Iron Fist: Manhattan Beach surfer cops $1,000 fine for “disrespecting a lifeguard” during “Reign of Coronavirus Terror!”

"What are you going to do about it?"

As a child, I often dreamed about being on the wrong side of the law for a righteous cause, like smuggling much needed medicines past East German Stasi or Bibles into Red China. The thrill, of course, though also that beautiful sense of risking it all not for personal glory or riches but rather an ideal.

Something big and grand.

Well, now that surfing has been made illegal across much of the world, being on the wrong side of the law for a righteous cause has come to all our very doorsteps and let us go straight to Manhattan Beach, California where a brave young man attempted to sneak past the jackboots for some closeout fun. Shall we turn to the local Easy Reader news?

Yes, we shall.

A Manhattan Beach surfer was issued a $1,000 citation Saturday morning after ignoring a lifeguard’s order that he not go in the water.

“F… you. What are you going to do about it,” the surfer said to the lifeguard who confronted him, according to sources who were present during the encounter.

A Manhattan Beach police officer responded by issuing the citation.

All Los Angeles County beaches were ordered closed yesterday to deter the spread of the novel coronavirus. Saturday morning dozens of surfers in the three beach cities violated the order to enjoy a small wind swell .But there have been no other reports of non-compliance from surfers ordered out of the water by lifeguards. Saturday was the first decent day for surfing since all day onshore winds kicked in last week.

Manhattan Beach Police Sergeant Steve Kitsios said Saturday afternoon that no other beach closure violators have been cited and that his department is relying on voluntary compliance.

Now, I understand that police, lifeguards etc. are frontline-adjacent in our global fight over the Coronavirus pandemic. I understand that social distancing etc. will theoretically “flatten the curve” as it relates to hospitalizations etc. but surfing is the most socially distant pastime on earth, after Ned Flanders’ solo fog walks. A pastime that not only breeds loathing for our fellow man but also low-level rage, distrust and stink eye.

A glorious model of misanthropic isolation.

I would be all for police officers and lifeguards standing on the beach fining any surfer who paddles out near another surfer, or better for surfers to self-police screaming at interlopers and splashing violently, but no surfing at all? I must cut hard against Surfline’s royal edict here and also paranoia. We were made for this. It is our time.

No?

Disagree?

Tell me!