A silken set wave approached the lineup with Smith having P. He sat there like someone having a nightmare about turning into a statue at perfect J-Bay. It shocked Owen. “Absolutely mind boggling,” Strider called it and added, to good effect “It'll haunt him to his dying day." | Photo: WSL

J-Bay Day Four: “Jordy chokes and chokes epically; Pip sets table for three-peat and smacks lips!”

Longtom

By

And Kanoa Igg creates a fluttery feeling in the naughty bits!

Fair to say we got our first unadulterated look at the entire crop of World Title Contenders put under the pressurised axe of perfect, if inconsistent, waves.

Decisions mattered. Execution was key. There were some spectacular flame-outs and heroic comebacks. I think, the most important and revealing day of the Tour so far this year.

“The horn we love so much,” as Joey T put it, probably the only person on earth who could make that sound G-rated, set off the day with Jordy and Owen Wright. In the intervening days between heats the number of deadwood mid-runners and backmarkers in cruise-control mode had been on my mind.

O-Dog’s name kept coming up and when he opened with a typically low energy four in velvety four-footers it seemed the script was set to dull.

Jordy shifted through the gears on two rides, maybe just a trifle under-scored which I read as inducement from the panel to lift the energy level.

He didn’t but Owen did.

Owen threw the tail above the lip on multiple occasions and with five to go the heat was close to locked. A silken set wave approached the lineup with Smith having P. He sat there like someone having a nightmare about turning into a statue at perfect J-Bay.

It shocked Owen.

“No?” he said in the presser. “Yes please”. Highest score of the heat. Jordy done.

“Absolutely mind boggling,” Strider called it and added, to good effect, “It’ll haunt him to his dying day.”

After that epic choke we thought sanity would prevail in the heat between R-Call and Medina. That being, Medina going ham and R-Call matching him. Sanity did not prevail.

Medina fell early, then fell again.

Then had a minor freak-out and butchered two Hail Mary airs on terrible waves. The ocean went to sleep after Callinan had banked a six and a five. Medina sat there looking terribly forlorn, Charlie went berserk on the bricks, over the broadcast we could hear the sound of a barking dog and the Cranberries 1994 hit Zombie.

It was a wonderfully fitting soundtrack to what seemed another hall of fame choke.

I’m still not sure exactly what happened. The exact sequence I mean. Ryan had P, paddled for a wave and lost it. Gifted Gabe a wave.

Three big strong turns followed, a little ponderous but gifting generous plumes of spray to the heavens. Ryan caught another wave and allowed Medina free reign over the lineup with a minute and change to go. The set wave came and Gabe duly surfed it very strongly, but very safely. I’d call it maxed-out safety surfing. It was worth the score.

Callinan said it was a devastating loss but what really could he learn from it?

I wonder about this a lot.

What really can be carried over from heat to heat? When one thirty minute heat is essentially a stochastic, discrete parcel of time and space, experienced in the now but only understood in the retrospect. Non-applicable to the next thirty minute parcel. Jordy thought there was a wave behind. There wasn’t.

Who knows what R-Cal thought, who knows what he might think next time?

You get a giddy little world-title flutter in the naughty bits watching Kolohe Andino surf? Nope, me neither.

At least he ain’t kept his dick wet, as Amy Winehouse would say, with his old safe sure bet. The infidelity with the DHD’s is bringing mixed results. It pushed him through the heat against Deivid Silva with some savage hacks but the board looks grabby both on the toe side exit from the bottom turn and on the heel-side exit from the top turn. He’ll be easy meat for ones who have their equipment dialed.

Kenny Iggs swapped partners at an opportune time. The change-up to Sharp Eyes this time last year marked what may be the greatest pro-surfer reinvention of the last 20 years.

From QS pretender to genuine world title contender in the space of 12 months.

He was so dominant I can’t even remember who he surfed against. (Peterson Crisanto.)

Heavy combination laid on him with variable length bottom turns, perfect flow and the most crisp timing on tour.

Did you see the Frankie Oberholzer edit? You gotta check it out. Those check fades. Kanoa is closest on Tour to redrawing the classic check fade line. With minutes left in the heat Kanoa was luxuriating in the keyhole like it was an infinity pool on the cliffs of Uluwatu.

Kenny gave me some fluttery bits but it was Pip who stepped it up most during the day, against a hapless Panda. He has the ability to arc the turn, fully torqued back against the grain of the trim line, like Fanning, without losing speed. Or a million other variations: A big vertical punch, a long fading cut down, a tail-released, Slater-style turn etc etc.

While going about my lawful occasion as a surf writer I spoke to Sharp Eye’s principal shaper and founder Marcio Zouvi last year regarding Toledo’s J-Bay quiver. What he had to say about quiver theory surprised me. Rather than mess around with length or shape too much they vary the construction, using heavier glassing schedules to tune boards by weight to different conditions, mostly wind. Pip’s boards always look ready to settle into the turn at any speed.

Pip looked the goods, as did Kanoa.

What about Kelly/Italo? The most vital heat of the round. The winner plays a role in the Title race, the loser bows out. It was over after the first wave. Italo surfed the mirror image of the Medina heat. He started strong with speedy, loose high hooks and fin drifts. One wave, then two. It was both edgy and drifty.

Ten minutes down and Italo has fourteen points to Kelly’s one point and change. Kelly jagged a nervous five. Wasilewski was ropeable: “He’s got to get away from the lip and onto the face” Which was true. Waz is never wrong.

Kelly sat very, very close to Italo. I believe he was singing a Jimmy Buffet song. Which one, I could not say. They say his mind games don’t work no more.

Then why did Italo give Kelly his best wave while he had priority?

Because Kelly was driving him nuts ruining his vibe with the Buffet, of course. Kelly did two half turns, a big drawn out floater, a buried layback in the hook and a hard whipped finishing turn, hardest of the day.Hard as fook. Judges lapped up the champ’s fortified cereal and the 7.10 put him back in the heat.

Not enough. Italo sat tight, the heat ticked down. Kelly done.

Biggest change of the Tour this year is the even tighter integration of the women’s Tour in with the men. For me this means I am watching less women’s surfing, purely due to capacity.

What about you? More, or less?

I did watch Gilmore and Caz Marks. Last time I saw them surf was live at D-Bah. Gilmore disintegrated on home turf. She started solid with two sixes. Marks came back with a five then the best wave of the heat.

I thought the 8.10 was an over-score. Pottz thought an over-score. You could literally see Gilmore become indignant and brittle as the situation dawned on her. This little brat again! Gilmore fell and fell again and that was it.

After today it feels disrespectful to bet against a Toledo three-peat. He seems one of the few who can.

Corona Open J-Bay Men’s Round of 16 Results:
Heat 1: Owen Wright (AUS) 16.23 DEF. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 14.70
Heat 2: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 12.94 DEF. Ryan Callinan (AUS) 11.67
Heat 3: Kolohe Andino (USA) 12.73 DEF. Deivid Silva (BRA) 12.14
Heat 4: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 13.43 DEF. Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 13.00
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 18.26 DEF. Willian Cardoso (BRA) 11.33
Heat 6: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 13.83 DEF. Michel Bourez (FRA) 11.44
Heat 7: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 17.24 DEF. Peterson Crisanto (BRA) 11.73
Heat 8: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 14.06 DEF. Kelly Slater (USA) 12.20

Corona Open J-Bay Men’s Quarterfinal Matchups:
QF 1: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Gabriel Medina (BRA)
QF 2: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
QF 3: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Sebastian Zietz (HAW)
QF 4: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) vs. Italo Ferreira (BRA)

Corona Open J-Bay Women’s Quarterfinal Results:
QF 1: Caroline Marks (USA) 14.44 DEF. Stephanie Gilmore (AUS) 13.10
QF 2: Carissa Moore (HAW) 17.67 DEF. Johanne Defay (FRA) 12.50
QF 3: Malia Manuel (HAW) 14.03 DEF. Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) 13.50
QF 4: Lakey Peterson (USA) 14.40 DEF. Courtney Conlogue (USA) 11.00

Corona Open J-Bay Women’s Semifinal Matchups:
SF 1: Caroline Marks (USA) vs. Carissa Moore (HAW)
SF 2: Malia Manuel (HAW) vs. Lakey Peterson (USA)

Kolohe Andino, leads the world title race after John John's disappearance. | Photo: WSL

Open thread, comment live: Round of 16, Corona Open J-Bay!

Derek Rielly

By

A little rope of drool runs down your chin as South African grand slam finally comes to life…

How many narratives you want? Jordy, Gabriel, Kolohe, Filipe, Iggy…Kelly. 

A world title race for the ages with a man almost hitting fifty able to steal into the top five, a kid who’s played second-viola to his childhood pal for the last decade suddenly propelled into the ratings lead and a defending champ rising from the dead.

Waves? I’m told it’s good to gooder.

If you’re in the US, throw a few candy peppermints in your vodka martini; Australia, you got two hours before dark.

Europe? Still partying, yeah? The sky a swollen purple, your body jerking in little spasms? Stay with us.

Watch here. 

Comment below.

Corona Open J-Bay Men’s Round of 16 Matchups:
Heat 1: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Owen Wright (AUS)
Heat 2: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Ryan Callinan (AUS)
Heat 3: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Deivid Silva (BRA)
Heat 4: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Willian Cardoso (BRA)
Heat 6: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) vs. Michel Bourez (FRA)
Heat 7: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) vs. Peterson Crisanto (BRA)
Heat 8: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Italo Ferreira (BRA)

That petite squash appeals to me. The narrow tail gives more latitude for lax back-foot placement and a weak back leg. If you do have a functioning rail game based on the back foot you'll find the Happy whips through a turn in the bowl with much control. Billy Lee-Pope

Channel Islands Happy board review: “It’s an internet proverb that people surf better on Merricks/Channel Islands surfboards”

Longtom

By

"I say that as preamble because I have always seemed to struggle on the CI's."

It’s an internet proverb that people generally surf better on Merricks/Channel Islands surfboards. In the particular it’s hard to argue against with respect to Tom Curren, Kelly Slater and Dane.

Go back to 2012/13 when Kelly was rocking the hexagons at Cloudbreak and marvel at the union of man and surfboard.

Or Tom on the Red Beauties at the Stubbies, with the vest and the cute French wife.

Dane in Mexico on sawn off Neckbeards with the pudgy white Dad legs was mind exploding.

Sure Kelly is going alright now with the Tokoros and the Aipas but he’s never had his equipment dialled in as solidly as when he was on the CI’s.

Unsponsored shredders also do very well on them. I say that as preamble because I have always seemed to struggle on the CI’s. I don’t know why. I found the Rocket Wide tricky and temperamental, I passed it onto a friend and he ripped on it.

So, unlike Jamie Brisick and his martinis, I approached the CI Happy with low expectations. Circumstances that followed were not kind. I had a lot of trouble getting go-outs on it.

After putting the best wax job in history on it the surf went flat.

Then the wind howled and it went giant.

I rode a Bonzer Octafish in tiny rock runners then a Brewer gun in wild holy rollers out near the shipping channel while the perfectly waxed Happy sat under a table in the house. Sharkiness increased and interrupted the seasonal surf program.

Loved the outline, was looking for the right day.

When it was apparent I was under some CI curse it seemed time to pass it on over to my Bribie pal unridden and let him get after it. On the way to his gaff I checked the point, which I do about 50 times a day and the waves looked fun.

Not giant, not tiny rock runners. The right day to get Happy in the water.

The detour via other boards of very different provenance was fortuitous. Compared to the Sharp Eye HT2.5 which I’d been riding religiously and relentlessly the Happy is a very different beast. Narrower in the nose and tail*.

The Sharp Eye has more nose and tail flip compared to the Happy’s lower entry rocker, fairly low curve and typical Merrick tail curve. Which meant for practical purposes I found the HT2.5 a better paddler getting from A to B in the lineup while the Happy paddled into waves better.

Neither are, by any means, good paddlers, so if you have cooked shoulders you ain’t in the ballpark for either sled. Walk on by. Don’t let the video footage of Connor Coffin at Kirra fool you; he’s getting towed back to the take-off by a jetski: for the working gal who has to paddle back there’s no easy metres on a Happy.

Somehow, and I don’t know how because it makes no sense, I found the rocker curve easier to get along with than the Rocket Wide. No obvious quirks in the board. This is riding it in mediocre-to-good Point surf, which is daily fare on this coastline during southern Hemi Winter

First impressions: maybe I won’t pass this onto my pal just yet. Had to ignore a couple of texts asking me when I was going to drop the board around. Tight outline wants to get right up into the pocket and whip around. Carves through a turn very cleanly. Standard single-concave-to-double-concave bottom feels completely familiar and runs clean while rolling onto a rail in a predictable fashion.

Somehow, and I don’t know how because it makes no sense, I found the rocker curve easier to get along with than the Rocket Wide. No obvious quirks in the board. This is riding it in mediocre-to-good Point surf, which is daily fare on this coastline during southern Hemi Winter.

The Happy travelled a couple of points further south for a weekend of more intense testing in a major eas- swell event. In an unruly ragged double overhead rock bottom lineup the board felt undernourished and underpowered for the way I like to get around a lineup.

Too many nursed turns and late drops out of pitching lips. I went back to a 6’6” Desert Storm with substantially more horsepower the next day and had more fun.

The surf pumped and my local had the day of the year. I rode the bigger board and picked off bombs. Next day, with a slight diminishment in size but still double overhead I took the Happy out.

Surprisingly, in solid but cleaner conditions it gobbled up the extra juice. It’s not a wide point forwards design like the Pyzel Ghost or Lost Sabotaj. Put it on the ground and stare at it long enough and you’ll see an early 90’s style outline.

Sometime in the mid-90’s Litmus bought in the retro movement then Occy and Sunny’s World Titles banished the 90’s style Merrick’s for good. If you ever wondered what would happen if those boards had a decent meal and were given sane rocker curves then the Happy is a result.

That petite squash appeals to me. The narrow tail gives more latitude for lax back-foot placement and a weak back leg. If you do have a functioning rail game based on the back foot you’ll find the Happy whips through a turn in the bowl with much control.

If you were new to the Futures game starting with AM1’s or AM2’s would be a very high percentage play. That’s the basic Merrick template that works in anything. I use tail width as the starting point. Narrower tail block, like the Happy and the AM1’s get the jersey. If you just had those two fin sets you’re covered for 99% of the shortboard game.

The higher end surprised me. I used JJF M fins made from recycled plastic and they felt good and made me feel OK when my teenage daughter asked me what I was doing to address climate change. The Futures fin is the clearly superior removable fin system but the website can be confusing. The JJF fin is a neutral feeling fin that feels solid in good waves. It doesn’t dominate the hull in any directional sense. The Alpha material fin I used, made from recycled plastic is a bit more flexy than the stiffer tech-flex. It felt a bit more lively than I thought from giving it a hand flex test. Felt zero compunction to change out the JJF fins.

If you were new to the Futures game starting with AM1’s or AM2’s would be a very high percentage play. That’s the basic Merrick template that works in anything. I use tail width as the starting point. Narrower tail block, like the Happy and the AM1’s get the jersey. If you just had those two fin sets you’re covered for 99% of the shortboard game.

Pretty sure I could shred a wave at lower trestles on the Happy, though if I’m being perfectly honest I’d rather pick a board out of Joel Tudor’s quiver with some more crowd control built into it.

If you didn’t need to pick something off the rack consider adding some customisation to this board. I’d add an inch or two while keeping roughly the same volume, the board rides a little smaller than it’s dimensions due to the pulled nose and tail. Add a little glass and weight. Make it a proper step-up.

The Team Light glass job felt a little flimsy in bigger than overhead surf with wind and bump. If you like them light the Spine Tek construction would add more durability.

If you are in Germany, or Slovenia or Novia Scotia, where boards are hard to come by, you could order this online, I think, and get what you pay for.

If you are in a country with surf shops then CI’s are everywhere, so my recommendation would be to put one under the wing. If that narrow squash appeals – and that is the main feature of the board – then this whip will go fine for you.

*Don’t expect much low end with the reduction in planing area in the tail. But I bet this would go great at Slater’s surf basin.

Collaboration: Swedish giant IKEA teams up with WSL to “engage the surf community!”

Chas Smith

By

The more than "370 million people around the world interested in surfing" rejoice!

Oooooee it will be impossible for many, many months to top Derek Rielly’s fine work yesterday and of course you didn’t miss it. Of course you saw his innocent face splashed across newspapers from Australia to England to New York City. His innocent face just signing some books underneath bold headlines declaring:

“Instagram model, 24, reveals why she was so offended by middle-aged author’s ‘disgusting’ threesome question.”

Yes, it will be impossible for many, many months. Years even but thankfully there is always our World Surf League and just today it was announced that the governing body of professional surfing is teaming up with Swedish modular furniture manufacturer IKEA in order to “engage the surf community” on “what it takes in areas such as organisation, mobility and humidity when you are constantly on the go.”

And the press release is so full of artfully crafted phrases that I must post here. Do you mind? Of course you don’t. This is BeachGrit where “swinging throuples” are a way of life!

In a new collaboration with World Surf League (WSL), IKEA is diving into life around the water, connecting sustainability with an active life and mobile living. With around 70% of its surface covered by oceans, Earth is rightly known as the blue planet. The ocean is also a major producer of the oxygen we breathe, making it a crucial part of our everyday life regardless of where we live.

IKEA is teaming up with WSL to better understand the everyday life of people that have a mobile and active way of living in close rhythm with the ocean. There are 370 million people across the world interested in surfing and more than 40 million active surfers. No sport relies on the ocean as much as surfing, which is why sustainability and protecting the ocean are naturally important to surfers.

Through this partnership, IKEA and WSL will team up for a project to raise awareness about the climate challenge and inspire action to reduce plastic pollution in the oceans. IKEA and WSL will also collaborate on a jointly designed surf-centric range of products, using recovered ocean-bound plastic where possible.

“At IKEA we’re excited to start a collaboration with the World Surf League and engage with the surf community on life around water. We’re curious to learn what it takes in areas such as organisation, mobility and humidity when you are constantly on the go. And we both share the ambition and passion around sustainability, so we want to keep the wellbeing of our ocean at the heart of it all,” says James Futcher, Creative Leader at IKEA of Sweden.

“We are very excited to collaborate with IKEA and look forward to working together on a product collaboration around surfing that is using ocean-bound plastic,” said WSL CEO Sophie Goldschmidt. “IKEA’s sustainability initiatives really align with our own and we’re both dedicated to protecting the ocean.”

IKEA wants to have a positive impact on the ocean, engage in projects to clean plastic pollutants from the ocean and proactively prevent ocean plastic pollution. Therefore, this collaboration also has the ambition to connect to the other ongoing initiatives on ocean bound plastic and ocean plastic that IKEA is currently working with, to get a holistic approach towards life in and around the oceans.

A few things that stand out to me. 370 million people across the world interested in surfing and more than 40 million active surfers? Yeah? Ok.

Also, “IKEA and WSL will also collaborate on a jointly designed surf-centric range of products, using recovered ocean-bound plastic where possible.” When these products come available will you prefer the plastic sheet set featuring Julian Wilson or the one featuring Gabriel Medina?

And, “We’re curious to learn what it takes in areas such as organisation, mobility and humidity when you are constantly on the go.” Do you know what it takes?

Care sharing?

"Love it" one day, "Ambushed" the next!

From the mining-tits-for-clicks dept: Morality police storm BeachGrit!

Derek Rielly

By

Lewd! Ambush! Surf star disgusted!

Two afternoons ago, the morality police, in the form of a gossip writer for a major Australian daily newspaper, came banging on the door of your old pal DR.

The day before, I’d written what could loosely be called a “story”, an interview with Gold Coast surfer Ellie-Jean Coffey who’d just told her one million followers she was “single as fuck” after a recent breakup. 

Mining tits for clicks, as they say.

I texted EJ and asked if she would agree to let me mine her breakup etc.

“Hello darling. 100% agree call me now.”

I called, bad line, turned to text. 

A little banter etc, asked about the joys and challenges of a three-way relationship, she wrote, ‘What’s that haha” and “Nah I’m too jealous haha.”

Asked for a photo, she sent it. 

Sent story, she wrote: “Love it.”

The gossip writer emailed:

1) What was the purpose of the article?
2) Why did you think it was appropriate to ask a 24-year-old about her sexual preferences? Especially in the age of the Me Too movement when reporters are constantly being shut down for asking sexist questions?
3) Do you moderate the comments section on the website?

I replied, one, mining for clicks, like you.

Two, Because she’s a brave revolutionary who isn’t afraid of subverting the strict morality imposed on public figures.

And,

Three, Does a Persian cat like to loll in the sun?, a line I think I stole from Longtom.

I heard about the story, headlined Lewd ‘ambush’ leaves surfer gritting teeth when EJ called to apologise and to tell me her words were twisted etc.

“Coffey said she was disgusted by the questions and that she was ambushed by the interview…’I was getting on a bus, I had a really busy day, the bus was crowded and I got ambushed…I got a phone call and boom.'” 

Earlier today, a couple of helpful BeachGrit readers forwarded a screen shot.

What thrills most is the writer, a country kid whose talents were forged in the fires of the Gold Coast Bulletin where she broke stories like the ‘The man who supplies luxury toilets to the stars’, wrote breathless recaps of Bachelor in Paradise and whose current paper has been ordered to pay out almost three million bucks for defaming Oscar-winning actor Geoffrey Rush, may not be the shocked matron she portrays.

On her Twitter feed, which you can examine here, there is a reference to men “fingering other men’s buttholes” and another instance where she announces, “Why does it matter who we f*ck?”

Hypocrisy is the grease that keeps society functioning in an agreeable way, as they say.

Photo: Justin Jay/@justinjayphoto
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