Australian man fly-kicks scooter rider in
Bali; local authorities react poorly to prank.
Bombshell: Powerful Islamic parties seek
total booze ban in Indonesia; happy drinkers could face two years
in jail and $5000 fines!
By Derek Rielly
"Strong drinks and games of chance and idols and
divining of arrows are only an infamy of Satan's handiwork."
Shocking news just in from the Jakarta Globe.
Powerful Islamic parties, who control a third of the seats in
Indonesia’s House of Representatives, want to ban the sale,
production, distribution and consumption of any beverage containing
alcohol.
Indonesia, of course, has become a repository for the some of
the world’s keenest drinkers, the tropical heat and endless
open-air bars, particularly in Bali, making the consumption of
booze an all-day ritual.
Roughly one third of Bali’s tourists come from Australia, who
also enjoy its conduciveness to street-fighting, silly pranks and
so on.
Indonesia is also the world’s biggest Muslim nation, home to
thirteen percent of its almost two billion Muhammadans and booze,
ooowee, it haraam.
Muhammad, y’see, said alcohol’s potential for sin outweighed its
medicinal value, something I think is very easy to agree with.
Peel open your Qur’an to Surah Al-Maidah where Allah says:
“O ye who believe ! Strong drinks and games of chance and idols
and divining of arrows are only an infamy of Satan’s handiwork.
Leave it aside in order that ye may succeed. Satan seeketh only to
cast among you enmity and hatred by means of strong drink and games
of chance, and turn you from remembrance of Allah and from (His)
worship. So will ye not then abstain?”
Al-Qur’an 5:90-91
Who hasn’t lost a telephone to a cross-dressing pixie while
boozed in Bali or tried to annihilate a wall of night-club
bouncers, confidence inflated by arak-based cocktails?
Bit of push-back from bar owners and politicians in Bali, that
little Hindu enclave east of Jakarta, as you can imagine.
The head of Bali’s regional legislative council, AA Ngurah Adi
Ardhana, said the proposal was “shallow and a piece of Islamic
self-interest” and that it is “too superficial; Bali will
definitely reject it. We are a unitary state built on diversity,
and the potential economic impact involved is unacceptable.”
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Gray Lady: In scathing new report, the New
York Times eviscerates World Surf League claims of being “The
Global Home of Surfing!”
By Chas Smith
Devastating.
Imagine waking up this morning as World Surf
League CEO Erik Logan. Sleep still in eyes. Excited,
though slightly nervous, with the start of the 2020/21 Championship
Tour Season mere weeks away. Competition. World’s best surfers,
world’s best waves. Heats.
Scores in and out of the excellent range.
You get out of bed, make a cup of bracing herbal tea still
wearing your Kai Lenny pajamas, check the El Porto surf cam,
throwing “Hawaiian Handshakes” to the boys in the lineup and
whispering “See you in two shakas…” giggling at the play on words
then walk past your wall mounted Laird Hamilton signed SUP to the
front door to retrieve the morning paper.
The New York Times.
Only the best.
After flipping through many scary stories of Covid-19 spikes and
President Trump’s lasting damage to the nation, you stumble across
the headline Endless
Subscribers: Surfers Follow a New Path to Stardom with
the subhead “In the digital era, a carefully crafted persona has
become more valuable than contest results.”
What?
You read again “…more valuable than contest results.”
A shiver races up your spine.
Surely the sentiment was meant in jest. You laugh at your own
tension, purpose to do some mindfulness exercises later in the day
and press forward, excited that surfing is getting the spotlight it
needs and, as surfing’s “Global Home,” it will all reflect directly
on Santa Monica.
Except the whole thing starts with Sterling Spencer and his
forsaking of contests and going the traditional structures in order
to carve his own path.
Spencer’s vision held true. After decades during which
legacy surf publications folded and the glow of contests dimmed,
the longstanding route for promoting the sport and its participants
has almost entirely vanished. Surfers remade it, cultivating their
own audiences through the digital world and in turn altering the
way professionals map their careers. The value of stories told by
surfers soon eclipsed the world rankings, and a carefully crafted
persona garnered more currency than contest results.
The piece transitions to Dane Reynolds and how he too became
truly famous without contests and then to Jamie O’Brien…
With weekly videos that follow his life on the North Shore
of Oahu and abroad, O’Brien has gained 655,000 YouTube subscribers,
10,000 more than the World Surf League.
Alana Blanchard…
Alana Blanchard, 30, followed a similar path after leaving
the World Surf League’s tour in 2015. Her 1.8 million Instagram
followers dwarf the number of her former sponsor Rip Curl by
800,000. O’Brien and Blanchard didn’t just get past the
gatekeepers. They leveled the whole structure.
Ben Graeff…
“Ten years after I quit surfing, I became a professional
surfer through making YouTube videos,” said Graeff, who is known as
Ben Gravy. His career took off when a 2017 video of him surfing off
a ferry’s wake in his native New Jersey went viral.
And by the time your eyes find the last line, a quote from
Justin Quintall saying, “You are your own media outlet…” tears are
also streaming out of them, landing softly on your customized Kelly
Slater’s Surf Ranch placemats.
A hit piece.
The Gray Lady just carried out a hit piece on your World Surf
League.
Sad.
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Hawaiian surf star, sparring partner of
Sunny Garcia and former world #19, John Shimooka, dead at
fifty-one
By Derek Rielly
Tributes pour in for popular tour surfer,
manager…
The diminutive former world number nineteen and
jiujitsu black-belt, John Shimooka, whose motto was “life is too
short to be serious” has reportedly been found dead at his
Sydney home.
“When I looked at my baby boy I knew it was all over… I
finally found out what we’re really put on earth for, to reproduce
beautiful little human beings like Brandon. I have loved children
all my life, and to have one of my own is the ultimate. He’s my
jewel,” Shmoo told Hawaii’s Star
Bulletin.
Shmoo won a tour event in Japan and was runner-up to his best
pal Sunny Garcia
at Bells in 1995, riding an ultra-fast Greg Webber. He circled the
tour for a dozen seasons, finishing nineteenth in 1995.
From Hawaiian photographer Brian Bielmann:
“There’s a lotta broken hearts out there today, aloha John Shimooka
Your Beautiful soul touched so so many.”
A gaming card from 1992 said Shmoo “dances to the beat of a
different drummer. His reputation as a party animal may overshadow
his abilities in the water, whether tearing the tops off Ulu
barrels or going airborne at a California beach break, but does he
care? Of course not, as long as he has a chance to speak his mind.
In which case he would probably say life is too short to be
serious. Shmoo lives the classic surfer’s lifestyle: surf the best
you can and have fun while doing it.”
After leaving the tour, Shmoo got deep into
jiujitsu and became a manager for popular surfers
Craig Anderson and Jordy Smith.
Last year, Shmoo spoke at a surfing contest organised by another
former pro, Kurt Nyholm, to raise money for Head Space, an
Australian charity that provides mental health support for
12-25-year-olds.
“Shmoo spoke of his struggles and the dark places they’ve taken
him,” another tour surfer Toby Martin said. “Now we have
Sunny(Garcia). So it has to
stop, and we need to find ways to help. This event offered a
passive way for surfers to reach out. It was a platform so surfers
could let their guard down. That helps stop guys from becoming
isolated, which I know from my own personal experience is where the
problems start.”
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Man suffering a depressive syndrome, manifested when
forced to stop surfing.
Surfers claim “depressive syndrome” and
“emotional imbalance” to climb through loophole circumventing
France’s no-surfing edict!
By Derek Rielly
"Selfish. Creative. Rebellious."
An encouraging letter received this morning from
Hossegor, a surf-rich town in south-west France and a
favourite of BeachGrit, less so for shaper Matt “Mayhem”
Biolos who describes the joint in winter as “like the Blair Witch
Project.”
Worldly readers will have read of a spike in COVID-19 infections
in France, the Republic’s president Emmanuel Macron warning the
country risked being “overwhelmed by a second wave that no
doubt will be harder than the first”. Kinky Manny “My bodyguard is not my
lover”, who began dating his teacher, later his wife, when he
was sixteen, said that France must “brutally apply the
brakes” to avoid being “submerged by the acceleration of the
epidemic”.
Manny said that people need to fill in a form to justify leaving
their homes, you can’t cruise around at night and social gatherings
are banned.
“Like in the spring, you will be able to leave your house only
to work, for a medical appointment, to provide assistance to a
relative, to shop for essential goods or to go for a walk near your
house,” he said.
Importantly, for the safe of the Republic, no surfing.
Our reader, broadydaz, writes,
On the 28th of October, things started to get
shitstain-in-your-pants serious in France for surfers.
The President had just announced the country was locking
down for another month from Friday morning. Surfers started to lose
their mental biscuits as the thought of being forbidden from
surfing: It had already happened once this year earlier in March
and it lasted for two months.
Vichy gendarme proudly poses with busted parallel
fin riding VAL earlier this year.
Apart from a handful of crafty and courageously selfish
surfers who got an occasional fix the majority of the surfing
population went dry.
It was a heavy lockdown and even driving around was
risky.
This time however there were loopholes and the biggest one
was the beach was open. Albeit only for the privileged minority
that lived within one kilometre. Also for a sportsman who needed to
train.
Boom, loopholes.
The last day of the freedom was only accessible for the few
who would brave Belharra. The Friday (day one) of the lockdown was
primed to be all-time and after watching the forecast closely for
ten days it was maddening everyone to tears.
Day one dawned and the webcams proved the forecast
correct.
They also witnessed something else. Startingly or perhaps
not at all, surfers were surfing.
How could there be so many professionals! At every
spot.
Paddling out at Hossegor’s prime big wave location La Nord
punters were surprised that it was crowded! Even more surprising
was the atmosphere, surfers were happy to see other
surfers.
Safety in numbers. Solidarity. Rebellion.
Revolution.
Macron had said the forces of law and order would go easy on
everyone till they returned home from holidays Sunday
night.
Rumours were rife. The police were sending reinforcements
and they would arrive the following Tuesday.
Surfers were frenzied over the offshore conditions for days.
Fines were to be 135€ and surfers starting calculating how much a
three-hour session of six foot waves should cost.
Then dividing sessions into 135€ Tuesday came and no sign
reinforcements.
New loopholes surfaced.
Medical certificates could get you a surfing
pass.
Surf Instructors had the greenlight.
Then more rumours.
Everyone was abusing authorities and the beaches would be
closed from Wednesday to everyone till February. It freaked the
surfers out so they surfed more. Others that hadn’t been surfing
gave up and went surfing.
Doctors recorded an increase in surfers needing
prescriptions to surf.
People were very sick, troubled, needed to surf. New rumours
that medical certificates didn’t work and instructors weren’t
allowed resurfaced.
Soon no-one would be able to surf.
The surf got better, the wind went more offshore.
More swell. All sorts of size. Big waves, small waves,
hollow and fast waves.
More rumours. Second fines would be 3000€. First fines would
be 3000€.
Surfers discussed their different certificates.
Surfboard builders were professionals too. They needed to
test the equipment.
Every surfing parent needed to train their
children.
Surfing became for those few weeks a revolution for
some.
It spoke of the passion they had inside their
hearts.
They were selfish. Creative. Rebellious.
The beaches would close. But still, they surfed.
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New evidence suggests spate of Killer
Whale-on-boat violence not tied to revenge but to fun: “They just
play, play and play. And the game is getting worse and worse!”
By Chas Smith
They love it. And don't know why.
It was first reported,here, two months ago,
that a pod of Killer Whales off the coasts of Spain and New Spain
(i.e. Portugal) was exhibiting never-before-seen behavior in
carrying out coordinated attacks on boats. Scientists and
researchers puzzled and puzzled over what it could all mean and,
a month
later, many concluded they were revenge assaults over
injuries sustained.
That the Killers “may have felt compelled to act when they saw a
sailboat in order to slow it down by going after its rudder.”
Well, another month on and the situation has grown much worse
with attacks increasing in both ferocity and damage. Some last for
hours with terrified passengers and sailors praying for a merciful
end.
Scientists and researchers reconvened to get to the bottom of
this wild business, identified the three culprits and named them
Gladis Black, Gladis White and Gladis Grey and have now abandoned
the revenge theory, settling on an assumption that the big boys are
just having some good ol’ fashioned fun.
Renaud de Stephanis, a biologist who is part of the team
investigating, told the BBC, “I’ve seen them hunting. When they
hunt, you don’t hear or see them. They are stealthy, they sneak up
on their prey. I’ve seen them attacking sperm whales. That’s
aggressive. But these guys, they are playing. It’s mainly two of
those guys…that are just going crazy. They just play, play and
play. And the game is getting worse and worse. They love it. And
don’t know why. It just seems to be something they really like and
that’s it.”
Well now I like them and like everything they are doing.
I get it and am going to swim out to the lineup at Cardiff Reef
and start ramming the fins of every SUP I see with my head for
fun.
By the way, did you know that Elvis Presley’s beloved mother was
named Gladis but she spelled it Gladys?
