Channel Islands Happy board review: “It’s an internet proverb that people surf better on Merricks/Channel Islands surfboards”

"I say that as preamble because I have always seemed to struggle on the CI's."

It’s an internet proverb that people generally surf better on Merricks/Channel Islands surfboards. In the particular it’s hard to argue against with respect to Tom Curren, Kelly Slater and Dane.

Go back to 2012/13 when Kelly was rocking the hexagons at Cloudbreak and marvel at the union of man and surfboard.

Or Tom on the Red Beauties at the Stubbies, with the vest and the cute French wife.

Dane in Mexico on sawn off Neckbeards with the pudgy white Dad legs was mind exploding.

Sure Kelly is going alright now with the Tokoros and the Aipas but he’s never had his equipment dialled in as solidly as when he was on the CI’s.

Unsponsored shredders also do very well on them. I say that as preamble because I have always seemed to struggle on the CI’s. I don’t know why. I found the Rocket Wide tricky and temperamental, I passed it onto a friend and he ripped on it.

So, unlike Jamie Brisick and his martinis, I approached the CI Happy with low expectations. Circumstances that followed were not kind. I had a lot of trouble getting go-outs on it.

After putting the best wax job in history on it the surf went flat.

Then the wind howled and it went giant.

I rode a Bonzer Octafish in tiny rock runners then a Brewer gun in wild holy rollers out near the shipping channel while the perfectly waxed Happy sat under a table in the house. Sharkiness increased and interrupted the seasonal surf program.

Loved the outline, was looking for the right day.

When it was apparent I was under some CI curse it seemed time to pass it on over to my Bribie pal unridden and let him get after it. On the way to his gaff I checked the point, which I do about 50 times a day and the waves looked fun.

Not giant, not tiny rock runners. The right day to get Happy in the water.

The detour via other boards of very different provenance was fortuitous. Compared to the Sharp Eye HT2.5 which I’d been riding religiously and relentlessly the Happy is a very different beast. Narrower in the nose and tail*.

The Sharp Eye has more nose and tail flip compared to the Happy’s lower entry rocker, fairly low curve and typical Merrick tail curve. Which meant for practical purposes I found the HT2.5 a better paddler getting from A to B in the lineup while the Happy paddled into waves better.

Neither are, by any means, good paddlers, so if you have cooked shoulders you ain’t in the ballpark for either sled. Walk on by. Don’t let the video footage of Connor Coffin at Kirra fool you; he’s getting towed back to the take-off by a jetski: for the working gal who has to paddle back there’s no easy metres on a Happy.

Somehow, and I don’t know how because it makes no sense, I found the rocker curve easier to get along with than the Rocket Wide. No obvious quirks in the board. This is riding it in mediocre-to-good Point surf, which is daily fare on this coastline during southern Hemi Winter

First impressions: maybe I won’t pass this onto my pal just yet. Had to ignore a couple of texts asking me when I was going to drop the board around. Tight outline wants to get right up into the pocket and whip around. Carves through a turn very cleanly. Standard single-concave-to-double-concave bottom feels completely familiar and runs clean while rolling onto a rail in a predictable fashion.

Somehow, and I don’t know how because it makes no sense, I found the rocker curve easier to get along with than the Rocket Wide. No obvious quirks in the board. This is riding it in mediocre-to-good Point surf, which is daily fare on this coastline during southern Hemi Winter.

The Happy travelled a couple of points further south for a weekend of more intense testing in a major eas- swell event. In an unruly ragged double overhead rock bottom lineup the board felt undernourished and underpowered for the way I like to get around a lineup.

Too many nursed turns and late drops out of pitching lips. I went back to a 6’6” Desert Storm with substantially more horsepower the next day and had more fun.

The surf pumped and my local had the day of the year. I rode the bigger board and picked off bombs. Next day, with a slight diminishment in size but still double overhead I took the Happy out.

Surprisingly, in solid but cleaner conditions it gobbled up the extra juice. It’s not a wide point forwards design like the Pyzel Ghost or Lost Sabotaj. Put it on the ground and stare at it long enough and you’ll see an early 90’s style outline.

Sometime in the mid-90’s Litmus bought in the retro movement then Occy and Sunny’s World Titles banished the 90’s style Merrick’s for good. If you ever wondered what would happen if those boards had a decent meal and were given sane rocker curves then the Happy is a result.

That petite squash appeals to me. The narrow tail gives more latitude for lax back-foot placement and a weak back leg. If you do have a functioning rail game based on the back foot you’ll find the Happy whips through a turn in the bowl with much control.

If you were new to the Futures game starting with AM1’s or AM2’s would be a very high percentage play. That’s the basic Merrick template that works in anything. I use tail width as the starting point. Narrower tail block, like the Happy and the AM1’s get the jersey. If you just had those two fin sets you’re covered for 99% of the shortboard game.

The higher end surprised me. I used JJF M fins made from recycled plastic and they felt good and made me feel OK when my teenage daughter asked me what I was doing to address climate change. The Futures fin is the clearly superior removable fin system but the website can be confusing. The JJF fin is a neutral feeling fin that feels solid in good waves. It doesn’t dominate the hull in any directional sense. The Alpha material fin I used, made from recycled plastic is a bit more flexy than the stiffer tech-flex. It felt a bit more lively than I thought from giving it a hand flex test. Felt zero compunction to change out the JJF fins.

If you were new to the Futures game starting with AM1’s or AM2’s would be a very high percentage play. That’s the basic Merrick template that works in anything. I use tail width as the starting point. Narrower tail block, like the Happy and the AM1’s get the jersey. If you just had those two fin sets you’re covered for 99% of the shortboard game.

Pretty sure I could shred a wave at lower trestles on the Happy, though if I’m being perfectly honest I’d rather pick a board out of Joel Tudor’s quiver with some more crowd control built into it.

If you didn’t need to pick something off the rack consider adding some customisation to this board. I’d add an inch or two while keeping roughly the same volume, the board rides a little smaller than it’s dimensions due to the pulled nose and tail. Add a little glass and weight. Make it a proper step-up.

The Team Light glass job felt a little flimsy in bigger than overhead surf with wind and bump. If you like them light the Spine Tek construction would add more durability.

If you are in Germany, or Slovenia or Novia Scotia, where boards are hard to come by, you could order this online, I think, and get what you pay for.

If you are in a country with surf shops then CI’s are everywhere, so my recommendation would be to put one under the wing. If that narrow squash appeals – and that is the main feature of the board – then this whip will go fine for you.

*Don’t expect much low end with the reduction in planing area in the tail. But I bet this would go great at Slater’s surf basin.


Collaboration: Swedish giant IKEA teams up with WSL to “engage the surf community!”

The more than "370 million people around the world interested in surfing" rejoice!

Oooooee it will be impossible for many, many months to top Derek Rielly’s fine work yesterday and of course you didn’t miss it. Of course you saw his innocent face splashed across newspapers from Australia to England to New York City. His innocent face just signing some books underneath bold headlines declaring:

“Instagram model, 24, reveals why she was so offended by middle-aged author’s ‘disgusting’ threesome question.”

Yes, it will be impossible for many, many months. Years even but thankfully there is always our World Surf League and just today it was announced that the governing body of professional surfing is teaming up with Swedish modular furniture manufacturer IKEA in order to “engage the surf community” on “what it takes in areas such as organisation, mobility and humidity when you are constantly on the go.”

And the press release is so full of artfully crafted phrases that I must post here. Do you mind? Of course you don’t. This is BeachGrit where “swinging throuples” are a way of life!

In a new collaboration with World Surf League (WSL), IKEA is diving into life around the water, connecting sustainability with an active life and mobile living. With around 70% of its surface covered by oceans, Earth is rightly known as the blue planet. The ocean is also a major producer of the oxygen we breathe, making it a crucial part of our everyday life regardless of where we live.

IKEA is teaming up with WSL to better understand the everyday life of people that have a mobile and active way of living in close rhythm with the ocean. There are 370 million people across the world interested in surfing and more than 40 million active surfers. No sport relies on the ocean as much as surfing, which is why sustainability and protecting the ocean are naturally important to surfers.

Through this partnership, IKEA and WSL will team up for a project to raise awareness about the climate challenge and inspire action to reduce plastic pollution in the oceans. IKEA and WSL will also collaborate on a jointly designed surf-centric range of products, using recovered ocean-bound plastic where possible.

“At IKEA we’re excited to start a collaboration with the World Surf League and engage with the surf community on life around water. We’re curious to learn what it takes in areas such as organisation, mobility and humidity when you are constantly on the go. And we both share the ambition and passion around sustainability, so we want to keep the wellbeing of our ocean at the heart of it all,” says James Futcher, Creative Leader at IKEA of Sweden.

“We are very excited to collaborate with IKEA and look forward to working together on a product collaboration around surfing that is using ocean-bound plastic,” said WSL CEO Sophie Goldschmidt. “IKEA’s sustainability initiatives really align with our own and we’re both dedicated to protecting the ocean.”

IKEA wants to have a positive impact on the ocean, engage in projects to clean plastic pollutants from the ocean and proactively prevent ocean plastic pollution. Therefore, this collaboration also has the ambition to connect to the other ongoing initiatives on ocean bound plastic and ocean plastic that IKEA is currently working with, to get a holistic approach towards life in and around the oceans.

A few things that stand out to me. 370 million people across the world interested in surfing and more than 40 million active surfers? Yeah? Ok.

Also, “IKEA and WSL will also collaborate on a jointly designed surf-centric range of products, using recovered ocean-bound plastic where possible.” When these products come available will you prefer the plastic sheet set featuring Julian Wilson or the one featuring Gabriel Medina?

And, “We’re curious to learn what it takes in areas such as organisation, mobility and humidity when you are constantly on the go.” Do you know what it takes?

Care sharing?


"Love it" one day, "Ambushed" the next!

From the mining-tits-for-clicks dept: Morality police storm BeachGrit!

Lewd! Ambush! Surf star disgusted!

Two afternoons ago, the morality police, in the form of a gossip writer for a major Australian daily newspaper, came banging on the door of your old pal DR.

The day before, I’d written what could loosely be called a “story”, an interview with Gold Coast surfer Ellie-Jean Coffey who’d just told her one million followers she was “single as fuck” after a recent breakup. 

Mining tits for clicks, as they say.

I texted EJ and asked if she would agree to let me mine her breakup etc.

“Hello darling. 100% agree call me now.”

I called, bad line, turned to text. 

A little banter etc, asked about the joys and challenges of a three-way relationship, she wrote, ‘What’s that haha” and “Nah I’m too jealous haha.”

Asked for a photo, she sent it. 

Sent story, she wrote: “Love it.”

The gossip writer emailed:

1) What was the purpose of the article?
2) Why did you think it was appropriate to ask a 24-year-old about her sexual preferences? Especially in the age of the Me Too movement when reporters are constantly being shut down for asking sexist questions?
3) Do you moderate the comments section on the website?

I replied, one, mining for clicks, like you.

Two, Because she’s a brave revolutionary who isn’t afraid of subverting the strict morality imposed on public figures.

And,

Three, Does a Persian cat like to loll in the sun?, a line I think I stole from Longtom.

I heard about the story, headlined Lewd ‘ambush’ leaves surfer gritting teeth when EJ called to apologise and to tell me her words were twisted etc.

“Coffey said she was disgusted by the questions and that she was ambushed by the interview…’I was getting on a bus, I had a really busy day, the bus was crowded and I got ambushed…I got a phone call and boom.'” 

Earlier today, a couple of helpful BeachGrit readers forwarded a screen shot.

What thrills most is the writer, a country kid whose talents were forged in the fires of the Gold Coast Bulletin where she broke stories like the ‘The man who supplies luxury toilets to the stars’, wrote breathless recaps of Bachelor in Paradise and whose current paper has been ordered to pay out almost three million bucks for defaming Oscar-winning actor Geoffrey Rush, may not be the shocked matron she portrays.

On her Twitter feed, which you can examine here, there is a reference to men “fingering other men’s buttholes” and another instance where she announces, “Why does it matter who we f*ck?”

Hypocrisy is the grease that keeps society functioning in an agreeable way, as they say.


3 VALs down, 33 to go!

Innovative: World Surf League opens Surf Ranch for the “ultimate VAL experience!”

Where surf hats are encouraged and the only bad questions are those that go unasked!

When Kelly Slater revealed his Surf Ranch for the very first time, trampling the title celebration of a young, hard-working Brazilian boy who had dragged hisself from a poverty-stricken favela to the top of the world we all gasped. It was… beautiful and took us all a while to get over seeing a barrel in Lemoore, California but as soon as we did get over it, we began wondering.

“What’s the end game here?”

It was imagined that many Surf Ranches would be built across the globe. Zero have been.

It was imagined that Surf Ranches would be center pieces in bold new mixed-use housing/retail developments from Vladivostok to Virginia Beach. They aren’t.

It was imagined that a user friendly version would roll out that allowed more than four people maximum to surf at a time. No.

We all know how much the damned thing costs to run per day, how many gallons of water and gallons of diesel etc. How expensive it is and we scratch our heads, these two years on, and wonder.

“What’s the end game here?”

Well, in an email sent straight from the World Surf League’s Santa Monica High Castle to a dear friend we finally have answers.

Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch will turn into a VAL paradise where surf hats are encouraged and the only bad questions are those that go unasked. Would you like to learn more?

Let me take your hand!

Throughout 2019, we will be introducing a new set of pilot experiences at Surf Ranch for individuals and smaller groups. Kicking things off this month, we’re launching Progression Sessions, a training program aimed at those looking to boost their surf skills.

As a past Surf Ranch guest, you, as well as your friends and family, have the first crack to take advantage of the limited number of sessions.

These personalized training experiences aim to advance your surfing skillset during the day and reward you at night with healthy food & beverage experiences, music, and a relaxing onsite stay.

Experience highlights include:
3, 1-hour Surf Sessions
In water coaching and guidance
Video capture of all waves​
Personalized video review​ with our coaching staff
Equipment education and use of full Firewire demo quiver​
Access to wakesurfing sessions throughout the day on our adjacent 20-acre recreational lake
And much more, see the attached brochure for all the highlights

You can click on the brochure here but, real talk, let’s get to costs. For one day in the tank with eighteen likeminded VALs divvying up three one hour sessions it’ll run $3500 per person plus if you want to bring a friend that’ll cost $500, also capped at eighteen. So… 36 surfers?

Like, twelve surfers in the water at a time?

Whoa.

If you would like to stay, on site, in an Airstream that’ll run $550 – $650 more.

And there we have the future.

So, are you pleased? Is it going to be wildly successful? Are you thinking about booking a session right now?

Hurry fast! Limited supply!


Horrifying: Family attacked by vicious sea lice while frolicking in the surf!

Have we have gotten too myopic, focusing only on sharks and brain-eating amoebas to the detriment of bluebottles, tangly seaweed and sea lice?

We all know there are a lot of very bad things that can happen whilst surfing, sharks, brain-eating amoebas, etc. and we do our best, here, to warn you about them but I fear we have gotten too myopic, focusing only on sharks and brain-eating amoebas to the detriment of sea-needles, bluebottles, tangly seaweed and sea lice.

This morning, as I was enjoying a hot mug of green tea, I stumbled upon a story in the Virginia-Pilot that terrified me and, I think, will terrify you. Would you like a peek?

When Heather Browning and her family set out for Dam Neck beach Wednesday, they hoped to swim, eat some hoagies from Wawa and relax.

The Hampton native lives in Fredericksburg but has a condo in Virginia Beach, so she and her family come to Hampton Roads about once a month. Wednesday was their last beach day, said Browning, 40.

By 4 p.m., they’d been in the water for about 30 minutes, Browning said. All was swell until she and her brother noticed something odd.

“We were just messing around in the surf,” she said. “I looked at the water and noticed this patch of what looked like a cloud of sand. It wasn’t moving right.”

Browning said that when waves break near the shore, they kick up sand. The clumps she saw were behind the waves, floating in the water on their own, she said.

Turns out, it was sea lice — tiny, semi-transparent creatures with blue or brown spots.

When she recognized them, she yelled for her 15-year-old brother to get out.

“He was already running out of the water and stripping off his swim shirt,” she said.

The patches, she said, were stinging like “absolute fire,” so she ran to the sand and pulled off her bathing suit.

Etc.

It goes on for a few thousand more words, discussing what locals told Heather Browning to do in order to salve the wounds and also revealed that sea lice are actually baby crabs and the burning sensation is them pinching the skin with their miniature claws.

That last bit sounds totally unbelievable but the Virginia-Pilot is not known for trafficking in fake news so we must trust the veracity.

Anyhow, I hope you keep sea lice in the back of your mind when you paddle out for your next surf.

Also, do you have a story to share that’s as terrifying as Heather Browning’s?

Please do!

Lastly, Derek Rielly and I keep regular track of BeachGrit‘s high-water mark.

His recent interview with Ellie-Jean Coffey is currently it. This story here might be our low-water mark. Has there been another this tangentially related to surfing and of less merit?

I think not.