Have we have gotten too myopic, focusing only on
sharks and brain-eating amoebas to the detriment of bluebottles,
tangly seaweed and sea lice?
We all know there are a lot of very bad things
that can happen whilst surfing, sharks, brain-eating amoebas, etc.
and we do our best, here, to warn you about them but I fear we have
gotten too myopic, focusing only on sharks and
brain-eating amoebas to the detriment of sea-needles, bluebottles,
tangly seaweed and sea lice.
This morning, as I was enjoying a hot mug of green tea, I
stumbled upon a story in the Virginia-Pilot that
terrified me and, I think, will terrify you. Would you like a
peek?
When Heather Browning and her family set out for Dam Neck
beach Wednesday, they hoped to swim, eat some hoagies from Wawa and
relax.
The Hampton native lives in Fredericksburg but has a condo
in Virginia Beach, so she and her family come to Hampton Roads
about once a month. Wednesday was their last beach day, said
Browning, 40.
By 4 p.m., they’d been in the water for about 30 minutes,
Browning said. All was swell until she and her brother noticed
something odd.
“We were just messing around in the surf,” she said. “I
looked at the water and noticed this patch of what looked like a
cloud of sand. It wasn’t moving right.”
Browning said that when waves break near the shore, they
kick up sand. The clumps she saw were behind the waves, floating in
the water on their own, she said.
Turns out, it was sea lice — tiny, semi-transparent
creatures with blue or brown spots.
When she recognized them, she yelled for her 15-year-old
brother to get out.
“He was already running out of the water and stripping off
his swim shirt,” she said.
The patches, she said, were stinging like “absolute fire,”
so she ran to the sand and pulled off her bathing suit.
Etc.
It goes on for a few thousand more words, discussing what locals
told Heather Browning to do in order to salve the wounds and also
revealed that sea lice are actually baby crabs and the burning
sensation is them pinching the skin with their miniature claws.
That last bit sounds totally unbelievable but the Virginia-Pilot
is not known for trafficking in fake news so we must trust the
veracity.
Anyhow, I hope you keep sea lice in the back of your mind when
you paddle out for your next surf.
Also, do you have a story to share that’s as terrifying as
Heather Browning’s?
Please do!
Lastly, Derek Rielly and I keep regular track of
BeachGrit‘s high-water mark.
His recent interview with
Ellie-Jean Coffey is currently it. This story here
might be our low-water mark. Has there been another this
tangentially related to surfing and of less merit?
I think not.
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Joe Turpel called Kelly's heat “vintage Kelly”
and it was. This will sound even queerer than calling Kanoa the
best surfer in the world but I'd suspected J-Bay was becoming a
weakness for Kelly, with his penchant for chattery, skittery
equipment and tendency to fall apart in heats. WSL
J-Bay Day 3: “Kelly Slater rediscovers old
strengths; Kanoa Igarashi hits world-title form!”
Also, shocking the masses, Kanoa Igarashi gives
honest post-heat presser!
Three am or close enough PST, California
sleeps, forty-seven-year-old Kelly Slater showboats
into a frothy milkshake tube at something like pumping J-Bay on his
Final Year on Tour and on his way to a clear win over Caio
Ibelli.
An inside source at the former ASP told me J-Bay has one of the
smallest online audiences because North America with its millions
upon millions of fans sleeps. So J-Bay was cut from the schedule in
2010 as the tour teeter-tottered on the edge of the surf industry
apocalypse, then reintroduced by a Paul Speaker in 2014 desperate
to throw red meat to the base and stabilise the roster.
Paul went, Sophie came in; we kept J-Bay and lost Cloudbreak
thus eviscerating the Grand Slam leg of the Tour which has always
been the touchstone of world champions from Kelly Slater to Andy
Irons to Gabe Medina.
It seems the Global South + Europe can sustain the event without
the patronage of the imperial north and here we are: 16
over-lapping 45 minute heats in pumping surf at one of the world’s
best waves.
Lumpy early with a wind that veered around to the devil
direction. That seemed no big problem for the big dog Jordy Smith.
He hacked and floated – three times- with an undeserved claim for a
well over-egged 8.5 that seemed to both fuck with the scale and
frustrate natural foot efforts to come to grips with the lineup.
Jordy’s anti-aerial rant in the booth looked like a cute game of
rope-a-dope in retrospect after he threw down a toy alley-oop into
the breeze.
His easy win over Soli Bailey also set the tone of a day of
mismatches. There were many. Early heats could blame devil winds
and creases to make turns hard to stick and rails fluttery through
carves but even when the surface greased out there was a lot of
underwhelming surfing.
Gabe Medina, ranked nine, tightened the noose on Griffin
Colapinto, ranked 27, outside the cut, with vertical blasts and fin
drifts on the close-outs. A very successful formula.
But where was the natural foots advantage in repertoire, the
Fanning power torque wrap? By the twenty-minute mark of the heat,
as their priority started Medina had already kicked open the
trapdoor and left Colapinto dangling in the wind.
He looks half the surfer this year.
With 45 minutes there was no lack of opportunity. Andino and De
Souza rode eight waves each. Flores rode twelve. Andino scratched
up two sixes. Both Flores and De Souza failed to find chemistry or
rhythm – lots of flubbed turns, falling off, bad body language,
obscene gesticulating etc etc.
It was great sport if very ordinary surfing.
Could Pip light it up? Pip could not light it up. Well, he kind
of did.
Skipped out of the gates like a two-year-old at a barrier trial
for a mid-seven and everyone held their breath. Then he fell asleep
like a Persian cat sitting in the winter sun.
Mikey Feb was never going to win, I think we can admit that.
Even Barton admitted he don’t quite have a CT level skill set.
But it gave Pip fans nervous moments before he slammed the door
in Mikey’s face with a seven. Pip at fifty percent? About that.
It took eleven heats before a score was able to broach the high
moat set by Jordy Smith. And two consecutive heats where natural
footers finally opened up repertoire, turn angle, turn speed and
control of the arc.
Seabass nailed a perfect one for a nine and got the Fanning
power-whip on full power. Bourez in the next heat took a more
vertical approach with massive vertical punches which he finished
with a full whip. He floated and spiked a wave that quivered like
half set gelatine.
It was incredible judges squashed the spread between him and
Ricardo Christie to the extent Christie was still in the heat with
five to play. Bourez smashed him.
Who was going to grab the day by the scruff of the neck?
Who was going to set the pace down in deepest, darkest
Africa?
Not Kimba the white lion but Kanoa Igarashi the Japanese
American. I hate to crib comments off the Grit live comment feed
but sometime during the heat Superworm came on and called Iggy the
best surfer in the World. And after seeing the Top 32 all surfing
perfect J-Bay that call, ridiculous on the face of it, suddenly
seemed very, very tight and right.
More Toledo than Toledo.
True!
He had the speed, the flamboyance to loose the fins or carve the
arc and a faux-aggro mojo so ostentatious that in spite of its
tendency to alienate we are now learning to love. He freely admits
this mojo is not his but a product of his coach Jake Patterson and
after donning this cape so many times it’s starting to fit. Iggy in
the yellow jersey.
Iggy winning Pipeline.
Iggy taking the World Title.
All these things could happen.
Joe Turpel called Kelly’s heat “vintage Kelly” and it was. This
will sound even queerer than calling Kanoa the best surfer in the
world but I’d suspected J-Bay was becoming a weakness for Kelly,
with his penchant for chattery, skittery equipment and tendency to
fall apart in heats.
It’s not strictly true that he’s turned a weakness into a
strength. More, if you indulge my argument, that he has
rediscovered an old strength and renewed it. Like a couple who,
after twenty years of bickering, redo their wedding vows and find a
new spice to the old ways (not me and my gal).
Kelly took some licks and gave Caio too many chances but by
surfing the way he did he had upped the ante and prevented any
chance of Ibelli finding a comfort zone. In the pressure thus
applied Ibelli cracked.
Two magical things happened concurrently during the Kelly
heat.
Kanoa gave a candid presser calling out the disingenuous calls
of his fellow surfers who claim not to care or know about the
numbers. He said he knows the numbers and it makes it easier. How
could this manufactured pro surfer, I mean like from birth, or even
before birth, become our lord and redeemer from the bland post-heat
presser?
The second thing.
If this was manufactured – stroke of genius – they got De Souza
in the booth to commentate Kelly’s heat. It was delicious to see
Adriano soaking up the attention talking about his World Title
while Kelly battled it out.
That too was delightfully candid. A little bit of cosmic
rebalancing.
Italo played it by the Gabe Medina template. Big backside hooks,
no bobble, no breaks in the turns. Fin drifts on the close-out
section. A very easy win for him over Jack Freestone. Très
entertainment.
Even if North America slept through it, the people of the Global
South kept it down.
J-Bay Men’s Round of 32 Results:
Heat 1: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 15.67 DEF. Soli Bailey (AUS) 10.74
Heat 2: Owen Wright (AUS) 11.40 DEF. Joan Duru (FRA) 11.27
Heat 3: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 15.00 DEF. Griffin Colapinto (USA)
10.00
Heat 4: Ryan Callinan (AUS) 13.10 DEF. Yago Dora (BRA) 11.33
Heat 5: Kolohe Andino (USA) 12.33 DEF. Adriano de Souza (BRA)
9.80
Heat 6: Deivid Silva (BRA) 13.43 DEF. Jeremy Flores (FRA) 11.70
Heat 7: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 11.60 DEF. Julian Wilson (AUS) 10.56
Heat 8: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 14.74 DEF. Conner Coffin (USA)
10.86
Heat 9: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 14.77 DEF. Michael February (ZAF)
10.40
Heat 10: Willian Cardoso (BRA) 14.03 DEF. Michael Rodrigues (BRA)
12.10
Heat 11: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 14.94 DEF. Wade Carmichael (AUS)
11.50
Heat 12: Michel Bourez (FRA) 13.60 DEF. Ricardo Christie (NZL)
12.83
Heat 13: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 17.53 DEF. Frederico Morais (PRT)
13.50
Heat 14: Peterson Crisanto (BRA) 13.50 DEF. Seth Moniz (HAW)
11.66
Heat 15: Kelly Slater (USA) 13.57 DEF. Caio Ibelli (BRA) 11.90
Heat 16: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 15.16 DEF. Jack Freestone (AUS)
9.70
J-Bay Men’s Round of 16 Matchups:
Heat 1: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Owen Wright (AUS)
Heat 2: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Ryan Callinan (AUS)
Heat 3: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Deivid Silva (BRA)
Heat 4: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Willian Cardoso (BRA)
Heat 6: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) vs. Michel Bourez (FRA)
Heat 7: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) vs. Peterson Crisanto (BRA)
Heat 8: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Italo Ferreira (BRA)
And how many stories of abject greed have we
shared since humble little BeachGrit launched all those years ago?
Ten? Twenty? More than twenty? Stories of grouchy usually elderly
and their cock-blocking driveways or Facebook founder Mark
Zuckerberg and his evil gated properties.
It is with much wonder and joy in my heart, then, that I present
today’s piece starring a benevolent man in Hawaii who forwent
construction of a condominium on Hawaii’s Big Island in order to
protect the famous spot Banyans and let’s read about him in
Honolulu’s
Star-Advertiser as soon as we wipe the tears from our
disbelieving eyes.
West Hawaii Today reported today that the landowner has
agreed to work toward building a public space rather than the
proposed five-story residence near the Banyans.
The Banyans is a popular surfing spot on the north side of
Holualoa Bay.
Property owner Kilohana Makai LLC met in a second mediation
session Monday with people involved in a case challenging plans for
the condominium.
A spokesman says Kilohana Makai will work over the next year
to 15 months to convert the 14,450-square-foot (1,342-square-meter)
lot on the Big Island into a community space.
Officials say Hawaii County could buy the property via a
commission that maintains a list of properties considered “worthy
of preservation.”
Can you believe? In the middle of the Me First Generation?
Wait, what generations are alive right now? We have a few of the
Greatest Generation Ever, too many Baby Boomers, Generation X,
Generation Y, Millennials and… what else?
Which is your favorite?
Also, you’ve seen the above meme one thousand times, right? Did
you know who it is? I just found out and it SHOCKED me even more
than the idea of a benevolent property developer.
What a mad, mad, mad, mad world!
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Ain't J-Bay pretty. | Photo: WSL
Open thread, comment live: Round of 32 at
Corona J-Bay Open!
Yeah, sorry about Disqus being yanked down around our
ankles three nights ago.
One of the networks serving those stupid ads that at least a
hundred thousand of you devils are clicking on every month
(Married teacher screams as she’s jailed for affair with
student, aged 12 etc) , decided to introduce infinite
scrolling into its code without a call, a mail, whatever.
It ain’t going to happen today, tonight, in whatever time zone
you occupy. Bulletproof-ish.
Today, the newly anointed round of 32, formerly round three and
the first time we see a bulk of surfers ejected from the event.
Can you believe there’s been sixteen heats, for a total of eight
hours of surfing, and only four competitors have been sent
home?
Now we get real.
Sixteen heats for sixteen losers.
I’ve got a cheap wine poured over ice. And plenty to refill.
Men’s Round of 32 Matchups:
Heat 1: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Soli Bailey (AUS)
Heat 2: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Joan Duru (FRA)
Heat 3: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Griffin Colapinto (USA)
Heat 4: Ryan Callinan (AUS) vs. Yago Dora (BRA)
Heat 5: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Adriano de Souza (BRA)
Heat 6: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Deivid Silva (BRA)
Heat 7: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Ezekiel Lau (HAW)
Heat 8: Conner Coffin (USA) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
Heat 9: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Michael February (ZAF)
Heat 10: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) vs. Willian Cardoso (BRA)
Heat 11: Wade Carmichael (AUS) vs. Sebastian Zietz (HAW)
Heat 12: Michel Bourez (FRA) vs. Ricardo Christie (NZL)
Heat 13: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) vs. Frederico Morais (PRT)
Heat 14: Seth Moniz (HAW) vs. Peterson Crisanto (BRA)
Heat 15: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Caio Ibelli (BRA)
Heat 16: Italo Ferreira (BRA) vs. Jack Freestone (AUS)
It is impossible, I think, to preserve a neutral
attitude towards the Vulnerable Adult Learner surfer. You
either hate and burn intolerance or you are one.
Earlier, a BeachGrit reader forwarded a story about a
pop-journalist VAL in Costa Rica who writes of his profound
experiences with surfing. The story appears on the Tina
Brown-created news site The Daily Beast, an odd place that
was once howled down by the Taliban for its inaccuracies.
Todd Plummer is an ordinary man, a
“built-for-comfort-not-for-speed travel writer from Boston.” He
has, in the course of his reporting, been “heli-skiing,
walking with wolves, biking across the Scottish Highlands,
falconry, and ice-climbing.”
Surfing in Costa Rica was his next challenge, which as the title
of his story suggests, delivers multiple enlightenments.
I soon learned that my favorite part of the experience was
sitting in the lineup of surfers waiting to catch waves. If nothing
else came from that lesson with Matos, I learned how to properly
sit up on my longboard in the water. Of course there were a few
flips and falls, times when I would accidentally gyrate my way off
the board and fall into the water with legs akimbo, but the most
gratifying part of the day was socializing with the other surfers
and learning their stories. There was a retired fashion executive
from New York who moved to the area so he could surf every
day.
And,
Towards the end of my lesson, as if out of my dreams, a
total hunk paddled by—the quintessential surfer dude, with tousled
hair and washboard abs. Without even so much as saying hello, he
gave me some advice.
“Dude, I’ve been watching you. Everything you’re thinking,
you gotta leave it on the shore,” he said. “It’s all mental, it’s
all in your head.”
And,
I still do not know much about surfing, but this I know for
sure: it can’t be told, it must be felt. The confidence and balance
it takes to surf is not a one-two-three-step instruction, but comes
from within. It’s about learning to feel the waves and to find your
center on the board. Passing judgment on yourself is not going to
make you a better surfer—leaving your insecurities on the shore
is.
And, of course, because a story like this without a pithy ending
is like a massage without your paper underpants being yanked down
and your eyeballs rolling back in your head like marbles,
When I got back from Costa Rica and excitedly texted a
travel writer friend who surfs that I recently “learned how to
surf,” she corrected me.
“Todd, you are still learning. A true surfer knows he never
has fully learned.”
