Congratulations are in order.
And it is now time, past time even, to consider the silver linings peeking out from the edges of this Coronavirus Cloud. We have established the disease itself, crafted in China, is neither funny nor fun but the ensuing chaos has created moments of gorgeous human tenderness, of self-reflection.
Regarding the latter, I know the times in my life that I’ve felt near death have caused me to question my personal choices. In Beirut, for example, during the 2006 war, I was wearing horrible jeans when my friend Josh and I were commandeered by Hezbollah, t-shirts over heads, Kalashnikovs to temples, bloody dungeon, extremely menacing interrogator etc.
From the exciting new book, Reports from Hell (pre-order here) when I was in that bloody dungeon, pondering my future…
I think about the state of my own jeans and am profoundly disappointed. It is not the look I want. I don’t want to be wearing bellbottoms, and now I’m wearing bellbottoms and a baby doll dress. I look like a well-to-do girl from Connecticut who snuck off to Woodstock.
The baby doll dress wasn’t my fault. That Hanes T-shirt fit well before the sweat and stress and stretching. The bellbottoms are, though, and it makes me rethink the boot cut entirely. I was all in on bootcut, my look of choice, but now that I see how easily they’ve been turned into bellbottoms I’m sad and disgusted with myself.
Imagine if this takes a hard turn and we do end up getting tortured. Imagine how horrible I’ll feel, blood gushing out on my bellbottoms. Blood spurting all over my bellbottoms. The afterschool special warning kids off of misguided surf adventures airing on Al Gore’s Current TV will feature Josh and me. He will be getting tortured in straight-legged black jeans, and I will be getting tortured in the next room looking like Benny Andersson from ABBA.
And in the same exact way, I think that World Surf League CEO has used these scary times to re-think his troubling embrace of the standup paddle board. You know, well, that he has been very proud of an embarrassing canoe-adjacent pastime, a colorful Instagram filled with self-portraits featuring standup paddle boards and other longer things.
That same Instagram, today, revealed Lord Commander Erik Logan took delivery of a 6’2 custom Electrical Ninja from very fine shaper Ryan Harris while also providing instructions on how to take delivery of surfboards whilst maintaining social distance.
Now, since our Erik Logan measures in at 5’6 his 6’2 is officially considered a mid length but still, pointy, proper and paddle-free.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B-SCyMRH1Ts/
Something we can celebrate alone together.
No?
Very much yes.
NO!
What I’m saying is that our written descriptions frequently lack the full orchestra and comedic timing generated within our own imagination.
I’m not trained in screen play writing so perhaps my own doubtlessly GENIUS comedic efforts lack any translatable punch.
If I could just plug a wire into my head and output the 30 second hilarious video, then everyone would see and understand, and I’d receive an Oscar.
As would you, or any of our fine colleagues here.
Put it back!
Kansas?
And for that, there’s Big Vitamin!
Isn’t that Trump’s fault?
/sarc
The Electoral College is there to give equal weight to each State. A.candidate must go to every State and campaign. If we did popular vote, California, Chicago, Illinois and New York would decide every President. That’s how civil wars get started.
Yes
Our houses are bigger so we must be better than everyone else.
We have to give it approximately 100 years or so before the reality of Covid 19 surfaces I assume…
Apparently it was called Spanish flu because their media reported on it first? Crazy to think what happened there 10 years later.
True. All the other countries were under censorship of the press due to WW1. Spain wasn’t involved in the war so reported it…
I like flights of fancy.
It’s great when we get our own hilarious script in our heads and we can see & hear it all perfectly but then noone else understands why we are laughing so hard.
“So I says to him, Leanne, I says; If you do that one more time yous are dropped”.
You’re right. You did have to be there.
That guy is awesome.
Full Mall Ninja.
I’m trying throw off the VAL, pretending I’m on the West Coast.
No longer is the beach the miles and miles of vertical smiles. They’re horizontal now.
We need this writer here!!!
“But on Saturday, actor Liam Hemsworth, 30, enjoyed a moment of solitude as he hit the beach for a solo surf session at Phillip Island in Victoria.
Showing his impressive skills, Liam effortlessly rode the crashing waves while balancing on his white surfboard.
He appeared poised, yet determined, as he shredded and meandered through the curling waves.
Looking hunky as usual, Liam wore a form-fitting black wetsuit that showcased his hulking physique. “
Thank you Monique
Jeezo Tom, what rag are you reading?
It’s not that filthy ‘BEACHGRIT’ is it?
Reading online about some Indian guru who spread Covidio into India and popped up – Daily Mirror? fuck Knows – thought was wordsmithing of highest order – “balancing on a white surfboard” is right up there – however I did think his bro was the “Hulk” – but oh so clever!!
With a determined and poised but shredding type of meander
Hhmmm
I must do some of that meandering soon
“He appeared poised, yet determined, as he shredded and meandered through the curling waves. Don’t you think Strider?”
If he was there on Saturday I don’t think he was enjoying any “solitude”.
Now ya blimmin’ talking !
Go back to original old radio style
Auto-correct doesn’t make Otto correct.
Every commercial for pharma on TV spends 10 seconds explaining how that drug might help you, and 45 seconds explaining other sicknesses it’s proven to have caused. I get your point. But I think they’re selling sickness.
You’re right about the basic universal income. It’s going to be unavoidable. I just think it’s going to take 100 years before it all happens
Generally more rude playing someone else’s game of billiards…
Is Ryan any relation to Rolf ?
Anyway if ya drew the planshape out to a more pointy version (it’s nose and tail do appear rather wide) it’s probably about 6’6″…
The whole board seems wide, (looks like he can barely get his arm around it) I’m guessing 22″, that’s wide, wonder what the thickness is……..
Yes true, at second glance you’d be able to stretch it out another foot haha
It’s like a log pretending it can fit into a tight black slinky number for a date.
With bulges bulging in all the wrong places
Like the fat slags, about to dance around their handbags…
I was thinking more olympic weightlifter, but yeah.
Yeah well the ‘fat slags’ from the ’90’s English VIZ comic did resemble Olympic weightlifters I guess (especially the sexchange NZ (ex)bloke one)
Bruce Jenner?
I am cherry picking.
Universal health care degradates quality. We have many doctors who don’t accept medical care b/c fee schedule makes it nearly impossible to support payroll.
The world cannot afford for America to be socialist. We’d have to stop all financial aid in order to pay universal basic income to 350 million people. Is the world willing to go without America’s handouts that fill in the financial gaps created by their socialistic systems?