Culture Wars erupt in France as national pastime, topless sunbathing, comes under fire for “harming the sweet and precious eyes of innocent children!”

"Guided by a desire for appeasement..."

The word has shifted a few more degrees closer to what scientists call “complete upside-down-ness” when, last weekend, two women sunbathing topless on a French beach (faire briller les balises de la liberté in the local tongue) were asked to cover up as they were offending a nearby family.

Shock and outrage spread through the nation with the interior minister weighing in, “It was wrong that the women were warned about their clothing. Freedom is something precious.”

It was once made illegal in several French towns to wear the full-body covering “Burkini.”

The police officers, fearing for their lives, released the following statement, “Guided by a desire for appeasement, the police asked the people concerned if they would agree to cover their chest after they explained the reason for their approach.”

“Guided by a desire for appeasement” is the country’s unofficial anthem.

The bikini happened to be invented in France, 75-years ago, though many opt for the “monokini” or bottoms alone.

Gazing at monokinis on the beach has long been sport for professional surfers traveling to Europe from the more prudish United States of America with looks of wide-eyed amazement featuring in many of our best films.

It appears that no further action will be taken, momentarily relieving scientists who don’t know the full consequences of reaching “complete upside-down-ness.” There is worry Kelly Slater might want to become Sal Masekela’s best friend in the whole wide world but be regularly sent to voicemail and other such mind imploding business.

People menacing and eating sharks in the water etc.

Very off-putting.

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Yeah_na
Yeah_na
6 years ago

Just reduce the whole comment section down to a ‘Dear Biçko” or ” Hey I lived in France and I will tell you all about it, en Francais. Such a punisher ..

FL Skunk Ape
FL Skunk Ape
6 years ago

Let the puppies breathe!

MD11F
MD11F
6 years ago

Slightly uncommon occurrence, normally is Americans and English getting all excited about bare breasts. They seem to share both a language and puritanical attitude towards topless ladies on the beach. Very strange.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

And 20 million Soviet Deaths to deliver us from evil , and permitted the west , using certain socialist ideas , to create a middle class , which I am assuming 99% of us on this site come from ?

surfshiny
surfshiny
6 years ago

Was in Biarritz a few weeks ago with my sister and 13 year old nephew. Lots of pretty young things everywhere, topless, joie de vivre. Awkward as hell, 😳 he hasn’t learned the art of discreet sneak peeks, but no way I’d ever think to ask the girls to cover up! 🇫🇷

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  surfshiny

Slightly further north up the coast , we use to avoid certain girls in the morning , so we could get the customary , strictly once a day , kiss on two cheeks , at the beach when they were nude or topless ……. ut faciam cum Romae.

Astrophysicien
Astrophysicien
6 years ago

Widely used tactic no? My wife says the ladies are on to this but allow us a little fun.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  Astrophysicien

Oui . C‘est un petit jeu d’été, qui fait plaisir à tout le monde …..

Astrophysicien
Astrophysicien
6 years ago

C’est vrai! I thought I was being quite clever, apparently no!

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  Astrophysicien

Clever you are , but women rule this game . Flirting in France is an art , and not to be confused with sexual harassment ?

Astrophysicien
Astrophysicien
6 years ago

Wife, three grown daughters, 2 grand daughters. My 94 year old mother. I have taken to the gilet jaune to protest female hegemony.

Excellent surf in Lacanau earlier, went up spend morning logging then excellent lunch.
La France profonde !

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  Astrophysicien

I lived at Hourtin Plage just up the road for 20 years ….. Love September , best month of the year in the Medoc … sadly this year is the first time I won’t be there……since 92 . Merde !

Astrophysicien
Astrophysicien
6 years ago

Aoûtiens now depart, although this year due to virus has been quite uncrowded, pleasant change but for economy very bad conditions.

Maybe next year?

Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
6 years ago

You sly dog you. (Furiously scribbling notes for later reference.)

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

The lord helps those who help themselves ….

MD11F
MD11F
6 years ago

Notre ami le docteur de l’astronomie has very cute daughters, I never go over for a swim before mid afternoon!

Une planification méticuleuse permettra à tout ce qu’un homme fait de paraître spontané.
-Napoleon

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  MD11F

C’est cela même.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

My second day at the beach in France in 92 , I was asked by some local girls if they could come and watch me surf ….. I thought they must be taking the piss but there I was surfing the Shorebreak and there they were , two topless and two nude …aged 17 to 22 .
I was so DISGUSTED ! …. by myself that I’d waited till I was 26 to get there !

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

If you go to a French Beach in the Sud Ouest ( south west ) , there is an area defined by two signs in the dune ;
A triangle with black and yellow horizontal stripes .
In between these two signs is an area , during the summer months which is controlled by the lifesavers and depending on the years and councils ,they might be run by Fireman or Riot Police (CRS) . This zone contained a patrolled bathing area , was a dog free zone etc and nude bathing was discouraged , and naturists were offered the opportunity , by the lifesavers , to put on a flimsy piece of Lycra or move outside of the defined zone to the area’s north or south were nude bathing was acceptable. I was sun baking nude , in between surf sessions , this time last year , with the whole family without complaint .

Now …. Topless bathing for women represented no problems at all and is probably one of the reasons why the lifesavers engaged in these summer appointments in the first place .

Astrophysicien
Astrophysicien
6 years ago

Local gendarmerie patrols naturist areas of beach here with great diligence. I was riding my ebike down beach last week, they stop me as interested to learn about bike, we chat a bit then they say back to work, must do observations! I say gentleman France appreciates your service, we all laugh.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  Astrophysicien

« La, tout n’est qu’ordre et beauté

Luxe, calme et volupté »

There, there is nothing else but grace and measure,

Richness, quietness, and pleasure.”

― Charles Baudelaire

Yesterday's hero
Yesterday's hero
6 years ago

my sweet hossegor is all diamonds in the rough, in the water and on the sand.

Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
6 years ago

sacre bleu! seeing old dudes with big bellies, saggy arses and small cocks was the only thing keeping me from developing a body complex.

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
6 years ago

Man.. tig ole biddies (shit, any tiddies!) being sunned is one the last wholesome summer beach sights/gifts left. Shame, shame. Shame. way to give your kiddos a complex with “cover up you hussies” attitude.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

It’s is one thing to be responsible and wear a mask over your mouth and nose in this year of living non contagiously , but you wonder if these people where a mask over their own eyes in the shower ?

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
6 years ago

haha the “Never Nude” movement!

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

Job 1:21
Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

Job 20:20
Stay psyched!!!

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

Job 20:20 And The Prophet Job said « I predict there will be Seekers , New Seekers and one day a plague shall descend upon the Chosen People and they will become JobSeekers «
And Surfboard Manufacturers , Wetsuit makers gave thanks and burned herbs in praise of Scomo

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
6 years ago

“Your wife is a towel, mate!” ~ Conor McGregor

Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
6 years ago
Reply to  ValiantScorn

“3.04 round 4. choke out. ” Khabib

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
6 years ago
Reply to  Phat-wan kerr

Khabib is a good fighter! His wife is a towel, mate!

?uzzled
?uzzled
6 years ago

I pray daily for women to have equality in their ability to be topless on American soil.

Return of the Samsung Board
Return of the Samsung Board
6 years ago

TIDDYS UNDER SIEGE

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

Vivent Les Tétons Libres !

Ricky Spanish
Ricky Spanish
6 years ago

I really hope the French don’t allow that kind of agression to stand, man. And not just because I love free range boobies, but a small loss of a freedom like this can be a slippery slope. The authorities should have told the prudes to go the fuck home or avert their stupid puritanical eyes. Fuck those shitheads.

Astrophysicien
Astrophysicien
6 years ago
Reply to  Ricky Spanish

The police apologized and admitted their error.

@surfads
@surfads
6 years ago
Reply to  Ricky Spanish

Those boobies really tied the room together

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

There it is. The line I was looking for.

Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
6 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

feng shui at its finest

Ricky Spanish
Ricky Spanish
6 years ago
Reply to  @surfads

They always do

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago
Reply to  Ricky Spanish

The prudes or the dudes would or wouldn’t allow that kind of aggression to stand? The next thing you know, they’re pissing on rugs.

Is a French male a dudette?

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

Hi Pie …… The ette is used to refer to a smaller version of something

eg A pitch fork in French « Une Fourche « while the small fork for use at the table is « une Fourchette « .

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

Same as Portuguese where they use, inha, at the end to represent little things. Eg
I’d like to stick my little thing inha.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

From little things big things grow ….. inha

Snowbored
Snowbored
6 years ago

Don’t forget the masculine form is inho…

Ricky Spanish
Ricky Spanish
6 years ago

That family who complained were definitely rug pissers

Tomas' silky smooth arms
Tomas' silky smooth arms
6 years ago

Is that ELo is his speedos and Michael February cleaning the pool?

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago

Would Kelly watch?

Tomas' silky smooth arms
Tomas' silky smooth arms
6 years ago

His Chinese girlfriend would offer poolside massage service.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

Let’s hope his SUP days are over and he has transformed into a lay down banana-lounge ?

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
6 years ago

France is now going to follow in the footsteps of the States and its puritanical oppression of nude bodies, and soon be 2nd in the world in PornHub visits. Ironically within the US the state with the highest rate of porn voyeur is Utah, home of the Mormons. Go figure.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Now you know why the US has loads of military bases in the States surrounding Utah, and only 2 bases in the State of Utah. Go figure. Mormons.

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Maybe that correlates with when your founder swears the thousand pound solid gold tablets justify him sleeping with 14 year olds?

?uzzled
?uzzled
6 years ago

Where do you find statistics on porn consumption? That shit does sound fascinating.

Snowbored
Snowbored
6 years ago

That’s a fun fact.
Not surprising.
What state makes the most porn (homemade variety)?

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

In nearby Germany , the birthplace of Naturism – the enjoyment of nudism , without any sexual connotations.
And along came the Nazis ….. As the Nazi’s came into power in 1933, all nudist organisations were banned, however to soften the blow, nude swimming was allowed in very remote areas in 1942.

After World War II, FKK(Freikörperkultur nudism) became hugely popular in the largely restrictive German Democratic Republic. In a world where their every move was observed by the Stasi, East Germans felt they were already naked in the eyes of the State. There was nothing more to hide. FKK became one of the few liberties East Germans felt they had.

Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
6 years ago

Maybe Hitler had a small wiener and didn’t want to be embarrassed at the beach, so he just outlawed nude bathing instead. What a Jerk. Who doesn’t enjoy a nice breeze keeping the plums cool and dry on a hot summer day?

Snowbored
Snowbored
6 years ago

What they really need to do is ban old fat guys from wearing speedos.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago
Reply to  Snowbored

That’s mostly the Germans to be fair. The Frenchies sport the boxer-brief style more egregiously.

Astrophysicien
Astrophysicien
6 years ago

This not uncommon occurrence, why media pick up this time a mystery.

The French surrender/appeasement trope a bit tired no? I suppose plays well with less educated Americans or you consider a clever jibe? Freedom fries and freedom toast anyone?

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  Astrophysicien

Never tired!

Stephen Wolfram
Stephen Wolfram
6 years ago
Reply to  Astrophysicien

It’s not a trope, it’s actually what happened.

“The French adopted a diplomatic policy of appeasement and sought to placate Hitler by offering him concessions, such as allowing him to re-militarize the Rhineland.”

Astrophysicien
Astrophysicien
6 years ago

I was using trope as a figure of speech or common literary device, as English not my first language perhaps this incorrect. Is 80+ years ago no? My grandparents died in the war, I am well aware of the result of French actions prior, during and post war.

Stephen Wolfram
Stephen Wolfram
6 years ago
Reply to  Astrophysicien

Much respect. My grandfather was an anti-aircraft gunner at Port Moresby, New Guinea and suffered partial blindness after a Japanese bombing raid.

As far as the French, Americans love to bash them because they probably would have lost WWI without the US and again in WWII we bailed them out, granted that Hitler’s foolish invasion of Russia had more to do with their ultimate defeat.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

Not to mention that the Soviets won the war and the race to take Berlin …..

Yesterday's hero
Yesterday's hero
6 years ago

Who cares.

Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
6 years ago
Reply to  Astrophysicien

I’ll have a the Supersize Freedom Fries And a 2 liter Coca Cola.

?uzzled
?uzzled
6 years ago

Please don’t use the metric system in America.

Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
6 years ago
Reply to  ?uzzled

OK. Supersize Freedom Fries and a THIRSTY thirty two ouncer Coca Cola.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

We’ll know we’ve reached “complete upside-down-ness” when Sal Masekela and Kelly Slater merge and form one Almighty, all best friended, omnipotent Salter Masekelly.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

It makes me happy that Salter Masekelly is here to downvote.


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