Lemoore is burning.
Tomorrow, at 10 pm in the United States, the World Surf League, in collaboration with ABC television, will premier its much anticipated reality show The Ultimate Surfer.
Set in Lemoore, California, at Kelly Slater’s eponymous Surf Ranch, the program aims at finding America’s best surfer from a cast of deeply buried Qualifying Series talent and Zeke Lau. Slater, himself, will be there to hone skills while Joe Turpel calls the action alongside ex-NFL quarterback Jesse Palmer.
The great Jen See will be covering each episode with her doctor’s eye for BeachGrit, but in its final promotion, released yesterday, the League teased what can only be described as a wildly provocative, 1970s-esque sexually fluid orgy.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CS2qSY3JXGT/
In the clip, tuned for Instagram, Koa Smith and a young friend walk to the pool’s edge where they discover a Melchizedek that appears to have a note inside. The two bring it up to where the rest of the cast is cowering in the shade, Maui’s Kai Barger off to the side looking sad about life choices, fish the message out and discover a poem declaring they will all play spin the bottle.
Two of the female surfers appear less than pleased at the prospect of pushing that Melchizedek around, having it land on a fellow contestant and sparking fireworks. Brianna Cope, from Kauai, goes so far as to say, “If I wanted to kiss someone, I would have signed up for The Bachelor.”
Tough beans for Cope, I suppose, as World Surf League CEO Erik Logan is in charge of this show.
Who are you looking forward to see kissing whom?
Barger and Lau?
Malia Ward and Koa Smith’s young friend?
Many combinations.
More as the story develops.
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Spoiler alert Zeke Lou wins spin the bottle
I am impressed that koa Smith can actually read!
Surfer Dudes and Surfer Babes – it’s entertainment. Nada más.
I wonder who’s the first to give him a solid beat down.
Smith and Reilly … we all know Derek wants to …
Possible that in the reality tv sphere this will be a hit, or as least not a fail? Just because the players are better looking than those on, say, Survivor? Passing thought is all.
Survivor always throw in some eye candy, this will need adequate levels of psychological torture(for the contestants, not us) to make any headway into the mainstream.
true. producers just need to hit on a very specific bunch of checkboxes and they’ll have an audience.
Oh my dear lord!
Koa and his bottle finding bum chum will kiss for sure, not exactly like they haven’t before by the looks of them.
Kinda like in ‘I pronounce you, Chuck and Larry’, but with actual real, no pretence, proper tongues down throats, actual gay stuff between everyday normal surf buddies.
P.S.
Heck, for all ya know it’ll bring a greater percentage of the ‘rainbow dollar’ to the world of surf fashion, and even change the comments and advertising landscape here on BG…
Holy crap I watched that movie with my wife last night and it was shocking how less PC the world was shuch a short time ago. Its just a matter of time til some buzzfeed writer accidentaly puts it in their netflix que and gets the whole sandler crew cancelled. Comedies are dead
It’s so funny!
I thought it was “the brown dollar” ??
Kelly and everyones girl.
So so very much cringe. Who the fuck scripts this horrible shit?
You can’t script this
But see that’s the thing. Once you get past how bad and how unrealistic that scene is, you need to then face the reality that someone, somewhere, at some point, thought it was not only a good idea, but that that’s what surfers do
But see that’s where you’re wrong! This is just a bunch of every day surfers, living a simple surfer life, just trying to crack the big leagues and find love. Completely relatable, just like us. No scripting necessary!
To top it off, you have this kook who makes up such things as “love your cutback”, spewing some crap about a crap show!? F millennial surfing kook life!!
Oh yeah, and as recent BG articles have stated: Zeke wins; shocking. Get fucked WSL/ABC.
And now, back to the KSSR…
…you don’t know how lucky you are…
Whoa, that was cringy.
Pass.
Kelek Zoolater: What is this? A Surf Ranch for ants? How can we be expected to teach surfers to learn how to read… if they can’t even fit inside the pool?
E-Low: Kelek, this is just a small…
Kelek Zoolater: I don’t wanna hear your excuses! The Surf Ranch has to be at least… three times bigger than this!
Wow!!! (in the voice of Owen Wilson)
They know how to read???!!!!
Wow!!!
less arse kissing. more bottom of the pool kissing.
Elo and Kelly.
But aside from that, this looks like truly awful television. Like a whole new level of awful.
Which is great, because we’ll have fun.
I’m going the for the acceleration of getting rid of wozz, pool and reality tv. So this latest reveal sounds exciting. But will it have dramatic “duh duh music”- slow zoom transition close up shocked/bemused look of the stars like all other reality show nonsensical garbage. I’m thinking yes. Yes it will.
Its ok honey, nobody wants to kiss you anyway.
“The wait is almost over.”
This works on so many levels.