Blame Erik Logan.

The Sunset Pro was supposed to start today at Sunset Beach, North Shore, Oahu where Surfline is calling 18-20 feet, four times overhead. Oh what fun we would have had live chatting, willing Pip Toledo to use his newfound mass, generally carrying on but alas, World Surf League CEO Erik Logan, just last month, became the poster-child of what not to do during Covid-19 and single-handedly destroyed professional surfing as we know it.

Which leaves us here, with British singer Anne-Marie vacationing in South Africa and becoming slapped in the face by a Great White Shark.

Per her report, “Exciting activities are a must when I’m on holiday. When I was on tour in South Africa with Rudimental we got in a cage to see sharks…” except that’s where things took a nasty turn. Inside the cage, “It was freezing cold and one of the sharks came really close. It swam past then slapped me in the face with its tail. I was in shock.”

I dearly hoped the #MeToo movement would have cancelled this sort of boerish behavior but South Africa, am I right?

Get it?

Boerish?

I’m sorry.

Blame Erik Logan.

'Til death do us part.

Yesterday, it was revealed the actor Ben Affleck was broken up with by his beautiful Cuban-Spanish girlfriend, actress Ana de Armas, after one year together. Sources claimed the pair really seemed to be in love though work/family constraints provided simply too much pressure in the end.

Alas, they will always have their 8-foot egg shaped surfboards.

Hollywood’s enduring love affair with the Ashton Goggans of wave craft is legendary and especially in a town not known for fidelity. Let us celebrate the union while scrolling through Page Six’s semi-annual “celebrities who love to surf” featurette. Let us toast the passion in all of its glory.

Ah, Ben Affleck’s pal Matt Damon and his trusty 8-foot Becker…

…Gerard Butler and his eight-feet of flow…

…Saturday Night Live’s Colin Jost feeling eight-feet of fun…

…funny man Daniel Tosh.0 doin’ it x8…

Etc.

On and on the featurette goes with appearances from Reese Witherspoon, Joel Kinnaman, Liev Schreiber and many more all staying true to 8-feet of foam with gently rounded curves.

Laird Hamilton even makes a special appearance though he is riding an eFoil.

Back to the eggs, though, does it make you want to add one to your quiver?

It should.

People will think you are famous.

Phish sucks.

There will soon be a time when we fail to remember how life was before Coronavirus moved into our world and refused to check out. There will be whispers of days long ago when human beings attended concerts, sporting events, went to museums, bettered ourselves with each other.

Kissed sometimes too.

Stood on grassy knolls in North Bondi listening to hippie music and gently swaying without getting shamed across social media for so doing.

Well, current restrictions in New South Wales prohibit human gatherings of more than 30 people but more than 30 people stood on a grassy knoll in North Bondi listening to hippie music and gently swaying though they got shamed across social media and now the police are looking into the incident.

According to its Facebook page, “The group typically gather every Sunday afternoon and aim to ‘reconnect people through dance and live music.'”

Not chill and thankfully many were ready to point fingers. Oxana Alexandra, posted the picture and captioned it “corona central” adding, “Come on Sydney get it together we don’t want another lockdown.” for good measure.

Others decried the lack of masks and distancing.

I would imagine the lineup was also very full that day seeing Australia is in the midst of glorious summer and Bondi is Bondi.

I used to enjoy going to the McDonald’s, post-Bondi surfs, and ordering the Big Kahuna burger, which is not available in America.

It came with pineapple.

Delicious.