Must Read: Stab magazine editor-in-chief Ashton Goggans pens moving tribute to his overwhelming popularity in the surf industry!

The extraordinary power of being extraordinarily popular!

I just read the most delightfully moving piece of literature and can’t help but share here. It happens to be from a “competitor” in the surf-based website space but underneath a very thin veneer of “opposition” there exists only shared appreciation for the surf journalism arts and Stab magazine’s Editor-in-Chief Ashton Goggans’ latest approaches masterpiece level.

You must savor in its entirety as it paints a glorious portrait of connectedness, popularity, proximity to heroes and, in the end, becoming a hero oneself.

A short snippet:

How sad it is! I shall grow old, and horrible, and dreadful. But this tribute to myself will remain always young and show me in a true light, beloved by all but especially beloved by professional surfers. It will never be older than this particular day of July…. If it were only the other way! If it were I who was to be always young, and the tribute that was to grow old! For that—for that—I would give everything! Yes, there is nothing in the whole world I would not give! I would give my soul for that!

Critics declare, “Magnificent and compulsively readable . . . Goggans begins where Elizabeth Gilbert and the Hollywood versions of extremely wonderful people leave off and penetrates directly to the true fascination of being super super super cool. Hypnotic and chillingly sensual, this is a post of mesmerizing beauty and astonishing force. A story of rolling spliffs with Nathan Fletcher, of talking about weed with Bruce Irons, of drinking beers with Noa Deane, and of the extraordinary power of being extraordinarily popular. It is a work only Ashton Goggans could write.”

Bravo.

Bravo.


Watch and Thrill: World Surf League releases nominees for “Wipeout of the Year” including Keala Kennelly’s World Title winning tumble!

"Boom goes the dynamite!"

The mainstream media appreciates two, and only two, things about surfing. 1) Laird Hamilton Superfood plant-based coffee creamer and 2) wipeouts. Thankfully for the Santa Monica-based World Surf League, an organization under siege, it is that time of year when “Wipeout of the Year” nominees are loosed on an entertainment-starved public.

You can watch the top five, below, which include: Felipe Cesarano at Nazaré, Jerome Sahyoun in Ireland, Torrey Meister, Francisco Porcella and Keala Kennelly all at Jaws.

Yahoo! News declared “Cowabunga!” while Time magazine settled on the more prosaic “Boom goes the dynamite!”

Do you have a favorite? You can vote but, to be honest, there’s only one real option. Keala Kennelly’s magnificent Jaws tumble. It is one of the heavier and also part of what made her Big Wave World Champion. The heart, the will to put her head down and go.

A wonderful, defining moment in our shared history.


Breaking: Stab magazine recognizes error of ways, deletes post describing world’s greatest surfer Stephanie Gilmore as “coke-head with OCD!”

Stab magazine Editor-in-Chief Ashton Goggans may be Amber Heard.

How quickly do the wheels of justice turn these days? Three, literally three, minutes ago I posted a story regarding Zoom adjacent to Venice Beach Stab magazine decision to describe the world’s greatest surfer Stephanie Gilmore as “a coke-head with OCD” on Instagram.

The offering received mixed results.

Many thought it was funny and “edgy.”

Many more thought inappropriate and odd, especially for a property that consistently makes a point to fall on the side of “woke” clearly “the right side of history” in our current culture war.

As is its wont, Stab disappeared the offending post within a literal three minutes of a fine BeachGrit offering which… ouch!

Not even 24 hours of fun?

12 hours?

But also, is a media property truly “woke” by what they choose to leave live, swinging on “funny” and “cool” when the spirit strikes, or does a media property actually have to be “woke” and only post “woke” offerings?

I don’t actually know.

I’m perpetually confused by deleting anything.

History judges us and look at how it judged Johnny Depp.

A fun derelict.

Stab magazine Editor-in-Chief Ashton Goggans may be Amber Heard. Or…. whoever that other girl is.

More as the story develops.


Blood-ish Feud: Stab magazine conflicts commenters by describing world’s greatest surfer Stephanie Gilmore as a “coke-head with OCD!”

Is a once proud surf title officially cancelled?

The wokest of all surf media, we know, is The Inertia. Venice Beach’s other adjacent officially woke surf media so woke that it had an awkward time poking fun of modern satan Mark Zuckerberg culturally appropriating white culture by hideously mocking whilst on an electric foil surfboard.

Second place, of course, belongs to Venice Beach’s other adjacent officially woke surf media Stab magazine swinging between “edgy” and “aggrieved at inequity” etc. per our time and per the wonderful winds of thoughtless hypocrisy.

How wacky is our time?

Protesters rounded up in Portland, Oregon. Stephanie Gilmore, greatest surfer in the world, described by Stab as a “coke-head with OCD.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/CC36PUYlR21/

Oh.

I’m sure there were many chubby salchicha high-fives over the “progressive” caption (socially distanced via Zoom of course) in Stab magazine’s now metaphorically Venice Beach Adjacent’s office but ooooooeee!

Does Steph Gilmore cocaine?

Does she obsessively-compulse?

Commenters were mixed.

Many pointed out the hilarity of the caption.

Many more pointed out the inappropriateness. The making light of both drug abuse and mental illness.

A war being won, in terms of “likes” by the later.

Will Stab survive?

Due quarantine, I don’t have eyes on its Editor-in-Chief Ashton Goggans who may either be 450 lbs due a lockdown addiction to gluten-free nacho cheese chips or 359 lbs due genetics but what do you think?

Is this the end of a once proud title?

More as the story develops.


In extremely controversial move, Facebook founder and billionaire Mark Zuckerberg emerges from quarantine donning “white-face” on an electric foil!

"It sends the wrong message."

Fraught times. Scary times. The end of times? I don’t want to sound any unnecessary alarm bells here but two signs of the apocalypse manifested themselves over the weekend. The first, masked, badge-less federal agents throwing people into unmarked mini-vans in Portland, Oregon and disappearing them.

Disappearing them to where?

Unclear but possibly to strip clubs or donut shops where donuts are served with pieces of bacon on top for “re-education” on how to “Keep Portland Weird.”

The second, Facebook founder and billionaire Mark Zuckerberg emerging from quarantine donning white-face and riding and electric foil.

While white-face has yet to be socially criminalized, there is a growing number who believes it “sends the wrong message” and “should be avoided.”

Zuckerberg was unavailable for comment.

He appears to have learned the foil on the island of Kauai from his friend and super cross-over water person Kai Lenny.

Disturbing but the most intriguing detail is neither the white-face nor the electric foil but rather the size and shape of Zuckerberg’s bottom.

Whoa.

Baby certainly appears to “got back.” Is it a natural side effect of electric foiling? Of destroying the bonds between human beings around the world? Of being friends with Kai Lenny?

Much to ponder.