Listen: Caio Ibelli on the silky joys of Brazilian women and cavorting all over Gabriel Medina, “I feel he cries in the shower after he loses to me…”

Come meet your new favourite surfer!

Caio Ibelli is the twenty-six-year-old Brazilian surfer with the flawless patrician features and rosebud month who, repeatedly, garrots world champion surfers, mostly John John Florence and Gabriel Media, but also including Kelly Slater. 

Told he’d never be a pro surfer ‘cause he got into the game late, Caio won the world junior title in a stacked field that included Filipe Toledo, Jack Freestone and Wade Carmichael, became the rookie of the year in 2016 and has continued to be a thorn in the side of anyone who intimates that he ain’t no good. 

A little over a week after his twenty-sixth birthday in 2019, this journeyman of five feet and six inches who nobody pays attention to although they should was catapulted into the world of one hundred and thirty million souls as the bogeyman who stole Gabriel Medina’s dream for a third world title in Portugal.

Caio got hit with ten thousand hateful messages in two hours after Medina and his guy-pal Neymar loosed their armies onto the “high-voltage” natural-footer. 

All this, of course, is discussed over the course of eighty-eight minutes, with a late diversion into his life as a single man (“Every man has to get a Brazilian girlfriend,” he says, all but twirling his snout against a vulva frothed with lubricity while we speak) after his split from pro surfer girlfriend, Alessa Quizon. 

Charlie and I are grotesque, trembling the air in apparent orgasmic spasms, while Caio concusses us both with his endless beautiful bludgeon strokes.

He’ll lead your poor heart to slaughter, too.

(Available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcast, Stitcher, TuneIn + Alexa, iHeartRadio, Overcast, Pocket Cast, Castro, Castbox, Podcast Addict, Podchaser, Deezer and Listen Notes.)

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