"He was in attack mode. He thought we were prey."
And did you see the Jason Statham, Rainn Wilson vehicle The Meg? I watched the first thirty or so minutes on a flight to Copenhagen. From what I gathered scientists were doing sciencey things in a state of the art oceanographic research center when they stumbled upon a 75-foot shark thought to be extinct. I switched over to the Elle Fanning masterpiece Teen Spirit which brought me to tears and didn’t return to The Meg so don’t know how it ended but fear I may find out in real life for it was revealed just today that “one of the largest sharks ever recorded in the area” is terrorizing southern California. Eating kayaks and other horrifically uncouth behaviors.
Our very own M.E.G.
Man-Eating Great (White)* and these ill-mannered beasts used to know better. They used to congregate in South Africa and northern California leaving our sun-drenched, star-soaked paradise alone but no longer. The Great White apocalypse is fully upon us and we must turn to San Diego’s NBC affiliate for the very latest.
Two San Diego men are thanking their lucky kayaks for taking the brunt of a great white shark bite near Catalina Island over the weekend.
Danny McDaniel and Jon Chambers can call two large shark teeth souvenirs, or maybe even good luck charms, considering the shark they once belonged to.
The two experienced scuba divers were taking a break from their diving trip, coordinated through La Jolla-based company Power Scuba, to kayak to Ship Rock near Catalina Island when Daniel felt a strong push.
“I look back and I see this giant, actually just a snout was on the boat as he was chomping down on the kayak,” said McDaniel.
“He was in attack mode. He thought we were prey,” said Chambers. “It was petrifying and amazing at the same time.”
Once they realized they both were OK, they waited for a few minutes to make sure the shark was gone before starting their 25 minute paddle back to Catalina Island.
“I said, ‘Jon I got a tooth.’ He goes, ‘Yeah, is there another one?’ It was a good experience that I would never want to do again, but it was a good experience,” said McDaniel.
Chambers and McDaniel said experts at Scripps Institution of Oceanography estimated the shark was around 19 feet long based on the size of the two teeth. It could be one of the largest ever recorded in the area.
19-feet long. That is two-plus Shaquille O’Neals one standing on the other’s shoulders. Four Jason Stathams who claims to be 5’10 but we all know is 5’8.
19-feet long. How did this beast grow so huge? How many men has he already eaten? How many men can he eat at the same time?
These are questions we must find answers to and I think it is time for us to start our own non-profit research and education center. We can call it Surfers Against Man-Eaters or S.A.M.E. and carry out important duties like telling all kayakers and stand-up paddleboarders to get out of the ocean because there is 19-feet of hell coming their way and beach clean-ups.
Can I count on your participation?
*Man-Eating Great (White) can also be written M.E.G. White. Like Meg White of the White Stripes and her erstwhile bandmate, Jack White, just played Surf Ranch. A conspiracy? I feel it coming…
Sounds like “Fluffy,” resident guardian of Estero Bay, has ventured South for a while. Don’t worry about her, she’s a big sweetheart.
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Meg is short for Megalodon. “Big tooth”.
It’s some sort of massive pre-historic shark. Have you clown-ass-clowns used a search engine? Talk about some children left behind 15 years ago.
About the crazy in the head and bed stories: There are some girls you marry and some girls you date. I’d marry Meg White, even if she is a shark.
Not eaten, women don’t know what they want to eat. This is why we have shark attacks.
God damn Catalina wine mixer
You can count the number of Great White fatalities in southern California in the last 30 years on one hand. But keep printing this type of article to keep the kooks away.
It’s surname is Ryan… Meg Ryan 00-oh ohh ohhhh when Harry met Sally fame
They must like the taste of “FAGS”
if there on the prowl in gay old California 👀🏄👨❤️👨🌈🦄
don’t forget scurvy.
Male Whiteys top out at 13 feet. The offending beast is female.
That was my first thought too.
So, I have seen Tom Cruise in person and I swear that he can not be any taller than 5’4” and he might have been wearing tall shoes at the time. I have since checked the internet and every source says that he is 5’7”. Is this some conspiracy?
Cruise is 0.8 something Strathams?
Worse. A Scientologist plot.
have you noticed how he always has a running scene in all his movies. this is to dispel any myths about his height and the use tall shoes.
Mrs.Morrell’s shark was 22 foot at Olowalu. Maui
I do not like for a second Jack White being neck deep in this conspiracy. I respect him as a guitar player too damn much. Oh well.
Can I respectfully suggest that telling all SUPs and kayakers to get out is the wrong move. You should be encouraging them to get out there and keep acting like bait.
This is the sort of legal advice S.A.M.E. needs.
I only recently learned where ‘knots’ as a unit of speed came from too. Good one.
Like how fast you pull them out?
Old saily type boats would have a heavy rope with knots tied at regular intervals dragging off the back. The faster you went the more knots would show above the surface. Hence 1 knot, ten knots, etc. still makes more sense than Fahrenheit
what doesn’t make sense about water boiling at 212 degrees and freezing at 32degrees. exactly 180 degrees difference. coincidentally 180 degrees being the angle of a straight line and half a full rotation which everyone knows is a 540. perfect sense.
Abe Lincoln was born on 2/12 too so yeah, you’re right.
Though 5’8″ × 4 = 22’8″
and 19′ ÷ 4 = 4’9″
Even better with regard to setting the Stathom scale, however to be reasonably fair to Jason perhaps a standard Stathom could be set at no less than 5′ and no more than 5’6″ (the difference due to potential regional and climactic changes)…
Can I get that girls print tee in a men’s L?
I lived with a girl named Meg for almost three years. She was very much from the “aggressive positivism” school. Out of money? “we can attract more”. Lost your job? “It wasn’t my passion, the universe intervened”. Etc etc. Most insanely good sex ever though, illegally good/bad/dirty/scandalous and it never tapered off so fair trade to be honest. Had to cut the cord when I realized I was headed for living in my truck and somehow that wasn’t within her positivism plan. Helped her load her stuff into a U haul driven by her dad who thanked me for looking out for her? She was .875 fathoms tall. There was biting but she never left teeth behind.
I couldn’t decide which article to comment today.
Crazy always equals a great root. It always ends the same way though. I prefer a sedate bang and some pleasant convo in my early middle age, crazy is for when you’re young and don’t have a shaggers back. Meg’s dad was was probably stoked he didn’t have to worry about the her while she was with you. I was similarly thanked after a disastrous 2 year relationship with another Meg. It was a heavy time, peppered with crazy sex and well.. lots of broken shit around the house. She once threw a goddam iron at me! Dodged it, cleaned up her own mantle thingy instead!
Sounds like one of you has been stirring the other ones porridge.
Ha! Different continents I think.. universal problem however.
Yes different continents although she did live in Australia for a couple years so possibly Eskimo brothers.
Funny, as I was typing that out I was thinking about how much I enjoy splitting a pitcher of greyhound(s) with the current GF after possibly having sex, but the drinks and company are the priority.
Yeah, her dad told me he was stressed about what he was going to do with her now that she was moving home…again.
Glad to hear you’ve forged ahead C4. I sometimes think my version of your Meg ruined me. But it wasn’t too long ago, still bruised up!
Mine was fairly recent as well. I had to strip away the effects of a nasty divorce after 16 years of marriage. It worked! She didn’t ruin you, you’ll be back soon enough.
I have a friend who can only be sexual satisfied by the crazies. Things got out of hand with the craziest of them all in his mid 20s. The marriage lasted just over a year, the child gets used as a bargaining tool, and his bank balance will never be in the black.
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What a beautiful homage.
I like “league” too
Stay the fuck out of Ventura county you giant seal eat’n sumbitch!!! https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Jason Stratham is a fathom. Sharks is four fathoms. Article is unfathomable.