Happy days are here again.
As of this very moment, there is no more professional surfing for our entertainment. The waves are there, feathering magically on Pipeline’s famed reef, the surfers are there too, making barrel, but the cameras are turned off, judges quarantined, Joe Turpel alone in his bathtub, commentating an exciting heat between Julian Wilson and Plump Pip’s Sun Bum miniatures (buy here).
The whole lot shuttered due positive Covid-19 tests from World Surf League CEO Erik Logan and five of his staff.
No, there is no more professional surfing for our entertainment, but we are not left high and dry for the WSL’s own Instagram account has transmogrified into the front lines of the culture wars. There, the acrid smell of smoke, rotting flesh, fill the air, the explosive sound of comments crafted in the heat of a moment, as Covid-deniers and nanny staters go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
It is must-see.
Yesterday, for example, as you read Olympic coach and Brett Simpson call for the incarceration of ELo and others so that the show can go on.
Santa Barbara native and lensman, Morgan Maassen, lobbed a statement back so smug, so self-satisfied, as to be rightly classified as art: “It’s important that we demonstrate our right to do whatever we want by refusing to do the right thing because we don’t want to.”
And that’s just the start of it.
Recriminations, name-calling, anger, hurt, disbelief.
If we could do an open thread and all comment live as soldiers on opposing sides make their points, we would soon forget that we even cared about Kelly Slater’s twin fin.
And now, I will get down to the business of surf journalism and find patient zero. Wish me luck.