BJ, beat up by a pool. | Photo: BJ Penn

King of the UFC octagon BJ Penn almost becomes first wavepool fatality: “The wave swallowed me and pushed me and my surfboard underneath a huge cement wall. I kept thinking ‘don’t die for your kids’!”

Derek Rielly

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"It pushed me into a big dark cement room that fills up with water to push the next wave for the wave pool. It felt like I was in the movie SAW or Final destination."

The Hawaiian-born UFC superstar BJ Penn has revealed he was almost killed at a wavepool after being sucked outta the tank and into the engine room.

BJ, who is forty-two and a long-time UFC drawcard, only the second cat to win in two diff weight divs, says he was sitting next to the owner of the pool, neither named, got a little close to the wall and, next thing, he’s fighting for his life.

BJ writes,

Last year when I got sucked into a wave pool engine room and thought I was going to die… I kept thinking “don’t die for your kids” I was surfing for a about an hour and the line started getting longer to catch the wave. I was sitting next to the owner of the wave pool by the “wall” where the waves come from. The first wave it shoots out is a dud to get everyone ready for the next wave. The dud wave came back and because I was so close to the wall the wave swallowed me and pushed me and my surfboard underneath a huge cement wall. I remember feeling like I was getting sucked in a pipe and at that moment I got scared. It ended up pushing me into a big dark cement room that fills up with water to push the next wave for the wave pool. It felt like I was in the movie SAW or Final destination. The room would fill up with water to the top and I would hold my breath and then it would push the water out to make the wave and it was really rough inside there. Everything I bumped up against in the room that hurt me got infected. I got a bad sinus infection and a couple facial fractures from getting knocked around the cement walls and from the fractures the dirty water got in my face and infected my whole sinus. I was on antibiotics for three weeks for my face. While I was in the wave pool engine room I knew that one of my friends outside from big island is a legendary surfer and I knew he would come in there to rescue me so I stayed calm. A lot of other people might have panicked and maybe gave up but I just stayed strong for my kids. Anyway to make a long story short I survived that mother fucker 😛😛😛 !! The name of the people and water park have been left out. I not the kine guy shows up to your house to play and gets hurt and tries to sue you so all love ❤️ to everyone who helped me get there and helped me survive 🤙 Maybe I was the first guy in history to get sucked into a wave pool engine room while it is in operation but no matter what happens in life and no matter how scary it is if I can offer you any advice I would just say to “stay calm”. If I didn’t fight tough cunts my whole life I might have panicked, but it was just another day in the office

Shane Dorian, who was the legendary Big Island surfer who saved BJ, replied,

“Happy you kept it together down there. That was really terrifying. Live to shred another day!”

Social commentator Bill Maher blasts “woke Olympics,” singles out surfing as prime example: “Of all the violations of the woke penal code, cultural appropriation might just be the dumbest!”

Chas Smith

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Fireworks.

Last week, or maybe two weeks ago, the Associated Press brought up surfing’s grand Olympic debut and the fact that it is a cultural appropriated art that benefits white devils at the expense of native Hawaiians. Days ago, The Washington Post doubled down, arguing that surfing was part of America’s evil soft power used to subjugate and abuse.

This narrative is standard, now, but social commentator Bill Mahr ain’t having it.

In his most recent episode of Real Time with Bill Maher, the host blasts the “woke Olympics” and singles out our surfing as a prime example of silliness. The piece begins around the three minute mark.

Maher gets upset at the “cultural appropriation” line, says there are only two native Hawaiians left on earth and doubts that they birthed surfing pointing to the twenty-odd thousand islands in the Pacific. “How do we know that they were the first to stand on a board on water? It seems like its something that any person near any ocean would eventually do.”

Unsaid was, “Like Peruvians. Buy here.”

Maher continued, “But let’s say a Hawaiian did invent surfing. Should he or she have kept it to themselves? The best part of human history is sharing, which is sort of the point of the Olympics.”

Well?

What do you think about that?

Offended?

Breaking: Tik Tok users set “thirst trap” for Kanoa Igarashi; Olympic silver medalist slips, falls right in!

Chas Smith

By

Flirting with danger.

In a shocking turn of events, Business Insider is reporting that Tik Tok users have set a “thirst trap” for Japan-by-way-of-Huntington-Beach’s Kanoa Igarashi after his silver medal winning performance at the Tokyo Olympics and that he has fallen directly in.

@fatasswhitegirl took to the popular social media platform and wrote, “Thank you japan for putting surfing in the olympics,” before cutting to images of Igarashi holding his surfboard, with his silver medal etc.

Igarashi, very excited, responded to @fatasswhitegirl by reposting her video as a “duet” adding his own self saying, “Hey that guy looks familiar,” and also, “Just doing my morning scroll on tik tok and found myself,” including a laughing emoji and a crying laughing emoji.

Not knowing what a “duet,” I asked my eight-year-old daughter who told me, “It’s a video but you press duet and then it splits the two videos from yours and the other person’s. Like someone does a dance then a dance then a dance then a dance but that’s not a duet, that’s a chain.”

Like this…

“Thirst traps,” in any case may be deadly but also could maybe lead to true love. BeachGrit will be diligent in keeping up with the progress of Igarashi and @fatasswhitegirl’s relationship.

More as the story develops.

Watch: The fabulous surf colonization story of the world’s sexiest stretch of coast in “Biarritz Surf Gang!”

Chas Smith

By

Coq au vin!

I remember, as a very young surfer, hearing that the great Tom Curren had packed his bags and moved to France. It confused me greatly, as greatly as hearing, years later, that the great Gerry Lopez had packed his bags and moved to Bend, Oregon. I wondered about France, wondered if it had waves and if they were big, small, bad or good.

Many years later, I was able to go to Biarritz, Hossegor, et. al. and my goodness, if it ain’t a stretch of the world’s sexiest coast what with its dripping French accent, coq au vin, oui, oui, oui and thumping beach break.

How did it all come to be?

A new documentary, The Biarritz Surf Gang, tells the fabulous story.

Per the press release:

“Biarritz Surf Gang” is a documentary by Pierre Denoyel and Nathan Curren. The film reveals the true story of six lunatic surfers who set fire to their surfboards at Biarritz’ Grande Plage, in the 1980s. The local crew, inspired by the punk movement, had a thirst for trouble and breaking the law. This is their story, and how they achieved greatness, experience decadence, and eventually fall.

It is streaming many places, including Apple and Amazon, and very much worth a spin.

Oui.

Oui.

Oui.

"Just feels tight," says the former Reef team rider.

Pro surfer turned Grammy-nominated DJ Paul Fisher launches new track “Just Feels Tight” with wildly anti-WOKE, sexually explosive video!

Derek Rielly

By

"Chuck on ya undies and get down to Fisher's aerobic's class"

The former-pro-surfer-and-comic-turned-DJ Paul Fisher, who trades under the stage name FISHER, has launched his latest track, Just Feels Tight, with a video that’ll make you want to twist your nipples in the dark. 

Drama and attitude, mercifully, no cock shot.  

My favourite memory of Paul Fisher was when he called me what, eight, nine, years ago. It was eight pm and I was about to sit down to a delicious dinner with my (then) wife and (still) two sons. It was a Skype call from America, three in the morning or thereabouts in LA, which gave it some importance.

I removed my bib, drained my pitcher of department store red wine. (Family man.)

Was Fisher in trouble? Did my little pal require serious counsel?

As the pixels settled down to a clear picture, Fisher appeared and ordered a girl to “Show Derek ya tits! Ha ha ha ha ha!”

And now look at him!

Writes Fisher, using caps lock to full effect: CHUCK ON YA UNDIES AND GET DOWN TO FISHERS AEROBICS CLASS 🤪🤪OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO FOR ‘JUST FEELS TIGHT’ LIVE NOW. STRETCH THOSE HIPS AND FLICK THOSE WRISTS

One day in the wild and a million-plus views.

Photo: Steve Sherman/@tsherms
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