"Chuck on ya undies and get down to Fisher's aerobic's class"

The former-pro-surfer-and-comic-turned-DJ Paul Fisher, who trades under the stage name FISHER, has launched his latest track, Just Feels Tight, with a video that’ll make you want to twist your nipples in the dark. 

Drama and attitude, mercifully, no cock shot.  

My favourite memory of Paul Fisher was when he called me what, eight, nine, years ago. It was eight pm and I was about to sit down to a delicious dinner with my (then) wife and (still) two sons. It was a Skype call from America, three in the morning or thereabouts in LA, which gave it some importance.

I removed my bib, drained my pitcher of department store red wine. (Family man.)

Was Fisher in trouble? Did my little pal require serious counsel?

As the pixels settled down to a clear picture, Fisher appeared and ordered a girl to “Show Derek ya tits! Ha ha ha ha ha!”

And now look at him!

Writes Fisher, using caps lock to full effect: CHUCK ON YA UNDIES AND GET DOWN TO FISHERS AEROBICS CLASS 🤪🤪OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO FOR ‘JUST FEELS TIGHT’ LIVE NOW. STRETCH THOSE HIPS AND FLICK THOSE WRISTS

One day in the wild and a million-plus views.

See y'all at The Pipe says John John.

The two-time Hawaiian world champ, John John Florence, has sensationally withdrawn from the next two events of the championship tour, a season ending decision given his current rating outside the world title showdown top five. 

Florence, a tall man with shortish legs whose Olympic campaign was derailed in round three by fellow American Kolohe Andino, writes,

I’ve decided to withdraw from the next two WSL events in Mexico and Tahiti. This was a really hard decision to make, but I’m not 100% healed from my knee surgery and I’m trying to do the right thing for my future health and goals. The opportunity to surf in Tokyo was once in a lifetime, and a risk I was willing to take. But looking at the rest of the year and talking with my medical team the best step forward is continuing with physical therapy for the next 60 days. I want to make sure there is nothing that keeps me from competing, and surfing the way I want to in the long term. With all that said, I’ll be ready to go for the Pipe Masters and excited to compete! 

https://www.instagram.com/p/CR975yIJ3HO/

Florence, who turns twenty-nine in October, elected to compete in the Games despite the lingering injury, a knee he banged up at Margaret River earlier this year, and which required surgery.

Meanwhile, somewhere, likely California, Kelly Slater, ashen at disappeared Olympic dream, gropes at a hand-rail and is sick. 

Medina responds to claims from Igarashi he's a cry-baby etc.

The two-time world champion Gabriel Medina, whose lunge for Olympic Gold was stymied by controversial judging decisions in both his semi-final and bronze-medal heats, has hit back at Olympic medallist Kanoa Igarashi after he appeared to mock the Brazilian in a tweet. 

In Portuguese, for Igarashi is fluent in Portuguese, a sort of American English as well as Japanese, he tweeted, “Chora chora q tou feliz! Hehehehe” followed by “Bla bla bla” and a laughing emoji. 

Translate, “Cry cry. I’m happy!” 

Bla bla bla, pretty explanatory. 

Medina, cry-baby etc.

The tweet went pretty mad, 877 retweets, 8,337 likes and 11.5k quote tweets.

As a blanket response to his Brazilian critics, Igarashi wrote, “I always have the utmost respect for other competitors, but I don’t have the patience for people who like to talk bad about something I don’t have control over. I did my best and that’s it.”

https://twitter.com/KanoaIgarashi/status/1420357003713531908

After landing back home in Brazil, Medina was quick to hit back at Igarashi. 

“Clowning around after you win is easy. Everyone respects each other on the circuit. I won countless times from him and never played. I prefer to work in silence, do mine and focus… I watched the waves. That’s why I held back my words, I wouldn’t speak without having watched. Comparing my best waves and his two best ones, I won the heat. I’m really sad…I don’t want to let it shake me. I received huge support from Brazil, and that only makes me stronger. Those sad days will pass and I will bring even more pride to us.”

Medina added he wanted to light up Tahiti at the 2024 Paris Games, the surfing part of the show being held at Teahupoo.

“I hope to be in the next Olympics in Tahiti, which is a wave I love. There is still a long time, three years, but my dream starts from now…”