In devastating blow to American surfers’ sense of bravado, sharks and snakes tie for second place on just-released list of deadliest animals in North America!

Hikers and mountain bikers puff out chests.

Be honest, American surfer. You have been at a family gathering, dinner party, office confab wherein someone, aware that you surf, breathlessly asked how you handled being in the ocean with those scary scary sharks and you rolled out some “I-don’t-even-think-about-it-if-it’s-my-time-it’s-my-time” nonsense whilst bathing in the hot heat of being seen as oh-so-brave.

You Indiana Jones.

You devil-may-care.

Well, at the next family gathering, dinner party, office confab that hot heat will not be directed at you but rather at the older gal who goes hiking on the weekend, maybe the lightly overweight goggans who hits the mountain bike trails in early autumn, for the definitive list of animals responsible for the most deadly attacks in North America has just been released and our sharks are second.

Tied with snakes.

1. Brown bear, 70
2. Shark and snake, 57
3. Black bear, 54
4. Alligator, 33
5. Cougar, 16
6. Polar bear, 10
7. Wolf, 2

You oh-so-brave-adjacent.

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Dennis Mullin
Dennis Mullin
5 years ago

Now I know where your,” computer name,came from.I feed “28” hungry abandoned kittycats,every day,and not a one,has ever,bitten or scratched me.A bit harsh on furballs,are you.

Dennis Mullin
Dennis Mullin
5 years ago

All we have is,” Dennis Weaver Re- runs of ” Mc Cloud”on ,” Me” tv…and believe me, that’s punishment enough.

Dennis Mullin
Dennis Mullin
5 years ago

Try the locals at,” Hollywood By the Sea in Oxnard.The deadliest” car tire& windshield attacks anyplace in California.Just nasty people in that town.

Whiteboy
Whiteboy
5 years ago

This was the dumbest article that ive read in awhile.

Oceanboy
Oceanboy
5 years ago

How do you even report something like that? You can’t logically lump shark attacks with snake bites. There have been 7 shark fatalities this year (2021). Granted that still puts them on the list but in second to last place according to your list.

Whiteboy
Whiteboy
5 years ago
Reply to  Oceanboy

That’s cause this article is fuckin stupid

Simon Says
Simon Says
5 years ago

https://uploads.disquscdn.c… I grew up surfing Malibu. I know all about getting ‘snaked’.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
5 years ago
Reply to  Simon Says

I was paddled out at Balian one morning. It was the smallest I had ever seen it with 2′ dribblers peeling across the river mouth. I got to the peak just as the only other guy out caught a wave. He paddled back out and sat for a bit. The next wave came through and he dropped in and burnt me.

When he paddled back out, I said; ‘Mate, I really don’t care that much about getting dropped in on a shitty 2′ wave, but that was fucken lame.’
He said; ‘You would have done the same thing to me.’
‘Well, I fucken will now then if that’s your theory’

madmaxmedia
madmaxmedia
5 years ago

I misunderstood ‘shark and snake’, though they were grouped together instead of tied. Still, if you group all the bears together it’s not really a contest, hikers and bikers are manliest of all sportsmen.

Simon Says
Simon Says
5 years ago
Reply to  madmaxmedia

https://uploads.disquscdn.c… Shark ‘snaking’ surfer:

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
5 years ago
Reply to  madmaxmedia

Exactly. How many Amerkins are getting et by Polar Bears? And where?

Dennis Mullin
Dennis Mullin
5 years ago

We are getting killed reading ” Bad grammar…..

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
5 years ago
Reply to  Dennis Mullin

Et tu Denise?

JohnsKnees
JohnsKnees
5 years ago

Not sure where to put this comment/request but the US Open of Cutbacks and Chop-hops is going on, could be an interesting live thread

JohnsKnees
JohnsKnees
5 years ago

I was surfing alone recently and saw a shark, thought about paddling in when I saw two VALs walking down the beach. I figured they would be more likely to get bit and kept surfing.

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
5 years ago

You must not have the dreaded weaver fish over there?


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