Happy days are here again.
As of this very moment, there is no more professional surfing for our entertainment. The waves are there, feathering magically on Pipeline’s famed reef, the surfers are there too, making barrel, but the cameras are turned off, judges quarantined, Joe Turpel alone in his bathtub, commentating an exciting heat between Julian Wilson and Plump Pip’s Sun Bum miniatures (buy here).
The whole lot shuttered due positive Covid-19 tests from World Surf League CEO Erik Logan and five of his staff.
No, there is no more professional surfing for our entertainment, but we are not left high and dry for the WSL’s own Instagram account has transmogrified into the front lines of the culture wars. There, the acrid smell of smoke, rotting flesh, fill the air, the explosive sound of comments crafted in the heat of a moment, as Covid-deniers and nanny staters go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
It is must-see.
Yesterday, for example, as you read Olympic coach and Brett Simpson call for the incarceration of ELo and others so that the show can go on.
Santa Barbara native and lensman, Morgan Maassen, lobbed a statement back so smug, so self-satisfied, as to be rightly classified as art: “It’s important that we demonstrate our right to do whatever we want by refusing to do the right thing because we don’t want to.”
And that’s just the start of it.
Recriminations, name-calling, anger, hurt, disbelief.
If we could do an open thread and all comment live as soldiers on opposing sides make their points, we would soon forget that we even cared about Kelly Slater’s twin fin.
And now, I will get down to the business of surf journalism and find patient zero. Wish me luck.
The real-life movie of Dianetics is much worse than the book. But Nicholson would make a great L Ron. I bet he’d do it just to piss off Travolta and Cruise.
lol whos immunodeficiently laughing now?!
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
WSL is blowing it again. Tweak the marketing- “A contest so intense you’ll need a ventilator! “
Just give everyone involved the vax, the microchip and broadcast live from a 5g tower. Problem solved.
Direct from Yago’s mouth:
On November 26th I started my trip from Florianópolis towards Hawaii. The day before, November 25, I did a PCR test from Covid to make sure it was not contaminated before boarding, the result came back NEGATIVE. It seemed to be all right for the trip, but on the 27th morning when I arrived at Dallas airport, where we are asked to do another test in order to be able to board for Hawaii and avoid the 14 days of quarantine required by the government, in this test unfortunately my result he returned POSITIVE, and since then I have been isolated in a hotel room in Dallas and trying thousands of ways to get there in time for the Pipe Masters, which is the most special event on the entire circuit for me and the first event of the 2021 season. Luckily I do not feel any symptoms of the disease and yesterday I had a medical consultation after the tenth isolated day and I am released from isolation, but to embark for Hawaii it is necessary to test negative for Covid (I repeated some tests during these 11 days and I did not get one NEGATIVE) or obtain a quarantine exemption letter from the Hawaiian government. After a lot of effort and a lot of faith, with the help of my team, the WSL, WPS and a medical team today we got the exemption and I’m going to Hawaii! The day before the event starts! I have no words to thank everyone involved in this very intense 11-day battle. You know who you are! THANKS!
Lost in translation
I mean…there were only 100 people in the water at Pipe the day before the invitational.
Which was probably the entire CT plus the Invitational surfers (save Slater) and yet none of them got sick so tell me again how dangerous this event is?
Unknown, and that is the problem.
Sure we know…all the athletes were tested.
All of them were tested upon arrival into HNL and then tested by the WSL.
Which ones are the covidiots?
are they the deniers (it’s all a scam) or the believers (stay safe everybody).
I’ve been paid 20k by the Aus govt so far for doing nothing, didn’t even ask for it just appeared in my account
Best scam ever!!
so good hey.
Bought a sik TV to watch Pipe, now colonial Aus settler docos on youtube
Maybe the ones that had nine months to re-evaluate their tired competition format / business model and try something new, unique and entirely safe from covid but instead just ran the exact same model at the global pandemic ground zero-adjacent feat. non mandatory face masks and expected the whole thing to go off without a hitch?
Them and the scammers
Chas what are the odds we all chip in and get a plane to fly a banner along the north shore saying “Beachgrit supports ELo’s COVID decision”?
In!
Throw up a secure gofundme link and I’ll chip in for sure.
include a cake drop.
I got $50 USD for one that says “Elo is an idiot.” or “Eli = Gavin Newsome”
If all this saves us from having to suffer again thru 3 heats between Leo and Mickey then all is good.
WSL doing an excellent job so far of flying under the media radar.
It’s actually great media strategy. Any news is good news
But…. you do need to have a goal with the “any news…” concept. There is no monetary upside by announcing a shut down, temporary or not.
Much interest in Slater re-inventing the twin fin and now this. Forced to wait another three years for him to re-invent the thruster…
Slater twin fin performance at Pipe just reminded me why people started riding thrusters.
Has there ever been a Slater signature model surfboard that worked well for the everyday surfer?
negative
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
My last real twin fin was a used Local Motion I bought in June of 81. It said “Liddell’s old board” on the price tag and I couldn’t buy it fast enough. Rode the thing for years. Wish I still had it.
Winner-Mason
Ivan Florence
I could save you a bit of time
a) the Pipe event is running under a film permit, not as a sporting event
b) thus when a member of the event staff tests positive for COVID, the HI Dept of Health takes over
c) The Dept tests everyone on the event staff and does the tracing thing. Once they are satisfied it’s under control, the “filming” can begin again.
d) It’s the weekend so yeah.
e) The Hi Dept of Health does not test any of the surfers in this process. The WSL does all the surfer testing. They’re tested every day prior to competition. Nobody who’s competed has tested positive.
f) yep the pandemic’s real, many people have died all around the world, and it’s not a culture war when you’re dead.
It’s just sweet nothingness, like before you were born.
Kinda sums all of it up, huh, that they’re running under a film permit and not a sporting event.
From KHON news:
State Rep. Sean Quinlan said the announcement is concerning.
“It’s beyond concerning. It’s upsetting. I’m very upset,” Rep. Quinlan said. “You know, we were promised that there would be certain safeguards in place. I don’t know how well those safeguards were followed. I don’t have the full details yet.”
Quinlan said he questioned the WSL getting a film permit from the beginning. “It was probably almost inevitable that problems would arise,” Quinlan continued. “I can say with certainty that they should not be going in for a film permit for what is clearly a spectator event that is an egregious abuse of a loophole that should not exist,” Rep Quinlan said.
One North Shore neighborhood board member believes the City and State rushed the event.
“I think the State and City, although trying to recoup some type of economic stand, now we lose more,” said board member Racquel Hill. “Meanwhile, we have (Hawaii) students that can’t play sports for the rest of the year, and they haven’t traveled anywhere, they’ve been at home. So, you know, it’s a poor plan, if you could even call it that,” Hill said.
Rushed the event?
Does Poor Raquel Hill not know that UH is playing football? As in traveling to the mainland and having mainland schools visit Oahu to play the Rainbows?
Can she be that ignorant?
179,331 children in the Hawaii school system.
Can you be that ignorant?
Newsom exempted the film industry, defining it to be “essential”.
One of the attendees at French Laundry was from one of the biggest lobbying firms in California, with companies like NetFlix, Disney and other major studios.
Perhaps this begins to explain the whole WSL “Production Company” move.
https://theintercept.com/20…
Hawaii politicians have always been spineless star-struck weenies beholden to the film and TV industry. They, and their powerful unions, always get their way here. Since the pandemic started we’ve been bent over so many times for so many film production exemptions it ain’t funny. While our schools are closed, local small businesses shut down, locals starving and facing imminent foreclosures, evictions and bankruptcies, these monied and narcissistic elitist pricks get free rein to take over our beaches and other film sites of their choosing. I’m not against the industry per se but the double standards and back-room dealings with our politicians sucking industry cock is shameless. I’m neither a denier or believer but the promises of secure bubbles and extensive testing and other precautions are worthless as Yago’s example demonstrates perfectly.
by running under a film permit, does it bypass drug testing?
30 years ago if asked , which scenario is likely to have more drugs ;
A ) a pro surfing contest on the north shore of Hawaii
B ) a film set on the north shore of Hawaii
C ) all of the above
… most important, are the trans quota in place?
Nick, can you shed some light on why a film permit was preferred over a contest permit? I’d imagine this a loophole that allowed them to run the contest that would otherwise not run?
Think it’s so that the WSL could close the beach off and not allow the general public to congregate. Allows for more of a “bubble” environment in front of the waves.
Pretty much.
Wait…. what. Some real surf journalism here.
so that’s why they used the bullshit line of “suspend production” because it’s all just an arthouse film – so cool!!!
Well they are in the process of filming that reality show about the tour.
Thanks Nick.
Chas’s intense efforts at surf journalism:
*phone rings playing “Tripping Billies”*
Prodan: *answering* look, Chas, you know I’m not going to comment.
Chas: oh, but come on. Why not get out in front of this?
Prodan: (mouth clearly full, like he’s eating something) it’s not worth it for us, for me!
Chas: What’re you eating?
Prodan: (mouth still full) turkey sandwich…
Chas: plenty of mustard?
Prodan: you know it!… Anyway, you know not to call me. Why am I involved in this story now?
Chas: Because you’re funny!
Prodan: ugh…
Chas: Precisely! Thank you!
*Prodan hangs up*
….
*7th attempt bzzzzz…. bzzzzz…. bzzzz*
Patches: Oh, Chas, I knew I’d be getting this call.
Chas: Great! So do tell.
Patches: Nothing to tell. Staff and Elo got covid. We’re suspending out of an abundance of caution…
Chas: bullshit! Quit that bologna. What happened? Whose fault is it?
Patches: No one’s. Shit happens…
Chas: Come on! We both know that’s not true!… and why call off the contest?
Patches: Erik doesn’t want to seem irresponsible.
Chas: But him testing positive means nothing…
Patches: Everyone knows that, but Erik is scared.
Chas: Of what?
Patches: *shrugs, even though Chas can’t see him, because they are on the phone*
Chas: Hello? Are you still there?
Patches: Yeah, sorry, I got to go. Erik’s calling.
Chas: just merge the calls. I won’t say a thing!
*merges phone call*
Patches: hey, Erik, before you talk, we’ve got Chas on the line with us.
Erik: why the fuck would you do that?
Chas: Whoa…
Erik: oh my word, excuse my French…
Chas: so, whose fault? Why cancel?
Erik: (talking directly to Pat) you told him “abundance of caution,” like you actually used those words, right?
Patches: Yes, I did.
Chas: Don’t blame Patchy, he’s a good soldier.
Erik: Perhaps not good enough…
Chas: OK, now, what happened?
Erik: Nothing. Patrick, hang up right now!
*Erik and Pat hang up*
…
*calls Fatt*
Fatt: What do you want, Chas, you little fucking commie?… Fucking socialist Russian commies ruining surf!
Chas: That is all. Thank you, Matt!
…
*phone rings (traditional ring)*
Ross: What’s up, Chazzy brah? Things are getting pretty spicy.
Chas: So, what happened?
Ross: ELo got covid.
Chas: So he’s patient zero? How did that happen?
Ross: (with a wink his voice) I did not say that! (Normal voice). All he does is surf and try to kiss pro ass. He’s been trying to hang out with all the guys.
Chas: How does that get him covid?
Ross: I don’t know how I’m the one who has to explain covid to you… he’s around a lot of people is what I’m saying.
Chas: What about the protocols you guys talk about?
Ross: Um, I don’t know. You can’t control what people do outside of the comp area…
Chas: Especially the CEO, apparently. Why cancel the comp?
Ross: I’ve been advised to say “abundance of caution.”
Chas: Ugh. Should ELo go then? I mean, this is a failure of leadership.
Ross: Don’t quote me on this, but yeah, he’s not good…. really, don’t quote me.
Chas: Oh, I won’t, but I can’t assure this won’t get out.
Ross: Wait, what?
*click*
gods work.
Amazing work. Now back to your 200 best shark stories of 2020 articles! It’ll be hard to narrow it done that much!
So the sockless bald sustainable 11 world champ, as always, is two or more steps behind Tommy Curren?
Man… what a fate!… No?…
Considering that the judges always do their job by looking at screens anyway, they could be anywhere.
It’s a blimmin’ joke to postpone a comp over some office wallies coughs and sniffles.
ELo and his infected lackies could sit inside for a couple of weeks while the show goes on.
The only ones needed on the beach are the competitors, a marshall, and a couple of cameramen…
I am not entirely surprised one of the lackies would spit in his double soy latte.
It’s been awhile since you’ve been in a contest right? Under 12’s 1981?
In 1981 I was 15/16 and had a fake ID to get me into the local wine shop haha.
In the late ’80’s/early ’90’s our club (Barfly Boardriders) ran successful comps out of a tent, so maybe the wosl could try going back to basics too, as surely it’s going to when BG inevitably gets control of the wosl…
I posted a comment in the previous thread, it is pending review – for good reason, I mentioned a dubious troll that used to lurk on Stab (no not Jimmy the Saint). Anyways take a look at the newly decoded Zodiac killers message. Anybody spring to mind?
I thought I recognised that style. good pick up.
We have finally cracked the mystery
#misscavvy hahahahaha!
All this is taking attention away from the GOAT, who will shortly announce he has Ebola!
Kellys in hiding under lock and key. As the oldest on tour he’s the most likely to die from Covid,
according to Wim Hoff, his breathing technique fights off the virus. kelly is a practitioner. remember the video where he passed out.
Aided by Purps maybe
Geez, if you do the math, which of course his numerology guru has done, it sure does look like he’s doomed.
Covid 19
– Titles 11
___________
= Later SL8R
Uh oh!
In Oz our social observers are led by two highly intuitive commentators who go by the psydonenm of Roy & HG . They have this year been constantly warning of the sect of 11. (Apologies for just realisng this but I’ve just…er..put one and one together).
I’d be happy with Alice Cooper presiding over the “real world”.
And Leprosy …… taking his Black Plague Twin Fin Model “ The Bubonic “ to finish his days in the former leper colony Kalaupapa on the island of Molokaʻi ….. as the leprosy spreads “ The Bubonic “ will be rode as a single , then a fin less until nothing will be left but a hornless goat , and finally…… the little cord that holds the leash to the leash plug , likes socks , will disappear by itself an become one with the universe
https://youtu.be/3xI9ts-gioY
This. Board and glass will have to be made from biodegradable materials
Deinococcus radiodurans is an extremophilic bacterium that eats uranium so maybe a cousin , with a bit of luck can , chomp on the Black Plague « Yersinia pestis « twin fin ,
while the leprosy « Mycobacterium leprae « will nibble on the goat ?
You’re constantly full of interesting information jimmy
Thanks BH for the kind words ….most would say I am full of shit .
found a dogeared paperback copy of Papillon in the community book shelf at our Bingin warung 20 years ago and read the entire thing over a couple days, between sessions out front and bowls of nasi goreng. a great read anywhere, but in the heat of the tropics it carried extra resonance. one of those rare examples of the movie being on par with the novel, like The Shining or Scapegoats of the Empire/Breaker Morant.
When I was a backpacker in the late 90s, everyone in Greece had a faded copy of Captain Corelli’s Mandolin and everyone in Thailand had a copy of The Beach. Which was just a rip off of Lord of the Flies but the author made squillions and ended up a famous scriptwriter for Hollywood, so I guess the moral of the story is Crime does pay.
Safety Surfing is the new normal. It’s ON, priority be damned!