"Nothing clears the lineup quite like a rapidly
advancing shark coming your way… then following you on to the
rocks." | Photo: @dr_drac
See: the moment a flotilla of surfers is
chased out of the water by a fifteen-foot Great White shark near
Ulladulla! “I feel so grateful to come close to an animal like that
and not die!”
By Derek Rielly
"Nothing clears the lineup quite like a rapidly
advancing shark coming your way… then following you on to the
rocks."
Australia’s great experiment to fish its oceans clean of
every species with the exception of the vexatious Great White shark
and then sit back and see what happens yielded more fruit yesterday
when a flotilla of surfers was cleared from the water by a
fifteen-footer.
Swing to the second frame to see the panicked lineup.
“I feel so grateful to come close to an animal like that and not
die!” he says.
Wild, yes?
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Baby Clipper, 16, and IG master KS. | Photo:
@pulsesurf/@wiggingoutwithkellyslater
World’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater shuts
down pro-surfer-turned-Bondi-lifeguard with most withering riposte
yet, “Should we actually compare surfing careers and heat wins here
publicly?”
By Derek Rielly
"Who is the GOAT of FLOAT?”
It is hardly a secret that Kelly Slater, world’s
greatest surfer, likely, greatest athlete, is the king of
the withering put-down.
Instagram is littered with Slater’s clever ripostes to trolls
kissing his button, as they say in fencing, gadflies constantly
poking his mask until Slater is forced to knock the blade from
their paw.
Last year, he shut down an historically inaccurate commenter
with this coup de grâce,
“Writing me out of the blue talking shit is such a crock of
shit. Accusing me of being a racist? My girlfriend is Chinese.
You’re on glue. You’re a miserable coward. And now you’re
blocked.”
Yesterday, the former pro surfer and now Bondi lifeguard Clint
Kimmins was featured in a throwback post from Pulse Surf,
the account of filmmaker Justin Gane.
The year is 2000 and lil sixteen-year-old Clipper nails a wild
floater on a board that, in comparison to today’s vehicles, appears
overly long.
“One of the most perfectly performed floaters I’ve filmed on
a meaty Kirra barrel back in 2000. Could have been a leg breaker.
Who is the GOAT of FLOAT?”
Slater quickly jumped into the comments, perhaps alerted by the
incorrect use of the term GOAT,
“Is that a 7’0”?” he wrote, a funny quickly liked by eight
people.
Kimmins, now thirty-seven, and a triathlete of note, as well as
a chaser of swells to Mavericks and Jaws, replied, “If I lend it to
you I want twenty percent when you finally make a
heat.”
As an explanation, Kimmins has a history of DM banter with
Slater about boards.
“I’m always on his case about trying to get him on a late
nineties model CI 6’1” x 18 1/2” x 2 1/4”. I reckon he would kill
it and find a new challenge,” Kimmins says.
And, here, by-passing the traditional avertissement, or warning
given for a small infraction, Slater goes straight for the black
card, the most severe of punishments.
“Should we actually compare surfing careers and heat wins here
publicly?”
Smiling emoji.
Sword buried to hilt.
“You had to go there didn’t you?!?” replied Kimmins.
Crying emoji.
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Corleone Slater.
Question: Is professional surfing an
organized crime?
By Chas Smith
Gabriel Medina ain't going anywhere.
I discovered Francis Ford Coppola’s seminal
masterpiece The Godfather when I was sixteen, maybe seventeen,
years old and was hooked from that opening wedding scene. Every
frame grabbed my young attention, every operatic movement. Marlon
Brando with his distinctive bulldog jaw, John Cazale as the
bumbling Fredo, Scott Caan’s pappy James all hot and bothered, Al
Pacino, playing Michael, as fresh as a daisy.
I loved it and could not imagine that filmmaking could reach a
higher plane until racing to the video store, renting The Godfather
part II and popping into the VHS. I had been vaguely aware that
sequels could best (see: The Empire Strikes Back, Indiana Jones and
the Temple of Doom) the original offering but to beat The
Godfather?
Well, The Godfather part II did beat it and in every way. Young
Vito, played flawlessly by Robert De Niro, Michael’s turn to black,
it was flawless and I could not wait to get my trembling hands on
The Godfather part III so back to the video store I raced, panting,
out of breath.
Now, I had heard that The Godfather part III had its problems,
that it wasn’t, maybe, up to standard but those damned critics
didn’t know Coppola like I did. Didn’t share his vision.
Except the critics were right. The Godfather part III is, all
things considered, a terrible, terrible film and maybe one of the
worst ever made. Overacted, under-cooked, a smily gooey mess but
there is one scene that still reverberates through cinematic
history.
Which made me think about Gabriel Medina’s bombshell
announcement, yesterday, that he would likely be
withdrawing from the tour next year. Taking a “break” after one of
the most dominant runs in competitive surfing history. A Brazilian
in his prime just walking away.
But he won’t, will he.
Medina’s won’t miss Pipeline, he’ll be wildcarded right in and
he’ll make it to the finals and will either beat, or lose to, Italo
Ferreira. Since he’s already in Hawaii, he’ll surf Sunset and do
well enough and be ranked either two or three. Sponsor obligations
will force him to Portugal for the MEO Pro and he will stay two or
three in the world, having to then go to Bells for more sponsor
obligations.
Now, maybe he’ll skip Margs and maybe he’ll skip the Gold Coast
but no way, no how, will he be skipping G-Land, Trestles, Rio,
J-Bay or Teahupo’o and look at him, straight back to the second
inaugural WSL Finals Day, rinse and repeat the next year and the
next and the next.
Mikey Wright can choose to retire but for the best surfers in
the world, the tour is an organized crime.
Never out. Always pulled back in.
Feast your eyes on Corleone Slater.
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Three times a champ, Gabriel Medina. | Photo:
WSL
Bombshell: Newly minted world champion
surfer Gabriel Medina “likely” to sit out 2022 season, “It’s been
hard to do this for years. I think the time has come when I need to
take a break”
By Derek Rielly
"It's been ten years that I have to be at the same
level. It's very intense. It demands a lot."
Four days after winning his third world title in, let’s
be frank, a canter, Gabriel Medina has told Brazil media he’s probs
gonna step away from the tour next season, joining a conga
line of high-profile retirees including Julian Wilson and Mikey
Wright.
Medina, who is twenty seven and recently married to actress and
model Yasmin Brunet, told LANCE that he isn’t particularly driven
to do the whole thing over again next year.
Like, maybe it’s time to eat a sausage from the icebox without
permission.
“I need to stop thinking about competition for a while, because
everything I do today, food, routine… It’s all focused on
competition. I never missed a step. It’s been hard to do this for
years. I think the time has come when I need to take a break,” said
Medina.
He ain’t a hundred percent pulling out of next year’s tour, but
close.
“This year was difficult. It’s been ten years that I have to be
at the same level, training, making choices to perform better… It’s
very intense, it demands a lot. I want to give myself a break, but
it’s something I’ll still stop to think about, leaving it day after
day… Let’s see how it goes.”
The WSL has already confirmed Medina will be gifted a wildcard
into the 2023 season if he does take off.
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Kelly Slater (right) and Gabriel Medina.
World’s greatest shade painter Kelly Slater
pours Gabriel Medina’s glass half empty after Brazilian wins third
title: “I mean, really, I would’ve been expecting him to be sitting
on eight World Titles by now.”
By Chas Smith
GOAT
The singular glories of World Surf League
Finals Day on Lower Trestles cobbled stone is still reverberating
through the hearts of professional surf fans everywhere. Oh, we’ve
discussed in depth, here, here, here etc. but
storylines are still sprouting from the field of gold.
Scotland’s best-ever surf export JP Currie noted,
masterfully, how the 11x World Champion Kelly Slater
delivered an “unmatched commentary performance” from the booth and
he was exactly right.
It was peak Slater with all the garnishes, describing,
opinionizing, taking complete control and euthanizing Turpel,
Fanning, even Strider with his oratory.
One thing left off, though, was the absolute masterful shade he
painted over Gabriel Medina’s third title.
As the elated Brazilian floated up the beach toward his adoring
public, Slater offered, “I mean, really, I would’ve expected him to
be sitting on, like, eight World Titles by now.”
And amazing, deftly pouring Medina’s glass half empty.
Even if Medina had gone on a torrid run, winning every single
title after his first in 2014, it would still not be enough to
match Slater’s 11.
Let that sink in for a minute, both Kelly Slater’s dominance and
how every other professional surfer moving forward will only be a
footnote.
Shade of which hues have never been discerned by the human
eye.
