Longtom’s mid-year wrap: “G-Land back for 2020; rookies and sophomores slaughtered!”

Grajagan's back on the circuit. Best thing since coloured undies or worse than the Enola Gay circling your favourite surf spot?

Ever since I pioneered data driven surf journalism in 2016 after a bass fishing accident with Nate Silver from 538 blog I’ve noticed copy cat journalists coming out of the woodwork to “claim the numbers”.

WSL site itself being the worst offender.

Problem is: when it comes to analysing pro surfing the numbers do lie, or at least they don’t tell the story you think they do. Only one that doesn’t (lie) is the rankings and I think it’s appropriate, at this half way point in the Tour, to run our eye along the ruler and see how the numbers are stacking up.

The back half of the Tour is brutal for anyone on the slide. Judges smell blood and the whole thing plays out like a slow motion execution. Even the great Jeremy Flores who it seems has been in the top ten forever couldn’t make up the ground in the back half of the year after a bad start and had to back himself up on the QS in 2016.

Very badly, as it turns out, for the rookies and sophomores of the Tour, with scant exceptions. Deep on the wrong side of the cut is the worst place to be with Teahupoo dead ahead followed by Surf Ranch, Europe and Pipe. It’s not quite abandon hope all ye who enter here, but it ain’t far off

The back half of the Tour is brutal for anyone on the slide. Judges smell blood and the whole thing plays out like a slow motion execution. Even the great Jeremy Flores who it seems has been in the top ten forever couldn’t make up the ground in the back half of the year after a bad start and had to back himself up on the QS in 2016.

It’s a cruel sport. Maybe the cruelest.

The longer I watch it the more impressed by that inherent cruelty I become. It’s not the cruelty alone but the false positivity that frames it and makes it even starker.

You can see a competitor slowly spinning like Virgina Woolf’s Dying Moth while Rosie and Pottz wax lyrical about how grand life is for them. Only in pro surfing has such elaborate artifice been erected to make losing seem like winning.

My favourite examples have been Ethan Ewing (hopelessly undercooked to surf at CT level), Keanu Asing (truncated skill set- woeful in heavy water and OH point surf), Matt Wilkinson (bad luck, bad judging: a vortex that led to a self-fulfiling prophecy).

Still, it would be disingenuous to suggest or even hope that the bizarre fantasy world the WSL has created and showcased, where losing seems a secret shame that somehow defies even the most basic transparency, would ever change.

Anyone on the wrong side of the cut post J-Bay is doomed, barring a red hot run that not a single surfer in the last five years has managed. Even random good results that might offer hope, like Mike February’s fifth place at Teahupoo last year and Asing’s French victory in 2016,  end up being mirages in the desert.

Anyone on the wrong side of the cut post J-Bay is doomed, barring a red hot run that not a single surfer in the last five years has managed. Even random good results that might offer hope, like Mike February’s fifth place at Teahupoo last year and Asing’s French victory in 2016, end up being mirages in the desert.

The five cruellest events lay ahead.

Nowhere to hide at Teahupoo. Even less so at Kelly’s Tub. It doesn’t make the viewing anymore exciting but the undeniable precision of the cut and the way it ruthlessly dispenses with the backmarkers has to be admired. Europe is luck, even the great Kelly Slater ends up on the wrong side of thirty minutes of close-outs and Pipe is Pipe.

Seth Moniz looks safe, a rookie’s best chance is a strong start at the Gold Coast, traditionally the best chance for a rookie to stampede through. Ryan Callinan’s rejigged campaign looks solid, if unspectacular. He’ll rue letting Medina off the hook at J-Bay but luck went his way in France last year so even-stevens.

The injury wildcard will be the major X in the 2020 equation.

John John Florence is a guarantee, obvs.

Who gets the other one? Mikey Wright? Leonardo Fioravanti? Adriano De Souza? I see three round pegs trying to squeeze into one square hole. A great, if over-used plot-line for adult cinema, a recipe for tragedy in the world of pro surfing.

The TLDR version: no surprises this year. Colapinto stuck in the swamp of the sophomore slump but is on the road to pull himself out via the QS. Everyone else unwilling or unable to learn the lesson from your 2020 Olympic Gold Medallist Kanoa Igarashi: discard the cult of likeability, no matter how pantomime and back your motherfucking ass up on the Q’ey.

Now, G-Land. It’s back on the tour.

Where do you sit?

Best thing since coloured undies or worse than the Enola Gay circling your favourite surf spot?

Me: horrified but excited as hell. I got the 6’6” Desert Storm packed, a half pack of Gudam Gurangs in the carry-on.

I’m going, even if I have to beg Ricardo Christie for his email list so I can personally shakedown his crowdfunders for a gold coin donation to get there.

You’ll chup in cuzzy bro, eh? I mean you Neg.

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Sellme fitzgobbins
Sellme fitzgobbins
7 years ago

Fuck the wsl, pushing new roads and power poles thru pristine untouched jungle just to run a surfing contest and reload another spot for the masses of adult learners and social media influencers to wank themselves off on, Shame on you wsl you guys are a bunch of dick sucking assholes, as if Indonesia is not already fucked enough by crowds and pollution? So why not ruin throw some money at a poor corrupt town to totally fuck the last bastion of wilderness for the sake of a few dollars for yourselves . This is so wrong and so sad.

Toin coss
Toin coss
7 years ago

I’m too lazy to look but I strongly believe his second or third year on the ‘CT he didn’t requal on CT results but backed himself up on the QS.. if you care, search it out, if I’m wrong I’ll buy you a 🍺

timsluis
timsluis
7 years ago

LT. Best writing in surf. By a substantial margin. I disagree with some commentators who feel your reference to the great writers detract. It enhances and elevates. I would not randomly seek out an essay by Virginia Woolf but now having taken the time to read am the better for it. If crew want some silly one liners about who did what, they can read Ciamerella over at Stab.
How is the moth not an apt metaphor of Matt Wilko’s Heart break?
” It was as if someone had taken a tiny bead of pure life and decking it as lightly as possible with down and feathers, had set it dancing and zig-zagging to show us the true nature of life. Thus displayed one could not get over the strangeness of it. …to view his simple activities with a kind of pity.

After a time, tired by his dancing apparently, he settled on the window ledge in the sun, and, the queer spectacle being at an end, I forgot about him. “

DavidC
DavidC
7 years ago
Reply to  timsluis

Tim don’t be afraid of Virginia Woolf! (Apologies for that obvious pun!) – Matt’s story is a cautionary tale for young C .Marks – honey, they’ll love your backhand window wipers one year and hate it the next!

timsluis
timsluis
7 years ago
Reply to  DavidC

Would be a nice change to see how she goes front side. Are the girls getting G- land too?

DavidC
DavidC
7 years ago
Reply to  timsluis

I’ve seen a clip of her front side – not bad, actually prefer it to her back side! Girls & G-Land, unclear!

samwaters
samwaters
7 years ago

It seems some people aren’t too happy about Grajagan being back on the circuit and the Wsl bringing attention to G-land again and possible new deveopment there now. Does Dirk care– heck no. The price of a contest–like Salina Cruz…..is it worth it?

german_surfer_007
german_surfer_007
7 years ago
Reply to  samwaters

I forgot about G-land but booked my ticket when they announced this.

samwaters
samwaters
7 years ago

Good move, once they have the contest the line up will probably double…….

janeausten
janeausten
7 years ago

Which is exactly what happened after the last time comps were held there. Not happy at all regards this new inclusion.

Chad Lebrone
Chad Lebrone
7 years ago
Reply to  samwaters

The people grumbling are probably the same people who give the WSL flak for everything and anything. Until last week they were probably complaining about the lack of lefthanders or proper reef waves on tour. Now G-Land gets announced so they need a new reason to whinge.

samwaters
samwaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Chad Lebrone

Haha, the Wsl is basically a totally un-necessary ingredient to any one’s surf life. I like to come home and replay the waves ‘I caught’ before going to sleep………

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago

Good influence on your girls though scott, now that I think about it. They see a world away from yoga pants and trucker hats. People in the US board planes looking like they’re fresh out of bed in the PJ’s…

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago

Yeah man, I bought a jacket and shoes there. With such perfect hair I never wear hats… heeeheee, and I was working so shoes all day, but fuck man, dudes were wearing three piece suits to lunch and my clients were dressed impeccably. Tried to buy stuff there but only so much time, would be a good call to go there with no luggage and shop.

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago

had a gig in Florence and felt under dressed the entire week. Wow, the girls were spectacular, smelled sooooooo good.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

Italian Girls , Oh my God !

Toin coss
Toin coss
7 years ago

The resiliency of pro athletes IS the story. Sunny, Occy, AI (fell off tour), Curren, Slater, Mick after JBay, Jadson, Kolohe had to requal via QS and is now ranked #1.. Panda was on tour previously for a second I believe. All in how you look at it. These pros have lost 100 heats for every win as kids, QS,, They will rise again and fight if they fall off tour. I’d like to see the numbers that none have requaled when outside the cut at this time.

longtom
longtom
7 years ago
Reply to  Toin coss

kieren perrow

Toin coss
Toin coss
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

An extraordinary human. I’m guessing he did it by winning Pipe or making the final.. He’s one of the things the WSL has def gotten right.

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago

Too much specialization in sport today Scott…. but you’re a fucking padres fan in Italy so why bother paying attention?

Now tell us about the well dressed Italian women!

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
7 years ago

No cash from me LT, but I’d caddy your spare board for the Media heat…

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Dude, you will drown trying to duck dive that Parmenter.

Dane's Big Gulp
Dane's Big Gulp
7 years ago

Hows that DS going for ya LT? Been keen to give one a go. Itching for foam in the juice but been afraid to pull the trigger on a 6’4″. One custom / year budget in my house and hesitant to punch my card…

longtom
longtom
7 years ago

I’ve got 2. A 7’6″ and a 6’6″. I love them both.

where do want to ride the 6’4″?

Dane's Big Gulp
Dane's Big Gulp
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Jeez that’s the combo. Heard nothing but good things about them. Thinking about a smaller one for the beachies when it’s maxed, windy and cold. sick of splashing about on a thin board in the winter. something vary alluring about more foam and a heavy glass schedule. Essentially for the opposite conditions of grajagan so may be a completely idiotic idea!

longtom
longtom
7 years ago

I reckon you could easily duck dive a 6’4″, I can on my 6’6″.
not so the 7’6″.

Look on Webby’s insta my 6’6″ is the blue camo one.

Dane's Big Gulp
Dane's Big Gulp
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Old blue looks like quite the beauty. Thanks for the intel LT

Ralph Wiggum
Ralph Wiggum
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

hey LT, on the subject of long rail surfboards, being an old bugger 59, grew up on single fins, im after a high volume 6’8- 6’10 to use as my daily, maybe 6’6, im 6’3. used to compete, ride 47- 52lts. 95kgs. buy off the rack. any recommendations?

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago

Data analysis has been over used in every sport for a decade by professional management no less. Might want to look at a book called “Money Ball”, best seller about advanced metrics in MLB. Analysis is literally suffocating the NFL.

But my favorite line of another great LT piece is his admittance…. he’s gearing up for solid GLand and what does a 5’10” quad rider bring to the jungle? Not Parmenter’s latest quirky long board (which you tip toed over eggshells not to performance review), but the mid range board one needs beyond the bullshit sales pitch of a step up. Made my point for me, thank you amigo.

Headed to heavy surf and need to keep the length down for performance? Everyone needs a real board in their quiver and apparently LT has his Old Faithful already packed as should everyone.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

Go LT
go mate
you goin?

longtom
longtom
7 years ago

yep

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Get tight with the crew and land a mentoring gig with I dunno
Macy Calls?

longtom
longtom
7 years ago

not living your fantasy Bexy

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Who’s your role model then?
Probly the fuken goat,
boring!

longtom
longtom
7 years ago

g-med

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Love that kid
When I’m up against the wall I think
What would the Maresias stallion do?
Kick ass even more be the answer!

Bush
Bush
7 years ago

How fucking Good was the 95 and 96 gland pro videos though? Occy paddling into a bomb when the intro to prodigy break and enter starts. Epic. Pat O’Connell explains why he rode a 5’11 at 6 to 8 foot Gland to beat Mick lowe. Kelly slater switch standing mid tube and giving shane beschen barrel advice. Danny wills massive floater! Seem to remember even Potts getting tubed off his tree.

Mapski
Mapski
7 years ago
Reply to  Bush

Vetea David and Kaipo Jaquias !

nyc surfing golden boy
nyc surfing golden boy
7 years ago
Reply to  Bush

WHERES THE VID FROM 96?

@surfads
@surfads
7 years ago
Reply to  Bush

That was all ’97. Only exists on VHS as far as I know.

Melly's Favourite Ketatarsal
Melly's Favourite Ketatarsal
7 years ago

Please excuse my turning beachgrut inti Reddit but : Anyone of a non john John skill level taken the ghost to indo? Or is a more traditional step up the go for more stretched out waves?

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
7 years ago

I’m interested in this idea too.
upsized ghost for ageing man in plus sized surf…

Mads Naeraa
Mads Naeraa
7 years ago

Taken my 6’3 Ghost a few times. Surfed it at lots of different spots in Mentawais, Sumbawa, Bali.
I always bring 2 or 3 boards, but it could be a one board quiver for Indo for the performance minded.

My good buddy (ex elite level swimmer, 57yo) has a stock 6’6 and 6’8 and absolutely bloody rips on them in bigger waves. That one’s for you, Negs.

(Me: 6’1 x 80kg x 55yo – and most definitely not JJF level.)

Doobalachy
Doobalachy
7 years ago
Reply to  Mads Naeraa

The 6.3 ghost is exceptional in powerful waves, reliable and nimble when threading deep ones. Use mine in indo spots above and NW WA.

My specs 6.0 x 90kg x 50yo

When I take the other half up to bali for a romantic weekend this is the board I take

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  Doobalachy

Do you ever do your back in doin hell cuttys?

Doobalachy
Doobalachy
7 years ago

Not with the ghost you can jam the tail/rail hard and she fits into the curve to perfection then comes back around with ease

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago
Reply to  Doobalachy

Open question boys…. why not just order a good board from your shapers? No judgement, it just seems weird that 50 year olds are ordering pro boards. You know what you need, the shapers have an idea where you are going…..

Last visit to Nega’s northern island, I saw so many Pyzel’s? Why? Shanks, Anderson in Whanga are dialed, so is Ray in Rags, even Clarky in Oakura…. so many talented craftsmen and the kids are all holding chinese Pyzel’s?

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

Personally ever time I walk out of my shapers shed the board under my arm is a reflection of me overthinking… some go sick others are like Swiss army knifes full of secret features.

Sometimes it’s just good to grab one off the rack on a whim from a “brand” shaper and beat it till breaks.
Generally they go pretty good… but I always feel guilty in the car park.

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Don’t know your age Negs, but as a rule, keep it simple and make sure you have enough foam, low entry rocker and enough width to support yourself. Neutral as possible, single concave not deep, rolled v through your fins. You know all this, don’t over think it. Any board that catches waves easily that you can put rail to rail you will figure out how to do your turns.

I live within a mile of the CI factory and there are so many “bros” riding delicate, technical equipment because they see Dane or Connor riding them. All the extreme contour bottoms and pinch rails spell one thing, tempermental. Of course I don’t know how well you surf and if you can feel all the nuances that JJF feels….

Mads Naeraa
Mads Naeraa
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

Substitute rolled vee with slight double concave and you have the Ghost. It’s very, very easy to surf – not temperamental at all.
And stock dims are generous. 6’3 x 20 x 2 3/4, so pretty far from JJF dims 🙂

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago
Reply to  Mads Naeraa

My everyday is a half inch wider and quarter inch thinner…. hmmm…. same ballpark.

Mads Naeraa
Mads Naeraa
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

Btw, that meat is all on the stringer (and a good bit forward).

Mads Naeraa
Mads Naeraa
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

A long way from any of those guys, and with zero opportunity to see how their boards go. My Pyzels are made in Oz and are incredible build quality (as are my Byrning Spears and my Websters).

Ghost dims sounded user friendly, and it was easy to take a punt on one, as resale value would be good. 2 1/2 years later we’re still close friends.

91350
91350
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

The best shaper is the local shaper that you surf with at your local spot.
Has been for decades for me.
And when I’ve traveled to other locations around the world my local shaper had been there too..
Knew what was needed and knew my strengths and short comings..be what they be..

Jordy's pout
Jordy's pout
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

I’m a firm believer in the local shaper relationship.

I can only really get a new board every couple of years, but every board I get from my shaper is better than the last one. He can track what’s worked and not worked for me over the past 14 years since I first ordered from him. I tell him what I want from the board and what my abilities are at the moment, and he decides how the board should be designed. He’s surfed the waves that I want them to work in. Add to that his own shaping evolution and I’m currently riding a dream quiver of 2 boards. At 36 I’m surfing better than ever. Doing my best turns with speed (frontside and backside) on my shortboard and sticking critical drops and getting barreled more on my step-up. I’m not particularly good, but I’d be far worse without the 1.5 decades of shaper assistance below my feet.

Doobalachy
Doobalachy
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

My grommets rip and they get me deals!

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  Doobalachy

That was a sick turn
I can picture it
But then breaks knee landing reverse on the flats
Doh!

skeeper abberton
skeeper abberton
7 years ago

Longtom, I enjoy your work but why do you constantly refer to great writers or quote great writers in EVERY piece you write. Are you trying to impress us with your home library or claim some greatness for yourself by association. Occasionally maybe, where it’s relevant, but you go out of your way to throw in a line from Hemingway or today a Woolfe reference, it seems overly and overtly pretentious and undermines what is often sound writing. You don’t need them, be yourself. It’s good enough.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago

I think he may challenge you to a duel
En guard??

skeeper abberton
skeeper abberton
7 years ago

Skeeper is happy to let anyone take a shot at the title, I take on all comers. But be warned, I have a black belt in Wat Kung Fu Dat.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago

He might surprise you

Bleach'd Git
Bleach'd Git
7 years ago

What’s the beef? The Virginia Woolf excerpt is completely relevant, and LT likes writing and writers, so he references them. Part of his secret mix of 11 herbs and spices, no?

skeeper abberton
skeeper abberton
7 years ago
Reply to  Bleach'd Git

No beef, it just seems self-indulgent and unnecessary to me, but that’s me, others have their own view. Great writers don’t need to continually reference other great writers in my opinion. I do think LT is a great writer, that’s why I don’t think he needs to do it in every piece he does. But I am very often wrong and i am not a writer, so there’s that.

longtom
longtom
7 years ago

point taken.
easy to say though, hard to do.

You don’t think when you’re jerking off, oh, better do 2 strokes here and then 3 strokes there, it just happens that way. Right?

same when you’re punching the keys, it just comes out. It’s not something I walk around thinking about. It just happens.

I guess I could always edit it out. But then some cunt will be complaining it’s too meat and potatoes now.

I’m trying to cut down.

skeeper abberton
skeeper abberton
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

On reflection LT, please don’t listen to me, I’m really not qualified to give such an opinion. Writing is art and you are an artist, I paint houses for a living. I would hate to think that a whining cunt like me may somehow stifle your creativity when you sit down at the keyboard, because when you do more often than not what flows is golden. Also, on reflection, those references may encourage some readers to look up those authors and that can only be a good thing. I had a shit day yesterday and was whinging about everything, today I feel a bit of a fool for criticizing a great writer when I am just a dickwit keyboard warrior.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago

What about calling Bicko a girl and a pussy. .
Bit harsh.

skeeper abberton
skeeper abberton
7 years ago

Bex, it was a joke, I pretend to be Kobys brother online, as in “My brother Skeeper”, it’s a piss-take on the Bra Boys tattoo. FFS don’t be so protective of Bicko, he’s a big boy, you pussy-girl.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago

Fair nuff
I’ve been called worse.
Do the girls have
My sisters keeper on their lower back?

skeeper abberton
skeeper abberton
7 years ago

Nah, most just have tramp stamps and some unsightly hair growth on their lower backs, some have a big ‘W’ on both arse cheeks, so when they bend over……well, you know…WOW.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago

That’s better . I know a girl in France who got a Big B tattooed on both arse cheeks to please her man who was a huge fan of Bridget Bardot but when ….. she finally bent over to show the gift and asked her man if he was impressed …… He hollered “ WHO THE FUCK IS BoB ! “

Bleach'd Git
Bleach'd Git
7 years ago

Being a dickwit keyboard warrior with the ability to perform radical opinion changes is something we value very highly at Beach Grit. Welcome to the team.

skeeper abberton
skeeper abberton
7 years ago
Reply to  Bleach'd Git

Yeah, I’ll own all that, you should see some of my radical direction changes in the water, they’re pretty funny too sometimes. Truth is I did regret saying what I said and how I expressed myself, I was wrong so always happy to admit that and try to apologise. Maybe I should just shut the fuck up.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

I actually changed hands mid career.
I think the callouses on my right hand were a factor

91350
91350
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Fair response..

Ando
Ando
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Play your natural game mate, you elevate this site.

Ralph Wiggum
Ralph Wiggum
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Yeah in hind sight much prefer writing style by everyone on here to any other site. And i realise no one is trying to impress anyone, its just a natural thing and a talent.
Dont dumb it down for neanderthals and knuckle draggers, they [me] can go elsewhere if i want meat and potatoes.

f u
f u
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

dont cut it down, ramp it up.
people are being dumbed down.

Ralph Wiggum
Ralph Wiggum
7 years ago

I Agree, it’s pretentious, similar to reading Barbarian Days, where each page was littered with words that are not used in everyday speech. It seems to be a common trait of many who went to journalist school. I do not see it in Jen See or Surf ads.

Mads Naeraa
Mads Naeraa
7 years ago
Reply to  Ralph Wiggum

Or maybe of people who read a lot, who love words and writing?

Ralph Wiggum
Ralph Wiggum
7 years ago
Reply to  Mads Naeraa

We are talking about surfing, not Tim Winton novels, although i was drawn to BG for its separation from the norm [stab]. My beef with W Finnegan was i had to stop and google words i did not know the meaning of frequently.
Maybe i am just semi illiterate, but i find it irritating.

@surfads
@surfads
7 years ago
Reply to  Ralph Wiggum

I do pride myself on my perscipacity

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

perspicacity
/ˌpəːspɪˈkasɪti/
noun
the quality of having a ready insight into things; shrewdness.

See , that wasn’t so hard ….

Ralph Wiggum
Ralph Wiggum
7 years ago

an edumacation to go with insightful repartee, thanks

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  Ralph Wiggum

This Greek Bloke , Socrates, who never changed his sandals because he believed the soul ( sole ) was immortal once said
“The more I know, the more I realize I know nothing.”

Be wary of those who tell you they know or have done everything .

Ralph Wiggum
Ralph Wiggum
7 years ago

ah, some good natured raillery.

Mads Naeraa
Mads Naeraa
7 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

Cunning linguist, you!

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  Mads Naeraa

Not the Nine O Clock News comes to mind

https://youtu.be/hLgeiRO63mE

Ralph Wiggum
Ralph Wiggum
7 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

haha, hang on, i will just google that! [could be excessive perspiration]

Mads Naeraa
Mads Naeraa
7 years ago
Reply to  Ralph Wiggum

Maybe Bill Finnegan is just not to your taste. Nothing pretentious about him or his writing, though, in my opinion at least.

Ralph Wiggum
Ralph Wiggum
7 years ago
Reply to  Mads Naeraa

I loved his book but you are right, maybe Cat in The Hat is more me ;] One thing i will say about the Pulitzer prize winner is in my opinion it was as if he was writing in a style to please his peers.

This forum is populated by well read commenters and the sharp wit of others like Wiggs etc. Its like a refreshing punch in the face and very entertaining.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  Ralph Wiggum

I am more a Sam I Am man from Green Eggs and Ham .

Ralph Wiggum
Ralph Wiggum
7 years ago

yes, yes, my first library book, what was i thinking, Sam would eat green eggs and ham in some wacky places!

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  Ralph Wiggum

Would you could you at the Box ?
Would you could you wearing Fox ?
Would you could you at G Land ?
Would you could you with Benji Brand ?

Ralph Wiggum
Ralph Wiggum
7 years ago

Gold.

longtom
longtom
7 years ago
Reply to  Ralph Wiggum

nothing wrong with the cat in the hat Ralph

shootsthen
shootsthen
7 years ago
Reply to  Ralph Wiggum

I have a kindle paper white, and it’s amazing. If you don’t know a word, you can press you finger on it, and the definition will pop up. It’s greatest feature? You can rent books from the library, for free!!

f u
f u
7 years ago

or maybe you need to read more books, so you can keep up

Professor Ski Lodge
Professor Ski Lodge
7 years ago

Owen Wright just wet his pants.

Tallkev
Tallkev
7 years ago

Beat it WSL, run your events in the sheep dip wave pools & don’t bugger up paradise, the Gnaraloo crew could see through the hype & shut the wannabe tennis tour out

Chad Lebrone
Chad Lebrone
7 years ago

Gotta disagree with you on a few things. Ethan was probably the most qualified teen-rookie of recent years. Felipe, Kanoa and Kolohe all surfed like children when they first qualifed, but they scraped through close heats on account of their profile. Ethan’s mature rail game, flow, and power was woefully under appreciated by judges who just wanted to see groms do air reverses.

And Keanu certainly has the abilities in bigger stuff. His only memorable moment on tour (his win wasn’t even that memorable) was at chunky North Point last year.

And JJF is irrelevent to the wildcard conversation as he’ll requalify on points (last years cut-off was ~22,000, he’s already got 32,000).

G-Land is good news and I would bet my left nut that a regular footer will win it, further disproving the “goofy-foot disadvantage myth” and validating my ongoing argument that backhand safety surfing is overscored.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  Chad Lebrone

Chad , I agree with your first 3 paragraphs but if we look at Cloudbreak for example , from 2014 to 2017 , (probably closer to G-Land than Chopes ) , 7 out of the 8 finalists were goofies .

2014 Medina v Young
2015 Wright v Wilson*
2016 Medina v Wilkinson
2017 Wilkinson v O’Leary

* denotes lone natural footer

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago

WSL is on the phone for you jimmy
Tell ELo hell always be a kook.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago

I call him JELLo ,a fruit-flavoured gelatin dessert .

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago

outrageous analysis!

Chad Lebrone
Chad Lebrone
7 years ago

Uluwatu is even more similar to G-Land and 7 of the 8 finalists there last year were regular. And the guy who won was the most basic, repetitive surfer of the bunch.

And if you dig deeper into the Cloudbreak results over those years you mentioned, regulars outnumber goofies in the quarter finals.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  Chad Lebrone

Chad , wonder if it is possible for you to lighten up a bit ? A little bit of humor and understanding , might help you to sell your opinions . No one likes to be lectured to ? ….. .Anyway …. Last year’s edition at Uluwatu was a feather bed of soft running left handers perfect for the Panda not 6 to 8 ft G Land ?

The rise of Medina and Italo ,the retirement of the trio of Mick Taj Parko , along with the late great Andy Irons and Kelly slowly retiring , is possibly the beginning of a renaissance Goofy period ,which we haven’t seen since Sydney Goofies dominated Pro Surfing in the 80s …where they won 5 world titles in that decade ?

Chad Lebrone
Chad Lebrone
7 years ago

I’m not dark, just jaded and blunt. I can’t help it that I’m always right – and it’s not my responsibility to soften the blow for those less intelligent than me.

I have no doubts that there is a magnificent crop of Goofies on tour right now. But none of them will win G-Land next year.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  Chad Lebrone

I’d round off the nose of your board if I was you and avoid other sharp objects to avoid the embarrassment of having your inflated ego , going pop …..Dr Big Brain . ( just taking the piss , but when people start thinking and then acting as if they are some how intrinsically better than others , even if this may be true , then bad things often follow eg WW II )

Medina , though it may be a little early on the calendar year for him , must surely start as favorite at G Land ?

longtom
longtom
7 years ago

Mick Fanning as a wildcard. Comp sponsored by Rip Curl.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Thanks mate . Are you sure they won’t use Mason Ho ?

Chad Lebrone
Chad Lebrone
7 years ago

My preferred method of ego-injury prevention is riding a leashless 10’2″ noserider. No sharp edges to worry about, and I look really cool going straight in my front-zip vest. It occasionally causes offence to other people, though, like when I lose my board and it plows through the kiddies corner.

I liked the way you segued from “acting intrinsically better than others” into “Medina” – well played on that one.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  Chad Lebrone

I enjoy the totally modern character you have created . This Chad Lebrone is almost robotic ,and all sense of empathy and humanity ,seem to have been erased from its program . A wonderful hybrid of American Psycho’s Patrick Bateman and the Terminator …. ?

longtom
longtom
7 years ago
Reply to  Chad Lebrone

yes, JJF has already qualified.

Still 3 injured trying for 2 spots though, so the point remains.

Ethan had no clue at half the waves on Tour and a strategy that was almost unbearably dumb, hence dropping off Tour when pure talent should have kept him there.

Go watch Asings 2015 heat from the Box and tell me he had a basic skill set in heavy water.

Chad Lebrone
Chad Lebrone
7 years ago
Reply to  longtom

re: Keanu at the Box – I’ll give you that one. I forgot he was even on tour in 2015 (like I said, he was pretty unmemorable).

I wonder how Ethan would’ve done with a better coach. If he’d had a bit of the school-of-Snake in him perhaps he’d have been ROTY.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago

The left hander , that runs into the Pier at Huntington , is such a great training ground for next year’s QS qualifiers and with 10000s points, largely decides which of them will take their best “Air Reverse to hop to Air Reverse in the shorebreak” to the Big Endless Death Pits of G Land …. ?

@surfads
@surfads
7 years ago

G Land ’97 was the pinnacle.

What will it knock off the tour? Keramas would be a more than fair swap

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

For Newcastle’s Luke Egan !

@surfads
@surfads
7 years ago

A great year for Newcastle – Hoy Bell, Luke G Land, and the grand final

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

Fuken yay newie.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

The Try Fookin Fecta !

John Wayne
John Wayne
7 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

A certain Mr Hoy is still claiming the victory in the GF was because of him !

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

That
Would be the worst
Swap

Chad Lebrone
Chad Lebrone
7 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

Hopefully they have 2 Indo stops. An early Easter next year means the whole Aus leg will have to be moved forward a few weeks (closer to it’s historical time-frame) and leaving a month-long hole right in Indonesia’s season.


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