Breaking: Surf brand Roxy infuriates United
States Marine Corp by hanging “We (heart) Stephanie” banner over
American flags ahead of World Surf League inaugural Finals
Day!
By Chas Smith
Trouble.
And oh no, it appears as if Roxy, part of the
Quiksilver empire, has really put its foot in the business ahead of
the World Surf League’s inaugural Finals Day set to take place
tomorrow morning, fog permitting.
Overnight, staffers or interns decided to show support for the
iconic Stephanie Gilmore, set to become the GOAT with a win, by
hanging a “We (Roxy heart) Stephanie” on one of the handfuls of
overpasses passing over the 5 freeway in San Clemente.
Problem?
It was hung over American flags honoring fallen Marines ahead of
9/11.
An ill-considered move, all things considered while considering
that Camp Pendleton (home to over 42,000 Marines) is Lower Trestles
adjacent and the banner was violently done away by Marine fans
and/or the Corps itself but will the incident mar an otherwise
already marred inaugural Finals Day?
Protests on those cobbled stones?
Speaking of, do you think that Tyler Wright is
frustrated by a lackluster year that held such promise? The
aforementioned WSL seems to have rudely disappeared her.
More as the story develops.
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Embattled professional surfer Filipe Toledo
to surprise appear on tonight’s episode of The Ultimate Surfer:
“Felipe Toledo? He’s a surf god!”
By Chas Smith
"Huge scuffle" on the way?
2021 World Surf League Champion favorite Filipe
Toledo has been missing in action at Lower Trestles, site of the
new exciting Finals Day, which will likely run tomorrow. The
embattled professional surfer was recently involved in a “huge
scuffle” in the lineup with a young, hot sponsored junior that was,
first, dismissed by his father Ricardo but then confirmed-adjacent
by others.
Well, in a wild swing of fortunes, Toledo is scheduled to
surprise appear on tonight’s episode of The Ultimate Surfer.
In the teaser, the remaining contestants including Zeke Lau, who
wins, see someone surfing Kelly Slater’s artificial wave much
better than them and wonder who it is before seeing that it is
Filipe Toledo.
Malia Ward calls him a “surf god” and maybe because Toledo
magically does one snap going switch in the middle of his wave
(watch carefully).
https://www.instagram.com/p/CTxPhEcLbkF/
Zeke Lau, on the other hand, looks like he wants to snap
Toledo’s head from his body once the noted aerialist tells The
Ultimate Surfers that he’d “heard” that they’d been “trying” the
“biggest tricks of their lives” at Surf Ranch.
If I was Toledo, I would be very much more worried about Lau
than about the young, hot sponsored junior.
You?
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Santa Barbara surf school owner accused of
killing his young children in Mexico indicted on two counts of
foreign first-degree murder; eligible for death penalty.
By Chas Smith
“There are no words to describe the profound grief
that envelops an entire community when a child is murdered."
Just over one month ago, we learned the
nightmarish story of Matthew Taylor Coleman. The owner of a popular
Santa Barbara surf school, it was alleged, loaded his two children
in a van, drove to Mexico and killed them with a spear gun. When
authorities arrested him, as he returned across the border, the
interviewing agent revealed that Coleman had confessed to the
killing and said he believed his children were going to grow up to
be monsters because they possessed “serpent DNA.”
Late last week, Coleman was officially indicted in San Diego,
where he will stand trial, of two counts of foreign first-degree
murder of U.S. nationals. The charges carry the death penalty
though the Attorney General has yet to decide if he will seek
it.
“There are no words to describe the profound grief that envelops
an entire community when a child is murdered,” Acting U.S. Attorney
Randy Grossman said in court. “The Department of Justice is
determined to achieve justice for these victims and their loved
ones.”
“The murder of a child is difficult to understand under any
circumstances,” Kristi K. Johnson, the Assistant Director in Charge
of the FBI’s Los Angeles Field Office, added, “I’m proud of the
quick investigative efforts by FBI Agents, the Santa Barbara Police
Department, U.S. Customs and Border Protection and our Mexican
counterparts which led to the arrest of Mr. Coleman as he entered
the United States, and I look forward to delivering justice for the
young victims and their family.”
Coleman has yet to speak publicly and the date for trial is yet
to be determined.
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Shocking: World Surf League appears to mock
Brazilian Gabriel Medina by releasing a limited edition
hair-regrowth jersey after mocking him by hosting a one-day
surf-off!
By Chas Smith
Revenge.
But how much mocking can one man take?
Brazilian Gabriel Medina has had a season for the ages. Dominating
the competition from the beginning of the year and building and
impenetrable lead. Crushing. But this is not just any year. This is
the year that the World Surf League decided to throw 40 years of
precedence out its Santa Monica window and, instead, host a one-day
surf-off that will likely commence on Lower Trestles’ cobbled stone
early tomorrow
morning.
Surf feminist hero clashes with big-wave
legend in explosive online exchange following meme of white man
being hanged, “That photo and comment is offensive to me. F*%k you
and your condescending attitude. I’m a long time supporter of
women’s surfing you fool.”
By Derek Rielly
Two surfers with the same position on Tex abortion
law duke it out on the DMs!
Five months ago at a surfing contest at Sydney’s Curl
Curl beach, the winner of the women’s div, a hitherto unknown
Australian longboarder, Lucy Small, gave event organizers and
sponsors hell from the stage for paying the women half as
much as the men.
The effect was seismic, media jumped on it, event organisers
promised to bring the cash up for the following year, GSI boards
paid Small the difference and Surfing Australia vowed to make
surfing “the most inclusive sport in Australia.”
If you know surfing, you’ll know the name Ian
Cairns, a man with the physique of a comic-book hero
(nicknamed Kanga) who ruled big waves, who was pivotal in the
creation of a world tour, who would launch the ASP after tearing
the game off the IPS’s Fred Hemmings and
whose thin-eyed stare could give a man stomach cramps.
Two days ago, Small posted a screenshot from the Coen Bros film
The Ballad of Buster
Scruggs of James Franco being hanged with the
tag, “Men: I don’t like that the government is making rules about
my health and what I can do with my body because of COVID.
Women: ”
Kanga, who for the record also opposes the new Texas abortion
law, jumped into Small’s DMs to respond,
“This is pretty sexist and offensive to a group of people you
have to live with.”
“It’s a reference to the Texas abortion law. It’s not sexist.
Wishing you growth,” wrote Small.
Kanga replied,
“That photo and comment is offensive to me. Fuck you and your
condescending attitude. You don’t know me. I’m a long time
supporter of women’s surfing you fool. You need goodwill from
people like me who care.”
I asked Small if she tagged Kanga or if he took it
personally.
“No didn’t tag him, he just took it personally. Yeah, I don’t
know what compels a 69 year old dude to be so offended by the
insinuation that they’ve never been forced to have a baby by the
government before that they will actively send a fuck you to a 28
year old woman.”
I asked Kanga why sad.
Did he have beef with Small?
“No beef. I didn’t like a picture of a white guy about to be
hung: representing the travesty of the Texas abortion law. I said
’It offends me’ thinking that they’re of the left and forgiving,
but she stepped up! ‘Get enlightened’ gibberish. And I’m thinking
that ‘if you want equal prizemoney for women’ you shouldn’t offend
people who are willing to help. Goodbye. The End.”
I told Small of Kanga’s response.
“Wow. Tell me about the last time the government forced you to
give birth Ian.”
Like I said, Kanga is ain’t down with the Tex law.
“My body, my choice,” he says. “Goes for COVID just the
same.”
Uh oh.
Kanga, of course, ain’t afraid of holding an unpopular
opinion.
“Everyone in some sense is concerned about what people think of
them,” he told me a while back. “But I wake up in the morning and I
think, what am I going to today?” says Cairns. “How can I do all
these things that are crazy and cool and how can it benefit my
family, my friends and all of this? The moment you start to think
about these things you move forward and all those criticisms, which
are about what you did yesterday, don’t matter. If you’re thinking
about the future, you’re already one step ahead of the
critics. Do I want to be disliked? No! Do I want to be
focussed on coming up with some awesome idea tomorrow? That’s
what I want to do.”
