Thick n mean!

Celebrities are often lacking much, empathy, sense, the right time to make and distribute videos claiming responsibility for racism…

…but one thing they do have is money.

In many cases they have much money and so it regularly surprises me, shocks me even, so see them in “celebrities gone surfing” features carrying such hideous surfboards.

What the hell is King Leonidas carrying here?

He could afford anything and he chooses that? A board with rails so thick they could be officially classified as retarded.

And what about his friend Legolas?

Why?

Why the rail thickness?

I could go on and on posting picture after picture but you know what I’m on about so help me figure it out, please.

Love,

Chas Smith

Easy fix!

Dear Kelly Slater,

You are a very famous professional surfer, friends with many other famous-ish professional surfers and celebrities. Boyfriend to other equally famous-ish and celebrity ladies. Successful, talented, handsome, fabulous-ish and outspoken.

Out speaking damnation upon environmental terrorists (while pushing wave pools that have been, let’s be truly honest, exposed as beautiful disasters) and the only surf website that takes comedy seriously (while blocking it from your social medias).

You are a hypocrite.

An historically grand hypocrite but is that what you want your legacy to be?

An historically grand hypocrite?

I imagine this will front your Wikipedia tomorrow and also be someday spray painted upon your headstone and/or Cocoa Beach statue because it is absolutely true.

But no?

You don’t see yourself that way?

Easy out.

Chat with me and Derek tomorrow, next day, at your convenience on our Dirty Water and you shall be free.

Otherwise, your screed today and everything else you stand for is straight and forever embarrassing.

No?

Yeah.

It is. Your sycophants won’t tell you but also sycophants don’t tell anyone anything true.

Yet you feel it every day.

Know it every day.

They also tell you “Nobody reads BeachGrit.”

Oops.

The fact that you are reading this right now should, and certainly does, cause a slight quiver.

See you at your convenience!

Love,

Chas Smith.

Brave.

Oooooeeeee these here are the most dangerous of days for which to open a mouth and use that mouth to utter words. How many celebrities have been recently “canceled” for past remarks? Completely erased from the hearts and minds of a once adoring public for saying, even thinking, currently out of vogue things. How many ordinary folk have been set upon by the mob, houses figuratively, jobs literally, burned?

Very many.

The field of discourse, once relatively open and sun-dappled, is now pitch black with landmines littered everywhere, big holes dug with pointy sticks placed in their bottoms too.

Well, at least free speech has a great hero in the form of world-famous surfer Kelly Slater. I am not allowed to see what Kelly writes, or thinks, due to the fact that he cancelled me, but wonderful friends forward his important missives and here we see him wading into the Instagram comments of his great hero Joe Rogan.

You’ll recall Slater’s recent appearance on Rogan’s podcast where the 11x professional surfing champion tried to make the fight enthusiast and comedian like him.

Rogan’s most recent guest is a comedian named Bill Burr. Rogan declared, “Spent 3 hours smoking cigars and talking shit with my brother @wilfredburr! We had a great fucking time and I hope you enjoy it.”

All fine but somebody must have become sad by something Burr said, something maybe sexist and/or racist, and let it be known in those Instagram comments.

Kelly Slater, defender of free thought, free speech, wasn’t having it, responding:

“It’s called comedy. If it was too real for you to hear without being triggered you might have some issues. Sometimes you need to hear other people’s perspectives and understand them to acknowledge situations properly. But it doesn’t sound like You heard what he said much and are gonna turn it into some anti women rant. Good humor pulls no punches. His just wasn’t outright comedy like we are used to. I got no problem when a woman makes fun of a penis and calls it small or whatever (smiley face emoji).”

Whoa.

And my heart is beating out of my very chest. I wish so much that I could go do applause hand emojis or even raise the roof emojis but, alas, my perspective is not one of the ones Kelly Slater needs to hear to acknowledge any situation properly.

Still, it makes me impossibly happy that our GOAT is out there defending free speech for some and also free speech for women making fun of penises and calling them small or whatever.

Robust.