Get learnt!
It is extremely difficult to keep secrets in our modern internet age, see Jeff Epstein, but the ancient art of longboarding has kept itself shaded. Nuances and tips handed down, orally, from older semi-broken father to son no able or willing to surf a proper board.
Joel Tudor plying his trade in darkness.
Well, no longer as Austrian energy drink manufacturer Red Bull has just published the entire run of show in its just released “How to Longboard Surf: An In-Depth Guide.”
Tears rolling down salt-crusted cheeks from Cardiff-by-the-Sea to Byron, Australia.
A way of life vanished.
But let’s learn, real quick, how to longboard surf.
What exactly do you need in order to longboard?
Just a few things, really…A swimsuit or wetsuit (depending on water temp), fin(s) for the board, surf wax, leg leash, sunscreen, and of course, a longboard. You can purchase most of these items from most surf shops.
Where do you go to longboard surf?
It is definitely true that there are surf breaks more suited for longboarding, and others that are not. The ones that are not: break quickly, hard, and in shallow water. Like Pipeline, for instance.
How to longboard surf?
As this is a “how to longboard surf” as opposed to “how to surf at all,” we’re assuming you know the bare-basics. As in—paddling and popping up to stand on your board. Both of these things can be practiced on dry land, by the way, to refresh. The great thing about longboard surfing (as opposed to other, shorter surfboards), is that they’re far easier to balance on and ride.
Tears rolling down Joel Tudor’s cheeks.
All laid bare.
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Just catching up here – did Redbull delete their article after this gentle ribbing?? The link now redirects to a 404
Is the anti depressive part of this story that Redbull are encouraging VAL’s to take up longboarding instead of shortboarding?
Oh no! Now everyone’s gonna to be able to ride a longboard! hang on.. what??
Did you ever go there?
Was so dangerous yet so fun!
Anyone else feel
That the whole world is spinning
In mournful reverse?
Nice backside!!
https://youtu.be/t1DWBKk5xHQ
Imagine the fun
Michael Hutchence had before
His belt took revenge
Inxs
Believe it
You can see it
Kylie did say in an interview once she was a “girl” before meeting Hutcho.
Or something to that effect
I feel it is now incumbent upon Redbull, patron of the ‘extreme’, to ascertain the longest board possible to surf macking Pipe. Starting at say 14’ and working their way up towards the fins poking out via the foam ball to Backdoor whilst navigating the ‘pooof’ at Pipe.
I wouldn’t pay to watch that.
There’s been a pivot from extreme to extreme lydull.
WORLD LYDULL LEAGUE
Coming on the tits of smoky rollers near you soon.
That is not a longboard in the above picture.
“The ones that are not: break quickly, hard, and in shallow water. Like Pipeline, for instance.”
Jamie O’Brien: “Hold my Red Bull, and get my soft top longboard. Going to surf Pipe!”
Seems like you’re considering going from mid- to full-length.
whatever it takes to beat stab!!! (this aint gonna do it)
So glad to have some Joeljitsu back in my life! Like an answered prayer.
I’ve heard that Joel Tudor’s passion for jiu jitsu began from practicing his pop-up and paddling on dry land to refresh. It’s purely by accident that jiu jitsu coincided so well with his other hobbies like rolling around in bed with insecure men in kimonos and filming POV angles of himself karate chopping little kids. His talents on a surfboard are easily surpassed by his incredible ability to trawl Matt Warshaw’s Encyclopaedia of Surfing for new content to upload to Instagram every 15 minutes. His thumbs must be totally arthritic from countless years of condescendingly correcting his dumb cunt followers on useless information such as arbitrary dates and names of surfboard designs or surfers that no one gives a fuck about. Cheers Joel. You’re a part of the shit stained fabric of surfing, sitting proudly somewhere between Laird and kneeboarding.
I have to share with you someone I know that kneeboards, is one of the most dangerous people alive! You never know when you cross the wrong dude, careful! (Blah!)
I know better than to cross a man with a carpet burn on his knee caps.
Tudor somehow always looks serious; a logger should never look serious, that would be embarassing.
Gebauer rode a redwood log at Sunset and basically invented huge surf hot dogging on it …
Laird, just before the sailboarding really took off, used to go out on the biggest days at Hookipa on a log and while the rest of us were dodging bombers he would take off fin first and 180 down triple overhead faces, looked bored and I believe he was … bummer about his ankles now … sorry Blahlah we old already …
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
When the world falls apart , longboards fill the space.
Joel Tudor’s tears run down his face …..
Apologies to Billy Bragg , Levi Stubbs and shortboarders
When you’re chasing your ex girlfriend and her new shortboard-riding lover down the street, tears streaming down your bearded face as you wonder how it all went so wrong, don’t forget to cross step!
My short board is an 8 foot Baby Spoon.
🙂
CANCEL REDBULL!!
Did you you know that if your rearrange the letters of Redbull you get ‘Blulerd’ and also ‘Ebudllr’.
Coincidence?
I fucking well think NOT.
No shit?
I’m afraid none of those letters are in “redbull”, Otto.
Bullshit
Well, you are half right there.