It is time for World Surf League CEO Erik
Logan to boldly take his place in history; either step down or
convince co-Waterperson of the Year and billionaire Dirk Ziff to
rent Tavarua and put on a show!
By Chas Smith
Logan, the tennis ball is in your court.
Let’s be frank. The reason Sunset and Santa
Cruz are canceled, the Pipe Pro and Backdoor Shootout too, is on
World Surf League CEO Erik Logan. It was he who contracted the
dreaded Covid-19.
He who told his followers not to worry, he was only lightly
symptomed.
He who made a mockery of Hawaii’s health protocols.
Certainly the buck was passed to Yago Dora but Yago Dora is just
a sweet boy with a dime and a dream. Erik Logan is the adult in the
room. The Chief Executive and, in the vein of President Truman, the
buck stops there.
As I see it he has too options: apologize for his blunder and
step down or dispense with the corpo-speak, convince co-Waterperson
of the Year and professional surfing’s benefactor Dirk Ziff to rent
the island paradise of Tavarua for a month, bring the men’s draw
and the women’s draw and bang out two quick contests.
Restaurants and Cloudbreak.
In between, shoot a bunch of content of professional surfers
stopping being polite and starting being real. Force strange
bedfellow situations etc. Kelly Slater bunking with Yago Dora. Pip
Toledo with Kekoa Bacalso.
Much drama at the buffet.
Throw it all behind a paywall. I’d subscribe and so would
you.
Bold leadership. A strong move. What we need to cheer us up.
Logan, the Tavarua tennis ball is in your court. The same tennis
ball batted back and forth on the same court that Bobby Martinez
and Todd Kline enjoyed.
Do the right thing.
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Palm Springs Wedding Planner Reveals Tragic
Flaw in Kelly Slater’s $250 million La Quinta real estate and
wavepool gamble!
By Hippy
"Kelly’s pool better be underground or covered. Not
to mention, a filter system will be required to keep the water
liquid or else he’ll be mixing cement."
Thoughts about the new Slater pool in La
Quinta.
I’ve designed three weddings on the golf course and incurred the
same challenge each day, wind.
Horrific wind hugging the curvature of the mountains and
funneling through a green belt that manages a very occasional rain
storm.
End result is dust for miles, sand storms.
I built a ceremony arch for one gig and purposely installed it
behind the reception tent. Two thoughts, some wind protection and
to give the poor photog some back light.
We had to borrow stakes from the lighting company. I sent a kid
to Home Depot for some high tensil strength cord. We tied the arch
off at 4 stations and I disappeared behind the hotel to cut Trumpet
vine to run along the cord.
Next trip, we rented a huge gazebo.
Thought fuck this, something so heavy nothing could blow it
down. Concentrated decor on the aisle and base legs of the monster.
Was hanging the chandelier in the middle when a gust hit, my
twelve-foot ladder fell under me and I clung to the chandelier
mechanics while my boys sorted the ladder.
Following trip, I sold NO CEREMONY DECOR. We scheduled the
chairs into theatre in the round and called it a day. As fate
allows, no wind that particular day so we made a circle of rose
petals for the actual ceremony space. Yeah, they curdled in the
sun, but the Hippy knows a trick or two about a half and half mix
of silk petals.
Point being, Kelly’s pool better be underground or covered. Not
to mention, a filter system will be required to keep the water
liquid or else he’ll be mixing cement.
I’m not sure why all pools are not in a warehouse or
underground. Manage nature as best as you are faking it.
If I’m paying for Kelly’s ranch it better be fucking glassy. As
glassy as that same money will buy me a two-week charter in the
Ments.
I really think the only way to keep evaporation at a minimum and
run without wind issues is by covering the pool. Especially Palm
Springs because for five months it’s too hot to be outside
anyway.
I could make oodles of money out there, restaurants are sublime,
but fuck, it’s like Las Vegas, three days is plenty.
What is beautiful about the desert day one are the same things
you find ugly day three.
I just need three dinner reservations and a fat paycheck to make
me happy driving back to the beach.
(Editor’s note: The author is actually an event
designer not a wedding planner. Fitted the headline better. “It’s a
huge distinction of competence from the wedding planners I loathe,”
he says. Second, Hippy’s from Santa Babs. Again, makes for a
better headline, Palm Springs Wedding Planner etc.)
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World Surf League cancels events two and
three on 2021 tour, Sunset Beach, Steamer Lane; Rip Curl Pro at
Bells possible year opener!
By Derek Rielly
COVID-19 continues to beat hell out of world surf
tours.
Sunset was always going to be dead in the water after
the COVID follies, which included the WSL’s CEO Erik Logan and four
other WSL staffers being infected,at the Pipeline
Masters.
“The decision to postpone the Santa Cruz Pro, the last planned
event of the US leg of the Championship Tour, is based primarily on
the surge of COVID-19 cases in California. The postponement is also
heavily influenced by the length of time our athletes have been
away from home, and by the complexities of global travel during
this pandemic, which would have caused significant logistical
challenges for athletes and staff to travel home and return to
California for the event.
“We look forward to safely continuing the 2021 CT season with
the Australia leg starting at the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach in
April.”
No Sunset, no Steamer Lane, possibly, still, no Bells.
Angry Ellie-Jean Coffey fans turn on each
other after socialist experiment to crowdfund explicit videos goes
bad, “The three of us who buy the videos can’t keep forking out
hundreds and hundreds of dollars while all of you sit there and
enjoy the benefits!”
By Derek Rielly
"How sad is your life that you think someone is
lying about having content just because you’re too much of a cheap
ass to buy it yourself."
A socialist experiment where capital is pooled and the harvest
shared.
BeachGrit was invited, for free, to the chat room and
therefore the material we might examine would also be
free.
At the time, the group’s latest crowd fund was to buy a $120
video that promised, “PUSSY FUCKED. My bare pussy getting
penetrated by DICK for my birthday. UNCENSORED and NSFW XXX action
for over 5 mins.”
Harvest days for men with snouts wetted and ready to savage
imaginary vulvas and ani.
Like all socialist experiments, heavy with good intention but
operating at odds with basic human nature, the chat room has since
descended into brutal internecine fighting.
One man wants to sell views of a video bought for $149 at ten
dollars a hit.
Recent posts:
“If you wanna see the good content you gotta pay for it. The
three of us who actually buy the videos can’t just keep forking out
hundreds and hundreds of dollars and all of you just sit here and
enjoy the benefits.”
“LOL. How fucking sad is your life that you think someone is
lying about having content just because you’re too much of a cheap
ass to buy it yourself. This is exactly why I took my offer to
share it back.”
“Anyway, it’s interesting to see everyone who not so long ago
was waiting and asking to have free videos and photos come here and
spit in everyone’s face and now that they have something they keep
it to themselves.”
“Can you guys actually confirm what you see and if it’s fully
tits and pussy or is it still edited out or covered.”
Busy days for busy men.
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Some might call this kind of venture elitist
or classist – a sanctuary for the approved of the species to live
out the impending apocalypse. But it’s not, because it’s for
surfing, and surfing’s not elitist, surfing’s cool, surfing’s
spiritual, surfing’s nature, surfing’s pure, surfing isn’t golf;
surfing’s immune to your criticism.
Opinion: Kelly Slater Surf Resort in La
Quinta, to be built at a cost of a quarter of a billion dollars,
“an example of the most vulgar excesses of
consumer-capitalism!”
By John Miskelly
For “inspirational people” and “great creators” on
a “mission”.
Nice idea. Bad execution. A slice of mass-market Hollywood
mediocrity.
Elysium is set in a future in which the rich live on a
floating, verdant utopia, where citizens’ needs, wants and whims
are served by all the amenities the more optimistic social
speculators have predicted may one day exist, lots of glass, white
curves, access to the latest innovations in healthcare etc.
Meanwhile back on earth, things have continued along their
current trajectory. Everyone works their ass off in a dog-eat-dog
hellscape to sustain a life of miserable poverty lest they slip
into an existence of slightly more miserable absolute
destitution.
It’s the kind of subtle, inciteful metaphor that would go over
the heads of normal everyday schmoes who haven’t even won a single
world title.
Kelly Slater’s Elysium won’t float, he hasn’t levelled up to
those kind of powers yet, but it probably will eventually.
Some might call this kind of venture elitist or classist – a
sanctuary for the approved of the species to live out the impending
apocalypse. But it’s not, because it’s for surfing, and surfing’s
not elitist, surfing’s cool, surfing’s spiritual, surfing’s nature,
surfing’s pure, surfing isn’t golf; surfing’s immune to your
criticism.
Some might call this kind of venture elitist or classist – a
sanctuary for the approved of the species to live out the impending
apocalypse. But it’s not, because it’s for surfing, and surfing’s
not elitist, surfing’s cool, surfing’s spiritual, surfing’s nature,
surfing’s pure, surfing isn’t golf; surfing’s immune to your
criticism.
But not completely immune.
A certain amount of lip-service is still required. The
selfishness of the endeavour must be veneered over with
self-aggrandising bullshit rhetoric no one in their heart of hearts
believes but serves the purpose of soothing the shame of living
their lives not in the virtuous way they purport to do, but in
accordance with the most vulgar excesses of
consumer-capitalism.
Hence this resort (sorry “community”) isn’t designed for that
“wrong” type of rich like, for example, golfers, but the “right”
kind of rich, those who enrich our lives and show us how we might
save our paltry and wasted existences “through lived and learned
experiences”.
They’re “inspirational people” and “great creators” on a
“mission”.
This isn’t play, this is a project. It’s not designed for
self-indulgence, but self-betterment. It will “educate” through
experiences that you can live and learn by paying for them with
money.
So why not take advantage of the direct flights from Palm
Springs International and witness for yourself our “focus on
sustainability”?
Maybe after a long session of living and learning in the
wave-pool take in a different kind of “set” at Coachella
festival.
They’re our neighbours. Maybe Grimes is playing.
Hey, we know her husband. He’s alright.
Ignore the malcontents and cynics bleating on about wetlands and
poverty and the one percent and taxes and embrace progress.
Embrace this haven, this Eden, this oasis we have bestowed unto
this dry and arid desert.
We are the creators of the new world.
We are god.
Worship us.
Join us.
Escape with us.
Unless you’re poor, in which case carry my boards.