#Resist!
It’s long been thought that encouragement makes us better at things. However, the rash of participation awards in kids’ sports has cured us of that belief.
Surfers are no strangers to an obstacle. Bad waves, bad boards, crowds, rocks (get outta my way kooks!) fights, hold downs, sea monsters and one hundred others. The people that stick with surfing have somehow reconciled the horrors mentioned and have acquired the survival skills necessary for longevity.
Some things in life come easily. Treat people well, work hard – reap fruits.
But surfing is trickier than other things.
Recently, the beloved IG account “Kook of the Day” had a post featuring a hapless girl who had her fins pointed Bethward being interviewed. Of course weʼve all done silly, naive stuff but imagine if the camera was rolling for your first surf, or your last surf, or putting a knife in the toaster, or jumping off a 20ft bridge into 4ft of water?
Surfing will haze even the most pure and innocent. We’re mean.
Which is why it’s awesome.
Coaches, instructors, clips and edits? Nope. Surfing has to be learnt by yourself. Try describing a top to bottom six foot wave unloading a foot in front of you to a non surfer. Suddenly youʼre speaking at crazy, ridiculous Armageddon*, end is nigh levels of hyperbole. You gotta see that watery guillotine for yourself.
Remember the stories we heard before fact checking and iPhones? The you shoulda been here yesterdayʼs, the legend this… the mystic that… sea monsters everywhere. Bullshit ran freely and unassailable. Read here. And here and here. Or just read BeachGrit.
About ninety percent of my sessions are solo but rarely alone. I live in a big city with consistent surf and consistent crowds. As a perennial blow in, Iʼm usually on the receiving end of territorialism.
Yet somehow the whole dance of localism comforts me. And itʼs imminent demise concerns me.
Let Localism Rule. Weʼre the better for it.
(Just donʼt be a fucken dick about it. And no rock throwing you fucken dick.)
* A vastly underrated film, Bruce Willis – sublime.
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Thanks Ric, that was… inspiring.
There should be some sort of badge to distinguish the vulnerable adult learner from the more confident, surf-wise, valiant adult learner.
The valiant doesn’t know it yet but will be vulnerable soon
In our 20s, i ‘taught’ my now brother in law to surf. This consisted of me saying ‘sure, you can come with me’, end of lesson. Anytime the waves were decent he’d take half the session to get out the back, and then get one wave in at the end. He was great about it though, got all the shit out of the way first, could handle himself in a bit of size and eventually became an ok surfer. Most importantly he learned the rules. obviously we drop in, burn, run each other over, but that’s a personal understanding.
It is the sheer volume of the VAL in the lineup that is the threat and not necessarily their individual ability. Think of all the stormtroopers that never seem to have any good fighting ability or shooting skills.
Imagine mowing down an endless stream of VALs like they were storm troopers!
I got run over by a windsurfer in the 80s , losing two glass on fins and gaining a 10” fin chop early evening before a contest . ( luckily a mate was a genius ding fixer and saved the day ) . Was recently in Sally Land on the South Coast and they still exist and were still trying to run me over . It was all much simpler when we all rode short boards in 70s and 80s because it is starting to feel more and more like a handicap event and we , the grumpy old Local shortboarders are carrying the most weight ?
Vastly underrated surf porn?
Everything Lost put out.
Ultimate VAL legend Matt Biolas!
Is Tesla considered VAL?
I can’t keep up these days.
This was a good read.
dude have you really, honestly had a serious issue with an unskilled “total beginner” surfer taking a superior position to you at a surf spot and out-ranking you for a wave?
’cause if so, maybe you’re not very good either.
I just can’t fucken picture it. I think the terrible threat of VALs is a myth. I’m not saying you should HELP them, mind. Unless they pay you.
He’s not saying the dudes playing basketball at Venice Beach would get dunked on by a beginner.
… the four stitches currently inhabiting my barren cranium would disagree.
If you can’t out-position a VAL then you deserve whatever happens next.
VALs just make me feel better about myself.
All the pussin around is getting pretty fucking old. I miss watching people throw blows.
Oh how I pine for an argy bargy.
Nice piece Ricmatic ! Maintain the Rage …..
“fins Bethward” is genius.
All hail proper localism. Not the rock throwing nasty shit, but firm rules and no bullshit taken.
Just back from Far North NSW/Goldy, I got to see and enjoy very different lineups. Some (well, The Pass) were a near free-for-all, and not that fun to navigate, unless you really kept a sense of humour.
Other more regulated spots were a pleasure.
Nailed it. Hey are you from NZ?
I am.
Island Bay?
Good to hear you got some waves!
That’s me 🙂
And thank you. I scored, and had a great time.
Nice call, I was feeling a bit tired hungover sick (everyone has the flu down here) so went to a low impact VAL haunt for a surf a couple of weeks ago – last time for a long time I’ll be going there, I reckon. A couple of VALs dropped in on me early on and one Asian heritage full Aussie guy kept snaking the pack on his fish. I started dropping in on this guy until we had it out and I explained to him what he was doing and that is not cool for various reasons. Then, I got dropped in on again by a young soft top guy and the dude wanted to clasp hands with me and me to say all cool mate instead I said “fuck off just watch what you are doing, fuck”. I do wonder what impact this had on him whether positive or negative for his surfing future.
Then, this quarter decent mal chick who was maybe still a teenager was paddling for my wave and it was actually her wave as she was on the inside so I called out “go left” we split the peak so I could enjoy the super long right hander, she went left to enjoy the closeout I got my wave of the day but the waves were only super long for a few of us beach goers that day – the VALs were not enjoying nice long waves, they were wasting them, largely, plus also they were ignorant.
Then, I enjoyed one more wave and stumbled in to the blanket where my wife and kids were chilling and mentioned nothing except that I got a couple of fun ones and we should consider take away for dinner. We went to a local Asian for char kway tao, beef noodle, fried wontons & combination omelete along with rice. It was lovely, we all ate heartily. There was even enough leftovers for lunch the next day.
You must live in Vic, everyone with the flu etc?
Week four of some random kind of cold/flu ailment. One clears another appears.
Avian??????? Watch the dogs licking …
The whole Animal Farm. Communism does not work.
Yaa
That’s gold!!
So gold!
How good are the omelettes
Fukin Asian food is alltime!!!
So tasty.
And the Asian bloke from the surf spat in your wonton. The circle of life.
Pretty lucky it happened before a spinal incident.
What kook invented the acronym VAL
A kooks a kook.
I take Val’s on planes, family reunions, and trips to the dentist.
Sometimes while watching the TV even…
Especially when watching
The HILLS, new beginnings.
Its a half decent perv though I must say.
The Hills is back!?? What does Heidi look like now?
She looks like a Lana del ray clone
Entirely rootable, however avoid any conversation so as to retain your sanity.
I just want them to bring back Gallery Girls.
How did you know it was an acronym?
Is this a trick question?
How good are air Val’s aka valley girls, aka Val Kilmer’s.
That plus a few altitude beverages and no crying kid or persnickety flight staff can ruin my flight.
Don’t leave home without em.
Ok, no rock throwing at people but what about throwing rocks at windscreens?
Permitted. Encouraged even.
Let’s leave the cars out of it… unless it’s a Jeep
If only self-awareness actually helped them. Last week at Noosa, the surf was impaired by a family group that managed to get out amongst the waves, without really understanding a) the size, b) the sweep and c) common surf etiquette. Due to the fact that the waves were breaking relatively predictably, they were able to manage avoiding the sets and able to get in the way pretty effectively.
Today, similar size, but open beach break, (ie. less predictable). The only VAL I saw went over the falls on a midsize set and went in with tail between legs post haste. I’m happy for VALs to surf, just not anywhere near me.
How good was it to be back on the open beaches. The only VALs I saw were standing on sand dunes looking forlornly at the horizon with arms crossed
Strong rips to pull em out , occasional close out sets to crush them bodily and spiritually , were my favorite conditions on the left hand rip banks at my old local . I had the joy to see some poor bugger actually paddling , under the lip in the tube , trying to impersonate one of those miracle take offs only for freaks a la , Horan , Occy , JJ etc but his head went down with the nose and then tail shot out through the lip and we were still trying to dig him out of the sand bank when the tide finally went out exposing the Graveyard of the VALs .
Shit surfers are the best thing that ever happened to you cunts. Try going surfing in a joint when there is a fucken Q’ey in town. Fucken nightmare of little rich tanned cunts.
Even worse than VALS and semi sponnos are the superkeen intermediates. Ripped gym bros with barber shop buzz cuts riding JS/DHDs in not quite top of the line wetties. Good enough to take off and trim – and therefor be a danger to drop in on. Also due to aforementioned rippedness prolly able to hand your arse back to you if it came to it.
Basically every cunt in the water that’s not me is fucked. Faark cunts!
bjj and self esteem have reduced our edge.
Prefer the meat heads to the good vibe warriors to be honest. Nothing worse than seeing some cunt coming down the line doing a ballet routine on a log. Even worse if they have no leggie. That’s when you grab the errant polished log and throw it straight into the rocks. Then offer to break the cunts nose for him in front of his mates.
4 q’eys = how many VALS?
Finished strong. Good job ricmatic!
Ahh Kook of the Day and:
https://instagram.com/girls…
Are the only things that get me through a working day sometimes
I have literally done the bridge thing. Repeatedly. Four foot deep on mid tide. One time a friend limped to the bank wincing and clamouring up the rocks to reveal six parallel bleeding lines on his arse cheek from a discarded shopping trolley.
I was unfortunately talking from experience
It’s fucked hey.
My shopping trolley was a washing machine.
Hahahahahaha yesss! Rinsed.
bio title right there
Funny as shit and Bruce Willis is a douche. Win/win.