"Sociopathic and wrong."

And this is a bridge to far even for me, even for a surf-cum-shark journalist all too familiar with the severe personality disorders on display amongst that apex predator population. It is one thing for these “man-eating” beasts to knock a seven-year-old boy off his surfboard, terrifying him in the process and likely sending him into therapy for many years and many more thousands of dollars.

Quite another to begin bullying and abusing everyone’s favorite marine creature besides whales.

The fun, lovable, likely better-than-human bottlenose dolphin.

And you would be forgiven for assuming that shark on dolphin violence is standard operating procedure in the deep blue, much like “athlete” on “brain” or “criminal” on “princess” violence is in today’s high school but you would also be wrong.

And we must turn to Myrtle Beach Online for the very latest in this ongoing saga, this current shark-pocalypse.

Proof of a rarely witnessed predator-on-predator sea battle emerged days ago off South Carolina’s Kiawah Island, when a bottlenose dolphin was seen with evidence of a large shark bite.

That’s unexpected because sharks reportedly “swim in fear of dolphins,” which are quicker and more agile than sharks in a fight to the death, according to experts at SeaWorld.

What became of the shark is a mystery. However, news of the attack comes as “thousands” of great white sharks are gathering off the Southeastern U.S. for winter, shark researchers say.

“We believe this dolphin got lucky and survived a shark bite,” Rust wrote on Facebook.

“Dolphins are considered a top predator and generally don’t interact with sharks. But sometimes sharks will target young or sick dolphins, possibly when food resources are low.”

Or perhaps when competition is tough.

If these Great Whites are sociopathic enough to chew the universally adored dolphin how do you think you’d fare all pug-nosed, human and gross?

I’ll tell you now. Not well.

Not well at all.

If you happen to be thinking about surfing in Carolina, either north or south, in the next few months I would very much reconsider.

I would very much reconsider altogether.

Fancy.

Would you consider your lifestyle luxurious? I mean, if you really took it apart, dissecting where you live, what you drive, what sort of coffee you drink, the BeachGrit shirt you are wearing right now (buy here) would it be considered opulent by the vast majority of the world’s population?

I think yes for all of us and especially because we are surfers, the new skiers shushing, driving Audis with fancy Swedish rack systems, vacationing in St. Moritz etc. and let us go straight to the luxury lifestyle magazine Condé Nast Traveller for a look at the hot new trend sweeping the upper-middle-to-upper classes.

Well this isn’t so bad, I think as I step into the dark, frigid water. New Hampshire in February is known for its heavy snowfall, “Nor’Easter” storms, and ski resorts of the ice-clad, teeth chattering variety. But somehow I’ve found myself surfboard in hand, marching straight into the North Atlantic. As I wade chest-deep into the water, I develop a mantra to reassure myself: I’m still warm. Snow flurries float just above the water. I’m still warm.

I pass a few waves with ease before I get caught off guard by a much larger wave crashing down around me. That’s when it hits me, literally and figuratively: This is New Hampshire in February. The sea slaps me square in the face, my only exposed skin, and at 39°F it might as well be solid ice. A few rogue streams of cold water sneak their way into my thick wetsuit through the hood, trickling slowly down my neck. It’s back-bending agony, but my body recovers and I’m able to keep paddling. I’m still warm, I tell myself.

Out on the water that day, the remarkable thing wasn’t that I found some of the most surfable, enjoyable waves I’ve found anywhere. It was that I wasn’t alone.

Can you believe?

Winter surfing as new skiing?

Where shall we head to toast Hot Toddys and laugh about our investment portfolios?

Lake Michigan?

Cornwall, England?

You choose.

It's a click racket!

I’ve been sitting on this damned Pipe contest all day long based on a completely bullish Surfline forecast last night and equally bullish posts from the twin surf-lite websites of greater Venice Beach. That’s what I get for trusting people who ride extra volume twin fins/poorly conceived “partners” when not lying in order to save… reputations.

I get pushing a morning surf by 20 minutes in order to ensure our patented* Comment Live: post actually goes comment live. Pushing the traditional 11 am cocktail to near 12:20 pm. And what are they doing to us? What are the Santa Monica lever pullers doing to us?

I’ll tell you. Trapping us all in a non-stop loop of checking every hour, on the hour, promising epic buoys for the epic boys, Pipes for the Snipes.

And then nothing.

But has our World Surf League not read all the horrific studies of delayed Internet gratification?

The poison of the youth?

And let us read of the epic story of a small Indonesian village seeking to free its children from Internet addiction.

A city in Indonesia hopes nature can save kids from internet addiction. But can chicks and trees really replace iPhones and smart TVs?

The city of Bandung in West Java has launched a pilot program to get students away from screens by giving them baby chickens and chili seeds in the hopes that the children will spend less time on electronic devices and more time caring for their pets or plants.

The Bandung government said that 2,000 chicks and 1,500 chili seeds are being provided to 10 elementary schools and two junior high schools in the city, which is about 150 kilometers (93 miles) southeast of the capital Jakarta.

Mayor Oded M. Danial held a symbolic hand-over ceremony earlier this week to launch the program. He said he hopes the project will help get children to use electronic gadgets less frequently, but that local education authorities need time to evaluate it.

World Surf League?

I know you are reading. I know you feel bad about this… this… (earmuffs Indonesian children) cocktease. Can’t you but give us baby chickens and chili seeds instead of all day waits with Pat O Instagram posts feeding eternal hope?

Please?

Boooo.

Booooooooo.

See you tomorrow.

*Not patented.