World's happiest VAL secures prestigious position in Malibu hierarchy…
Hollywood funnyman Jonah Hill, famous for playing sexless butterballs in a series of box-office hits including Get Him to the Greek where he shelves alpha rock star Russell Brand’s heroin, has paid nine million dollars for a house in Malibu Colony, a guarded, gated beachfront setup footsteps from point made famous by anti-hero Miki Dora.
Eighteen months ago, Hill, noticeably slimmer since taking up the sport of kings, posted his new status as a vulnerable adult learner surfer on Instagram,
“Been terrified to surf my whole life . Totally random fear and at the same time always been a secret dream of mine. Turned out to be one of the most fun experiences I’ve ever had. Not only was it so fun and challenging but more so I’m like “damn, at 35 you can start doing shit you’ve always wanted to do.”
And, now, with keys to his modernist mansion, four beds, four bathrooms, sauna, jacuzzi, steam room, rooftop deck, 3600 square feet of lebensraum, and a “windowless monolithically white face facade”, Hill can now count himself as a Malibu local, the house coming with deeded beach access rights and even a little golf cart for transport.
Take off your shoes and dance, with me, on stockinged feet through the joint.
Pretty sweet etc.
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Guy even buys real estate like a VAL. 100 yards from success. Tear down those houses blocking the ocean view and you’re good to go
The facade is windowless, misleading, yeah.
I think we all live for shiny-wet fingers disappearing into a cone of blonde bush.
Click here: https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Margo Robbie?
Used to deliver mail to a guy who was dying of cancer. He and his wife were architects who bought the second block of land in a just released section of coast adjacent land back in the 70s. Built their place with leftovers from jobs they worked. Great place, ocean views, 2 minute walk to the beach, etc, etc.
Early after diagnosis, a new house was built a couple of doors down from their place. It turned out to be a black painted rectangular box thing with all the grotesque features you would expect of someone wealthy enough to buy into this area, and the taste of someone who can afford not to be told ‘nope, that’s stupid’.
As a result this house has no access to the cooling prevailing winds in summer, a large black wall to absorb the afternoon sun and a front that my dying friend described as; “Just needs one of those jagged drive in advertising signs to turn it into a fucking laundromat”.
His wife reckoned the anger he generated through seeing this monstrosity during his walks to the beach in his last year kept him alive well past the initial predictions.
A kook is kookier the more money s/he has
This scene made me believe Jonah Hill actually did marry his cousin.
https://youtu.be/I13gMF50oqE
seeing the pictures of him surfing made me believe that he is the product of a cousin marriage
iron chef of pounding vaj!
That lady better watch out now…the ultimate VAL won’t need to drive an hour to clog her waves anymore! My advice- call for another community meeting on Facebook.
where does wavestorm go on golf buggy?..
Derek is going to get his real estate license pulled if he keeps up the false advertising.
Apparently the local black / grey aesthetic was developed due to coal / steel mill dust settling over all the houses. True factoid that I’ve heard.
That’s an expensive golf cart!
This is the end
My only friend
The end
A whole lotta rich bogans just got locked up.
Helluva sting!!
https://www.google.com/url?…
The operation has been ongoing for some time. The fools were too brazen, and loud. smh
And lazy
You gotta face to face under bridges like Tony soprano
F cell phones!? Kooks! Kooks ruin everything.
Shoulda used trained dwarves running around in the shadows like stumpy ninjas
That’s great
Hope for all the ugly fat Jews!!
Does this mean he can now join the meetings in front of the steps on how to control the lineup? Surely he is more local than that surf instructor now!
Facts! Wasn’t she a yoga instructor? With a lion’s mane?
I wonder about the quality of pussy a guy like that gets, like real good pussy or just normal?
I think mortals, me, probs you, can’t even imagine what treasures our VAL brother submerges his prong into.
but as my experience showed me in a past life, i couldn’t get away from those “treasures” quick enough after I had opened the box.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Crazy is measured 4 to 10 because there is no such thing as a women who’s not at least 4 crazy. This guy is a legend.
Made my day, even gave the extra credit answer about the zone below 4 crazy and above 8 hot
Aussie starlets fresh from Home and away, Neighbours
You have the finest way with the most filthy of vernacular and your penchant for the most unspoken of acts reveals a true appreciation of the dark arts of the flesh. It’s easily my favourite thing about you.
He gets what is called prostitute sex. See, NO female is attracted to that. He holds NO male traits. He pays for pussy on the large.
You and Derek are oceans apart on this one.
I pay for large pussy too… wtf is wrong with that?
No female? More like every female. Why do you think they are closing their eyes all the time?…. practicing for this nine million dollar moment.
Unpopular opinion –
I like this cunt
me 2
super bad is in my top five
war dogs or what ever was good.. he was good in the DiCaprio wall st. movie.. guy is a great actor. but fuck… stop posting about your life dick bag.. who fucking cares…. i still posit that fishermen are the smartest in the sea.. they never tell you where they got their catch… surfers.. dumb cunts