indirectly benefited from the
interactions.
Stick a killer whale in the water and sharks stay gone for a
year?
Boom.
Killer wales have already proved that they love people and enjoy
being kept as pets so here’s what I’m thinking. We go in together
and purchase a big freightliner, putting two giant pools on its
deck that have some happy killer whales inside. Then we sail around
the world, responding to calls. Byron Bay? No problem. We anchor
off shore, drop the whales in the water then fetch them back,
feeding them extra fish, rubbing their tummies and saying, “Who’s a
good boy? Who’s the best boy?”
After that we head to the beach with an old coffee can, asking
for donations, repeating the same circuit during the year. We’ll be
rich in no time, not one shark will be culled and Bells will no
longer be put on hold because surfers are scared of
seaweed.
Tell me how this is not the ultimate win-win?
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John improved wave on wave all heat, with no
priority. His surfing has been stripped back, every turn has a
beginning, middle and end. He punched holes in the closeout
sections with a divine violence. WSL
Rip Curl Pro, Bells, Day Two: “An almighty
slog that hoovers up time and leaks audience interest like a bucket
with no bottom!”
By Longtom
Still, John John Florence surfed with "divine
violence" and a little seaweed terrified pro surfers and caused
temporary postponement of event…
John John Florence, back-to-back World Champion in 2016
and seventeen, walked with head bowed slowly and carefully
across the intertidal platform at Winkipop. His feet dodging the
sharp spires of mineralised paleogene sediment and enjoying the
crisp crunch of Neptunes necklace (hormosira banksii-edible*)
underneath them.
Wan yellow light, typical of a sun well past the autumn equinox,
strained through the high cloud. A day in the sun that would not
strain the melatonin of an Irish redhead.
Classic Victorian morning.
Day six of a disjointed waiting period. Heat 10 of round one had
already been surfed. Inconsistent, sectiony head-high walls with a
funky little cross hatch running through it from the
south-west.
Another day where the highest command would be “get the job
done”. Bourez smashed it, he blows tail on the end section now,
like Connor Coffin. Once I realised that the official narrative had
changed and round one was now the Seeding Round and round two had
been renamed the Elimination Round I went back to the Quik Pro
cached web archive in a panic.
Would the WSL be so bold to rewrite history so soon after it
occurred?
No, it was safe. Round one and two still existed, for now. Only
the present had been changed.
Being on the beach at sea level I didn’t get as comprehensive a
view of John John’s surfing at D-Bah as I would have liked.
Straight away during his first wave at Winki this morning I could
see he had modified his technique.
The casual upright skating stance had been replaced with a more
compressed line drive to the bottom of the wave, staying more
coiled into the bottom turn. The extra zest in the bottom turn as a
result of the centrifugal accelerative force was noticeable and
significant.
John improved wave on wave all heat, with no priority. His
surfing has been stripped back, every turn has a beginning, middle
and end. He punched holes in the closeout sections with a divine
violence.
A single criticism might be humbly made that his turn speed is
still a notch away from both his 2017 high point and the Dane
Reynolds bar circa 2009-2012.
I still bear a grudge from 2017, when John arrived at Bells
after his era defining performance at Margarets and blew Fanning
into irrelevance during their round four heat, only to be denied a
final with Jordy Smith by an unforgivable judging snafu with Ciao
Ibelli.
The forecast remaining still offers some hope of a retributive
justice being served on that crime. John vs Jordy at
six-to-eight-foot Bells Bowl. That would make wading through these
hard slog days a worthwhile sacrifice.
And they are a slog.
Luckily, we are free to make the anti-depressant observations
that no matter how you dress up the front end of the comp, rename
it, rewrite history, put your best men and women on the job of
hard-selling it to an uncomprehending public it’s an almighty slog
that hoovers up vast amounts of time and leaks audience interest
like a bucket with no bottom.
I’ve always made a living trusting my senses, relying on
judgement; but in the moment you can get it wrong.
I was too harsh on Kelly last article, pointed out by a valued
commenter and I did go back and look at the numbers and I got it
wrong. Kelly’s performance was above standard for the day.
I’ve also stood beside Mikey Wright and know him to be a big
man. Over six foot 80 kilos-plus. 176. Fighting UFC he would no
doubt add the bulk and fight light heavyweight.
But there was Pete Mel on the sand telling us he came in at a
scrawny 74 klicks. Isn’t Pete the “facts and numbers” guy?
In a tight heat Mikey was pushed into the dreaded Elimination
Round by Peterson Crisanto and Kanoa Igarashi.
The women’s and men’s surfing running concurrently creates a
disjunction in the aesthetic phenomenon of pro surfing, far more
abrupt and disturbing on broadcast than when viewing live.
Carissa Moore and Steph Gilmore hold their own when put into
this close quarters comparison, the rest of the women suffer badly
when viewed in such proximity to their male counterparts.
“Carrissa looks pissed,” said Old Bitch Tits Wasilewski ,
perhaps forgetting the meaning of such a phrase on the edge of this
dusty old continent. She did look ferocious but Coco Ho clearly had
her measure with extravagantly kicked out top turns.
Steph, no surprise, laid down the benchmark with – no surprise –
perfect flow.
The four Elimination Round heats went down in weak high-tide
Winkipop. The first one being delayed when Jack Freestone, seeing a
large clump of seaweed, made the sign of a shark.
A little clumsily, I thought, by clasping his hands together and
placing them on his head, in effect imitating a shark. I much
prefer the single upright hand making the shape of a dorsal fin
cleaving through the water.
Did you see it?
Wonder, like me, what the hell was going on?
Ronnie said something about wildlife. Lots of dead air.
Had the shark been erased from history like Rounds One and
Two?
Was the shark now merely a metaphor, an unutterable word?
Owen Wright later admitted it was merely a clump of botanical
material,- edible, no doubt, “jeez it was a big clump!” The show
went on and the local wildcard was eliminated.
Soli Bailey made comeback from last to first after a shaky
start, with some incisive inquiries into the lip and some cute
little airs that judges paid.
Reef Heazelwood, can we just call him Catweazle and be done with
it, has got a unique backhand where he can go up and come back down
the same line, with a tweaked tail thrown in at the zenith of the
arc.
Good enough to win heat three by a large margin.
M-Rod was underscored in the last heat, then over-scored by way
of compensation to progress through with Caio Ibelli.
They ran the Fight for the Bight campaign heavily through the
broadcast.
A delicate, delicate dance don’t you think?
The energy intensive lifestyle of the modern surfer relies on
the utilisation of these ancient deposits of hydrocarbons.
No human on earth past, present or future is more dependent on
it than the Pro Surfer. The ocean means so much to the WSL, yet
they are partners and advocates in a technology of energy hungry
devices making waves in tubs with precious fresh water. Devices
they wish to propagate around the world.
I don’t judge.
There’s no life worth living on Earth without a measure of
hypocrisy.
Will you simplify your life? Cut down on resource use, OS trips,
surfboards?
Go on then. I will if you will.
But, you go first.
*Very nice raw, or dried, ground up and sprinkled on a green
salad.
Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach Men’s Round 3
Matchups:
Heat 1: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Kelly Slater (USA)
Heat 2: Peterson Crisanto (BRA) vs. Michael Rodrigues (BRA)
Heat 3: Conner Coffin (USA) vs. Soli Bailey (AUS)
Heat 4: Michel Bourez (FRA) vs. Ryan Callinan (AUS)
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Caio Ibelli (BRA)
Heat 6: Mikey Wright (AUS) vs. Seth Moniz (HAW)
Heat 7: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Jacob Willcox (AUS)
Heat 8: Wade Carmichael (AUS) vs. Deivid Silva (BRA)
Heat 9: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Reef Heazlewood (AUS)
Heat 10: Willian Cardoso (BRA) vs. Yago Dora (BRA)
Heat 11: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Ricardo Christie (NZL)
Heat 12: John John Florence (HAW) vs. Jadson Andre (BRA)
Heat 13: Italo Ferreira (BRA) vs. Jack Freestone (AUS)
Heat 14: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) vs. Jeremy Flores (FRA)
Heat 15: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
Heat 16: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA)
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"The Lord often requires us to do things that
we think sound impossible," says Clark. @myallsnaps
SUP Foiler Jeff Clark responds to anti-foil
buzz: Dog to blame for collision with VAL!
By Derek Rielly
"Homer, with the dog on the nose of his board,
spins around and takes off in front of, and towards me, completely
blocking my ability to get out of the wave."
A story that involves a surfing dog, a VAL and a foiling
SUP deserves to be enjoyed over and over again.
Darkly funny, yes?
Now, in response to the footage of his foil taking out a VAL,
Jeff Clark writes on The
Inertia.
What is actually happening is me riding a wave more than 400
yards before he even starts his video. I see a guy on his board
with a dog on the nose, paddling out. I see him and he sees me. I’m
thinking, “No problem, I’m going to get right out to the shoulder
where he’s paddling over the wave and I’ll be out of the zone that
I don’t want to be in.”
But former professional surfer Homer, with the dog on the
nose of his board, spins around and takes off in front of, and
towards me, completely blocking my ability to get out of the
wave.
I own it. I don’t ever want to be foiling around people. If
you know anything about me, you know I don’t like to surf around
people — never have. Yet, with my escape route blocked, I next had
to deal with a bunch of surf school students who may have never
been in the ocean before. This is one wave in my lifetime of waves,
and I ended up in a really bad place and did everything possible to
keep the foil away from man and beast.
What is really amazing to me is the amount of hate that
surfers and keyboard jockeys have pent up. The surfing message
boards and media lit up with controversy promoting hate and
control.
The video got over 200,000 views, caused by a pro surfer and
his dog dropping in on me and captured by his personal photographer
as I get stuffed. Did I think a professional surfer would disregard
the safety of his dog and everyone in the water to get his video?
No.
I was really bummed when it happened. I made sure everyone
was ok, the guy on the soft top was all good, and we talked about
how stoked he was to be in the ocean for the first time. For me,
the incident was extremely disappointing but having no one hurt was
the best outcome. For Guerin Myall and Homer, it meant social media
views.
The Lord often requires us to do things that we think sound
impossible. Forgive seventy times seven times? This does not mean
490 times, but boundless forgiveness; that we travel with
forgiveness for those who have wronged us. Forgiveness is not
always easy, especially when we have been deeply hurt or wronged,
but the Lord’s command to forgive is one that can free and heal our
hearts and cultivate boundless love for our neighbors.
Have a happy Easter weekend as we celebrate Jesus Christ who
gave his life for us.
Do you think Jesus would ride a SUP foil?
Or more VAL?
Or didn’t exist or was a crank who got his just desserts and so
on?
