Turn the camera this way, baby....
Turn the camera this way, baby....

Environmentalists accuse shark researchers of throwing salt into “man-eating” Great Whites’ sex lives!

Do you like to watch?

And how much do you cherish your privacy? How much do you enjoy keeping the dark corners of your life dark, circle of trust tight, sheet pulled over your naked body, Mark Zuckerberg outside tapping on your window like the woman in that early 1990’s Mervyn’s commercial, repeating “Open, open, open…”?

If you are anything like me then quite a bit. I didn’t grow up in the Snapchat age where every scrunchy face, every pancake with chocolate chips is posted for the world to see. My scrunchy faces and chocolate chip pancakes are mine and mine alone.

Environmentalists, likewise, feel that the “man-eating” Great White shark’s toothy grin and male femur he’s snacking upon should be his and his alone. That his “horizontal mambo” should stay between him and his partner or partners but shark researchers very much disagree, pitting the two against each other in a potentially violent battle of sensitive wills.

As you know, the prehistoric beasts have reached record numbers off the America’s eastern seaboard. There they thrash about, man-eat, terrify and snap and you know because many of these are tagged then tossed back into the sea to thrash about, man-eat, terrify and snap some more and maybe even try to get laid all why getting tracked by you, me, shark researchers.

Environmentalists feel this tagging amounts to an invasion of privacy and we must go to USA Today for the very latest.

A tagged 10-foot, 3-inch 564-pound great white shark called “Shaw” by researchers is making his way south along the New Jersey coast from Nova Scotia.

Following the shark is a growing debate about whether the gains to be had over the intrusion into the shark’s life is worth any potential long-term harm to the animal.

Shaw was tagged near Lunenberg, Nova Scotia, on Oct. 1, during OCEARCH’s Expedition Nova Scotia 2019. He took two weeks to reach the New Jersey coast.

The group placed satellite tracking SPOT-tags on 11 great white sharks on the expedition. It also conducted health and reproductive assessments and collected vital scientific samples from the sharks, such as fecal samples.

OCEARCH’s method of tagging and sampling of the sharks continues to draw scrutiny in the scientific community.

The group brings the sharks aboard a vessel while the SPOT tag is placed on the animal’s dorsal fin. The shark’s belly is cut open and an acoustic tag is placed inside.

Heather Bowlby, the research lead at the Canadian Atlantic Shark Research Laboratory, told the Canadian press they’ve shifted away from bringing sharks on board a boat because the animals lack a rib cage to hold up their body weight when they’re out of water.

Gregory Skomal, a shark researcher with the Massachusetts Division of Marine Fisheries, told the Canadian press, he’s concerned about long-term problems OCEARCH’s methods may cause on the reproductive success of the animal from the interaction.

OCEARCH has defended its methods. Robert Hueter, from Florida’s Mote Marine Laboratory and one of the group’s chief scientists, was quoted in the Canadian press as saying the criticism about unknown, long-term impacts are “speculation without data.”

So there we have it. A potential problem as it relates to the “reproductive success” of the vicious misanthropes.

Do you think that Great Whites care about the feelings of their partners?

Are they tender lovers?

I find it hard to believe but will be following along thanks to OCEARCH’s shark sex cams.

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James Hutchinson
James Hutchinson
6 years ago

Time to throw on some Dream Theater and kick back.

Jordy's pout
Jordy's pout
6 years ago

I wish some scientists would show some interest in my fecal samples. I keep leaving them lying around but nobody’s yet thanked me for my selfless acts.

astro
astro
6 years ago

Aaaannnddd why isn’t this a compulsory and permanent link, eh ?
Shameful negligee and possibly negligence.
https://www.history.com/sho…

astro
astro
6 years ago

It’s no wonder euros are such queer cunts, ay.
All nouns ascribed a sex. Queer as all fukkery.
#unwoke

Edit: hah that’s funny. You can’t upvote yourself or downvote yourself more than once. Gutted here.
No one appreciates a good honest troll anymore.
Well, actually that’s not true. I do ……
BG music loops rockin here. Robot assembly track.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

I like to think of my dissing as more whirlwinding than gusting.

astro
astro
6 years ago

Doesn’t look like Portugal will kick off today/tonight. Or tomorrow…
Oh well, I’m sure I can get pissed and pass on the benefits of my wisdom somewhere.

Party Pete
Party Pete
6 years ago

We all know sharks are bad evil doers… do you think Boog might be invloved?
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

This is the best I could trigger? Gosh.

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

I’m still getting over my lack of triggering-prowess from my statement about driving to the beach. I think I’ll have to bring that one up with my psychologist.

c4
c4
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

I think they are all watching the democratic debate.

Eddie Haiku
Eddie Haiku
6 years ago

Remember the time
The Fonz bravely jumped the shark
Those were Happy Days

Shampoo Poo
Shampoo Poo
6 years ago

You had me at Mervyn’s.

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

I’m more concerned that you are up-voting your own posts.
Nurse!

@surfads
@surfads
6 years ago

The later in the morning my time Chas posts a story the better/drunker I know it’s gonna be.

It’s like getting a wine soaked lecture from my great Aunty about why seatbelts are dangerous.

slaters foot
slaters foot
6 years ago

More shark coverage on TV=Less VALS in the water. Seems like a win. But I was never a math guy so this equation may be off

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

The bigger question is: if Surfads is a synthetic biologist, why isn’t he hot on the case of making a half-orca, half-octopus, half-man GWS-deterrent army to keep people safe!

Oooh wait…
Maybe he IS!

Ooooh… secrets secrets.

@surfads
@surfads
6 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Yeah its incubating in vat 3 at Burwood

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

Nah, that’s my last meal from the Ritz.

gallo de la noche
gallo de la noche
6 years ago

Help us find and remove the Rincon cam! This aggression from the giant
that is Surfline can no longer go unopposed!!!! We the Angriest
Grumpiest Locals must rise from the shadows to protect our most sacred point. if anyone has information on its location or a way to get it taken down in a more civil way please help out.

gallo de la noche
gallo de la noche
6 years ago

I get that most of you fine folks are in Australia but seriously am I the only one who lives up here besides the very elusive Jen See?

ricmatic
ricmatic
6 years ago

“Shaw” is Quint* and Jaws’ love child!
I knew it!
Somebody say sequel!

* played by Robert Shaw

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Great White sharks deserve one thing, and one thing only: Death.

Billy Hunt
Billy Hunt
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

All of them?

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  Billy Hunt

Mostly the he’s and she’s. But, it probably wouldn’t hurt to get some of the they’s and them’s too.

James Hutchinson
James Hutchinson
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Amen
“Kill ’em all” – Metallica

Owen's Outgoing Tide
Owen's Outgoing Tide
6 years ago

i don’t give a (shark) fuck for privacy, that’s why i comment under my real name

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Marshall’s was always better cause they had popcorn to give us kids. Got you to shut the fuck up when Mom was busy shopping for your clothes like she wanted you to get beat up at school.

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

Sure, for the right money.
‘Cept I ain’t: red-headed, Australian, and sadly have too strong a moral compass to be a scam-artist.


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