Shocking: New York building a wave tank using non-Surf Ranch technology!

"The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost."

If Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch doesn’t hurry up and get in the game there ain’t gonna be one city left without its own functioning, revenue generating tank. It was announced just yesterday that the city of Shirley there on Long Island is building a wave tank using Wavegarden technology and employing new subscription model for pricing. We’ll read all about it soon, but first let’s discuss Shirley. It is halfway between Manhattan and Montauk making it an absolute dream for specialist in mergers and acquisitions looking to blow off some steam after a rough night hacking folk up. Or Sarah Jessica Parker’s Carrie Bradshaw and gang wanting a girls’ bonding day after Steve cheats on Miranda again. Can you believe that Steve? What a selfish jerk.

Anyhow, the tank. I’ll take you to the good parts of the announcement here.

The planned Long Island Surf Park, to be located in the Brookhaven Technology Center industrial park off Exit 68 of the Long Island Expressway, will have an outdoor pool between 45,000-50,000 square feet in size, a lounge area that spans the back of the pool, the restaurant/cafe, a surf shop and locker rooms.

“This is a childhood dream for me,” said co-founder and vice president Brett Portera, who is partnering with his father, Chris. “If you’re someone who loves surfing, you’re always looking for the perfect wave. The biggest desire for me is to have a great pool and something for everybody to use.”

The company will offer one-hour session rates for access to the pool, which will produce “ocean-like traveling waves” that break from one end to the other, for half of its operating hours. Portera said those rates will be comparable to what’s charged at Typhoon Lagoon in Orlando, Florida, and Adventure Parc Snowdonia in England, but that official rates haven’t been set.

The other half of the operating hours will be available to customers who purchase yearly individual members ranging from $3,500-$8,000 per year, with various different perks.

“The idea behind the membership is to allow people who are [interested] in surfing more often a discount on the normal hourly rates while also providing some incentives for frequency,” Portera said.

The pool will be able to operate year-round with the aid of an energy system that will recapture heat given off from the pool. “There will be so much heat given off that the water will be 60 degrees in the dead of the winter,” he said.

The system will also recapture energy for air conditioning, heating the clubhouse and cooling the equipment room.

Using the heat from the wave generating machine keeping the pool 60 degrees even in the dead of New York winter seems like a nice touch but, really, when Kelly Slater unveiled his Surf Ranch all those years ago, smashing Adriano de Souza’s one moment in the sun, didn’t you think, “Well, everybody’s gonna bulldoze their Wavegardens and toss in Surf Ranches…”?

I did but, like investing all my money in Quiksilver seven years ago, was apparently wrong.