Excerpt: Do you recall, long ago, when radical Islamic terrorism was the west’s greatest fear?

Halcyon days.

Oh those halcyon days before this novel Coronavirus descended upon us, driving us into our homes, away from each other, anxious, suspicious, terrified, panicked. Back when we worried about climate change and, before that, radical Islamic terrorism.

Bucolic.

Well, I have a book about radical Islamic terrorism + surfing releasing this coming summer, right when the Tokyo Olympics should have been. It is broken into three parts, Yemen, Lebanon and Yemen again, ambling along exactly as I did with my best friends Josh and Nate. Here is a small taste. If you like you can pre-order here and have it delivered to your door early and signed.

Part 3 Chapter 3

Josh pulls his Das Boot as tight as I am trying to pull my Wild One, and I can tell the glacial wind is getting to him too despite his growing up in rural northern Minnesota, despite his jacket being designed to protect its wearer from the frigid North Atlantic, not just the whips and chains of rival gangs, like mine.

“So how is Wahhabism not what we’re chasing here?” I shout. “How is it not the headwaters of modern radical Islamic terrorism that led to our current Global War on Terror?” A giant semitruck roars past, caravanned between two technicals overflowing with Yemeni troops in chic new desert camo.

Last time we were here, Yemen’s hinterland had been an untamed sandy wilderness. This time there are real roads, asphalted roads, and real semitrucks roaring who knows what to who knows where. The Global War on Terror had gutted oil production with improvised explosive devices and suicide bombers ripping giant holes in Vice President Dick Cheney’s dreams of energy dominance, and Yemen, previously thought to be oil free, was now puking black gold, its tribes seemingly purchased and compliant—or at least for the time being.

“What?” Josh shouts back, “You are talking at Nate volume!”

“I am not!” I belt, quietly missing Nate’s patently low, mostly inaudible voice and dour attitude. “But if I am, it’s because my throat is parched for those delicious headwaters of modern radical Islamic terrorism that led to our current Global War on Terror.”

Josh frowns. “I wish you’d stop calling it that because it really sells it short. What we’re after is the grandpappy of all transnational radical ideologies. The oldest, most durable factory of anti-state violent rebellion. The ideology that dandled on its knee every radical from Barbary pirates to Baader-Meinhof. The tiny little school that in three centuries has brought the British Empire, the French Republic, the Soviet Union, and finally the American ideal of freedom and crushed them each like a soda can—and it all begins here. Or that’s my theory.”

“Oh…” I shout, only hearing the words “Baader-Meinhof” above the wind and picturing the phenomenal stylings of the group that terrorized West Germany through the 1970s. “…and did you fix it yet?”

“I think so…” he hollers, climbing onto the seat and giving it three good kicks. It buzzes to life and he throttles it a few times while blue smoke fills the air. It sounds like a no-frills, older-model Honda Civic.

“Okay!” Josh hoots. “Let’s go find some lunch!”

“Tony!” I scream. He points his video camera from the camel to me and I wave him off. “We’re hitting the road again! Tell Mohamed we’re going to find a restaurant in Thamud!” He nods, and his brown corduroy pants scamper to the super microvan, where Mohamed al-Behlooly is sitting like a saint in a striking gray gown and skullcap combination paired with a perfectly baggy blazer, his green jambiya setting it all off nicely.

We had called Haitham, the son of Yemen’s ex-president and the owner of the country’s FedEx franchises. He was the man who made our exploration possible. Since we had survived our first Yemen blitz, Haitham decided we didn’t need Major Ghamdan al-Shoefy, who looked very wistful when we hugged him both hello and goodbye upon arrival, but we were going to need a chase vehicle where Tony could ride and film, plus our surfboards in their shiny Mylar coffin that we brought again, just in case, so he offered up a very respected elder from his tribe, Mr. Mohamed al-Behlooly, who worked in security at Sana’a International Airport and turned out to be a saint. The un-Ghamdan. He never forced his will, never ordered feasts, never pressured for illicit company, never questioned where we needed to go or why. He would get us through sticky checkpoints with his beatific smile alone, pulling intransigent guards aside and winning them over with grace.

He was the only Yemeni I’d ever met who didn’t carry a gun, which meant he never shot at sunbathing families. More importantly, it meant that Josh could carry a gun, and Sana’a’s gun market was our very first stop. Josh purchased a Brazilian-made Taurus 9mm and kept it stuffed in his waistband.

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Dirty south Surfer
Dirty south Surfer
6 years ago

The endless global war on terror was to cover up the failing central bank and to launder money for the deep state. Many of the people U.S. soldiers fought against were paid mercenary’s hired/ organized by the deep state, CIA, Hillary state department.. It was all phony and created by globalist Pres. Bush and globalist Pres Obama who was completely controled by George $0R0S.

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago

Good shit
I’ve always dug this
Was playing along to it as a kid 40 yrs ago with some weed one of my mates big brother always had stashed in his speaker cabinet haha

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
6 years ago

Oh so never married then?

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
6 years ago

You haven’t remarried after your divorce have you Nick?

Billy Hunt
Billy Hunt
6 years ago

You’re funny … but not in the way you think you are

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago

Yes one old Hilux can be carried by a few camels apparently
Talibans secret weapon…

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago

And easy to dismantle for carrying over Rocky mountain passes that only camels can tread, to be assembled again once on the other side…

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago

It’s so fearful I’m almost tearful

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

Someone’s gotta rule the world.

Huli Opu
Huli Opu
6 years ago

brah, I love my Yota. Probably the longest relationship I’ve ever had. Funny thing in NZ they still call them Hilux which is really a Tacoma in the states but with a slightly different body style. They stopped calling them Hilux here round 1995 when Toyota stopped producing them exclusively in Japan and cranked up their North America factories. Still a superior 4×4 but the craftsmanship and body steel in US Tacos are not as good as those from Japan. I think Kiwi Yotas are made in Thailand now and since last year all US Tacos will be made in Mexico.

I dig driving them in New Zealand. Steering wheel is on the wrong side of the cab and you guys drive on the wrong side of the road ! Always fun.

Glitchy
Glitchy
6 years ago

Wasn’t there going to be a book from you a while back about illegal food? Did that get killed, or is it out there under a pseudonym because now the book industry has decided that anything with “Chas Smith” on the cover must be degenerate surf melodrama? (I mean that in the nicest way; I will keep buying your degenerate surf melodrama as it is also wholly entertaining.)

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

Are there any sharks involved?

Gwen Walz’s Eyes
Gwen Walz’s Eyes
6 years ago

An adept conspiracy enthusiast would point out that this pandemic is proof that major terrorist attacks are orchestrated by cia and other gov groups. If they were truly meant to harm the west by Islamic fundamentalists then why not enact one right this fooking second? Right in the middle of a global pandemic?

Gino
Gino
6 years ago

What kinda kook poses with his board wax side out???
And in the desert????

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
6 years ago
Reply to  Gino

Ummm Chas?

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

This kook!

Yesterday's hero
Yesterday's hero
6 years ago
Reply to  Gino

so judgemental!

Gino
Gino
6 years ago

Should see my head spin when I see boards on racks with the nose pointing forward.

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago
Reply to  Gino

Well you’re the one putting them on the roof wrong then.
Since I started getting lifts to more distant surf beaches with older mates who had cars in 1979 it was proven that the best way is nose forward, fin(s) up.
Better aerodynamics…
Only kooks did it fins forwards, and sometimes you’d see complete fools with fins down (forward or back)

Though I do agree about the photo because of the sun on the wax

Gino
Gino
6 years ago
Reply to  Beef & Beer

Surely someone under quarantine can do the math for us.
Saw a show one time on velocity years back. As I remember, it said the extra drag driving with empty roof racks from London to Edinburgh would cost as much as if the person flew.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

Reals can’t read?

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

I’ll wait till the Google chick can read it to me.
I may have to pay you with toilet paper.

Odysseus et al
Odysseus et al
6 years ago

Toilet paper’s the new bitcoin

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Odysseus et al

That’ll be 69 squares sir…
Backpacks for wallets

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
6 years ago

For some of your commenters it still is.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

Always

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago

Dear author
Why are they crushed “like a soda can” ?
Why not “like an empty beer can” ?
Surely it would ring truer with your target purchasing audience, as well as add an extra syllable, a space and six letters, thereby stretching it to a more ‘war and peace’ styled lengthy tome.
Can you please edit this in the final print ?
Cheers
Prospective purchasing reader

Huli Opu
Huli Opu
6 years ago
Reply to  Beef & Beer

I agree but I might’ve gone with “crushed like a cockroach” evoking more potent auditory and visual imagery. Whatever. I am excited to read more about shooting at sunbathing families from the Rat Patrol set up on that Toyota truck.

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago
Reply to  Huli Opu

Perhaps, though I find the words ‘sunbathing’ and ‘families’ a little off-putting when used in such close proximity to eachother. It may be more appropriate to be hosing down sunbathers which aren’t in close family groups…

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
6 years ago
Reply to  Beef & Beer

Target audience probably isn’t redneck farmers from NZ Wes.

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

I can assure you I wasn’t born into the business of being a redneck farmer mr neg
Though owning a farm is how my fortune has evolved after living in big cities in big countries.
Through my abilities to adapt I’ve found it a great life as one grows tired of ratrace fashions.
And in this current political and viral climate I’m pleased to not be in a city, but can still have a comfortable presence there when desired, or required (which fortunately isn’t often owing to modern business and technology)
Anyway, one thing I’ve learnt in my American travels is that soda or ‘pop’ as it’s popularly known in some parts isn’t generally the drink of choice by those interested in reading war journals, whereas beer is the universal liquid refreshment of gun toters and men who are desirous of battle themed books…

P.S. please limit the use of my real name as it’s officially only spoken by my dear old Mum and our lawyer haha

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
6 years ago
Reply to  Beef & Beer

Nothing but respect for those living off the land.
And cheers for taking the bait and the confirmation. Such a small Country we live in.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Fuck yeah! That cover is STRONG!!!

Gonna pre-order one. If it’s not signed I’m gonna go full jihad on you mofo!

Yesterday's hero
Yesterday's hero
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

And Donald might even sign a copy for you fanboy #1!! (only if it paints Islam with a tainted brush etc) xoxoxo

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Yesterday’s hero. Today’s zero

Yesterday's hero
Yesterday's hero
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

oh gosh I feel bad! A little naughty even!… I’ve been picking low lying fruit one would say… I’m sorry Otto I thought it was fair game to rile your immature brain up a little but I’ve come to realise you’re actually a child!? My apologies I thought you were an adult, please don’t report me to the ones who are doing such a terrible job with you…. I assume they carry guns.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

I carry guns too.

Yesterday's hero
Yesterday's hero
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Lol! I assume you do! You’re even worse that hitler youth. You’re Wayne LaPierre’s love child, I can smell you from over here… does daddy know?


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