Cops confiscating boards at Puerto. | Photo: @moralesedwin

World Surf League’s Mexico event in doubt after “massive contagions by COVID-19” and over three hundred dead in Oaxaca force closure of Puerto Escondido’s famous beaches for two weeks; residents and tourists threatened with fines and 36 days in jail!

All social, sports, political, cultural and religious gatherings have been prohibited. There's black fungus kicking around, too.

The WSL’s highly anticipated event at Barra de la Cruz in Oaxaca, Mexico, which begins in one week, may get iced after “massive contagions by COVID-19” forced the closure of all beaches surrounding Puerto Escondido for two weeks, August 1 through 15. 

As well, all social, sports, political, cultural and religious gatherings have been prohibited. Rule-breakers will be hit with fines and jail time of up to thirty-six days. 

From Mex’s Today in 24,

The municipality declared itself on high alert due to the massive increase in infections and deaths. According to data from the Oaxaca Health Services (SSO), Santa María Colotepec registers 202 accumulated confirmed cases and 7 deaths. While the Coast region accumulates 3 thousand 707 accumulated cases and 337 deaths.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CSHxBGMHv6n/

Also, local news sources are reporting a third case of black fungus from COVID-19, an aggressive as hell mould that gets into your lungs, turns your skin black and you break out in blisters and ulcers. Real unpretty. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/CSIN6BxB3eW/

Now, Barra ain’t Puerto. 

It’s eighty or so miles east and maybe it’ll escape the lockdown. 

And, sources at the WSL are saying it’ll be a bubble scenario anyway so it’ll go ahead, no matter what happens.

But getting in and out of Mex, with Tahiti on the other side, how many withdrawals y’gonna see? 

Or is the game over for Mex this year. 

Barra, you’ll remember, or maybe not, been a while, was the 2006 contest that affirmed everything good about the pro surfing game. An impossibly perfect sandbottom point most people had no idea existed. Professionals who’d been everywhere calling it the best wave they’d ever surfed, the best contest ever. Best-evers dripping through the floor. Andy Irons, who won the event, nailing the biggest frontside air in competition. The longest tubes seen in an event since Kirra was a thing.

It turned into a surf ghetto shortly thereafter. The council built a cabana and bathrooms on the beach for the influx of visitors. The coastal road was gated and an entry fee levied.

Tourism. Jobs. Money.

Who can argue with the capitalist ideal of the free market bringing wealth to the poor?


Nicaraguan surf camp publicly rejects financially-rich offer from large SUP group: “For your safety and ours, I say this with love. F*ck no.”

Proud.

I am often made proud by our wonderful grumpy locals, our gorgeous salt-crusted grouches. Out there, barking, frowning, paddling over VALs, paddling through VALs, trying to drive over SUPs left in parking lots, not allowing large SUP groups to come to surf camps.

Speaking of, Thunderbomb Surf Camp in southern Nicaragua which asks, “Why not get uncrowded waves with great accommodations? With our surf vehicles and local boat captains you will have the freedom to surf more than just the beach out front. Here you can surf world-class waves, get barreled at The Boom, carve epic points, or even learn to surf without the crowds that plague the beaches of Costa Rica and southern Nicaragua,” just received a sure-to-be-financially-rich offer from a SUP group and publicly said, “Fuck no.”

The reveal was met with much praise. Proud. Proud that grouch is praised more highly than the mighty Córdoba. Proud that 8 mistaken men, some with wives, are going to have to think about life choices and reflect.

Proud.

So very, very proud.


“Patron Saint of VALs” Jonah Hill celebrates status with Brothers Marshall inspired Body Love tattoo!

"The world is finally ready for us."

“Patron Saint of VALs” and new Malibu local Jonah Hill recently celebrated his status with a Brothers Marshall inspired “Body Love” tattoo.

The logo, lightly borrowed from Body Glove, features the iconic yellow hand except not in its classic style but making the sign language gesture for “love.”

Comments on Hill’s Instagram page were universally positive. @kookoftheday weighed in, hoping that the star of Superbad might consider a KOTD tattoo next. Famous surf water photographer Daniel Russo replied, “Should have gotten one that says ‘soft top’ instead.” Renzo Gracie from Brazilian jiu-jitsu fame shared bumping knuckles emojis and Zoe Kravitz said, “Yesssssssss.”

The wonderful Brothers Marshall, Trace and Chad, shared that they drew up the logo in the early 2000s and are happy that it has found a wonderful permanent home, telling BeachGrit, “The world is finally ready for us,” which brings up a very important question.

If you were going to tattoo one surf logo onto thyself, what would it be?

Gotcha’s fishman?

The Hurley H?

Quiksilver’s mountain and wave?

Billabong’s Billabong?

A funny twist on a classic like Jonah Hill, Santa Brewz instead of Santa Cruz for example?

Many choices.


Confession: I tried, and thoroughly enjoyed, a Mark Zuckerberg e-foil!

Freedom isn't free.

Yesterday happened to find me on a lake in the Grand Teton National Park, sun shining, Tetons towering, bald eagles sitting on tree branches staring out disdainfully.

Even though it was a Sunday at the beginning of August, the lake was empty, water oil glass, air temperature a perfect 78 degrees Fahrenheit, water a cooling 71.

The most kind Travis Rice was hosting on his fine Mastercraft fitted with wake skates and e-foils.

I looked at those e-foils, when we boarded, and thought, “Ugh. Dumb. Mark Zuckerberg is dumb.”

But then there we were, Tetons towering, bald eagles being assholes, and I thought, “You know, I should try the darned thing in order to really curse dumb Mark Zuckerberg properly,” so I hopped into the cool, grabbed the bluetooth handle, slid onto the surf traction’d deck, and pulled the trigger.

Rice, himself, had given me a quick tutorial before and said, “Just cruise around on your belly for a while then get up slowly but stay toward the front of the board until you want to foil then shuffle slightly back. Remember, speed is your friend. Also, stay away from the thing when you fall off and don’t keep pressing the trigger.”

Immediately, I pictured amputation.

I cruised around on my belly for a minute, finding speed, then hauled up to feet, staying forward, shuffling back and…

…foiling.

Oh my goodness, I was foiling and it felt so good, so glorious, smooth as butter, not a sound but the warm wind whispering secrets in my ear. It felt, almost, like riding deep perfect powder. Like finding the pocket on a head high point and just cruising.

The obvious pride Zuckerberg had in himself, the way he so thoroughly pressed his buttocks out, had given me the impression that it would be very difficult and also amputation, but it was not difficult. It was easy and it was fun. Ridiculously fun and I flew across the water with an embarrassing smile plastered across my embarrassing face.

Zuckerberg may have been wrong in his pride but he was right in his pursuit of the e-foil life and I would recommend to you with only a few caveats.

1. Do not let anyone picture or video you.

2. Do not let anyone see you.

3. Do not tell anyone about your e-foil experience.

And that is all I have to say about that.


BJ, beat up by a pool. | Photo: BJ Penn

King of the UFC octagon BJ Penn almost becomes first wavepool fatality: “The wave swallowed me and pushed me and my surfboard underneath a huge cement wall. I kept thinking ‘don’t die for your kids’!”

"It pushed me into a big dark cement room that fills up with water to push the next wave for the wave pool. It felt like I was in the movie SAW or Final destination."

The Hawaiian-born UFC superstar BJ Penn has revealed he was almost killed at a wavepool after being sucked outta the tank and into the engine room.

BJ, who is forty-two and a long-time UFC drawcard, only the second cat to win in two diff weight divs, says he was sitting next to the owner of the pool, neither named, got a little close to the wall and, next thing, he’s fighting for his life.

BJ writes,

Last year when I got sucked into a wave pool engine room and thought I was going to die… I kept thinking “don’t die for your kids” I was surfing for a about an hour and the line started getting longer to catch the wave. I was sitting next to the owner of the wave pool by the “wall” where the waves come from. The first wave it shoots out is a dud to get everyone ready for the next wave. The dud wave came back and because I was so close to the wall the wave swallowed me and pushed me and my surfboard underneath a huge cement wall. I remember feeling like I was getting sucked in a pipe and at that moment I got scared. It ended up pushing me into a big dark cement room that fills up with water to push the next wave for the wave pool. It felt like I was in the movie SAW or Final destination. The room would fill up with water to the top and I would hold my breath and then it would push the water out to make the wave and it was really rough inside there. Everything I bumped up against in the room that hurt me got infected. I got a bad sinus infection and a couple facial fractures from getting knocked around the cement walls and from the fractures the dirty water got in my face and infected my whole sinus. I was on antibiotics for three weeks for my face. While I was in the wave pool engine room I knew that one of my friends outside from big island is a legendary surfer and I knew he would come in there to rescue me so I stayed calm. A lot of other people might have panicked and maybe gave up but I just stayed strong for my kids. Anyway to make a long story short I survived that mother fucker 😛😛😛 !! The name of the people and water park have been left out. I not the kine guy shows up to your house to play and gets hurt and tries to sue you so all love ❤️ to everyone who helped me get there and helped me survive 🤙 Maybe I was the first guy in history to get sucked into a wave pool engine room while it is in operation but no matter what happens in life and no matter how scary it is if I can offer you any advice I would just say to “stay calm”. If I didn’t fight tough cunts my whole life I might have panicked, but it was just another day in the office

https://www.instagram.com/p/CSCipBxlfhs/?utm_source=ig_embed&ig_rid=ff466be3-c940-4263-b2ad-74eb05aefcd3

Shane Dorian, who was the legendary Big Island surfer who saved BJ, replied,

“Happy you kept it together down there. That was really terrifying. Live to shred another day!”