Watch: Great White Shark named “Helen” drowns a thirty-five foot humpback whale off the coast of South Africa!

"Very strategic."

Remember back when the world was pre-apocalyptic, hair salons were open, refillable sodas were the norm and we humans had two main concerns?

1) Keep the Country Country

2) Save the Whales

We have done a good job, all things considered, with number one. Country is still, ostensibly, Country thanks to many brave North Shore property owners painting the slogan on signs and putting them Kamehameha adjacent.

Number two, though, seems to have fallen through the cracks and let us not tarry. Let us fly to South Africa where a tagged ten-foot Great White named Helen “very strategically” drowned a thirty-five foot humpback while negligent humans watched via drone (watch here).

According to Ryan Johnson, a marine biologist reached for comment, Helen knew exactly what she was doing in heading for the tail, finding an artery then letting the poor humpback bleed for thirty minutes before attacking the sweet creature’s face.

“There was no hesitation. It’s as if she knew exactly how to go about it. Even though she was a fraction of his weight, she was attempting to roll him over, pulling him down to get his blow hole under the water, apparently in an effort to drown him. She managed to weigh him down under the water and he just didn’t come up again.”

Do you think there are any tagged sharks out there named Karen?

Are they depressed?

Are you depressed for not saving the whales?

You should be. Just this past year a humpback saved a diver named Karen from death by shark.