"Lack of imagination."
Laird Hamilton’s Superfood, a line of nutritious coffee creamers and “performance mushrooms,” went public a little under a year ago to much fanfare and applause. The company, based in Sisters, Oregon, was certainly young but hungry investors thrilled for a piece of Hamilton’s agelessness, his firm jaw pointed toward a plant-based future, and sent the stock price from its $22 opening well north of $50.
Things have not been as “healthy” since.
The stock has slid, steadily, since winter and today (at time of writing) is down a whopping 25%.
Business minds are busily assessing what led to the fall, considering underlying structures, capitalization issues, risk factors and other fancy business words but I think the problem is pumpkin.
The company announced, days ago, that its “pumpkin spice” flavorings would be making a return this autumn. Per the press release:
Featuring warming notes of pumpkin spices such as cinnamon, ginger, cardamom, nutmeg and real pumpkin powder, these creamer products can spice up your coffee without the guilt. Laird Superfood Pumpkin Spice Superfood Creamer combines the brand’s Original Superfood Creamer with real pumpkin and festive spices. This festive blend is a perfect boost for a morning cup of coffee, tea, smoothie and more. Meanwhile, the Aloha OatMac Superfood Creamer in Pumpkin Spice is a special blend of OatMac creamer the superfood way, with the inviting flavors of pumpkin spice and nourishing, buttery macadamia and oats, without any artificial flavors or sweeteners, making it the perfect addition to hot or iced coffee. Lastly, Laird Superfood’s fresh and plant-based Liquid Superfood Creamer is now available in the festive Pumpkin Spice option featuring functional mushrooms including Lion’s Mane, Cordyceps, and Chaga. The pumpkin spice flavor consumers love can now be found in the refrigerated section.
All fine and good but pumpkin flavorings are soooooooooo last year and the fact that Hamilton and team have not pivoted to this year’s trend, bourbon, shows a worrying lack of imagination.
The team should take more “performance mushrooms” and get back to the drawing board if there is any hope in halting the slide.
Bourbon.
Remember.
Bourbon.
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Classic. This was a high rotation song for us back in the day. Mainly because we had a mate called Marty who used to hate it, but them’s the breaks.
Have you seen ‘Crazy Horses’ by the Osmonds? It is mind blowing. Look up a vid from back in the day. (The Las Vegas era versions are a bit tame). There is one version at a state fair or something that is the money!
Has some things in its favor tho!Never thought I would surf there. Age does things to ya!
I’ll buy the stock when it’s down 200%
He probably doesn’t even drink it.
In this day and age it’s a fine line between copyright infringement and slur.
So in the interest of not showing my alleged implicit bias I am attributing anything that is commercially relevant or racially sensitive to Corporate third parties.
Daily, I pour myself a cup of Laird superfood coffee creamer (into my 5th of Jameson) and then check NASDAQ averages before checking the Mondo’s Surfline cam from my hotspotted Sprinter Van with my dog &/or kayak. Fuck all y’all
Hi America, what the fuck is a creamer?
Dunno but I’m pretty sure I saw it next to the aerosol cheese.
Astronauts prefer Tang.
Do they have a choice? Just mix with your own upcycled urine and enjoy anywhere.
Just another great example of people shining the spotlight on their own ridiculous stupidity. Not content with a simple diet of fruit, veges, meat of choice, and water, people gotta get all fancy and shit as they look for shortcuts to replicate Laird’s jaw in 4 easy steps.
Then the shyster health gurus smell dollars and gullibility all wrapped up in one and produce a new line of super food. But it ain’t that super. The conned consumers don’t get square jaws and free foils, and everything collides into one giant blended clusterfuck.
They all deserve each other. Veges, fruit, lean meat, water. It ain’t fucking rocket science if you’re really keen.
you had me at “replicate Laird’s jaw”
I like to rag on Chastity’s writing but this one was pretty good. Anybody ever tasted this stuff? I tried it looking for a nondairy creamy —it’s supremely disgusting.
Drink your coffee black. No cream. No sugar. Don’t ruin your coffee with Bourbon. Don’t ruin your Bourbon with coffee. Coffee and Bourbon are already vegan. Stop trying to fuck up a good thing with supposed good intentions.
…speaking of bourbon
Im having one right now!
Enjoy that Kentucky chew.
How you been Scott?
Good! Gave myself a time out from internet indulgence, focused on family, work, finishing shit around the house. Definitely missed the whole gang. Lots of good folks here, appreciate everyone regardless of differences.
Hope you’re doing good, Negs, always a pleasure to catch up with ya!
I’m way too weak to drink black coffee….if that’s the case I’ll just drink green t
Drink Irish coffee on any rainy day.
– this message has been approved by JohnNonJohn
It may have been when VAL consumers found out it didn’t actually contain any of Laird’s super creamer and was, in fact, plant based and not the full protein nut-butter they were all longing for.
Who needs creamer when butter is all the rage (yuck)? Lairs nut butter would probably fly off the shelfs.
Tag line: ‘LAIRD’S GONNA NUT RIGHT INTO YOUR WAITING OPEN FACE-HOLE!!!’
According to his interview in the inertia, he was running on 2 bottles of wine a night until it affected his marriage.
Nothing in the article about it affecting his performance.
I’ll stick to spending cash on cleanskins.
So he switched to four?
Not saying that I haven’t lived a full and enriching life, but I can’t recall Laird ever dating any of the Spice Girls. Or there even being a Pumpkin Spice. Let alone her being trademarked.
And what the fuck has any of this got to do with (non-nude) coffee?
Uh oh…Chas just pissed off Basic White Women™ everywhere with his denigration of Pumpkin Spice.
Hopefully the whole company will go bust before long.
Bring back proper milk and cream !
This vegan shit is crap…
Carney !!!!
Hahahahar
Farmhouse Gold with cream on top is like crack for me when I walk past the milk section.
your new moniker is fucking pretty cool my man
I was gonna be going French next..
foie gras y chardonnay?
Forget Pumpkin, pull out the ‘Bright White Creamer’!
Pumpkin, huh? And here i was thinking it was another redundant and completely unnecessary product that lost the consumer’s eye just moments after it went “huge.”