This economy tastes like chicken.
This economy tastes like chicken.

Mystery: One-time “Shark Capital of the World” Cape Town, South Africa has lost all of its “man-eating” Great Whites!

Scientists don't know why but I do.

I’ve been so busy keeping up with the heaps and heaps of Great White sharks turning my once bucolic North County, San Diego paradise into a blood-curdling hell that I’ve not kept up with one-time “Shark Capital of the World” Cape Town, South Africa. The man-eating beasts were a constant threat for Afrikaans-speaking locals. Attacks were not uncommon and neither were deaths. Extremely scary but waters once teeming with ghastly teeth and rolled-back eyes are now peaceful. No Great White has been spotted in over eighteen months.

Scientists are uncertain as to what led to the prehistoric villain’s disappearance. The fair and balanced Sydney Morning Herald reports:

Between 2010 and 2016 staff at the Shark Spotting Program, established to warn swimmers when the three-tonne predators approached beaches, reported an average of 205 sightings of the fish off the beaches of False Bay.

In 2018 that fell to 50 and this year not one has been seen. None have been seen at Seal Island, a one-time feeding ground off the coast.

“Further supporting evidence of the absence of these large apex predators is the lack of any feeding or bite marks on whale carcasses the city has removed from False Bay this year,” Cape Town’s municipality said in a statement on Wednesday.

“We do not know how their absence from False Bay would affect the ecosystem. Neither do we know the causes for their disappearance.”

Ahhhh but I know. The bastards have packed their blood-thirst and come on over to my once pastoral North County, San Diego, turning it into a post-apocalyptic nightmare.

What gave the bastards reason to pack their blood-thirst and move? Again, scientists are uncertain. Some believe overfishing has led to their flight. Others believe that the arrival of Orcas caused them to leave.

I’ve been preaching pet Orcas in the lineup for years. I trust that the North County, San Diego powers-that-be finally take me seriously and especially those with ties to Kelly Slater’s preferred theme park Sea World.

More as the story develops.

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IkeaMonkeySurfsBetterthanYou
IkeaMonkeySurfsBetterthanYou
7 years ago

I sleep with a stuffed Orca whale I bought from Sea World, I cuddle with it when Im lonely https://media0.giphy.com/me…

Taylor Smith
Taylor Smith
7 years ago

This article is a horrible depiction of the great white shark. The ecosystem is clearly struggling, disrupted by something (climate change, over fishing, pollution)…something. The sharks are not the monsters you are describing. You have painted a horrible old fashion view of sharks. You clearly have not watched Shark Week and choose Jaws to guide your “facts”. Maybe, MAYBE read a book about sharks and how they help balance the oceans; we ALL depend on.

Superworm
Superworm
7 years ago
Reply to  Taylor Smith

Must be that mountain of single use plastic,
drifting over there and luring them in. Then drifted off again.

joshua pons
joshua pons
7 years ago

Not a fan of the way you wrote this article Chas. You should emphasize how severe the local extinction of an apex predator really is. Mesopredator release, not to mention impacts for the fishing industry. Care to to find out more
before slandering the so called “bastards”?

Louis P
Louis P
7 years ago

They got sick of the crime in Cape Town and bailed.

Sabrina Clayton
Sabrina Clayton
7 years ago
Reply to  Louis P

Lol

Shaun Cresswell
Shaun Cresswell
7 years ago

I personally saw a great white launch out the water for a seal at false bay as well as I personally saw 3 great whites break our lines with in 2 hours that occurred within this year… So stop running with a story that is nonsense! They are in cape Town and they are around!

Gadoot
Gadoot
7 years ago

Orcas?

20252529
20252529
7 years ago

I’m pretty sure could find them all at Cape Cod.

grumpy local
grumpy local
7 years ago

Chas is spot on, they’ve emigrated to the States or Oz like all the other “whites” in SA

timsluis
timsluis
7 years ago
Reply to  grumpy local

Pretty sure they followed me to Victoria. Saw a sneaky shadow just behind the reef of a ‘not even one bit secret’ spot yesterday. Made me feel quite homesick. I didn’t have a jetski to hide on so convinced myself it was a kelp. Only there wasn’t any kelp and it was midwater and had a grey/brown tinge.
On a point of interest, I thought it was established fact the Orcas were the reason behind the white shark dearth in the Cape.

grumpy local
grumpy local
7 years ago
Reply to  timsluis

Ah yes the kelp does help with the denial, and also occasionally helping you to shit your wettie! The orca theory is not established fact as far as I know, but I have seen them hunting seals along the Cape Peninsula in the last few months, which is basically unheard of, so I lean towards the orca theory.

Mark Katz
Mark Katz
7 years ago
Reply to  grumpy local

Fuck off you racist pig.

timsluis
timsluis
7 years ago
Reply to  Mark Katz

Wow! That’s a pretty rabid response. Care to add some context? In the current social climate, I am aware that some are more sensitive than others, but the above statement is neither racist nore porcine.

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago

Say what you like about leeeeeeemmmmooooorrrreeee, but I am led to believe that there a very few literal sharks in the water.

Superworm
Superworm
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Polly waffles though…

Craig Liss
Craig Liss
7 years ago

Shame the tourists who pay to see the great whites are getting less bang for there buck, but just like old Schwarzenegger “I’ll. Be back” is what you know the G W shark said, ps you more likely to be shredded bleeding to death here by a killer surfer tryna hog all the waves.. Stay kiff

john
john
7 years ago

More people pissing in the water nowadays than before

Otto
Otto
7 years ago
Reply to  john

Using the ocean for a john?

john
john
7 years ago
Reply to  Otto

I just hope it’s not u yh?

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Using crap surf instead of the Crapper ?

Otto
Otto
7 years ago

Crap on!
Crap off!
Crap on, crap off, the Crapper!

Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
7 years ago

chas, surely you have been round long enough to know that inviting a discussion on race sensitive apex predators is not going to end well.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  Phat-wan kerr

There’s no black or white , just shades of grey nurse …

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
7 years ago

You got it all wrong. The sharks are all a bit behind the times. They just realised how racist their Boer forebears were and decided to boycott the place in protest. That’s why there’s a few concentrated around Perth and it doesn’t surprise me that a few have headed to California to be honest. MAGA!

Otto
Otto
7 years ago

Guilty whites move to land of white guilt. Once enough congregate off the guilt ridden shores of California’s coastline, the Governor will announce his Great White Hope Panama Surf investment plan, where Panamanian coastal waters shall be designated, not a sanctuary, but a SINctuary where great white guilt can be effectively controlled-ish.

Brutus
Brutus
7 years ago
Reply to  Otto

How about Donny is preaching white supremacy , and our GWS’s have heard the word and are seeking asylum in USA waters ,?

Otto
Otto
7 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

You’re the one making money selling surfboards with a white core.

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Reality Brutus is the waves suck in Chasland, super crowded too considering the sand banks suck. Bucolic is a word associated with a different time when rivers ran and sand moved before miles of housing tracts complicated the math. A few bites here and there may be the only chance surfing has as children are “taught” to surf without any lessons of behaving.

Lard Hamilton
Lard Hamilton
7 years ago

The sharks have moved on because they, great whites in particular, are big fans of Spitting image.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago

Batman for sure ! That Dark Knight is a Caped Crusader and Is working out of Robbin Island …..?


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