Freedom isn't free.
Yesterday happened to find me on a lake in the Grand Teton National Park, sun shining, Tetons towering, bald eagles sitting on tree branches staring out disdainfully.
Even though it was a Sunday at the beginning of August, the lake was empty, water oil glass, air temperature a perfect 78 degrees Fahrenheit, water a cooling 71.
The most kind Travis Rice was hosting on his fine Mastercraft fitted with wake skates and e-foils.
I looked at those e-foils, when we boarded, and thought, “Ugh. Dumb. Mark Zuckerberg is dumb.”
But then there we were, Tetons towering, bald eagles being assholes, and I thought, “You know, I should try the darned thing in order to really curse dumb Mark Zuckerberg properly,” so I hopped into the cool, grabbed the bluetooth handle, slid onto the surf traction’d deck, and pulled the trigger.
Rice, himself, had given me a quick tutorial before and said, “Just cruise around on your belly for a while then get up slowly but stay toward the front of the board until you want to foil then shuffle slightly back. Remember, speed is your friend. Also, stay away from the thing when you fall off and don’t keep pressing the trigger.”
Immediately, I pictured amputation.
I cruised around on my belly for a minute, finding speed, then hauled up to feet, staying forward, shuffling back and…
Oh my goodness, I was foiling and it felt so good, so glorious, smooth as butter, not a sound but the warm wind whispering secrets in my ear. It felt, almost, like riding deep perfect powder. Like finding the pocket on a head high point and just cruising.
The obvious pride Zuckerberg had in himself, the way he so thoroughly pressed his buttocks out, had given me the impression that it would be very difficult and also amputation, but it was not difficult. It was easy and it was fun. Ridiculously fun and I flew across the water with an embarrassing smile plastered across my embarrassing face.
Zuckerberg may have been wrong in his pride but he was right in his pursuit of the e-foil life and I would recommend to you with only a few caveats.
1. Do not let anyone picture or video you.
2. Do not let anyone see you.
3. Do not tell anyone about your e-foil experience.
And that is all I have to say about that.