Sydney Harbour Great White pictured with favorite
snack.
Shark-pocalypse: “Severed heads and
terrified kayakers…” Sydney Harbour completely overrun with Great
Whites!
By Chas Smith
"I've been fishing guiding on Sydney Harbour for 28
years and this is the worst I've ever seen it."
And you thought I was being shrill. Admit it,
up until this moment right now you thought I was carrying on like
an Alzheimeric old bitty clanging the gong in our town square,
screaming “The sharks are coming! The sharks are coming!” when it
was only just shadows upon the water. Only Nick
Carroll out for his morning 100 kilometer paddle
race.
Oh the prehistoric beasts have no manners whatsoever, and also
no impulse control, man-eating whenever they feel the slightest
urge and we must not delay in reading the latest horrors straight
from the pages of the principled Daily
Mail. We must go straight away.
Craig McGill, a respected guide and owner of fishing company
Fishabout, said there are more sharks in the harbour than he has
even seen before.
And the recent influx is having a devastating result with
gory pictures showing half-eaten fish and even a shark severed in
two found in the harbour’s waters.
Experts say reports of increased sightings are due to warmer
waters allowing the sharks to come close to shore as they follow
fish to eat.
Talking about the recent increase, Sydney-based Mr McGill
told Daily Mail Australia: ‘There’s been a huge influx of sharks
seen this year.
‘Yesterday I saw a hammerhead and then spotted a shark
attacking a fish in the harbour.
‘I also recently saw a terrified kayaker being harassed by
shark in the harbour,’ he added.
He said finding severed fish in the harbour has become
regular, especially after sharks feed at dawn and dusk.
‘I’ve been fishing guiding on Sydney Harbour for 28 years
and this is the worst I’ve ever seen it,’ he said.
The selfish bastards have not only completely overrun the
harbour, they’re menacing Sydney’s northern beaches as well. Just
yesterday a pleasure sailor was out mere meters away from Manley
Point when he spotted an ominous fin jutting out of the water. Upon
closer inspection he realized it was a juvenile Great White and
nearly 1.5 meters long.
He was reported as saying, “‘Holy shit, that is a baby great
white…” and when asked responded, “It looked like an exact mini
replica of a full grown white, with that crazy black eye and gaping
mouth.”
To be honest, “that crazy black eye and gaping mouth” sounds a
lot like Nick Carroll out for his evening 100 kilometer paddle race
but, unlike you, I always believe in the shark crier.
More as the story develops.
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Postscript: “Chas makes being fucked up a
virtue and that’s his deal to be a fucked up virtue but that
degrades my civilization!”
By Chas Smith
I actually listened!
God bless Drew Kampion and I mean that
seriously, honestly, with every ounce of passion in my
fucked up heart and, truly, I am three sheets to the wind right now
on Grey Goose (thanks to the Florida Surf Film
Festival founders Kevin Miller and John Brooks who
brought a bottle over recently buy tickets
here (if it ain’t already sold out)) and La Croix
Berry (which I hate but was just at Target buying daughter and her
best friend toys because I just just got paid from Lonely Planet
for contributing to their epic Epic Surf Breaks of the
World book which will indeed be epic because I think Finnegan,
Warshaw, George, Etc. have entries and remembered I had no mixer
and La Croix Berry was the only anything besides Coca-Cola Target
had at its self-checkout checkout.)
Drew Kampion, for the surf culture tourist, was the man
who put the “journalist” in “surf journalist” and is epic. Almost
as epic as the epic surf breaks of the world but I’m serious(ly
fucked up) but also serious.
Drew Kampion
hates me for such perfect reasons but also hates me
for the wrong perfect reasons. The evil threatening force he
perceives, he fears, is not fucked up-ness but rather the Wall of
Positive Noise. That is surfing’s great enemy and if we don’t beat
it back now we are done. Surfing is done. Surfing becomes a purely
athletic pursuit.
A purely athletic pursuit layered with layers and layers of
whitening toothpaste smiles.
No?
Disagree?
Tell me why because I refuse to become old (mentally).
I’m going to my Pacific Northwest soon and forcing Drew into the
water but until then…
…I forgot.
*This message was brought to you on the wings of Grey Goose.
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"We were all in the carpark later, debriefing, giving
Riley shit and letting him know he was lucky he doesn't ride a
boogieboard otherwise he wouldn't be with us. It wasn't until about
eight o'clock that night a bit of shock came across me. How close
it was and how it could have been me, could have been worse for
him, or worse for any one of us, you know” | Photo: 7
News
Shark attack on teen surfer shatters
Queensland town’s twenty-seven-year calm!
By Longtom
Local grommets who witnessed the incident described
it as a full Mick Fanning deal.
World War II history records Japanese attacks on the
Australian mainland and a strategy of planned retreat from the
Allies below the sub-tropics, the so-called
Brisbane
Line. The Brisbane Line was actually the Bribie Line.
Part of its defences were fortifications built on the beach at 8th
Avenue, Woorim, where we played as kids.
Fifteen-year-old Riley Orchard was surfing in front of Red Fort,
8th Ave, when knocked from his board by an unknown species of shark
Thursday around four pm, surfing what eyewitness and long-time
Bribie shredder and old pal Brad Highlands described as a “classic
nor-east day”.
Highlands, who is currently en route with a chainsaw to help
clear a bushfire affected property in Northern New South Wales, was
about forty metres away when the attack occurred, right on the low
tide.
“He was just sitting there,” said Highlands “and all of a
sudden, bang!, he’s off his board. He felt nothing brush him, no
swoosh, nothing. He jumped back on his board, yelled out to Cain
(his brother) ‘I think I just got hit!’ Cain thought he was
bullshitting, he started paddling into shore and it wasn’t until he
got to the beach and saw the board that he realised it was a
shark.”
Normally, to fight the sweep on a nor-east day, surfers are
required to constantly paddle, which helps the Bribie surfer hold
their own in line-ups around the World. Luckily for Riley, he was
sitting up and drifting, otherwise he “would have been bitten on
the arm or shoulder” according to Highlands.
“He was just sitting there,” said Highlands “and all of a
sudden, bang!, he’s off his board. He felt nothing brush him, no
swoosh, nothing. He jumped back on his board, yelled out to Cain
(his brother) ‘I think I just got hit!’ Cain thought he was
bullshitting, he started paddling into shore and it wasn’t until he
got to the beach and saw the board that he realised it was a
shark.
“He was just shaken” said Highlands, “white as a ghost, non-stop
shaking like he had hypothermia”.
Highlands said it was “was pretty weird. We were all in the
carpark later, debriefing, giving Riley shit and letting him know
he was lucky he doesn’t ride a boogieboard otherwise he wouldn’t be
with us. It wasn’t until about eight o’clock that night a bit of
shock came across me. How close it was and how it could have been
me, could have been worse for him, or worse for any one of us, you
know”
In thirty-knot winds, local grommets who witnessed the incident
described it as a full Mick Fanning deal.
Police paid Highlands a visit Friday night, taking a statement
to ensure the attack was not a hoax.
At the time of writing no shark species had been implicated in
the attack, the first at Woorim since March 8th, 1992, according to
local surfer and historian Brian “Gicka” Box.
Currently available data from the Queensland Shark Control
Program, administered by the Department of Agriculture and
Fisheries lists 17 drumlines off the beach at Woorim. Two sharks
were captured on the drumlines in 2018, none in 2019.
Presumably, Taronga Park zoo, which maintains the shark incident
register in Australia will list the incident as “unprovoked
attack”.
David Lee Scales and I are almost at the 50 podcast
mark. 48 to be precise and 48 podcasts is a lot. Oh not
for me, I just sit there with David Lee and jabber into a
microphone but a lot for you. That is 48 podcasts, roughly 80
hours, of me jabbering into a glennmicrohall, David Lee jabbering
too and sometimes Derek
Rielly. We generally swerve from this topic to that
but surfing is what drives our passions.
It’s what informs our lives.
I’ve written almost every time that it is our best episode but
number 48 might well truly be for today I learned that Drew Kampion,
legendary surf journalist, founder of a radical tone, respected,
venerated loved by all is not dead. Furthermore he specifically
hates me and what I do.
How epic is that?
How truly epic?
For me it is, marking a heretofore never even dreamed
achievement and not only never dreamed because I thought he was
dead.
I won’t spoil my reaction here, you must listen, but we also
discuss narcissism and the very real possibility that Meryl Streep
is a serial killer.
Again, this may possibly honestly be The
Grit!‘s high-water mark. Don’t believe? Tell me why.
Unlike Kelly
Slater I crave negative feedback.
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Despite the magnitude of the performance Kelly
graciously conceded that when it came to Olympic qualification John
John Florence, despite not having surfed for “months and months”
was still ahead of him on the ratings and by implication more
deserving of the Olympic spot. I think we can declare Kelly
provisionally qualified after that heat. WSL
Rip Curl Pro, Portugal, Day Two: “Kelly
Slater, vintage, dramatic; day a minor classic of beachbreak
surfing!”
By Longtom
Riveting viewing!
Best day of the waiting period, on paper at least, so
European head honcho Jessie Miley-Dyer had no choice but to wring
the sponge dry on what turned out to be a minor classic of
professional beachbreak surfing.
My favourite battler, Soli Bailey, whom I predicted to shine in
France finally made it out of round three in my highlight heat of
the day. There were very many.
The most impressive numbers, seeing as BG is the website of
record, were granted to Peterson Crisanto, currently languishing at
28 on the Jeep leaderboard. Seventy-eight percent of the global
fanbase expected Jeremy Flores to back up his French win and send
the beleaguered Brazilian back for an early vino.
Overcoming the weight of a heavy combination the 5’6” rookie
caught a five-foot wave between the 20th and 21st minute and
launched a high, corked, tail-high full-rotation reverse onto the
bolts. The total distance from maximum height of air to landing was
estimated by Peter Mel to be ten foot. Two judges, an Australian
and a Brazilian, awarded the single manoeuvre wave a ten.
The score, after averaging, came in at a 9.67. A back up 6.67
was enough to take the heat.
All the proper big dogs had bite to the bark. Gabe looked very
relaxed, after a quiet start before getting his heat started with
an air as stylish as a prawn cocktail. A classic straight air with
a subtle, tail-high tweak thrown in. Maybe slightly undercooked by
judges for a seven. You could forgive judges a recency bias given
Kelly Slater was still in the water after going ballistic in the
previous heat against, shit, I’ve forgotten, Kelly was that
dominant, ah yeah Seabass.
What’s the spiciest chilli?
I’ve got some really nice Honduran chillis which are mellow and
some Thai Birds Eyes which make your eyes water just looking at
them. Kelly was spicier than the whole bush. Just the intent to go
vertical at maximum speed on the opening left was astounding. The
dramatic recovery on the following right was vintage Kelly and drew
a subtle rebuke from Ryan Callinan in the booth when they declared
Kelly made the “easy things look really hard.”
As if responding to, not just Ryan but all his critics, Kelly
took aim at a bulbous, threatening close-out section that came at
him like a mushroom cloud. He rode out so clean for a 7.83, and
that, in the opening ten minutes of a forty-minute heat and without
any priority, was the heat.
Despite the magnitude of the performance Kelly graciously
conceded that when it came to Olympic qualification John John
Florence, despite not having surfed for “months and months” was
still ahead of him on the ratings and by implication more deserving
of the Olympic spot.
I think we can declare Kelly provisionally qualified after that
heat.
I’m not for a second saying Filipe Toledo’s back injury is a
fake. But if it were, even if some miniscule proportion of it was
being somehow sub-consciously manufactured as a way of alleviating
this dreadful pressure we know causes Toledo so much suffering , it
would up there as one of the greatest rope-a-dope’s in the history
of sport.
Pip opened with a feet forwards, very stylish tube-ride to lip
glide floater, threw in a backside roter, rode eleven waves and
looked loosey-goosey against Ribeiro.
Hosed down expectations in the presser before declaring, “I’m
staying focussed because God has something special in store for
me.”
Wade Carmichael avenged his controversial loss in France with a
complicated, gnarly heat against Yago Dora. He swung the axe on a
frothy, ugly left punching a fins-free floater that was like
throwing a bag of cement off a building, according to a commenter
in the live thread*. That turned the heat with a few minutes to go.
Dora snapped a board. Carmichael went further in front after lacing
a small right with arsenic flavoured turns. Dora threw soft,
graceful airs and judges, in my eyes, rightfully paid the power
fundamentals of the hairy man.
No-one can deny the fruitfulness of the Australian loin but only
one of the Fathers, Jack Freestone, was able to penetrate the draw
past the round of 32. Three Australians left in the Round of 16,
not a single contender amongst them.
Has the Antipodean zeitgeist shifted back to mid-length
twin-fins, acoustic guitars and escaping the system?
Or is this just some temporary blip that history will one day
record as an aberration?
Wayne Murphy? Ian Cairns? There are wise heads out there with a
broader scope than mine.
What is going on?
No-one will accuse Kolohe Andino of a lack of nationalist feels.
He professed to love surfing and love his country after getting the
provisional (there feels something vaguely mafioso about it) nod
for Olympic quals. He trundles on, under the radar. Title hopes
still alive. Michael Rodrigues, beak brilliantly bare, also under
the radar and with a lot to play for his next opponent.
Tell me if I am reading this wrong, but despite the closeouts
this comp has become riveting viewing. If they could go on hold
through the nadir of the tidal cycle we could see a very, very
entertaining ending.
I think Gabe will falter close to the end and it will go to
Pipe. That’s my prediction and Ziff’s dream.
MEO Rip Curl Pro Portugal Men’s Round 4
Matchups:
HEAT 1: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Griffin Colapinto (USA)
HEAT 2: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Michael Rodrigues (BRA)
HEAT 3: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Wade Carmichael (AUS)
HEAT 4: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) vs. Kelly Slater (USA)
HEAT 5: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Caio Ibelli (BRA)
HEAT 6: Peterson Crisanto (BRA) vs. Jesse Mendes (BRA)
HEAT 7: Italo Ferreira (BRA) vs. Conner Coffin (USA)
HEAT 8: Jack Freestone (AUS) vs. Soli Bailey (AUS)
