Breaking: Surf brand Roxy infuriates United States Marine Corp by hanging “We (heart) Stephanie” banner over American flags ahead of World Surf League inaugural Finals Day!

Trouble.

And oh no, it appears as if Roxy, part of the Quiksilver empire, has really put its foot in the business ahead of the World Surf League’s inaugural Finals Day set to take place tomorrow morning, fog permitting.

Overnight, staffers or interns decided to show support for the iconic Stephanie Gilmore, set to become the GOAT with a win, by hanging a “We (Roxy heart) Stephanie” on one of the handfuls of overpasses passing over the 5 freeway in San Clemente.

Problem?

It was hung over American flags honoring fallen Marines ahead of 9/11.

An ill-considered move, all things considered while considering that Camp Pendleton (home to over 42,000 Marines) is Lower Trestles adjacent and the banner was violently done away by Marine fans and/or the Corps itself but will the incident mar an otherwise already marred inaugural Finals Day?

Protests on those cobbled stones?

Speaking of, do you think that Tyler Wright is frustrated by a lackluster year that held such promise? The aforementioned WSL seems to have rudely disappeared her.

More as the story develops.


Embattled professional surfer Filipe Toledo to surprise appear on tonight’s episode of The Ultimate Surfer: “Felipe Toledo? He’s a surf god!”

"Huge scuffle" on the way?

2021 World Surf League Champion favorite Filipe Toledo has been missing in action at Lower Trestles, site of the new exciting Finals Day, which will likely run tomorrow. The embattled professional surfer was recently involved in a “huge scuffle” in the lineup with a young, hot sponsored junior that was, first, dismissed by his father Ricardo but then confirmed-adjacent by others.

Well, in a wild swing of fortunes, Toledo is scheduled to surprise appear on tonight’s episode of The Ultimate Surfer.

In the teaser, the remaining contestants including Zeke Lau, who wins, see someone surfing Kelly Slater’s artificial wave much better than them and wonder who it is before seeing that it is Filipe Toledo.

Malia Ward calls him a “surf god” and maybe because Toledo magically does one snap going switch in the middle of his wave (watch carefully).

https://www.instagram.com/p/CTxPhEcLbkF/

Zeke Lau, on the other hand, looks like he wants to snap Toledo’s head from his body once the noted aerialist tells The Ultimate Surfers that he’d “heard” that they’d been “trying” the “biggest tricks of their lives” at Surf Ranch.

If I was Toledo, I would be very much more worried about Lau than about the young, hot sponsored junior.

You?


Santa Barbara surf school owner accused of killing his young children in Mexico indicted on two counts of foreign first-degree murder; eligible for death penalty.

“There are no words to describe the profound grief that envelops an entire community when a child is murdered."

Just over one month ago, we learned the nightmarish story of Matthew Taylor Coleman. The owner of a popular Santa Barbara surf school, it was alleged, loaded his two children in a van, drove to Mexico and killed them with a spear gun. When authorities arrested him, as he returned across the border, the interviewing agent revealed that Coleman had confessed to the killing and said he believed his children were going to grow up to be monsters because they possessed “serpent DNA.”

Late last week, Coleman was officially indicted in San Diego, where he will stand trial, of two counts of foreign first-degree murder of U.S. nationals. The charges carry the death penalty though the Attorney General has yet to decide if he will seek it.

“There are no words to describe the profound grief that envelops an entire community when a child is murdered,” Acting U.S. Attorney Randy Grossman said in court. “The Department of Justice is determined to achieve justice for these victims and their loved ones.”

“The murder of a child is difficult to understand under any circumstances,” Kristi K. Johnson, the Assistant Director in Charge of the FBI’s Los Angeles Field Office, added, “I’m proud of the quick investigative efforts by FBI Agents, the Santa Barbara Police Department, U.S. Customs and Border Protection and our Mexican counterparts which led to the arrest of Mr. Coleman as he entered the United States, and I look forward to delivering justice for the young victims and their family.”

Coleman has yet to speak publicly and the date for trial is yet to be determined.


Shocking: World Surf League appears to mock Brazilian Gabriel Medina by releasing a limited edition hair-regrowth jersey after mocking him by hosting a one-day surf-off!

Revenge.

But how much mocking can one man take? Brazilian Gabriel Medina has had a season for the ages. Dominating the competition from the beginning of the year and building and impenetrable lead. Crushing. But this is not just any year. This is the year that the World Surf League decided to throw 40 years of precedence out its Santa Monica window and, instead, host a one-day surf-off that will likely commence on Lower Trestles’ cobbled stone early tomorrow morning.

Was Medina happy?

No.

At a forced media junket with The New York Times the two-time World Champion took umbrage at the abrupt rule change, declaring, “I don’t like it because I don’t think it’s fair. You spend your life, a year long, and now the last event in September, you’re gonna decide all your year?” He then shrugged and added, “I don’t know about business, I don’t know how it works. They tried to do something different.

The World Surf League rewarded this bit hand by issuing a series of commemorative jerseys.

Medina’s a nod to extreme pubic hair growth.

Neymar’s special friend made his preference for a clean shave public just over a year ago.

A passive aggressive WSL flex?

Rude?

Ill-considered?

Yes.

More as the story develops.


Surf feminist hero clashes with big-wave legend in explosive online exchange following meme of white man being hanged, “That photo and comment is offensive to me. F*%k you and your condescending attitude. I’m a long time supporter of women’s surfing you fool.”

Two surfers with the same position on Tex abortion law duke it out on the DMs!

Five months ago at a surfing contest at Sydney’s Curl Curl beach, the winner of the women’s div, a hitherto unknown Australian longboarder, Lucy Small, gave event organizers and sponsors hell from the stage for paying the women half as much as the men.

“Thank you so much to the sponsors for all the money for the event, but I would say it’s a bittersweet victory knowing that our surfing is worth less than half as much as the men’s prize money,” she said. 

The effect was seismic, media jumped on it, event organisers promised to bring the cash up for the following year, GSI boards paid Small the difference and Surfing Australia vowed to make surfing “the most inclusive sport in Australia.” 

If you know surfing, you’ll know the name Ian Cairns, a man with the physique of a comic-book hero (nicknamed Kanga) who ruled big waves, who was pivotal in the creation of a world tour, who would launch the ASP after tearing the game off the IPS’s Fred Hemmings and whose thin-eyed stare could give a man stomach cramps.

Two days ago, Small posted a screenshot from the Coen Bros film The Ballad of Buster Scruggs of James Franco being hanged with the tag, “Men: I don’t like that the government is making rules about my health and what I can do with my body because of COVID. Women:     

It was Small’s shot at the loss of abortion rights in Texas, a new law there that effectively bans abortions after six weeks of pregnancy.

If you’re into memes you’ll know the frame grab is widely used “to emphasize an uncommon or ridiculous occurrence in normal society that has become a regular occurance in a community.”

Kanga, who for the record also opposes the new Texas abortion law, jumped into Small’s DMs to respond, 

“This is pretty sexist and offensive to a group of people you have to live with.”

“It’s a reference to the Texas abortion law. It’s not sexist. Wishing you growth,” wrote Small. 

Kanga replied, 

“That photo and comment is offensive to me. Fuck you and your condescending attitude. You don’t know me. I’m a long time supporter of women’s surfing you fool. You need goodwill from people like me who care.” 

I asked Small if she tagged Kanga or if he took it personally.

“No didn’t tag him, he just took it personally. Yeah, I don’t know what compels a 69 year old dude to be so offended by the insinuation that they’ve never been forced to have a baby by the government before that they will actively send a fuck you to a 28 year old woman.”

I asked Kanga why sad.

Did he have beef with Small? 

“No beef. I didn’t like a picture of a white guy about to be hung: representing the travesty of the Texas abortion law. I said ’It offends me’ thinking that they’re of the left and forgiving, but she stepped up! ‘Get enlightened’ gibberish. And I’m thinking that ‘if you want equal prizemoney for women’ you shouldn’t offend people who are willing to help. Goodbye. The End.”

I told Small of Kanga’s response. 

“Wow. Tell me about the last time the government forced you to give birth Ian.”

Like I said, Kanga is ain’t down with the Tex law. 

“My body, my choice,” he says. “Goes for COVID just the same.”

Uh oh. 

Kanga, of course, ain’t afraid of holding an unpopular opinion.

“Everyone in some sense is concerned about what people think of them,” he told me a while back. “But I wake up in the morning and I think, what am I going to today?” says Cairns. “How can I do all these things that are crazy and cool and how can it benefit my family, my friends and all of this? The moment you start to think about these things you move forward and all those criticisms, which are about what you did yesterday, don’t matter. If you’re thinking about the future, you’re already one step ahead of the critics. Do I want to be disliked? No! Do I want to be focussed on coming up with some awesome idea tomorrow?  That’s what I want to do.”