"Nothing I say can bring that wave back or take away the humiliation on my behalf."

Two weeks ago, lucky Gold Coast surfers thrilled to four-to-six feet of east swell, Kirra organising the lines into these wonderful green funnels.

And Mitch Parkinson, cuz to Joel and star of BeachGrit’s surfboard test series, rode the wave of the day, a tube filmmaker Justin Gane said had the potential to be one of the greatest rides ever ridden at Kirra – at least twenty-five seconds in the hole.

Of course, as vision shows, Mitch’s adventure was abbreviated when a man fell out of the air and into Mitch’s trajectory. Opinion was unanimous online, the drop-in a piece of cutthroat savagery etc.

“I almost felt bad for being angry at him, he was so rattled,” said Mitch Parko after.

Now, the surfer, whom we’ll keep anonymous ‘cause who needs the grief right?, contacted BeachGrit wanting to “explain my side of the story after being crucified by the surfing world for that wave at Kirra. I  would have pulled into that wave if I had not been so stunned and surprised someone was on it. I’m not someone to bail from a wave like that without reason. I would like to just copy and paste the email I sent Mitch Parko so you understand…”

The surfer also sent, at my request, a couple of shots to prove he can surf.

(Email below)

Hey lad,

I really wanted to explain my side of the story. I’m baffled if it was the wind and angle with people further up the shoulder that were paddling or because you’re such a wizard and were so deep behind the curtain I have no idea.

But the honest truth is, I had no idea you were on that wave when I made the decision to go, only to hear you when I was a quarter of the way down about to pull in. I was so surprised you were there and bailed because I thought you may have got around me to the next section.

It’s like the feeling after a bender when you have blacked out and found out later you have done something you had no idea about.

Firstly, I love surfing and have so much respect for it and don’t surf good or anything but have surfed long enough and around the world to never drop in on crew. If it was a fade or drop in I wouldn’t have even looked back or would have actually pulled in but I jumped off thinking you had a chance to make it around  so was not intentional at all.

Talk about the wrong place at the wrong time caught on cam. I know nothing I say can bring that wave back or take away the humiliation on my behalf. I’m going through some rough personal stuff in life at the moment so this is the last thing I need for my mental health and just had to clear it up.

I really hope you can put aside the anger and frustration to truly know I didn’t know you were on it and would never have done that if I knew someone was on a mental pit like that or just on the wave in general.

I’m sure you have done something in life that you never meant to do and hopefully believe and understand even though it’s easy to judge and think different from the footage.

Anyway, I  hope you can accept this explanation/apology and a couple cases of beer and put in the past.

A happy ending in the traditional sense, yes?

John John Florence puts muscle behind Peloton as company hit by very bad press.

Endorsements. One minute you’re in a mutually beneficial commercial relationship with a seemingly innocuous but respected lifestyle brand, the next you’re throwing together a desperate press release distancing yourself from god knows what scandal.

Two days ago, the two-time world champion John (John) Florence made an Instagram post singing the praises of his Peloton Interactive Inc. fitness bike, along with a promotional video in which he appears alongside various other athletes, most notable of all fastest man on earth Usain Bolt.

“When I had an ACL surgery in 2019, I got a Peloton bike to help with the rehab process, “ posts John (John). “Throughout my recovery I found myself using the bike all the time, and I’ve continued using it ever since for workouts and warmups. It feels like an honor to be mentioned alongside these athletes… I’m excited about this partnership!”

Peloton get the rights. John (John) gets the bikes. Surfline Man gets a nice big hit of dopamine unpacking another shiny new bit of kit.

A match made in consumer lifestyle capitalist heaven.

Everybody wins.

The system works.

But wait.

A few hours before J(J)F’s post a story appeared on various news outlets. A headline on The Guardian read,“US regulators warn Peloton users to stop using treadmills after child death.”

“The US Consumer Product Safety Commission said it received reports of children and a pet being pulled, pinned and entrapped under the rear roller of the Tread+ treadmill, leading to fractures, scrapes and the death of one child.”

A decidedly un-feel-good, largely contra-wellness combination of words.

Peloton Interactive Inc. responded saying the warning was “inaccurate and misleading”.

“There’s no reason to stop using the treadmill as long as children and pets are kept away from it at all times, it is turned off when not in use, and a safety key is removed.”

It should be emphasised that J(J)F only mentioned the Peloton exercise bike and not the child-mangling treadmills mentioned in the report, so there’ll probably be no back-peddling(!) from the two-time world champion anytime soon.

Still, the timing between the story breaking and J(J)F’s post – mere coincidence, or has surfing reached such a lofty status in the minds of Joe public it’s now deployable as corporate damage-limitation fodder?

Heady days.