We solve this, we solve everything.
Pandemic still with us, wrecking, reeking, wreaking havoc. The western United States is burning entirely to the ground. Sharks are eating people where they have never eaten people before. World economies are teetering, China has become increasingly belligerent as its military modernizes, heretofore unknown space airplanes are delivering things into orbit that we know nothing about and Jeff Bezos is looking more and more like an alien who could very well live forever.
But, real talk here. Who would win a professional surfing world title between peak emotional, physical, mental Andy Irons vs. peak emotional, physical mental Kelly Slater?
I ask because Kelly Slater recently appeared on Tim Ferriss’s podcast and spoke about not being at his “best” during those years where he lost to Andy.
Stacking three Ss onto the end of your name (when the possessive is applied) is a real work, though I had never heard of Tim Ferriss before today’s wonderful chat with David Lee Scales.
David Lee, named after David Lee Roth, listened to Ferriss’s podcast and said he re-fell in love with Kelly Slater plus took Kelly’s excuses for failure as legitimate.
I’m still dubious.
But let’s be honest. All things equal, who wins between Andy and Kelly?
If we can solve this riddle we will be able to solve global warming.
David Lee and I discuss in depth and also many other things including World Surf League CEO Erik Logan’s embarrassing failures and how he should apologize publicly to Justine Dupont for making dumb economic decisions and pretending they are legitimate and also everyone else who has ever touched a surfboard.
Shame on Erik Logan.
Listen here.
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Kelly Slater easily. It’s so easy to forget because it was 30 years ago but Kelly Slater changed the way people surf forever. He basically closed the door on an entire era of surfing, and definitely for those older pros who happened to be around when he landed on the tour. World title in his first year.
Andy Irons in contrast partied too hard and dropped right back off again. All the press hated him “I hate him, he’s worse than Shane Beschen” was one of the quotes that made it to print from a pro surfer.
Yeah I know the question is “at his peak” but at his peak Kelly Slater was unstoppable. Irons had what, a 6 year age gap on him?
I probably like the way Andy surfed more than Kelly (I think Kelly has an awkward stance) but Kelly Slater did things on a wave that no-one thought possible. Andy just did the possible things more radically.
Slater easily.
A. stinking hot baths are rad when sore and tired.
B. Fuck the ‘nobles’. 99% a bunch of cunts. Absolute bullshit titles.
isn’t the Don a climate skeptic , fuck mother nature, and he would if she had a nice pussy!
How’s Victoria doing in the lockdown?
Hey your comments deal is getting scrambled.
Responses to one story are ending up in the comments for another.
To quote Eric von Zipper: “You stupids! Fix it!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvQbVOmY8Hc
The proper response to Andy vs Kelly =
Kelly.
Andy was merely extremely good.
Kelly is a once in a lifetime phenomenon. Well maybe twice in a lifetime, with John John.
And Kelly vs. Andy is like Joe Montana vs Colin Kaepernick.
One has a cooler head, and cooler heads win Super Bowls.
Its not the first time the comment section has been mixed up. And don’t forget who the best surfer in the water is.
Kelly got tired of biting his tongue whilst beset on all sides by the blabber of nattering nabobs of negativism, and the insults of wannabe dorks.
Blessed is he who sez to himself “Aw screw it” and talks back whilst not holding back.
Good on him.
He vents. Release that anger. Breathe. Release some more.
He’s almost Australian in a way.
And he’s learned from Trump and Musk: “You can’t please everyone, so you’ve got to please yourself.“
Or Alice Cooper: “No more, Mr. Nice Guy. No more, Mr. Clean.”
Being called out on your obvious hypocrisy through a social media platform that feeds your popularity is probably a tough dilemma. His bickering makes me realize that he’s as petty as the rest of us.
Robert “Kelly” Slater is just a human being doing the best he can.
Which hypocrisies is he being called out on?
And I don’t know if he’s petty but he sure as s*** is the most competitive person I’ve ever personally met. I actually beat him at ping pong once. Not easy.
Environmental hypocrisy is the first one that comes to most people’s minds. Yes he’s competitive without getting into too much detail I was at a party he showed up to in Hawaii. This was 2002 maybe and my friend and I had gotten two of the girls to leave with us down the road to another house about an hour later Benji and Slater showed up. Needless to say we had conceded our catch to those two through a combination of their surf fame and treachery. Everyone was over 18 I think and those two were quite a bit older than the rest of us. Needless to say I was a big AI fan!
Environmental hypocrisy is the first one that comes to most people’s minds.
Which environmental hypocrisy is that, exactly? Traveling in passenger jets to make it to surf contests on time? You want he should swim?
Yes he’s competitive without getting into too much detail I was at a party he showed up to in Hawaii.
This is pretty detailed.
This was 2002 maybe and my friend and I had gotten two of the girls to leave with us down the road to another house about an hour later Benji and Slater showed up. Needless to say we had conceded our catch to those two through a combination of their surf fame and treachery. Everyone was over 18 I think and those two were quite a bit older than the rest of us. Needless to say I was a big AI fan!
Oh so your opinion is guided by jealousy? This would never hold up in court.
He eludes heavily to being concerned about the environment yet has a massive carbon footprint, empty houses all over the world and promotes his energy and water hog wave pool to anywhere he can. None of that would bother me in the least if he didn’t promote himself as “green”. My story was an example of his unbridled competitiveness not an expose into whatever you might imagine of your infallible Kelly. I never felt jealousy towards him as I was kinda star struck.
He eludes
“alludes” Proper spelling and grammar etc etc.
heavily to being concerned about the environment yet has a massive carbon footprint, empty houses all over the world
Empty houses aren’t causing any problems. There’s no one in them.
When you have that kind of money you have to buy shit or you lose it all.
He buys houses.
He’s had one in Australia for quite a while.
He has that palace on the North Shore.
Probably one in Cuckoo Beach.
Anywhere else?
Would you deny the man his comforts?
He needs a clean, quiet place to stretch out that million-dollar lower back, but…
Hopefully he runs them on solar and wind and collects rainwater and does all that green shit.
I would like to think he drives Teslas only.
I once tried to hook him up with Fisker, saying “Who better to represent the Fisker Surf than the champ? Fast, modern, clean, agile, etc”
The Fisker people actually listened to Turtle.
They made some kind of deal, and then Fisker went under because of Hurricane Sandy.
He should be rolling in Teslas – because he can afford them and they’re badass and they’re the future – but that would be too showy for the North Shore.
and promotes his energy and water hog wave pool to anywhere he can.
If they could run that thing on renewable energy, they would, and maybe they will at some point.
Is the electricity in Lemoore from hydro? Hope so because if so, that’s fairly green.
And Surf Ranch isn’t emitting anything nasty – unless you consider JoeTurpel’s nasal, SoCal bro-twang to be nasty.
Surf Ranch is just putting water vapor in the air, and water vapor is good.
The Central Valley can spare some water.
Did you know California consumes 38 billion gallons of water a day, every day, and 70% of that goes to ag?
Now you know.
I told Kelly’s people they should rename the contest The Meth and Methane Pro.
Hardy har har. I crack myself up.
Join me.
None of that would bother me in the least if he didn’t promote himself as “green”.
Well he hasn’t had two dozen kids – that we know of – and that’s pretty green. And he is half-Irish after all. They have heaps of kids.
My story was an example of his unbridled competitiveness not an expose into whatever you might imagine of your infallible Kelly. I never felt jealousy towards him as I was kinda star struck.
I think you are green – with envy!!!
It’s one of the Seven Deadly Sins – careful.
For someone with his head so far up Kelly’s culo I would imagine you would be aware that he has more than one empty home in Hawaii alone. Almost every beachfront community here has been ruined by people who feel they need a house that they use for a couple months a year. Empty neighborhoods that were once communities. Massive carbon footprint claim remains. Do you know how much water and power that pool uses in a drought stricken state? I’m sure he would like to be green and probably does what he can but it’s very hard to live a wealthy mans lifestyle and still shower yourself with the light of being an environmentalist. He has one kid I believe but yeah not having kids is probably the best thing you can do for the environment.
Like I said before if he didn’t claim to be green I wouldn’t even be talking about this. He deserves everything he has 100 percent just don’t piss on my head and tell me it’s raining.
For someone with his head so far up Kelly’s culo
Well Kelly is busy getting barreled at Padang and surfing it impossibly well for a man who is what, now – 50?
Has any 48 -year-old surfed that well?
He might not have internet in his 15th house wherever that is in Bali – and he might be blissfully unaware of BitchGripe.com – so I speak for him.
Hopefully he don’t mind.
I would imagine you would be aware that he has more than one empty home in Hawaii alone.
But they’re empty. So what?
Empty houses aren’t emitting anything.
He’s rich. He’s risked his ass over and over.
He’s earned it. He needs places to chill.
To entertain Osca winners and heathen princes.
Give a brother a break.
Almost every beachfront community here
Where is here? Hawaii? Everyone wants to live by the coast.
Can’t blame them.
The ocean is comforting. Clean. Non-claustrophobic.
has been ruined by people who feel they need a house that they use for a couple months a year.
Well they can AirBnB it the rest of the year. Got a problem?
I agree there was a time when North Shore was a quiet place where you went to surf yourself into jelly, smoke cheap weed, get SPAM Musubi and a Coke Icee at Kammies and that was that.
Too populated now. Can’t get a parking space at Waimea to go for a swim, although I had a moped and that made it easier.
Empty neighborhoods that were once communities. Massive carbon footprint claim remains.
Kelly does have stinky farts. He’s known for that. It’s all the Hinano and poke.
Do you know how much water and power that pool uses in a drought stricken state?
How much water and power does that pool use? Do you know?
Water and Power was going to be the title of Chinatown, but they went in a different direction.
California isn’t always drought-stricken (you need a hyphen there).
Only when it doesn’t snow.
It’s amazing California is able to store and use that much water, every day.
Have you read or watched Cadillac Desert? You should.
And that pool is used more and less than you think.
Less for public use. More for private use.
I just got the inside scoop on how many days it’s rented a year.
Pretty amazing.
Who are all these people and companies that have $50,000 a day?
I’m sure he would like to be green and probably does what he can but it’s very hard to live a wealthy mans lifestyle and still shower yourself with the light of being an environmentalist.
He doesn’t shower. That’s something else people don’t know about him.
It’s why Pam and Giselle and Cameron didn’t stick around.
He has one kid I believe but yeah not having kids is probably the best thing you can do for the environment.
Indeed. Overpopulation is the eighth deadly sin. The one kid he has was incidental/accidental so he might not have any but for that.
I go through airports and see these east Indian and Jewish and Mormon families with eight kids and it causes me to rend my garments.
How oblivious can you be?
Sounds like you fancy yourself as his friend. Your loyalty is admirable.
I wouldn’t say friends.
Professional associates.
When we went to Tonga he beat a mahi mahi to death with a Tongan club and gave it to me – covered in blood.
The Tongan club. Not the fish. We ate the fish.
I used to think mahi mahi was numero uno, but now I gotta say it’s bluefin – raw or seared.
That was when Kelly had hair. The duck dive takeoff and all that.
I gave that blood-covered Kelly Slater Tongan club to a chick.
Dumb.
Wish I still had it.
Kelly let me beat him at ping pong once.
I’ve never forgotten that.
And one time in Hawaii he walked up to me at the Cholo Bowl and handed me a ticket to the Pearl Jam/U2 concert – this was years after I had left SURFER.
That was way nice of him.
The Canadian chick I was with was beside herself.
She said, “Were you born with a horseshoe up your ass?”
This Canadian girl had never been on a jet plane, and now she was hanging out in Hawaii with the swells. IT was one of those trips where everything just lined up.
She also met John Philbin – a for-real movie star – on that trip, and also talked to the dude from Lord of the Rings and ..Lost.
Dominic Monaghan.
That’s when we were walking down to the Pipe Masters, the one where Andy came from behind and beat Kelly, fair and square, in the final.
What year was that?
Kelly had that cat in the bag.
It was over, Rover, but Andy came back and beat him.
Beating Kelly on fire at good Backdoor/Pipe is not easy to do.
No, not at all.
We missed Pearl Jam opening at the show because we couldn’t find a parking space at Aloha Stadium, but we’d seen Pearl Jam do a private show at the Pikake Pavilion after the Eddie opening ceremony, so it wasn’t so bad.
That Pikake Pavilion deal is where this video was made.
Eddie Vedder performing Soon Forget on the ukulele:
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
I saw The Edge at the Oyster Place in M_____ and told him about that Hawaii show and how much we enjoyed it.
And also that U2 was our soundtrack driving through Europe in 1984: Ron and Chris headbutting that Basque dude in Guernica, the Basques and Guardia Civil going at it, the Marines getting blown up in Lebanon, all of Europe being bomb paranoid, chasing down that musical Christmas card in Portugal because the cops thought it was a bomb – that’s when we saw Nazare, way way way before it was cool.
U2’s War was out around then, and Sunday Bloody Sunday was the theme for Europe at that time.
I told Edge I hadn’t been to a big rock concert in decades and was surprised by how crisp the sound was in a giant venue like that.
The sound was perfect.
Kelly has manners.
Do something nice for him, he don’t forget it.
That’s good manners.
His momma raised him right.
So I defend Kelly against the inequities of anonymous online whiners, and the tyrannies of fake news.
A couple months ago I drove up to the thrift stores in Oxnard with a gal.
I was dropping names even worse than I do on here, and at some point I said: “Women levitate around Kelly Slater.“
Because they do. Or they did anyway. With the hair and all that.
So that was kinda funny and then the next day Kelly interviewed that astrochick on the ISS and guess what she was doing?!?!?!?!?!
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Not a friend, but a professional associate.
He’s just a human being, doing the best he can.
very anti-community of you to say ‘Please yourself”…..it’s all about the individual right!
No it’s all about the collective, comrade.
And I dislike that word “community.”
That’s 21st century millennial hipster talk.
Now I wanna listen.
Nice marketing.
Sounds like one night in Bangkok.
It’s not it’s just tiny
I remember a bloke in the ’80’s who was a dead ringer for Glamorous Godfrey, would’ve beaten ’em both…
Comment of the day…
AI for the win def
It’s all in the romance bro … sweep ’em off their feet and all that
You don’t think you could make your point without being so abusive?
well that was an easy write and easier answer: Andy
The barfiest of them all is Strider with his “look I’m so rich I can get to Indo and you can’t” Instagram vomit.
I gotta drop a load just looking at that pile
great photo LT
kelly pelosi
He’s pretty safe in the hair salon “trap” dept.
Hair salon trap vs Russian collusion trap,
salon trap less expensive
Another win for the taxpayers.
The one article everybody is all anti-suicide emoji, and the next everybody is trying to get the King to commit social suicide by even responding(he did).
Just tell us the dam answer…then none of us have to listen!