Kelly Slater: “I like the option where
everyone stops paying taxes!”
By Chas Smith
Current World number 7 foments revolution!
Did you take the eleven time champion, wave
pool technology co-creator and current world number seven Robert
Kelly Slater as an incendiary revolutionary? A
burn-it-all-to-the-ground idealist? A man willing to push the
masses into an uprising that tilts the very balance of power?
I didn’t.
And if I’m quite honest, I always considered Kelly a stone-cold,
bald-faced, opportunist. A man who sees the angles, smells the
blood, knows how to position himself exactly like he knows how to
position himself at tricky-to-read maxing Pipeline and come out
victorious.
Robert Kelly Slater is a student, an expert, but only an expert
at surfing, or so I’ve always thought.
I’m indifferent to Outerknown but don’t see the real economic
play in an ecological, high price-point surf brand. I had a case of
Purps in my garage when we launched BeachGrit some four
years ago and drank one while gagging. K-grip was never good
(buy Octopus
here!) and Kelly Slater surfboards are… I can’t
say.
I’ve never actually surfed one.
Are they good? Epic? I don’t doubt but also don’t know.
More importantly, I’m writing a book on Islamic fundamentalism
right now and ooooooooee. Rough. Fundamentalism is not what you’d
call a “marketable literary enterprise” but to hell with those,
right?
Right?
To hell with anything not directly tied to the machine.
Right?
Maybe not.
For Robert Kelly Slater, the man I considered immune to absurd
heart tugs, is calling for revolution on Joe Rogan’s Instagram
page. A tax-free revolution contra the popular notion that we
should all storm Area 51, a U.S. military installation in the
Nevada desert.
I honestly don’t know what any of this about but do like the
“option where everyone stops paying taxes.”
What do you think?
Are you in?
Will you follow the world’s most successful living surfer to
jail as a form of popular rebellion?
More as the story develops!
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The most glaring example was Carissa Moore's
9.5 from her QuartFinal with Johanne Defay. A good wave, a great
wave. Three nice turns and a fun little tube-ride. When we put side
by side with Filipe Toledo's 9.43 opener for his heat against the
Panda the difference is stark. Staggering. Every variety of top
turn and power carve on display with a strong ending. Why the
discrepancy? With the women on full pay do they really need the
babyfood scores fed to them like mashed banana? Why the
discrepancy? With the women on full pay do they really need the
babyfood scores fed to them like mashed banana?
Longtom: “With the women on full pay do
they need baby-food scores fed to them like mashed banana?”
By Longtom
Exhibit A: Carissa Moore's 9.5 vs Filipe Toledo's
9.43…
Women’s Sport is hotter than fish grease. Pro
leagues have popped up everywhere in Australia, pretty sure it’s
happening in Europe and the Americas too.
Australian male pro surfing is circling the drain; the gals are
dominating.
In the last few days in between J-Bay and pumping surf at my
home point I’ve visited the Skullcandy Grom Comp. Girls shredding
everywhere, huge girl energy, everywhere you look girls are taking
over.
You can’t deny the success of the investment Natasha Ziff,
co-waterperson of the Year 2018, has made in Women’s Pro surfing.
Three months ago, I watched a seventeen-year-old Floridian girl
walk away from onshore 2ft D-Bah with a cheque for a hundred grand
US in her hand.
WSL has made a gamble to put itself on the right side of history
and so far the mainstream media has gobbled it up. It might turn
out to be the smartest move pro surfing has ever made in it’s topsy
turvy
forty-five-year history.
The most stunning aspect of the Founders Cup last May was how
close or non-existent the gap between Gilmore, Wright, Moore and
the top men was in the basin. Steph was the most watchable of all
the surfers, male or female. Easily eclipsing, on that day, John
John Florence. These aren’t value judgements, just facts of the
matter.
The disparity between pay cheques between men and women has
gone. The performance gap has not, but it’s closing. The most
stunning aspect of the Founders Cup last May was how close or
non-existent the gap between Gilmore, Wright, Moore and the top men
was in the basin. Steph was the most watchable of all the surfers,
male or female. Easily eclipsing, on that day, John John Florence.
These aren’t value judgements, just facts of the
matter.
WSL now feels confident in an ever closer integration of mens
and womens events. They share the same contest windows, and the
same eyeballs. Both live and online. The days of a separate Tour
schedule are almost over, apart from legacy events like Pipeline
and waves still considered too gnarly like Teahupoo. They share the
same audience, the same prizemoney, the same lineups, the same
criteria but to even the most casual viewer the scale used to put a
number on their rides is wildly different.
I said last night that it was a lack of capacity that stopped me
watching more women’s pro surfing and that is true. But there is
more. After watching six hours of men surfing and then in the same
lineup with the same judging panel the numbers thrown at the women
seem ridiculously inflated.
I said last night that it was a lack of capacity that stopped me
watching more women’s pro surfing and that is true. But there is
more. After watching six hours of men surfing and then in the same
lineup with the same judging panel the numbers thrown at the women
seem ridiculously inflated.
Steph’s two sixes would be fours or maybe fives. Caz Marks’
eight would be more like a six. The most glaring example was
Carissa Moore’s 9.5 from her quarter-final with Johanne Defay. A
good wave, a great wave. Three nice turns, a fun little
tube-ride.
When we put side by side with Filipe Toledo’s 9.43 opener for
his heat against the Panda the difference is stark. Staggering.
Every variety of top turn and power carve on display with a strong
ending.
Why the discrepancy? With the women on full pay do they really
need the babyfood scores fed to them like mashed banana? Is it not
disrespectful to their status as athletes and elite level surfers
to be so clearly patronised by exactly the same judging panel using
the same criteria?
What message does it send to the kiddies, the future?
That we’ll pay you the same but score you differently?
Down at the Oz Grom Comp I watched the best kids of the future.
Gals shredding as hard as boyos. What incentive have they got to
elevate the level, to future proof the sport if they know they are
going to get fed highballed scores for surfing well below the level
they are capable of reaching.
Equal pay has been a boon for women’s surfing. Time for an equal
judging scale to be applied if the Tours are to co-exist.
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Gilmore has struggled to bring her best surfing to the
party this year. The gorgeous style will always be there, but at
crucial points she’s failed to get the scores that add up to a
world title. | Photo: WSL
J-Bay Open (women): “Gilmore, Fitzgibbons
falter; Moore swoops on title lead!”
By Jen See
Four high-pressure heats contested with world title
hopes on the line…
It’s getting real in the women’s world title race
now. The opening heats for the women at J-Bay set up the
quarterfinals perfectly.
Each of the high seeds made it through, which meant four
high-pressure heats contested with world title hopes on the line.
The atmospherics of dreamy J-Bay felt at odds with the stakes. Even
the inevitable point break lulls ratcheted up the tension.
This year’s narrative was set to be a rivalry between Stephanie
Gilmore and newcomer Caroline Marks.
I’ll confess I rolled my eyes a bit at the notion that we could
decide the narrative back at the opening event, but having written
press releases a few times in my life, you have to write
something.
In any case, the Gilmore-Marks title race hasn’t really
materialized, thanks to inconsistent performances from both women.
Other contenders such as Carissa Moore and Sally Fitzgibbons,
meanwhile, have steadily climbed the rankings.
Though this year has never been a two-woman race, the
quarterfinal between Gilmore and Marks was a big heat for both of
them.
For Gilmore, it was a crucial heat if she wants to chase down
Carissa Moore and Sally Fitzgibbons for the world title. Gilmore
has struggled to bring her best surfing to the party this year. The
gorgeous style will always be there, but at crucial points she’s
failed to get the scores that add up to a world title.
Marks, meanwhile, needed to win this heat to pull herself out of
the two-way tie with Lakey Peterson for fifth and climb back into
the title race, if she can. As the fourth-placed American in the
rankings going into J-Bay, Marks also needed a good heat to keep
her Olympic dreams alive.
It is always a shock to me when Steph Gilmore falls on a wave.
Wait, what? How is that even possible? When Gilmore is at her best,
it feels like nothing could ever go wrong.
In her heat against Marks, Gilmore fell twice on scoring waves,
and quite simply, that was the game. Marks surfed as well as ever
with an 8.17 and a 6.27 as her keepers but Gilmore largely defeated
herself on this one.
A pair of sixes at a right-hand point is a rough day at the
office for Gilmore and in a post-heat interview, she said it was a
crucial heat and a tough loss. She isn’t out of the title race just
yet, but losing that heat just made the whole thing much more
difficult.
Of the women in these quarterfinals, Carissa Moore surfed the
best. Smooth, controlled, powerful. She seemed to see what the wave
was going to do before it happened. She never fell out sync, there
were no frantic chases down the line to get back in the pocket.
If you didn’t see the 9.5, it’s worth finding. She slid into
that cheeky barrel on the end section like it was nothing, never
mind the rocks lurking just beneath the surface. Against anyone
else, Johanne Defay might have had a shot at this one. She surfed
well, but Moore was simply on another level. There’s not much you
can do with a 17-point combo.
Thanks to the post-heat interview I learned that Moore and Defay
are good friends and traveling together at J-Bay. This is fine, but
it felt like waste of an interview to me. Anyone who’s spent any
time around women’s sports knows the friendship stops when the
competition begins. No one’s going to really spare a thought for
their bestie when the world title is on the line. Moore handled it
with her characteristic grace, of course. She’ll meet Marks in the
semifinal, which is going to be fire.
My heart always says Malia, but my head said that certainly
Sally Fitzgibbons would win this one. Not so fast. J-Bay suits
Manuel’s smooth style and clean rail work. She came out firing on
and scored a 7.0 on her opening wave. If her turns lacked the
dynamism and power of Moore, Manuel looked poised and beautifully
controlled.
Fitzgibbons answered back with fast, hammering turns. The judges
rightly rewarded her tighter, more vertical turns a bit more than
Manuel’s more flowing style, but the heat remained a nailbiter.
Then things got wild. Manuel fell after taking a wave on
priority, leaving her with no backup score. A lull created a
high-tension waiting game. Then with priority, Manuel went to go,
but changed her mind. Along the way, she also prevented Fitzgibbons
from taking the wave. That meant Manuel lost priority. Fitzgibbons
scooped up the next one, but only managed a 6.17. Good, but not the
emphatic finish she might have liked.
Point breaks are a finicky business. Long lulls. Two-wave sets
alternated with five- or even ten-wave sets. Manuel quite simply
got lucky. Instead of a two-wave set, the waves just kept coming.
Manuel has an almost zenlike presence and it served her well here.
She scrapped into the last wave of the set, waited for the white
water section to clear, threw down a series of clean, arcing
turns.
Just nail the close-out and win the heat: That’s it. Manuel went
big on the final section, but fell on the closeout. The cameras
showed her on the beach, waiting for the score to come though. It
felt like forever, watching it. She got it.
A 7.03 on her final wave sends Manuel to the semi-final.
I was looking forward to the heat between Courtney Conlogue and
Lakey Peterson. Both are insanely competitive and dynamic. You
never really know what Conlogue, in particular, is going to do on a
wave. Her opener featured an insane close-out move. The judges
weren’t that into close-out moves this time around, it seems,
because I expected a higher score for that one than they delivered.
Conlogue took an early lead with a 7.33.
Peterson answered back in short order with a signature wave. A
series of tight, vertical turns linked seamlessly. And fast.
Peterson has so much speed. She’s always right on the edge of it,
which is nerve-wracking to watch. I’m not sure about that head
throw in the midst of the hooking turn she loves so much. An 8.57
gave her the lead and the heat looked to be a competitive one.
It took a turn when Conlogue needed a board change. If you’re
going to break your board in a heat, J-Bay is a hell of a place to
do it. Paddle back up to the keyhole, get to the beach, paddle back
out. I thought the heat was over for Conlogue. There was no way
Peterson wasn’t going to make the most of sitting alone in the
lineup. But Peterson could only pick up a 4.50 during Conlogue’s
board change.
Game still on.
Except Conlogue paddled back out to a flat ocean. Just then,
J-Bay decided to do stupid point break things and the lull from
hell began. Peterson and Conlogue sat there, bobbing up and down,
staring at the horizon. Pretty much nothing happened. Finally, one
wave slouched down the point. With priority, Peterson scooped it
up, scored a 5.83, and that was the heat. It was all a bit of a
letdown, given the dynamic styles of the two women in the water.
Peterson meets Manuel in the semifinal, which will be quite the
contrast in styles.
With Fitzgibbons out, Moore needs to make the final in order to
take over the lead in the rankings. That means beating Marks. Based
on their quarterfinal heat scores, Moore has the edge, but both
women have shown that they are big-heat surfers. They bring their
best when it matters, and Moore has steadily built a solid
foundation for a title run.
While the narrative has focused on Gilmore and Marks, Moore is
quietly waiting to pounce.
Corona Open J-Bay Women’s Quarterfinal
Results:
QF 1: Caroline Marks (USA) 14.44 DEF. Stephanie Gilmore (AUS)
13.10
QF 2: Carissa Moore (HAW) 17.67 DEF. Johanne Defay (FRA) 12.50
QF 3: Malia Manuel (HAW) 14.03 DEF. Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS)
13.50
QF 4: Lakey Peterson (USA) 14.40 DEF. Courtney Conlogue (USA)
11.00
Corona Open J-Bay Women’s Semifinal
Matchups:
SF 1: Caroline Marks (USA) vs. Carissa Moore (HAW)
SF 2: Malia Manuel (HAW) vs. Lakey Peterson (USA)
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A silken set wave approached the lineup with Smith
having P. He sat there like someone having a nightmare about
turning into a statue at perfect J-Bay. It shocked Owen.
“Absolutely mind boggling,” Strider called it and added, to good
effect “It'll haunt him to his dying day." | Photo:
WSL
J-Bay Day Four: “Jordy chokes and chokes
epically; Pip sets table for three-peat and smacks lips!”
By Longtom
And Kanoa Igg creates a fluttery feeling in the
naughty bits!
Fair to say we got our first unadulterated look
at the entire crop of World Title Contenders put under the
pressurised axe of perfect, if inconsistent, waves.
Decisions mattered. Execution was key. There were some
spectacular flame-outs and heroic comebacks. I think, the most
important and revealing day of the Tour so far this year.
“The horn we love so much,” as Joey T put it, probably the only
person on earth who could make that sound G-rated, set off the day
with Jordy and Owen Wright. In the intervening days between heats
the number of deadwood mid-runners and backmarkers in
cruise-control mode had been on my mind.
O-Dog’s name kept coming up and when he opened with a typically
low energy four in velvety four-footers it seemed the script was
set to dull.
Jordy shifted through the gears on two rides, maybe just a
trifle under-scored which I read as inducement from the panel to
lift the energy level.
He didn’t but Owen did.
Owen threw the tail above the lip on multiple occasions and with
five to go the heat was close to locked. A silken set wave
approached the lineup with Smith having P. He sat there like
someone having a nightmare about turning into a statue at perfect
J-Bay.
It shocked Owen.
“No?” he said in the presser. “Yes please”. Highest score of the
heat. Jordy done.
“Absolutely mind boggling,” Strider called it and added, to good
effect, “It’ll haunt him to his dying day.”
After that epic choke we thought sanity would prevail in the
heat between R-Call and Medina. That being, Medina going ham and
R-Call matching him. Sanity did not prevail.
Medina fell early, then fell again.
Then had a minor freak-out and butchered two Hail Mary airs on
terrible waves. The ocean went to sleep after Callinan had banked a
six and a five. Medina sat there looking terribly forlorn, Charlie
went berserk on the bricks, over the broadcast we could hear the
sound of a barking dog and the Cranberries 1994 hit
Zombie.
It was a wonderfully fitting soundtrack to what seemed another
hall of fame choke.
I’m still not sure exactly what happened. The exact sequence I
mean. Ryan had P, paddled for a wave and lost it. Gifted Gabe a
wave.
Three big strong turns followed, a little ponderous but gifting
generous plumes of spray to the heavens. Ryan caught another wave
and allowed Medina free reign over the lineup with a minute and
change to go. The set wave came and Gabe duly surfed it very
strongly, but very safely. I’d call it maxed-out safety surfing. It
was worth the score.
Callinan said it was a devastating loss but what really could he
learn from it?
I wonder about this a lot.
What really can be carried over from heat to heat? When one
thirty minute heat is essentially a stochastic, discrete parcel of
time and space, experienced in the now but only understood in the
retrospect. Non-applicable to the next thirty minute parcel. Jordy
thought there was a wave behind. There wasn’t.
Who knows what R-Cal thought, who knows what he might think next
time?
You get a giddy little world-title flutter in the naughty bits
watching Kolohe Andino surf? Nope, me neither.
At least he ain’t kept his dick wet, as Amy Winehouse would say,
with his old safe sure bet. The infidelity with the DHD’s is
bringing mixed results. It pushed him through the heat against
Deivid Silva with some savage hacks but the board looks grabby both
on the toe side exit from the bottom turn and on the heel-side exit
from the top turn. He’ll be easy meat for ones who have their
equipment dialed.
Kenny Iggs swapped partners at an opportune time. The change-up
to Sharp Eyes this time last year marked what may be the greatest
pro-surfer reinvention of the last 20 years.
From QS pretender to genuine world title contender in the space
of 12 months.
He was so dominant I can’t even remember who he surfed against.
(Peterson Crisanto.)
Heavy combination laid on him with variable length bottom turns,
perfect flow and the most crisp timing on tour.
Did you see the Frankie Oberholzer edit? You gotta check it out.
Those check fades. Kanoa is closest on Tour to redrawing the
classic check fade line. With minutes left in the heat Kanoa was
luxuriating in the keyhole like it was an infinity pool on the
cliffs of Uluwatu.
Kenny gave me some fluttery bits but it was Pip who stepped it
up most during the day, against a hapless Panda. He has the ability
to arc the turn, fully torqued back against the grain of the trim
line, like Fanning, without losing speed. Or a million other
variations: A big vertical punch, a long fading cut down, a
tail-released, Slater-style turn etc etc.
While going about my lawful occasion as a surf writer I spoke to
Sharp Eye’s principal shaper and founder Marcio Zouvi last year
regarding Toledo’s J-Bay quiver. What he had to say about quiver
theory surprised me. Rather than mess around with length or shape
too much they vary the construction, using heavier glassing
schedules to tune boards by weight to different conditions, mostly
wind. Pip’s boards always look ready to settle into the turn at any
speed.
Pip looked the goods, as did Kanoa.
What about Kelly/Italo? The most vital heat of the round. The
winner plays a role in the Title race, the loser bows out. It was
over after the first wave. Italo surfed the mirror image of the
Medina heat. He started strong with speedy, loose high hooks and
fin drifts. One wave, then two. It was both edgy and drifty.
Ten minutes down and Italo has fourteen points to Kelly’s one
point and change. Kelly jagged a nervous five. Wasilewski was
ropeable: “He’s got to get away from the lip and onto the face”
Which was true. Waz is never wrong.
Kelly sat very, very close to Italo. I believe he was singing a
Jimmy Buffet song. Which one, I could not say. They say his mind
games don’t work no more.
Then why did Italo give Kelly his best wave while he had
priority?
Because Kelly was driving him nuts ruining his vibe with the
Buffet, of course. Kelly did two half turns, a big drawn out
floater, a buried layback in the hook and a hard whipped finishing
turn, hardest of the day.Hard as fook. Judges lapped up the champ’s
fortified cereal and the 7.10 put him back in the heat.
Not enough. Italo sat tight, the heat ticked down. Kelly
done.
Biggest change of the Tour this year is the even tighter
integration of the women’s Tour in with the men. For me this means
I am watching less women’s surfing, purely due to capacity.
What about you? More, or less?
I did watch Gilmore and Caz Marks. Last time I saw them surf was
live at D-Bah. Gilmore disintegrated on home turf. She started
solid with two sixes. Marks came back with a five then the best
wave of the heat.
I thought the 8.10 was an over-score. Pottz thought an
over-score. You could literally see Gilmore become indignant and
brittle as the situation dawned on her. This little brat again!
Gilmore fell and fell again and that was it.
After today it feels disrespectful to bet against a Toledo
three-peat. He seems one of the few who can.
Corona Open J-Bay Men’s Round of 16
Results:
Heat 1: Owen Wright (AUS) 16.23 DEF. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 14.70
Heat 2: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 12.94 DEF. Ryan Callinan (AUS)
11.67
Heat 3: Kolohe Andino (USA) 12.73 DEF. Deivid Silva (BRA) 12.14
Heat 4: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 13.43 DEF. Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 13.00
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 18.26 DEF. Willian Cardoso (BRA)
11.33
Heat 6: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 13.83 DEF. Michel Bourez (FRA)
11.44
Heat 7: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 17.24 DEF. Peterson Crisanto (BRA)
11.73
Heat 8: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 14.06 DEF. Kelly Slater (USA)
12.20
Corona Open J-Bay Men’s Quarterfinal
Matchups:
QF 1: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Gabriel Medina (BRA)
QF 2: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
QF 3: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Sebastian Zietz (HAW)
QF 4: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) vs. Italo Ferreira (BRA)
Corona Open J-Bay Women’s Quarterfinal
Results:
QF 1: Caroline Marks (USA) 14.44 DEF. Stephanie Gilmore (AUS)
13.10
QF 2: Carissa Moore (HAW) 17.67 DEF. Johanne Defay (FRA) 12.50
QF 3: Malia Manuel (HAW) 14.03 DEF. Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS)
13.50
QF 4: Lakey Peterson (USA) 14.40 DEF. Courtney Conlogue (USA)
11.00
Corona Open J-Bay Women’s Semifinal
Matchups:
SF 1: Caroline Marks (USA) vs. Carissa Moore (HAW)
SF 2: Malia Manuel (HAW) vs. Lakey Peterson (USA)
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Kolohe Andino, leads the world title race after John
John's disappearance. | Photo: WSL
Open thread, comment live: Round of 16,
Corona Open J-Bay!
By Derek Rielly
A little rope of drool runs down your chin as South
African grand slam finally comes to life…
How many narratives you want? Jordy, Gabriel,
Kolohe, Filipe, Iggy…Kelly.
A world title race for the ages with a man almost hitting fifty
able to steal into the top five, a kid who’s played second-viola to
his childhood pal for the last decade suddenly propelled into the
ratings lead and a defending champ rising from the dead.
Waves? I’m told it’s good to gooder.
If you’re in the US, throw a few candy peppermints in your vodka
martini; Australia, you got two hours before dark.
Europe? Still partying, yeah? The sky a swollen purple, your
body jerking in little spasms? Stay with us.
Corona Open J-Bay Men’s Round of 16
Matchups:
Heat 1: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Owen Wright (AUS)
Heat 2: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Ryan Callinan (AUS)
Heat 3: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Deivid Silva (BRA)
Heat 4: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Willian Cardoso (BRA)
Heat 6: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) vs. Michel Bourez (FRA)
Heat 7: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) vs. Peterson Crisanto (BRA)
Heat 8: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Italo Ferreira (BRA)