Two caveats: Shark's gotta be alive and you have to prove he was the biter.

A Thai father infuriated the country’s Natural Resources and Environmental Minister over the weekend by offering a cash reward for a naughty shark that bit his young son’s foot.

Mayor Mahmadneesum Bilungload son Harafat Limapicharsakul, 12, was enjoying a wonderful afternoon by the water, splashing and playing with two friends on a pier very near the mouth of a canal that runs to the Andaman Sea. It was a warm, humid day, very common in the region, and the boys were keeping cool when a shark emerged from the deep and bit Limapicharsakul’s left foot.

The injury required a trip to the hospital and fifty stitches.

Locals suspected the aggressor to be a Bull Shark, as they frequent the brackish waters.

The boy’s father immediately hired a boat and followed what he believed would be the shark’s escape route in a bid to track it down and “give it a whooping.”

His efforts proved unsuccessful and so he offered a cash reward of 1000 Baht to anyone who captures the shark, alive, and proves it is the one who bit his young son’s foot.

Maybe a tall order.

Thailand’s Natural Resources and Environmental Minister Varawut Silpaarcha found the bounty to be in bad taste and released a statement. “Don’t offer a bounty for a shark or support the hunt for a reward.”

Local marine scientist Thon Thamrongnawasawat added, “The shark might have thought the foot was prey. But it swam away after realising its mistake.”

Well, even if it did realize its mistake it is likely too little too late. Mayor Bilungload is a man of action.

Are you in a shark hunting mood?

A little trip to Thailand that could end up being subsidized?

It sounds like a job for the Salty Crew.

Dooma Fahrenfort stands weeping on the beach.

Now, I am fairly certain that South Africa’s most popular professional surfer, Jordy Smith, is not currently quarantining in his homeland but rather in Hawaii though he must be waking up this morning, light trades buffeting his veranda, with a heavy case of FOMO.

Fear of missing out on some of the best surf his country has to offer with only Michael February and Grant “Twiggy” Baker in the lineup.

Damien Fahrenfort on the sand trying to convince the authorities that his Wikipedia is wrong. That he is not, in fact, a “South African businessperson” but rather a professional surfer.

For the brave nation is set to reopen its beaches, its waves, with one major caveat.

Only professional surfers are allowed to enjoy.

And let us head, forthwith, to The North Coast Courier for more on this scientifically-sound turn of events.

“Only professional surfers will be allowed back into the water from Monday – but the question of social surfing at a later stage under lockdown is still up for debate.

While sports minister Nathi Methethwa appeared clear at a media briefing today that only professional sportspeople may resume training – and non-contact sports may hold matches – there would appear to be some wiggle room ahead over the “complex issue” of surfing.

Responding to media questions, Sports, Arts and Culture department director general, Vusumusi Mkhize hinted that surfing was still up for discussion with surfing associations.

“This issue of surfing, and water and the virus has been one of the very complex discussions based on scientific versions. There is a version of this virus thriving in cold environments and therefore then being a risk, that people, if they are a group swimming together and if it is a swimming games, there is a risk.

“But there are those who are saying that chlorine attacks and destroys the virus.

“On the other hand, the issue of surfing, because it is in open water, those are the issues we need to discuss for surfing,” said Mkhize, suggesting that they would liaise with the country’s surfing body, Surfing South Africa.

Oh Kim Prather, what a tangled web you wove but, quickly, what do you think counts as “professional surfer” in South Africa?

Would I, as a professional surf journalist qualify?

Would you, as a one-time local boardriders’ club under-45 third place finisher?

Imagine, just me, you, Michael February and Grant “Twiggy” Baker trading waves at perfect J-Bay. Jordy Smith crying in Hawaii, Dooma Fahrenfort denouncing business on the beach.

A dream we can make reality.

Flights from LAX – Cape Town are sitting at $1000.