Well, do you punk?
It’s not often that an über famous celebrity comes asking for your help, even an über famous celebrity whose über fame has withered down to a dull nub, which makes today a red letter one.
And there we are, minding our own business, duct taping underground hoses, or ducts or whatever, filing legal briefs, composing music for the next big cat food commercial when….
….boom.
Wanted by a star.
Sal Masekela thinks he knows how it feels when he calls up his best friend in the whole wide world Kelly Slater in order to leave a voicemail reminder of the friendship. Ashton Goggans too when he names his French bulldog Bruce after Bruce Irons and then Bruce Irons comes to snuggle it and/or confuses Yago Dora for Gerry Lopez but you?
Me?
Us?
No, no, no.
We don’t get this kind of access. This sort of proximity.
Until today.
For Home Alone/Michael Jackson’s Macaulay Culkin wants/needs you and even though he was last famous two decades ago he is still amazing and has to know (via Twitter):
“Since I’m 40 I think it’s about time to start my midlife crisis. I’m thinking about picking up surfing. Do you all have any suggestions?”
Well?
Do you?
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My advice, is to not start, surfing is not for you. Try CrossFit it’s designed by and for fuck wits
A Surfboard is a Terrible Thing To Waste.
Sounds like fun, tell us more.
Amazing, can’t believe you’re picking up the tab at the ranch!!!!!
Everyone knew you were a great guy.
Yeow!
What is the date?
May have to change my handle to “Dave Macaulay Culkin”.
Hey I’m Billy Crystalmethodman nice to meet ya!
Michael Jackson’s Macaulay Culkin!
Maybe if more fucksticks like Macaulay start surfing, others will stop or reconsider learning? It’s a flawed theory but what other hope do we have?
Fins work backwards
1.) Quit f kids!
Yeah, you’re not ready.
When the wave breaks here, don’t be there, or ya gonna get drilled
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Feel at home alone.
Typecast again as a VAL in later life.
To be held in Lemoore, of course.
Did Kelly give you a special deal on the Surf Ranch? Details?
Tack them six letters right on!
Waxing the bottom
Of one’s WaveStorm increases
Insta followers
And don’t forget putting the fins in backwards. Insta-cred!
Poor guy won’t last two seconds when he rocks up to the beach and realises everybody now dresses like this https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Ha!
Homeless ( not ) Alone .
Can’t make out who the taller guy is but I must say Dion Agius hasn’t changed a bit!
If he’s got enough money, go live on some secluded Pacific island for a year and surf every day and all day. Not a luxury resort, just a real place. Help the neighbourhood economy, be a nice guy, become a local and learn to fish with the dudes.
Try try try, and eventually = Surf, surf surf, away from prying eyes and other surfers if possible.
One of my mates could barely stand up and did a 12 month trip to Nica and he is pretty decent now. Can get bazzed and do cutties and shit. It’s possible. He also fucked some local tang which is my favourite flavour so I’m very jealous. Fuck those Latina bitches are hot.
If I wasn’t etc etc.
I’d jack in my job and go starve somewhere like that.
A pretty ordinary surfer I knew did that in Fiji when his Mrs got a government job there. I don’t think he hooked into the local ladies but.
Latinas > Fijian Wahines any day of the week anyway.
I never thought about Fijian women until I read Salman Rushdie’s Fury and was besotted by the character ,
the traffic-stopping Indian beauty Neela Mahendra. A cosmopolite from the imaginary island of Lilliput Blefuscu, loosely based on Fiji, Neela is modelled after Padma Lakshmi, a real-life Indian model and .Rushdie’s fourth ex-wife.
That’s way too much Wikipedia in order to rub one out.
He described her in the book , Turtle , as looking like Nike ….to which she replied. “ the sports shoe “ to which he replied “ No , Nike , the goddess of victory “
Captain cooks journal was detailed when he talked about the beauty of Tahitians and Hawaiian women. he always said Fijian and Tongan women were the ugliest..
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder ….
Padma may not be of this world. Shes got major cooking skills as well as being gorgeous. She could make 10 yr old noodles from the pantry taste like Lord Krishna/Jeezus/Mohammed gave her the spices…Or so I’ve heard.
Rushdie got lucky on that one!!
I’m wading through his latest. Hard to remember where I am in the storyline when I stop. Pretty dense stuff.
Man cannot live by waves alone but may I suggest he play rugby with them instead of rolling on the coral .
Put it down
Turn around
Walk away
Don’t look back…