"We been in quarantine, and I need to get out and party!"
But let us not forget, somewhere in the multiverse exists an earth where a Chinese man did not eat a bat, where a novel Coronavirus didn’t race around infecting and killing, where obese diabetics over 80 with underlying heart conditions are living full, complete, fear-free lives.
Where professional surfing began its 2020 World Tour on time and we have finished the thrilling Australian leg with Kolohe Andino wearing the Jeep Leaderboard Yellow Jersey heading into G-Land.
And Jeep.
Such a steady sponsor of professional surfing. Such a rock. Refusing to follow Samsung, Build-a-Bear, Barefoot Wine, Wienerschnitzel etc. out the door.
It can only mean that Jeep owners and professional surfing fans are one in the same. Tragically, the lack of professional surfing has caused many Jeep owners a deep, powerful consternation. One that is blowing right through the seams and let us travel to a Texas beach, together, where 200 professional surfing fans were arrested and two shot at a Jeep enthusiast rally.
A raucous Texas beach event known as “Go Topless Jeep Weekend” ended with two people hospitalized following a shooting and nearly 200 others arrested on various charges.
Galveston County Sheriff Henry Trochesset said two men were airlifted to the hospital after both of them were shot in the torso during the annual event on Bolivar Peninsula, which brings together thousands of Jeep lovers and 4-wheeler enthusiasts, many flying Italo Ferriera’s green and yellow “Stoke-ed” flag.
A group of men and women were arguing when the fight escalated and gunshots rang out, Trochesset told NBC News. The conditions of the two men who were hospitalized haven’t been released.
Authorities are looking for a third man in a Gabriel Medina singlet who fled, the sheriff said Tuesday. No arrests were made in the shooting, and the investigation is ongoing.
By the time the gathering ended, more than 180 attendees had been taken into custody on numerous unrelated charges. The sheriff said charges included assault, driving without wearing a seat belt, DWI and public intoxication. Most of those who were arrested have since bonded out.
Justin Weaver, a resident of Bolivar, told NBC affiliate KBMT of Beaumont that he was disappointed in how people acted.
“I don’t know why it’s so hard for people just to show up and have fun these days,” he said. “It disappoints me to see that kind of violence come here, because it’s usually real quiet but people need to get there man-on-man somewhere, you know? We all forgetting what the excellent range even looks like.”
“We been in quarantine, and I need to get out and party,” beachgoer Chelsey Coyer told KBMT, reminding people how to take precautions. “Wash them hands for 20 seconds, keep them clean with the Germ-X and God bless Kolohe Andino. American boy right there.”
Alas, things look to get worse, before getting better, as a specialty Lemoore event is being planned to ease some of the pressure.
Will it work?
Experts say, “No.”
More as the story develops.
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Top-notch journalism. Stick that one in your portfolio, it’ll definitely impress future prospective employers.
Do you think a non surfer would think G-land is a land full of G- bangers?
What does Pottz think? And why the fuck hasn’t BG interviewed the ’89 world champ. Fuck, I actually think I miss him.
Fuck! we were going to see G-land again this year, I had totally forgotten, damn it all to high fuck!!!!
nice try chas, cant kill #methateasily
that’s why Don is considering banning flights from Brazil !
Texans with a lust for Brazilians, who’d a thought …
Doesn’t Filipe live in Cali? 1 man storm coming at ya!
Texas, like Queensland only more guns
I guess they were just fighting for their right to party
Fell off his goat again?
I’m afraid to Google “Build-a-bear”
Sounds like a good time to me. Much more exciting than your average WCT event, but not coming even close to the Huntington Beach riots.
This article is like the journalistic equivalent of one of those episodes of an 80’s sitcom, where they use some hacky reason to make an episode that is basically just a bunch of clips of previous episodes. Like the episode of Alf where he hits his head and thinks he is an insurance agent named Wayne Shlagel. The rest of the episode is the family reminding him of his previous antics illustrated by clips from previous episodes. It’s great for the writer, who only has to write 5 minutes of content, instead of an entire episode. I predict more of these. If I was Chas I would just copy and paste some insufferable Jezebel articles and just add “Hmm???” at the beginning of the pasted text.
Only slightly off-topic, the first season of Alf holds up remarkably well, my kids love it.
The Jez comment section is pure art.
On the other hand, if the third man police are searching for wearing the Gabriel Medina jersey WAS, in fact, Gabriel Medina, you’d have to admit it would add a new dimension to the story.
How good is Alf!
Jezebel btw.. is unreadable on my work pc, death by pop up! Adblocker very much in need, yet it blocks the pop ups I get on my phone via BG..? I was looking forward to a skim through, haven’t read crazy in a while. I used to like trading off Jezebel and InfoWars for at least two shades of nuts, now I just don’t look.
I went and downloaded the entire series a few years back. Brilliant but only in small doses.
I’m surprised there’s been no revelations re: the long standing tradition of sitcom dads turning out to be pedos/rockspiders cos he sure looked like one.
No… but maybe the lack of professional surfing, and other surf related news, is getting to me.