Breaking: John Florence, Kolohe Andino, Carissa Moore, Caroline Marks unanimously select Brett Simpson as first ever U.S. Olympic surf head coach!

The people's choice!

If we’re honest, and I think we can be here on the biggest little surf website in the whole world, very few things are more important than popularity.

Leaving aside moral fortitude, bravery, trustworthiness, selflessness, critical thinking etc., popularity, and/or the pursuit thereof, gives rise to great works of art: Mean Girls, Less than Zero, 10 Things I Hate about You just to name three.

Popularity feels good and/or bad if a person happens to be unpopular and, this morning, I wonder if Rainos Hayes, Shane Beschen, Mike Parsons and Chris “Gally” Stone all feel bad or if they selflessly feel good for Brett Simpson who beat them each to become the very first U.S. Olympic surf team head coach.

Historically significant.

Simpson was chosen over all other candidates, according to U.S.A. Surfing’s CEO Greg Cruse, after the team consisting of John John Florence, Kolohe Andino, Carissa Moore and Caroline Marks unanimously selected him.

Cruse added, “We have some of the top surfers in the world on our team. They all have their teams that they work with, year-in, year-out, so they really don’t need coaching in the traditional sense of the word. What they need is someone that they can relate to, that they respect, that they can bounce ideas off, that can calm them, or hype them up, and just get them in the best mindset. That’s what you need and that’s what Brett brings to the table.”

Very fine and Simpson should feel humbled in that “I-smashed-all-comers-and-rule” Gabriel Medina sort of way.

His stable will likely be facing Brazil’s Medina and/or Italo Ferreira in Tokyo.


Mirroring Cruse’s sentiments, Simpson declared, “I’m on the younger side of the coaching spectrum but I think it’s become relevant in a lot of sports. There’s similar views you share and when you’re working with top level athletes like this, it isn’t telling them how to surf. It’s more guidance on conditions, focusing on equipment and the day-to-day preparation, putting them in the best situation to perform at their highest level.”

Very fine indeed.

Will you call him Coach Simpson from now on or should we call him Head Surf Coach just like Steve Spurrier was called Head Ball Coach?

Much to ponder.

A Wooli cop carries the boy's board. | Photo: NSW Shark Smart

Update: Fifteen-year-old surfer killed by “ten-foot Great White” at Wooli Beach on Australia’s mid-north Coast; second surfer killed by a Great White in one month

"A really big Great White shark came up and took a bite, and he was screaming out…"

A fifteen-year-old boy has died after being hit by a shark at Wilsons Headland at Wooli Beach, north of Coffs Harbour, this afternoon. 

Mani Hart-Deville was hit in the legs by what is being called a “ten-foot Great White”.

“Several boardriders came to his assistance before the injured teen could be helped to shore,” NSW Police said in a statement. “First aid was rendered for serious injuries to his legs and despite CPR efforts to revive him, he died at the scene.”

The joint is as secluded as it gets around those parts, dirt road in then you gotta walk.

An hour from anywhere between Coffs Harbour and Grafton.

A local resident, Helen Dobra, told Nine News, “He said that he was in the water and a really big Great White shark came up and took a bite, and he was screaming out. Then the surfer said the shark came again for another attack … and another surfer actually bravely went and tried to get the shark off him and then they pulled him out of the water.”

Mani Hart-Deville. Source: Facebook

I spoke to a Wooli surfer who said he’d “seen more sharks in two months than I’ve seen in my whole life.”

It’s the second shark attack fatality on the stretch of coast in just over a month.

Queensland surfer Rob Pedretti died after being attacked by a “twelve-to-fifteen-foot Great White” at Salt Beach, in front of popular holiday resorts Peppers Salt Resort and Spa and Mantra on Salt, forty miles north of shark-attack hotspot Byron Bay, and roughly three hours drive from today’s attack.

All nearby beaches closed etc. 

Advice: carry a tourniquet, know how to use it. 

Listen: Caio Ibelli on the silky joys of Brazilian women and cavorting all over Gabriel Medina, “I feel he cries in the shower after he loses to me…”

Come meet your new favourite surfer!

Caio Ibelli is the twenty-six-year-old Brazilian surfer with the flawless patrician features and rosebud month who, repeatedly, garrots world champion surfers, mostly John John Florence and Gabriel Media, but also including Kelly Slater. 

Told he’d never be a pro surfer ‘cause he got into the game late, Caio won the world junior title in a stacked field that included Filipe Toledo, Jack Freestone and Wade Carmichael, became the rookie of the year in 2016 and has continued to be a thorn in the side of anyone who intimates that he ain’t no good. 

A little over a week after his twenty-sixth birthday in 2019, this journeyman of five feet and six inches who nobody pays attention to although they should was catapulted into the world of one hundred and thirty million souls as the bogeyman who stole Gabriel Medina’s dream for a third world title in Portugal.

Caio got hit with ten thousand hateful messages in two hours after Medina and his guy-pal Neymar loosed their armies onto the “high-voltage” natural-footer. 

All this, of course, is discussed over the course of eighty-eight minutes, with a late diversion into his life as a single man (“Every man has to get a Brazilian girlfriend,” he says, all but twirling his snout against a vulva frothed with lubricity while we speak) after his split from pro surfer girlfriend, Alessa Quizon. 

Charlie and I are grotesque, trembling the air in apparent orgasmic spasms, while Caio concusses us both with his endless beautiful bludgeon strokes.

He’ll lead your poor heart to slaughter, too.

(Available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcast, Stitcher, TuneIn + Alexa, iHeartRadio, Overcast, Pocket Cast, Castro, Castbox, Podcast Addict, Podchaser, Deezer and Listen Notes.)

Share here

Direct link is here

Or hit play below.

Inside source confirms: “World Surf League had ‘major’ announcement planned for this week that was mysteriously scuttled without explanation!”

It's a wrap, folks.

Earlier in the week, I received credible information from a trustworthy source that the World Surf League was hours away from making a grand announcement regarding the future of professional surfing. According to shim (English’s wonderful version of Latinx), the first event of the year would be Dec. and Hawaii, likely Pipeline, and would roll directly into the 2021 season.

I waited with bated breath and…. crickets.

It is now Friday afternoon, past the hour for any announcement major or minor, and what the hell is happening in Santa Monica?

Another source confirmed that there was, indeed, a “major” announcement planned but it had been mysteriously scuttled without explanation.

And so, is this moment the official end or was the official end a few months ago?

Hard to say.

I used to assume there was some play happening behind the scenes I couldn’t comprehend, as I am not a smart man, but rather a surf journalist.

I used to assume that professional surfing’s current owner co-Waterperson of the Year and exclusive southern plantation co-owner Dirk Ziff was wise and that his CEO Erik Logan was also wise.

But they are not wise.

Ziff is likely mentally checked out, worrying about other business ventures and/or his southern plantation. Logan is in well over his head, understanding neither sport nor storytelling nor surfing, Covid-19 exploded the tour and there was, truly, nothing else in the cupboard, except for his corpo double-speak and Dave Prodan’s interview skills.

The World Surf League bills itself as “The Global Home of Surfing” but it is not nor ever was. There is no “Global Home of Surfing” except for maybe Peru, where it all began (buy here in brand new paperback and signed by author).

So it’s over and my only question to you is should I take joy in tossing dirt onto the corpse or be sad whilst doing?

Summer of Blood: Australian woman recognizes “the face of Satan” in a print from K-Mart, further destabilizing 2020!

"Once you have seen it you can't unsee it..."

It has been a grim year what with the cancelation of professional surfing and also the loss of any World Surf League missives. The Santa Monica headquarters once so bold, so brash has gone entirely silent. Not a peep even after promises of exciting news.


Possibly, but about what? The legions of Great White sharks encircling America’s northeast and New Zealand in never-before-seen numbers?

A Covid-19 that has re-invigorated and extra-feisty, closing borders, filling hospitals, indiscriminately killing our obese elderly with underlying heart conditions?

Racial unrest that threatens the bucolic charm of World Surf League owner and co-Waterperson of the Year Dirk Ziff’s extremely exclusive southern plantation?

Satan himself coming out of the clouds to finish the whole business off for good?


An Australian woman recently purchased a print of what she thought were clouds except when she looked closer, realized it was actually a portrait of Satan.

‘So after finding a demonic face in this picture, I don’t want it above our bed anymore. Where else can I hang a cloudy picture?’ she said in a Facebook group.

Many terrified people quickly responded, urging the woman to get rid of the popular canvas or ‘burn it’.

‘Once you have seen it you can’t unsee it… I would get rid of it,’ one said, while another added: ‘Oh dear, I can see it! Looks evil.’

I did not see this print in World Surf League CEO Erik Logan’s office, when I last visited, but he did proudly show off a giant framed picture of Laird Hamilton riding a SUP.


At least we have Lawn Patrol.