DAMNED LIAR!

Question: Does the World Surf League’s bald-faced false narrative regarding wave quality help foster a toxic, corrosive Internet environment?

It's a click racket!

I’ve been sitting on this damned Pipe contest all day long based on a completely bullish Surfline forecast last night and equally bullish posts from the twin surf-lite websites of greater Venice Beach. That’s what I get for trusting people who ride extra volume twin fins/poorly conceived “partners” when not lying in order to save… reputations.

I get pushing a morning surf by 20 minutes in order to ensure our patented* Comment Live: post actually goes comment live. Pushing the traditional 11 am cocktail to near 12:20 pm. And what are they doing to us? What are the Santa Monica lever pullers doing to us?

I’ll tell you. Trapping us all in a non-stop loop of checking every hour, on the hour, promising epic buoys for the epic boys, Pipes for the Snipes.

And then nothing.

But has our World Surf League not read all the horrific studies of delayed Internet gratification?

The poison of the youth?

And let us read of the epic story of a small Indonesian village seeking to free its children from Internet addiction.

A city in Indonesia hopes nature can save kids from internet addiction. But can chicks and trees really replace iPhones and smart TVs?

The city of Bandung in West Java has launched a pilot program to get students away from screens by giving them baby chickens and chili seeds in the hopes that the children will spend less time on electronic devices and more time caring for their pets or plants.

The Bandung government said that 2,000 chicks and 1,500 chili seeds are being provided to 10 elementary schools and two junior high schools in the city, which is about 150 kilometers (93 miles) southeast of the capital Jakarta.

Mayor Oded M. Danial held a symbolic hand-over ceremony earlier this week to launch the program. He said he hopes the project will help get children to use electronic gadgets less frequently, but that local education authorities need time to evaluate it.

World Surf League?

I know you are reading. I know you feel bad about this… this… (earmuffs Indonesian children) cocktease. Can’t you but give us baby chickens and chili seeds instead of all day waits with Pat O Instagram posts feeding eternal hope?

Please?

Boooo.

Booooooooo.

See you tomorrow.

*Not patented.


Exciting re-enactment of rescue.
Exciting re-enactment of rescue.

Happy Ending: “Distressed surfer” from Humboldt State University daringly rescued by Coast Guard helicopter before he drifts out to sea!

Come feel the wind in your hair!

And can we talk about the incredible Jaws event once more before our attention swings to Pipeline and today’s crowning of both its Master and the Championship Tour Champion? I almost can’t wait but… Jaws. It was just so much fun. The amount of waves ridden, the boldness of the competitors, the daring jet-ski rescues, that iconic yellow helicopter swirling overhead.

But have you ever ridden in a helicopter? I have a small handful of times in Papua New Guinea, backcountry Wyoming and Canada. The way those whirly birds raise straight from the ground, the way they dip, dodge, dive and duck is incredible.

Well, a very lucky young man, a university student from Humboldt State University just north of San Francisco’s Bay Area, got to play Jaws rescue and go for a ride and let’s read the thrilling tale Kris Nagel from a very well-written Coast Guard press release.

The Coast Guard and a California State Park Lifeguard rescued a 20-year-old Humboldt State University student from being swept into a rocky shoreline near Moonstone Beach, Sunday afternoon.

At approximately 1:30 p.m., Coast Guard Sector Humboldt Bay received a 911-dispatch call reporting a surfer being swept toward a rocky shoreline due to a combination of rough seas and the surfer’s exhaustion.

Sector Humboldt Bay dispatched an MH-65 Dolphin helicopter crew and issued an urgent marine information broadcast via VHF-FM channel 16.

The Dolphin crew arrived on-scene at approximately 2:00 p.m. and found California State Park Lifeguard, Keven Harder, was in the water and had established contact with the distressed surfer.

After it was determined that the swimmer was too fatigued to make it back to shore, Harder signaled the Dolphin crew to deploy their rescue swimmer to hoist the surfer. Once the surfer was hoisted, the Dolphin crew remained on scene until Harder was able to swim back to the beach.

The fatigued surfer, Kris Nagel, was taken to the California Redwood Coast – Humboldt County Airport and transferred to emergency medical services personnel who evaluated and released him.

Kris Nagel (left) with his hero.
Kris Nagel (left) with his hero.

I wish our World Surf League would also employ the Coast Guard press release writer for its own. I can taste the salt. Feel the wind.

And have you ever been rescued anywhere? Skiing? Snowboarding? Mountain biking, hiking, street luge?

Describe!


Just in: Surfer or diver dead after suspected shark attack on Australian beach

Beach-walker makes gruesome discover of leg, with bootie, on remote beach…

A beach-walker made a gruesome discovery this afternoon when the skeletal remains of a leg with a bootie attached was found washed ashore near the town of Mylestom on Australia’s mid-north coast.

Investigators suspect the leg came from a surfer, diver or swimmer – but how many swimmers wear booties? – and was the result of a shark attack.

Mylestom is a pretty little hamlet, population three hundred and thirty nine, near the mouth of the Bellinger River and half-an-hour’s drive south of Coffs Harbour on NSW’s mid-north coast.

Police were called to the town’s North Beach at two pm, forensics shot some photos and the bones were removed before high tide. Police are now combing through missing persons reports for a possible match.

The last fatal shark attack at North Beach happened eighty-one years ago, almost to the day, when swimmer Daniel Graham was attacked and killed on December 28, 1938.

Six years ago, bodyboarder Zach Young, who was nineteen, was attacked and killed at nearby Campbells Beach, twenty miles north.


Opinion: “It is time for the greatest genius in modern surf brand history to launch his best eponymous brand yet!”

"Introducing Bob."

This has been filed under the “opinion” category but only because the biggest surf website in the entire world doesn’t have a “Demand:…” header. Or, we probably do but it wasn’t well received. Which brings us to Hurley. I only just learned yesterday that the brand’s visionary founder, and sons, have been drummed out by new owner Bluestar Alliance. That the entire family was “transitioned” to where there is only much wailing and gnashing of teeth but let us go first to a more reputable source, to the very famous Shop-Eat-Surf which turned Julia Roberts’ Eat-Pray-Love on its very head, mortifying single north of 43-years-old yogis from North County, San Diego who regard that film/book as holy literature.

Hurley family members who held key executive positions at the company are no longer at the brand under the new ownership of Bluestar Alliance.

Founder and Brand Ambassador Bob Hurley, Creative Director Ryan Hurley, Chief Marketing Officer Jeff Hurley, and Head of Product Chance King, Bob’s son-in-law, have all departed.

We have asked Bluestar several questions over the course of a few days including about who is leading the company now but have not received a reply.

Etc. but not really.

And the savvy amongst us will remember how Mr. Bob Hurley pulled the rug out from under Billabong in creating Hurley. Spectacularly. Richly. Gorgeously.

For certain he has more tricks up his sleeve. For certain he has “Bob.” The next hot super now surf brand that will undoubtedly pull the rug out from under Bluestar Alliance.

Bob.

I would buy anything they produced today.

Would buy anything literally anything.

I believe.

You do too.

Bob.

The brand that shatters our Surf Industry Apocalypse.

More as the story develops/when you see “Bob” wrapping BeachGrit.


Ffffffffffft etc.

Like a Lamb in the claws of a tiger: World’s first inflatable reef “The Airwave” tears during installation!

Miracle of human ingenuity looks like drained wineskin after "a very deep swell that we weren't planning on."

If there’s a lesson inventors and spruikers of artificial reefs should’ve learned by now, it’s this: any attempt to harness the might of the ocean is like putting a lamb in the claws of a tiger.

The ocean, as most of us know or should know, will refuse, violently if necessary, any attempt at its subjugation.

“We had a lot of undertow — a new swell came through that was a very deep swell that we weren’t planning on, and it was pushing the undertow through the line-up,” its inventor Troy Bottegal told the ABC.

Yesterday, an inflatable reef called The Airwave, a UFO-shaped bladder six-feet high by thirty-six feet wide, which was anchored off a normally waveless stretch of Western Australian coast in a town called Bunbury one hundred miles south of Perth, revealed a catastrophic tear.

“We had a lot of undertow — a new swell came through that was a very deep swell that we weren’t planning on, and it was pushing the undertow through the line-up,” its inventor Troy Bottegal told the ABC. “It’s torn along the seam — it hasn’t torn the actual rubber, which is very strong. The pressure from the airbag going back and forward with the undertow and incoming swell has put some pressure on that particular seam…You only find these things out when you’re installing them for the first time, and you learn so much about how you want to install them in future, when we start to put these things over the world. As horrid as it sounds, when you’re committed to putting something in and installing it, you have to deal with these things. When you’re committed to something you have to see it through to the end.”

The City of Bunbury, Australia’s fastest growing city as it happens, threw $A75,000 ($US50,000) at the project in an attempt to convince surfers to turn right into Bunbury instead of gunning it straight to Margarets another hour south.

Its chief executive Mal Osborne was philosophical despite the failure.

“Troy Bottegal and his team have been working extremely hard over the last few days to put an inflatable bladder into the ocean, which is no mean feat,” Osborne told ABC.

Right now, the reef looks like a drained wineskin and beachgoers, surfers etc have been urged to avoid the area.

Watch video here.