But how much mocking can one man take? Brazilian Gabriel Medina has had a season for the ages. Dominating the competition from the beginning of the year and building and impenetrable lead. Crushing. But this is not just any year. This is the year that the World Surf League decided to throw 40 years of precedence out its Santa Monica window and, instead, host a one-day surf-off that will likely commence on Lower Trestles’ cobbled stone early tomorrow morning.
Surf feminist hero clashes with big-wave legend in explosive online exchange following meme of white man being hanged, “That photo and comment is offensive to me. F*%k you and your condescending attitude. I’m a long time supporter of women’s surfing you fool.”
Two surfers with the same position on Tex abortion law duke it out on the DMs!
Five months ago at a surfing contest at Sydney’s Curl Curl beach, the winner of the women’s div, a hitherto unknown Australian longboarder, Lucy Small, gave event organizers and sponsors hell from the stage for paying the women half as much as the men.
The effect was seismic, media jumped on it, event organisers promised to bring the cash up for the following year, GSI boards paid Small the difference and Surfing Australia vowed to make surfing “the most inclusive sport in Australia.”
If you know surfing, you’ll know the name Ian Cairns, a man with the physique of a comic-book hero (nicknamed Kanga) who ruled big waves, who was pivotal in the creation of a world tour, who would launch the ASP after tearing the game off the IPS’s Fred Hemmings and whose thin-eyed stare could give a man stomach cramps.
Two days ago, Small posted a screenshot from the Coen Bros film The Ballad of Buster Scruggs of James Franco being hanged with the tag, “Men: I don’t like that the government is making rules about my health and what I can do with my body because of COVID. Women:”
Kanga, who for the record also opposes the new Texas abortion law, jumped into Small’s DMs to respond,
“This is pretty sexist and offensive to a group of people you have to live with.”
“It’s a reference to the Texas abortion law. It’s not sexist. Wishing you growth,” wrote Small.
“That photo and comment is offensive to me. Fuck you and your condescending attitude. You don’t know me. I’m a long time supporter of women’s surfing you fool. You need goodwill from people like me who care.”
I asked Small if she tagged Kanga or if he took it personally.
“No didn’t tag him, he just took it personally. Yeah, I don’t know what compels a 69 year old dude to be so offended by the insinuation that they’ve never been forced to have a baby by the government before that they will actively send a fuck you to a 28 year old woman.”
I asked Kanga why sad.
Did he have beef with Small?
“No beef. I didn’t like a picture of a white guy about to be hung: representing the travesty of the Texas abortion law. I said ’It offends me’ thinking that they’re of the left and forgiving, but she stepped up! ‘Get enlightened’ gibberish. And I’m thinking that ‘if you want equal prizemoney for women’ you shouldn’t offend people who are willing to help. Goodbye. The End.”
I told Small of Kanga’s response.
“Wow. Tell me about the last time the government forced you to give birth Ian.”
Like I said, Kanga is ain’t down with the Tex law.
“My body, my choice,” he says. “Goes for COVID just the same.”
Kanga, of course, ain’t afraid of holding an unpopular opinion.
“Everyone in some sense is concerned about what people think of them,” he told me a while back. “But I wake up in the morning and I think, what am I going to today?” says Cairns. “How can I do all these things that are crazy and cool and how can it benefit my family, my friends and all of this? The moment you start to think about these things you move forward and all those criticisms, which are about what you did yesterday, don’t matter. If you’re thinking about the future, you’re already one step ahead of the critics. Do I want to be disliked? No! Do I want to be focussed on coming up with some awesome idea tomorrow? That’s what I want to do.”
Breaking: Cancel tomorrow’s plans, send children and significant others packing, as World Surf League issues “Yellow Alert” for inaugural Final’s Day!
As you can see she is wearing a nice hat not entirely dissimilar to the one worn by Curious George’s deuteragonist.
Did you know “The Man in the Yellow Hat’s” real name is Ted Shackleford?
I didn’t but it stands to reason. Very “explore-ish.”
In any case, why the World Surf League has turned to color coding is not entirely clear and I can’t imagine that answers will be forthcoming.
Filipe Toledo has still not be seen after last week’s “huge scuffle.”
Do you think he will muster the courage to paddle out for his heat or do you think he will be too worried that the hot, young sponsored junior is hiding in the bushes off the bike path ready to pounce?
Exciting, in any case.
California legislature vote unanimously to return Manhattan Beach property stolen from black family in 1924!
The California legislature voted its final approval, Thursday night, on a bill that would return a chunk of Manhattan Beach stolen from a black family in 1924 back to descendants of the original owners.
Bruce’s Beach, as it came to be called, was purchased by Willa and Charles Bruce in 1912. The couple built a resort for black families on the land during the Jim Crow era. Racist neighbors, fearing the resort would drive down land prices, used dirty tricks to first condemn the property then seized it using eminent domain. Manhattan Beach then passed a law forbidding the Bruce’s from moving their resort anywhere within its borders.
The structures were razed and, years later, the property eventually became a park.
Duane Shepard, a Bruce descendant and family historian, told the Southern California News Group, “I’m elated, walking on water right now. This is one of the greatest things in American history right now.”
A happy story and it must be wondered if increasingly frustrated Kauaians aren’t peeking over Mark Zuckerberg’s Garden Isle fence thinking about getting those 1300 acres returned too.
In apparent swipe at world’s fifth-richest man Mark Zuckerberg, Hawaiian surf legend and noted enforcer issues ominous warning to tourist foilboarders “exploiting Kauai and her beauty”; says Nā Pali Coast foil shots “drive up home prices here… it drives us out”!
"Exploiting Hawaii is really going to bite us in the ass."
The Hawaiian surf legend and noted enforcer Kamalei Alexander, born, raised Kauai, has taken to Instagram to issue an ominous warning to foilboarders using the wildly rugged Nā Pali coast as the backdrop to photos.
“Just want to get something of my chest,” says Alexander, younger brother of Kala, and a peer of Andy and Bruce Irons, shredder from two-to-twenty feet. “Yes, I’m totally guilty of exploiting Kauai. I’ve used her beauty and her majesty for my benefit many of years.
“However, I feel that it was necessary for me to survive. Nowadays, people are coming, people from here, people from all over, they come here to exploit Kauai and her beauty and what really really sucks about it is, for example, guys going down the Nā Pali coast, foiling, to get that ultimate shot of them foiling down the coast. That drives up home prices here.
“You know what that does.
“It drives us out…”
“Note to everyone, you might just get a local (post cuts out…)”
Meanwhile, over at John John Florence’s IG, a new short of the two-time world champ foiling circles along the Nā Pali coast, cut to the Pink Floyd song Breathe, from seminal 1973 album Dark Side of the Moon.