Genius.
Professional surfing is hanging on by the thinnest of threads. Whatever rosy (Hodge and other) cord is anchoring our World Surf League, it ain’t thick. Hundreds (tens?) have lost their jobs. Kanoa Igarashi’s name is now Igarshi because… CEO Erik Logan is the last employee in the room and he hasn’t spelled since mangling Orpah to Oprah.
It’s an utter apocalypse with zero hope for survival.
Zero hope except swerving the entire thing into a cult.
Track with me here.
Surfing is “spiritual.” Cults are “successful.”
Get it?
Scientology, NXVIM, Branch Davidian… etc.
There’s gold in them hills and professional surfing has the tools to mine.
A bizarre guru (Kelly Slater)?
Check.
A pie-eyed preacher who don’t have a lick of sense (Erik Logan)?
Check.
I honestly don’t see how it goes bad if “professional surfing” becomes a “new religion.”
Taxes?
Gone.
Imagine how happy Co-Waterperson of the Year Dirk Ziff would be not to pay taxes and also to be benefactor of a whole “new religion.” To be honest, it seems like what he’s been angling for all along.
No?
David Lee Koresh and I also discuss distance learning for seven-year-olds on today’s podcast.
Certain to excite.
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Have you ever listened to someone speak, and wonder if they desire to punch themselves?
I’m just thankful one of you didn’t have your virtue signaling panties on your f faces! Thank You, V.
Charlie Swiffer Smith as he is known at home. Surf no, housecleaning, grocery shopping or babysitting Swiff is your man.
Gave up after 10 minutes discussion of domestic house husband life. Stabtastic™ outfit by Chas, so hipster, AGogs™ approved.
New book is decent read, albeit some odd formatting in Kindle version.
I’m dumb.
I actually took typing as an elective in 1983.
Is this double spaced to fill it out and actually make it look like an effort?
I took typing in 1987? Fun class. Plenty chicks. Pretty easy. Helpful life skill.
The education system in the us is just a glorified daycare center at this point. It’s sole function is to make sure there is someone watching your kids so parents can go contribute to the economy.I didn’t even know I was a dumb American until I traveled to South America to teach surfing at a language school where most of the students were Europeans who wanted to learn Spanish. Their understanding of geography, global politics, and language was so far beyond anything I ever had the opportunity to learn. There is a reverence for American pop culture however that will get you laid if leveraged correctly.
Quit reading at “to teach surfing”! Have you tried fentanyl ?
Honestly man it was a dream job. Didn’t get paid shit but free housing in a nice place and a literal buffet of euro chicks who all wanna get a piece of the “surf instructor.” Funny thing is I surf like shit
Geography? You mean the U.S. isn`t the center of the world?? Oh my…
Religion gives hope
While you bomb the fuck out of
Those hoping you’ll stop
That dude thinking he can speak for the whole of Australia was hilarious. Mate I dunno anyone who could care less about Mick and he’s certainly not a role model for young kids. Kelly on the other hand is actively disliked by most surfers I know…
Na na na na na na Keeelllllyyyyyyy, na na na na na na Kelllllyyyyyy, sing it with me boys!
I’ll listen to it later.
RelIGion. At the center of Kelly’s religion is IG. Dead center. Perfectly bookended. Right there. Plain as day. Painfully obvious. Right in front of us. Couldn’t be more clear. IG.
Its comps will no doubt have more viewers.
[Insert lame, strained introductory line with “…” at the end]
[Return]
[Insert MS Paint file of either Kelly and ELo in their cult clothes (togas with holes for their dangling wieners to hang out of) or a fake advertisement campaign promoting the fake Hitler Youth Folicular Instant Snips Barbershop featuring a picture of Chas and Fraktur typeface lettering]