Art by Beeple.
Art by Beeple.

Question: Did Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg single-handedly destroy both foiling and America in one fell swoop?

An important discussion.

Yesterday, on the United States of America’s 245th birthday, Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg posted a video of himself e-foiling whilst holding an American flag set to John Denver’s “Take me home, country roads” on his Instagram.

The clip immediately went viral.

While the famous Raimana Van Bastolaer enjoyed and commented “ok emoji” “shaka emoji” most others found it… “whacky” and worthy of posthumous lawsuits.

Now, an important question for us surfers, us children of the sea. Did Zuckerberg single-handedly destroy both foiling and America in one fell swoop?

Oh, of course the fifth richest man in the world is e-foiling but I think a small distinction to make on such a large platform and I’d imagine any time anyone now pulls any sort of float board out of car someone will snort derisively.

Very much worse than what Adam Sandler did to rollerblading and look how that has disappeared.

Also, America.

I am currently in Mexico enjoying warm water and warmer weather and, looking north, it seems like Zuck hammered a nail into the coffin. The last nail?

Well, that’s what I’m asking you.

Foiling finished, the U.S.A. finished?

Difficult for me to see how either survives this.


A Great White, tagged at nearby Forster.

Ten-foot Great White responsible for attack on surfer at Crescent Head, says Department of Primary Industries

If you surf on Australia's east coast, buy and learn to use a tourniquet. Great Whites, protected in Australia since 1999, ain't going anywhere.

Yesterday afternoon, and half an hour before sunset, surfer Joe Hoffman was hit by what authorities have identified as a ten-foot Great White shark.

The shark bit Hoffman on the arm, and left a two-foot crescent-shaped bite on his Outer Islands surfboard. 

Hoffman paddled to the beach and was carried to a nearby park by six surfers who used his legroom as a makeshift tourniquet.

Local surfer Josh Shorrick described Hoffman as being “incredibly brave despite the pain”.

“We carried him to the BBQ area where ambos could reach him. Six of us helped,” Shorrick told News Corp. “I hope he’s going to be alright.”

To the surprise of nobody, least of all surfers, a NSW Department of Primary Industry (DPI) spokeswoman confirmed the shark was a ten-foot White.

“NSW DPI shark scientists have analysed photographs of the bite and determined a White shark of approximately three metres in length is likely responsible for the bite.”

Hell of a bite.

One month ago, surfer Mark Sanguinetti was killed by a fifteen-foot Great White at Tuncurry, one hundred miles south. 

What’s the takeaway, here?

After two decades of the Great White being protected, this is the new reality of surfing on Australia’s east coast.

So buy and learn to use a tourniquet. Most, although certainly not all, Great White hits are a bite-and-release taste test so once the shark leaves, if you’re quick a life can be saved.

If you can get a tourniquet above the wound site, your buddy has a good chance of living.

There’s an exception here.

If the shark takes off an entire leg or arm and there’s no stump, well, even a combat medic can’t stop the bleeding.

But if there’s a stump, there’s a chance, a good chance. If you act fast.

You carrying a tourniquet in your wetsuit? Or on the beach?

Before anything, before calling anyone, get it on, tight, a couple of inches above the joint.

That’s it.

No tourniquet or it’s in the car?

Get a towel. Apply as much pressure as you can where the blood is coming out. All that matters is stopping the blood.

A catastrophic attack and your buddy is going to lose consciousness in three minutes; after five minutes the outcomes are poor.

(Click here to check out ER doctor and surfer Jon Cohen’s range of tourniquets, including one built-into a leash)


Breaking: City of Virginia Beach buys up $2.8m in land for “Happy” singer and superstar producer Pharrell Williams surf park!

No blurred lines!

Just before the 4th of July, all-American city Virginia Beach made many of its residents explode happy by spending $2.8 million on land that will be used for a surf tank. The project, backed by local son and music superstar Pharrell Williams, will have retail, commercial and residential real-estate and, most importantly, a wave basin that appears to utilize Wavegarden technology.

The only non-excited residents are those who live at the end of the street and are complaining about much noise and worker traffic and construction begins.

Classic NIMBYism.

Also likely not happy is Kelly Slater and the World Surf League as yet another project gets underway minus KSWaveCo’s famed Blue Sled of Dred. Five years on and there is still only one Surf Ranch and it is still only in Lemoore, California.

Sad.

But back to Pharrell’s project, all mostly exciting and do you live in or around Virginia Beach? Do you think you will surf it?

Does Pharrell’s involvement cause your heart to flutter? His hit song with Alan Thicke notwithstanding, I am generally a fan of everything the diminutive singer/songwriter does.

Will other celebrities become jealous that he has his own surf park and get in the game too all not utilizing Slater?

More questions than answers.


Hell of a bite. | Photo: The Crescent Head Santa Surf

Surfer hit by shark at iconic Australian point; “severe” arm injuries; doctors use leg-ropes as tourniquets; helicopter evacuation to major hospital

"So heavy…his parents are in shock."

A surfer in this twenties, Joe Hoffman, has been hit by a shark at Crescent Head, an old-timer’s sorta point, although very iconic, historical etc, five hours north of Sydney.

Usual scene. 

Surfer being carried out of the water. Siren. An ambulance. A chopper landing on a golf course, paramedics, crowds, iPhones poised to snatch vision of a severely injured man, wondering how the hell his life just changed, if he’s going to live to see his family again.

A common sight on Australian beaches. Paramedics, cops, surfer on gurney.

The shaper of Hoffman’s boards, Mitchell Rae, posted on Instagram,

“I just spoke with his dad and from all accounts it’s a very nasty bite to his bicep. The first people that got to him were doctors by Providence and they tourniquet his arm with a leg rope immediately. he’s been evacuated to John Hunter at Newcastle now. So heavy.   i’m feeling quite numb as I’ve known Joe since he was a baby and his parents are in shock.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/CQ8PVu5nt7F/

 

Real sharky on the east coast at the moment and right in the middle of an out of season north-east swell. A healthy stock of whales migrating north for the winter, football-field sized schools of salmon, and a predator responsible for, what, how many dead surfers now, and protected since 1999. 

Twelve peopled killed almost solely by Whites in 2020, four of ’em surfers. RIP Andrew Sharpe, RIP Rob Pedretti, RIP Mani Hart-Deville, RIP Nick Slater.

In May this year, Mark Sanguinetti, who was fifty-nine and from Newport Beach in Sydney, died on the beach at Tuncurry, just south of Crescent, after being hit by a fifteen-foot Great White.

He’d gone on a little surf trip with three of his pals.

A witness on the beach at Tuncurry said, “The shark came out of the water, just smashed him, five seconds later he came round and hit him again… Just the whole bone exposed, not meat on him at all.”

Details are pretty scarce right now, although it ain’t a secret that Great Whites frequent the area. 

Around the same time, BeachGrit writer, commenter of note, Surf Ads, a couple of hours south, fled the surf when another surfer was bumped by a shark of considerable girth and unknown intent. 


Cartoon Zucky, patriot.

Facebook founder and world’s fifth richest man Mark Zuckerberg posts “whacky” July 4 video of a cartoon-like “Zucky” e-foiling on lake with American flag, “Mark Zuckerberg may have united the left and the right in America: just not in the way he planned!”

“I wish they could bring John Denver back to life just so he could sue Mark Zuckerberg for this."

A gift for Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg’s almost eight million Instagram followers this morning with a video of a cartoon-like “Zucky” e-foiling a boat’s wake, carrying an American flag and cut to John Denver’s Country’s Roads. 

The great Tahitian surfer and ski wrangler at the WSL’s Surf Ranch, Raimana Van Bastolaer, was among the first to congratulate his pal on the post, dropping shaka and ok emojis. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/CQ6u_nFnGmR/

Others, less kind.

We need a ‘erase your memory of this’ option,” the Hoarse Whisperer wrote on Twitter. “I wish they could bring John Denver back to life just so he could sue Mark Zuckerberg for this.”

A noted economist,

And this perceptive man,

Zuckerberg, who is thirty-seven and whose net wealth hovers around the hundred-and-twenty bill mark, was an early adopter of the electric foil board, regularly making appearances on BeachGrit on the miraculous little watercraft. Readers will remember his controversial “white-face” makeup (“I’m not going to apologise for wearing sunscreen,” he said) and his recent humble-brag shout-out to ultra-watercat Kai Lenny.

Out e-foiling on a fine Hawaiian day, wearing a black wetsuit and helmet, face unseen so maybe slathered in sunscreen, maybe not, Zuckerberg grabbed a clip from either wife or personal filmer, posted it to Facebook and wrote, “Kai Lenny, am I doing this right?” all set to a White Stripes’ cover of “I just don’t know what to do with myself.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/CO3JDi7nwYd/?utm_source=ig_embed&ig_rid=e6e6ba06-66c1-434e-b836-713bb82e5f75