News don't come for free…
France is popping. The early spring sun is flashing its tanline on Australia’s east coast. America hasn’t been overthrown by a pro-Iran/Shark/Dora troika.
Yet. The world turns.
So, I apologise in advance for doing this. But there’s something Ben Marcus said last week I want to examine. A tiny morsel of interest hidden in the OuterKnown of his plucked carcass that could, if it’s cooked the right way, deliver a tender intellectual treat.
BeachGrit’s owned by the WSL.
Yeah, I know.
The guy’s like a Jesuit priest in Tokugawa Japan, preaching his outdated scriptures to a dead-eyed audience. His roots cannot hold in this laissez-faire world.
But this particular conspiracy theory is not the craziest thing he’s ever said. In fact, he could even be right.
WSL could be funding BeachGrit. And we’d all be bit players in a grand false flag attack.
It’d fucken suck if it was true. Wouldn’t pass the pub test, or comments section, for a second.
But, in today’s media landscape it’d be no more surprising than, say, discovering Trump doesn’t write his own speeches.
News don’t come for free, baby.
Of course, BM’s way off the mark. The Wozzle is too scared of its own shadow, too risk averse, to ever consider being associated with this glorious bin fire.
And Derek and Chas strike me as many things, but Machiavellian ain’t one of them.
Yet, we know the Woz froths on a good content partnership. They love to crow about them. Show ‘em off to the world. A big green tick on some god forsaken ‘key engagement strategy pillar’ somewhere within the Santa Monica high tower.
Pay Rolling Stone money. Get positive ‘independent’ media coverage. Watch middle America come flocking.
It’s sponsored content, and everyone’s doing it.
I’ve written before about surfing’s need for a fourth estate. No, we’re not the United Nations. This isn’t life or death stuff, for the most part.
But dissent is important. Critical opinion is needed. Walls of positive noise can only hold so long. The masses are smarter than they’re given credit for, and somebody needs to keep the bastards honest.
So, who pays the bills?
For BeachGrit it’s Cheezstix. Bemboka luxury blankets. Lonely singles in your area. Yeah, those fucking annoying pop-up ads and videos are this site’s lifeblood.
And, for the best surf reporting in the free world, I reckon it’s worth it.
Sure, BG could take the road of TheInertia.
As per their media kit:
Between our website, social, and OTT channels, we’ve built a comprehensive network of surf, mountain, and health enthusiasts whom we talk to every day. We can effectively integrate your brand into our channels to ensure you’re speaking to the right audience wherever they go.
Just check out their sponsors list. Samsung. Corona. WSL. Michelob ultra lite.
What’s it mean? Every word they publish is tainted. And unless you’re a single-use plastic, there’s nary a dissenting opinion to be found.
TheInertia presents itself as an army of woke, environmentally conscious warriors. But its business model is built on the most insidious form or post capitalism out there. Paid editorial. Where church and state are no longer separated, and corporate brands are allowed to infiltrate our lives so completely that we’re no longer just consumers, but unwitting advocates in their pursuits for profit margins.
It’s crass commercialism dressed in whatever political and social trend is popular at the time.
We all make a faustian pact when we come online. Everything’s for sale, including and most especially you.
But at least on BeachGrit we’ll look you in the eyes when we fuck you.
Of course, BM could be right and BG might actually be a WSL apparatchik.
Please find my resume, buried under the southern lifeguard’s flag at Newcastle beach.
for what its worth, i click on those shitty ads so you get better click through rates. we all got to do our part to support the site. long live capitalism.
Yeah it’s the standard model nowadays. But it doesn’t make it right.
Then again I work in a form of Corp comms myself because it pays better than being a journalist. Don’t tell anyone that bit though
Read “plucked carcass” five times and every time I read “puckered ass”. I’m not sure of the relevance but figured I’d mention it. It’s probably a fetish thing……..
https://uploads.disquscdn.c… Heres some old content relevant to the conversation.
Dyslexic, but so was Warshaw so it’s not fatal.
Warshaw cured his dyslexia by playing Boggle with Doc.
As for Intertia: You’ve got a PhD there surfer girl – that means you have to get it right.
Otherwise all those student loans are wasted.
Most surf journalism sucks these days – way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way too many voices babbling about the same thing and none of it is all that interesting in the first place.
I’ve said this to Spazz and I’ll say it to you: You missed the real party by about 30 years = The Roaring 90s.
Desole. Lo siento.
Speaking of PhD and getting things right, did anyone ever read this story about Hollister Clothing in The New Yorker?
https://www.newyorker.com/m…
It’s just so way WRONG!!!!!!!
IN THE NEW YORKER!!!! FOR FOOK’S SAKE!!!!
What kind of universe is this?
Hollister Clothing was branded for the Hollister Ranch which is obliquely related to the City of Hollister.
No mention of surf at all in that story, is there?
People who bother to read bitchgripe.com obviously by association don’t care too much about truth and getting it right, but smart people do and The New Yorker is the Burning Bush when it comes to accuracy.
And they screwed the pooch on that story – big time.
Like seeing Kelly belly-flopping and digging rails at The Box = rare!!!!
I grilled William Finnegan on this the first time I went to Surf Ranch because it was shocking to see The New Yorker fuck up a story that bad.
He shrugged and said: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g5Hz17C4is
His New Yorker story on Kellys tub had errors.
I remember reading that and seeing glitches but I don’t remember what those glitches were.
You have them?
I think TNY are not as careful with online stories as they are with print.
Because believe me, for many many years, if The New Yorker made a mistake they would light the editor on fire and push them out of a window, and practically hire planes with banners to announce it and apologize.
New Yorker is still great though – leading the anti-Trump opposition.
They loved Obama.
Anthony Lane is still the best movie reviewer.
And if Trump has done nothing else:
1. He has made The New Yorker great again.
2. He has made Saturday Night Live great again.
James Woods shits all over Anthony Lane as a reviewer (books, I know).
I detailed Finnegans errors and oversights in an article.
This obsequiousness to billionaires is a tired old trope, that all you got?
James Woods shits all over Anthony Lane as a reviewer (books, I know).
Anthony Lane is the best movie reviewer, by far. The other guy, Richard Brody is of a lesser God. Too grumpy, not as eloquent. Kind of like Longtom to Derek Hynd (I hope he doesn’t read this.)
I detailed Finnegans errors and oversights in an article.
Don’t know if I saw that. I only read my own stuff.
This obsequiousness to billionaires is a tired old trope, that all you got?
I don’t know what “obsequiousness” means, or “trope.”
I’m sure you do. Being disengenuous is not one of your qualities.
Surf writing has gone punk again. Embrace it, or not. But at least be honest with yourself and admit you are drawn to it, because it’s fun and irreverent again.
I’m sure you do. Being disengenuous is not one of your qualities.
Oooooh you’re like the Knights Who Say Ni! That word disengenuous also bugs me.
Wow even I can’t spell that one right: disengenuous.
Oh that is right. Spell checker didn’t like it.
Are you going to say proffered next?
Please don’t. BazzaBitch used it and proved once and for all what everyone says about her.
That word is the trip mine of a wannabe writer.
Surf writing has gone punk again. Embrace it, or not. But at least be honest with yourself and admit you are drawn to it, because it’s fun and irreverent again.
Derek Hynd was plenty punk.
So was Drew Kampion back in the day.
And Dave Parmenter.
We had our moments. Go dig up the Atop 16 review we did in the Comedy Issue.
You guys don’t have to worry about:
1. Having paying customers.
2. Advertisers.
3. Getting sued.
Proffer this you disingenuous coefficient bastards
https://youtu.be/Vfq0bvVhQWw
Weird, I have a friend I grew up with in Santa Clara in the 1960s in Pomeroy Green who now lives in Williams, Oregon.
I doubt many of you know where that place is – unless you grow weed.
So I was visiting there once and it turned out Dennis Dragon was living a mile away at Pacifica Studio – which was Steve Miller’s old recording studio.
Dennis was a bit of an odd bird but also one of those very bright people who hide under a goofy veneer and part of a very talented family.
He had gold records on the wall from producing his brother in Captain and Tennille.
I always liked the song Lonely Nights (Angel Face) and when I listened to it in a very high tech recording studio, I understood why:
A lot of layers. A tiramisu of music.
So I congratulated him on that and then made the mistake of playing ping pong against him.
Holy shit. What a good ping pong player. Gump-class. Almost Chinese.
Would love to have seen him play KS – who is also insanely competitive at everything he does.
Dennis Dragon didn’t like being in his 70s I don’t think and so he departed this world voluntarily.
Some people just don’t like getting old.
Hunter S. Thompson was one.
And I think that was the case with Anthony Bourdain.
And some people don’t kill themselves but have sex changes.
Weird species we are.
Thanks for askin’.
You know Dennis Dragon did the soundtrack for Greenough’s Innermost Limits of Pure Fun I’m sure.
Shoot Ben you know I liked the Dragons and they were true jazzurbaters at heart like so many musicians. Like LT says, Greenough knew that decades ago
Fuck though I’m trying to watch the American League Division series on my phone and it keeps glitching. I’m really concerned though about the Dodgers tomorrow against the Nationals game 5. Dodgers had ’em on the ropes and now it’s 2-2. At least they’re playing at Chavez Ravine t’morow.
I like your point about getting old and kicking out early. What confounds me about guys like Bourdain and Sunny is that here are 2 humans with enviable lives, talented and greatly loved, but chose to end it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with pulling the cord on your own timetable. Life can be a hellish ride, even for the most talented, rich, capable and outwardly blessed.
confounds me too
I thought you liked words.
Now you don’t?
What kind of piss poor writer hates words.
The rest is just excuses.
You’re soaking in it Ben, as they say here.
Derek Hynd is a good pal of mine, a mentor and a genius.
I thought you liked words.
Now you don’t?
Oh no I love words. Hell I’ve invented 138 words. (See below for a couple)
But aren’t there some words you dislike?
Proffered is definitely one of them.
Sure sign of a bad writer – to me.
Maybe because I can’t spell words with two double consonants.
Hitler had the same problem, I might have mentioned.
What kind of piss poor writer hates words.
Just some of them.
The rest is just excuses.
You’re soaking in it Ben, as they say here.
I’m writing a Sci Fi story about Australia now. I thought it was going to be like a 10,000 word short story, but now it’s a novella as it’s over 20,000.
Derek Hynd is a good pal of mine, a mentor and a genius.
How is Derek doing? I emailed him about his house. I hate to think what he had stored in there and what he lost.
All my stuff is safely in a PODS in Sylmar. Wish we still had our house in Seabright area. Full of all my stuff. I’ve got heaps.
I sometimes think Derek is Nevil Shute reincarnated.
I like Nevil Shute and this novella I am writing is kind of a tribute.
Here are a couple of my made up Flexicon words.
THCenility applies to most of the cunts on bitchgripe, I reckon.
And guess who is a Typochondriac?
Applepsy n. A mesmerized neuroses/insanity caused by watching the Apple colored “wait” wheel spin and spin and spin and spin spin and spin and spin and spin as the Apple system gags on Microsoft Word or Photoshop, or when Safari crashes. [Apple: A popular computer brand + Epilepsy: a disorder of the nervous system, characterized either by mild, episodic loss of attention or sleepiness (petit mal) or by severe convulsions with loss of consciousness (grand mal).
ATMosity: The anger one feels, standing at an ATM machine, when the tech-challenged person in front of you takes 20 minutes to withdraw $20. Also: The anger one feels when someone says “ATM machine” as that is a redundancy – Automated Teller Machine machine. [ATM: Abbreviation for automated teller machine. + Animosity: A feeling of strong dislike, enmity or ill will that tends to display itself in action]
Blondtarded () a. Awkward behavior by fair-haired women. “Oh! My! God! Betty backed her new Explorer into my dad’s new Suburban. She is such a blondtard. And she’s not even a real blonde!” [Blonde: Of a flaxen or golden color or of any light shade of auburn or pale yellowish brown. Middle English blounde + Retarded: Affected with a mental or physical slowness, usually genetic. Middle
English retarden, from Old French retarder, from Latin retard: to delay ]
Eggsistentialist () n.: Someone who goes through life convinced the egg came before the chicken. Or, someone who lives to go to baseball games and hurl abuse at outfielders. [Egg: A female gamete; an ovum. Also called egg cell. See: Which came first, the chicken or the egg. Or, to embarrass or humiliate. +. Existentialist: A philosopher who emphasizes freedom of choice and personal responsibility but who regards human existence in a hostile universe as unexplainable.]
GPiSsed: When you are late and lost, and you trust your Global Positioning System, and it glitches and makes you later and loster.
Gyrotrash () n. : Playboys and Jet Setters from the nation of Greece. “Why did you leave the disco, Bitsy?!’ ‘Oh I got swarmed by six guys wearing open shirts and gold medallions. They smelled of ouzo and cigarettes and grape leaves and I had to escape. Bloody Gyrotrash.’” [Gyro: A sandwich made usually of sliced roasted lamb, onion, and tomato on pita bread. From Modern Greek guros, a turning. + Eurotrash: A slang term given to free-spending, hard-partying Europeans in New York City in the 70s and 80s.]
Inconsonant: In the board game Scrabble, getting stuck with a rack of seven vowels and being unable to move. “Old MacDonald, I bought the farm. I have E I E I O and two U’s. I’m inconsonant, so I am going to pass.” [Incontinent: Unable to restrain natural discharges or evacuations of urine or feces + Consonant: A speech sound produced by occluding with or without releasing (p, b; t, d; k, g), diverting (m, n, ng), or obstructing (f, v; s, z, etc.) the flow of air from the lungs.
Textlexic: (text-lex-sick): A modern condition, propogated by spell checkers on cellular phones and other forms of communication.
THCenility: A state of mental disability brought on by marijuana smoking. “Alex has smoked way too much pot. I ask him a question and five minutes later he answers it. I think he’s gone THCenile.”
Typochondriac = n. A person suffering from typochondriasis, which is an excessive preoccupation or worry about grammatical or spelling errors in a document. Typochondriacs fret and fuss about about capitalization, em dashes and other spelling or grammatical rules, no matter how minor they may be. Typochondriacs also relentlessly proofread everything they read: cereal boxes, hangtags, the news scrolls on CNN and even their friends’ emails – which is why typochondriacs are often friendless. [Typo: A slang term for “typographical error” which is a mistake made in, originally, the manual type-setting (typography) of printed material, or more recently, the typing process. + Hypochondriac: A person who suffers from excessive preoccupation or worry about having a serious illness. Hypochondriacs become unduly alarmed about any physical symptoms they detect, no matter how minor the symptom may be. They are convinced that they have or are about to have a serious illness.]
What did you do to BazzaBitch to get her so riled up at you? Usually there is only one thing that can make women that mad at a man. Seems like you ignited the hellfire wrath of a woman scorned.
I think you “did it” with her.
gone punk?
do really tell yourself that?
Haha, “look you in the eye”… from behind our faceless/nameless pseudonyms!
I actually got banned by Reddit. BitchGripe and Facebook in the same week.
That’s the Triple Crown for People With Brains.
Reddit banned me for defending Elon Musk against dorks, as I defend WSL and Surf Ranch and Kelly against the dorks on here.
Facebook banned me because I posted a song by Blind Faith to commemorate the death of Ginger Baker.
But the song came with the album cover, which shows an Epstein-class girl with exposed nipples and that broke their rules.
Oh well, back on bitchgripe.com anyway – briefly.
And you might want to check out the documentary on Ginger Baker: Beware Mr. Baker.
He’s mad as a hatter – kind of the angrier, drumming version of Derek Hynd – but this was the guy behind Creme and Traffic and Blind Faith and he confirmed something I’d thought all along.
Baker considers himself a jazz drummer.
All those great British Invasion drummers: Mitch Mitchell, John Bonham, Keith Moon, Ginger Baker and even Ringo – they’re all jazz guys because rock and roll didn’t exist when they were lads.
The Universe made more sense to me when I learned Bonham used the exact same kit as Buddy Rich.
That’s why their drumming swings and has one thing Ginger Baker claims about himself: “Time.”
They all had flawless time, no matter how crazy they got.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
RIP Ginger Baker
https://youtu.be/IN1J5sMv28Q
Name drops band. Spells name wrong.
It’s the difference between ads paying the bills but still maintaining editorial independence (BG) versus dressing yourself up as news when you’re really just stage one in a marketing funnel. Again I know Inertia isn’t the first to do it but I feel like their particular brand of corporate clicktivism is at best hypocritical and at worst damaging to the bodies that are really trying to affect meaningful change.
This is just surfing and it means fuck all in itself but it’s symptomatic of a larger problem in the media today. Newsrooms are dying and brands are stepping in to fill the void. It’s very dangerous.
Plus, ya know, it’s the Inertia. VALs n that.
Of course, BM’s way off the mark. The Wozzle is too scared of its own shadow, too risk averse, to ever consider being associated with this glorious bin fire.
Hi kids. I guess I wasn’t permanently banned by Chas in a fit of pique. There’s a lot to be said here, but let’s start here: “WSL doesn’t give a flying frog what anyone says on bitchgripe.com. Dirk Ziff could buy and sell many many times over the sum total GDP of everyone who comments on this site – or who has looked at it.
This is all just sound and fury, signifying nothing. Don’t kid yourselves.
You’re rebelling against nothing, and really are just a bunch of sideline-sitting wankers who wish you were pro surfers and/or wish you were 1% gazillionaires whose capital is going to change the world.
I sentence you to flounder in the surf industry while the world passes you by.
i’m willing to bet (p)eelo can’t work out which way south is
surf ads king! all bow to surf ads.
two ads bad, four ads good
Ha! Great work sun bear!!!
Well this could explain alot…….but ya. the Inertia boys sold out a long time ago….
dunno mate they are killing my email in box with emails I dont read
Hell Yeah I’m part of a bin fire
Well, let’s get Ben’s story straight here. The WSL doesn’t just own BG, they actually started it 1 year before they even changed over from the ASP. You know, it’s that negative press/all news is good news thing that’s working so well for Elon, Donald and PT Barnum. The actual check writer at the WSL told him so last week at the pool. Come on Dez, you been playing us for fools?
Yes they tuned up bitchgripe.com before they started the WSL.
That’s called thinking ahead. Planning ahead.
China’s good at it.
Billionaires are good at it, which is why they’re billionaires.
I think this is correct:
When Ziff Sr in 1994 asked his sons if they wanted the publishing company, they said “nope” because they had some foresight into what was coming for publishing.
So pops unloaded it for $1.4 billion and gave that money to His Three Sons.
They started Ziff Brothers Investment and turned that $1.4 billion into $14 billion.
That’s foresight. That’s vision. That’s who is running pro surfing these days.
There have been some clever bastards behind pro surfing in the past, but nothing with this kind of firepower and expertise and foresight.
Pro surfing has never been run this well or this professionally.
You sad little pinnipeds like to bark about it but I got a Top Secret look at their numbers – particularly Brazil – and it’s scarcely to be credited.
This is all a much much bigger deal than you realize – or I did.
BitchGripe is a small part of a much bigger picture.
The $25K check they write every month to bitchgripe.com for negative publicity is just a drop in the bucket.
So what is going to generate revenue for the WSL Ben? Pay per view? Advertisers? The surf park?
You know as well as I do pro surfing was run by the surf brands. That’s why we had those weird split season titles so the tour could end in Australia, specifically Bells and Sydney.
It’s why the coke tour was quashed when the surf brands saw they’d lose control of signage at the events.
It’s also why all those events dropped off the radar through the downturn because the surf companies are broke too.
So good luck to our billionaire benefactor (or should I say waterman of the year) who’s bankrolling it all simply because his wife took a learn to surf course and felt sorry for the plight of women’s pro surfing.
If there’s really money to be made off the back of some surfing boom in Brasil he would have gotten better bang for his buck by buying out Quiksilver, Billabong and Rip Curl. At least they have a product to sell even if kids don’t care for it anymore.
Chas, are you wearing a cape? Did E-Lo lend you his?
I learned it from Derek! Casually throwing sweater around neck. I pass from him to you. A look that never fails.
Looks like you’re too dumb to leave your sweater in the car. just sayin’.
Such a depressing answer. I was hoping capes were on the way in, so I could swooosh.
Surf-Ads certainly hitting some form of late.
I agree. This piece, like The Grit podcast, is by all accounts/charts/musings his best one yet.
If you had a beach grit in portuguese you could buy the WSL
Praia de grao.
Doce de surf ultra duro
can’t we just google translate the whole thing: “Images for Grain Beach. Ultra hard surf candy”
You’d think so