Get ready for a war in New York!
While we were busy complaining about the lack of… fire in the booth at the Tahiti Pro Teahupoo presented by Hurley a rumble was cracking the very ground asunder all the way across the globe in Spain. A quake ripping the oldest sort of continually inhabited surfing apart at the seams. A fissure split wide for the world to see and, yes, this was all happening during the World Surf League’s revamped Longboard World Tour and I know you don’t care but you will now.
In a quiet move, the WSL tapped egg aficionado, and all-around stylish man, Devon Howard, to be commissioner of the tour, stretched from one event to four with stops in Noosa, Galicia, New York and Taiwan. The rules were also adjusted to reward the sort of longboarding we all enjoy-ish watching (traditional) as opposed to the sort of longboarding that mocks human development and common sense (high-performance).
And let us read from the rule book:
Article 70: The surfer must perform controlled maneuvers in the critical section of the wave utilizing the entire board and wave using traditional longboard surfing. The surfer who performs this to the highest degree of difficulty with the most style, flow, and grace will receive the highest score for a ride.
So, you know, noseriding, control, footwork and whatnot.
Well, the high-performance longboarders on tour are NOT HAPPY and one in their ranks, E. Delpero, became furious after losing to a traditional longboarder in Spain and let fly a series of middle-fingers at the judges, the cameras and, I must assume, the commentators.
This family feud packed its bags right up, wounds still festering, and is coming to New York this weekend where Hurricane Dorian will be there to greet them. What is more, the famous Joel Tudor is set to surf in the event, his first in years. He, you know, is the godfather of modern traditional longboarding and I have to think that the high-performance crew will be waiting for him at JFK airport with zip guns and bicycle chains. Come read the comments on Joel Tudor’s oft utilized Instagram.
How did longboarding become such den of intrigue? I honestly don’t know but will be watching when the New York event kicks off and if there is a fight in the water I will actually become a fan and stop throwing rocks at leashless longboards that wash up on the beach when I’m sunning after my normalboard surf.