Congratulations are in order.
And it is now time, past time even, to consider the silver linings peeking out from the edges of this Coronavirus Cloud. We have established the disease itself, crafted in China, is neither funny nor fun but the ensuing chaos has created moments of gorgeous human tenderness, of self-reflection.
Regarding the latter, I know the times in my life that I’ve felt near death have caused me to question my personal choices. In Beirut, for example, during the 2006 war, I was wearing horrible jeans when my friend Josh and I were commandeered by Hezbollah, t-shirts over heads, Kalashnikovs to temples, bloody dungeon, extremely menacing interrogator etc.
From the exciting new book, Reports from Hell (pre-order here) when I was in that bloody dungeon, pondering my future…
I think about the state of my own jeans and am profoundly disappointed. It is not the look I want. I don’t want to be wearing bellbottoms, and now I’m wearing bellbottoms and a baby doll dress. I look like a well-to-do girl from Connecticut who snuck off to Woodstock.
The baby doll dress wasn’t my fault. That Hanes T-shirt fit well before the sweat and stress and stretching. The bellbottoms are, though, and it makes me rethink the boot cut entirely. I was all in on bootcut, my look of choice, but now that I see how easily they’ve been turned into bellbottoms I’m sad and disgusted with myself.
Imagine if this takes a hard turn and we do end up getting tortured. Imagine how horrible I’ll feel, blood gushing out on my bellbottoms. Blood spurting all over my bellbottoms. The afterschool special warning kids off of misguided surf adventures airing on Al Gore’s Current TV will feature Josh and me. He will be getting tortured in straight-legged black jeans, and I will be getting tortured in the next room looking like Benny Andersson from ABBA.
And in the same exact way, I think that World Surf League CEO has used these scary times to re-think his troubling embrace of the standup paddle board. You know, well, that he has been very proud of an embarrassing canoe-adjacent pastime, a colorful Instagram filled with self-portraits featuring standup paddle boards and other longer things.
That same Instagram, today, revealed Lord Commander Erik Logan took delivery of a 6’2 custom Electrical Ninja from very fine shaper Ryan Harris while also providing instructions on how to take delivery of surfboards whilst maintaining social distance.
Now, since our Erik Logan measures in at 5’6 his 6’2 is officially considered a mid length but still, pointy, proper and paddle-free.
Something we can celebrate alone together.
Very much yes.